Douchebags

So I’m going to smack around a kid right now and it’s going to seem a little mean. He’s something called a “pre-1L” at a little law school most of you have never heard of who is probably just trying to figure out how things work and how to make the most out of his educational experience.

Well, this is how things work. You send out annoying, gunner emails, those emails get sent around the community, and eventually I make fun of you. Here at Above the Law, we’re all about education. This is how people learn.

Don’t worry, I’m a parent now, I know what I’m doing. I’m not going to hurt him. I’m just going to put him in internet “time out,” so he stops emailing with scissors and doesn’t hurt himself for real later…

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Sometimes Yale, you know, Jesus Christ. You guys have a laudable committment to intellectualism and free thinking, but sometimes — to explain this in terms you’ll understand — the relentless egalitarianism mixed with a thinking man’s skepticism reveals a reflexive sense of superiority even as you try to appear post-classist.

In the common tongue, I mean to say that you Yale Law School types are just as crappy and elitist as any other ivy, and that’s never more obvious than when you pretend not to be.

And I can prove it. Another publication was trying to do a fluff piece on “impressive” Yale law students, which is stupid. But the Yalies decided to organize a “boycott” of the fluff piece through their listerv, which is somehow even more self-important and douchey….

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I’ve got better things to do than be in this class right now.

The douchebag has a point. It’s going to be hard for some people to see, what with the kid huffing and puffing and doing all the things that make people hate gunners who spend half of class with their hand in the air. But trust me, at the heart of this story, this kid is making a reasonable point about law school and the value of in-class lectures.

Luckily for us, he’s making that point by acting like a petulant, entitled law student, one who drew the ire of his professor and the ridicule of his classmates.

So, this should be fun for the whole family… .

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If you would all turn to the chapter “On Jewelery” in your official “Being A Man” handbook, the section on rings clearly states, “A man shall only wear rings so earned through championship level athletic achievement, rings signifying a bond of holy matrimony, or rings that others can be forced to kiss in supplication to your rule. There is a limited exception to this rule if you are the protector of Sector 2814.”

Obviously, the rules for women are a little different. But I’m not aware of any situation where it is appropriate for a normally adjusted person to wear a class ring that they purchased from their high school or college.

Wearing a high school class ring tells everybody, “My life peaked at 17 and I’m going to die in the same town I grew up in.”

Wearing a college class ring says, “Just because I can’t make a jump shot or even credibly throw a Frisbee doesn’t mean my accomplishments in the classroom shouldn’t be rewarded. Well, ‘accomplishments’ in the broadest sense, it’s not like I’m a Rhodes Scholar or within shouting distance of the top of my class or anything.”

Wearing a law school class ring should be like putting a magnet on your hand that is irresistibly attracted to your face so you can’t stop punching yourself….

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Dude. CHILL OUT.

Earlier this week, we learned about an epic departure memo sent to an allegedly terrible boss (or a great boss, depending on who you ask).

Well, it is turning out to be a bad week for all kinds of terrible bosses. On Wednesday, a senior in-house attorney at a global financial services firm was sued by his former secretary for gender discrimination and creating a hostile work environment. Or in layman’s terms, allegedly being an über-jerk, and then some. We have snippets from the suit after the jump, but first, quiz time:

According to the lawsuit, this in-house boss from hell allegedly flung which of the following at his hapless former secretary:

A) a cup of hot tea
B) yogurt
C) degrading verbal insults
D) all of the above

Answers, as well as some expletive-laden invective from the lawsuit, below….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Lawsuit of the Day: This General Counsel Is Allegedly A Teabag-Throwing Terror”

Over the past few days, we’ve been documenting debonair d-bag Tucker Max and his failed attempt to donate $500,000 to Planned Parenthood. Whether or not you think the organization should have accepted his money, you’ve got to at least give the man a hand for trying to do some good in this world — no matter his intentions.

That being said, another organization that is certainly worthy of Max’s half-million has stepped up to the plate. This organization wants Max’s money badly, so badly, in fact, that its executives have turned around to take it like a desperate dog in heat.

Which organization are we talking about? None other than PETA….

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Tucker Max

We recently wrote about world-renowned d-bag Tucker Max, and his attempt to donate $500,000 to Planned Parenthood of Texas. The organization’s executives snubbed their noses at Max’s half-million because they didn’t “feel it would be appropriate, given . . . [his] body of work.” This happened in August of 2011, but rejection hurts, even when you’re a hardcore bro. Max was unable to abort his frustration with the situation, and almost fittingly, he waited just about the length of a full-term pregnancy to reveal the dirty details of what went down.

But why did he wait so long to start spreading the news about this injustice? Wouldn’t the women of Texas have wanted to know about this sooner? Maybe it’s because he was scamming us all along….

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Tucker Max

When we last checked in with self-proclaimed a-hole and famed misogynist author Tucker Max, he was busy getting sued by his alma mater, Duke Law School, over some allegedly missing tuition money. Almost two years later, Max has decided to hang up his bro hat. Believe it or not, he’s retiring from his hard-partying lifestyle, and he claims that he’s attempting to become a mature adult.

With his choice to become a big boy came some big-boy problems, like how to alleviate his huge tax burdens and promote his new book at the same time. Eventually, Max decided to make a charitable donation to an organization he’s relied upon many times in the past (thanks to his former womanizing ways): Planned Parenthood. And wasn’t just any donation — this was a $500,000 donation meant for a women’s organization in Texas that desperately needed funding.

But Planned Parenthood didn’t want his money. Why? Because he’s Tucker Max….

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It seems to me that the Student Bar Association president at NYU Law School is drunk with power. And considering we’re talking about the “power” of a freaking law school SBA, that’s pretty funny, like watching the tallest midget insult all the other midgets by calling them “shorty.”

We’ve written about this guy, who we’ve dubbed “Party Law,” before. In September, he was busy removing the SBA treasurer because of alleged financial shenanigans. The treasurer denied wrongdoing and hilarity ensued.

But that was back in September, during those halcyon days at the beginning of his term, when all was sunshine and hope. Now we’re coming towards the end of Party Law’s reign (I assume we’re nearing the end; not that I want that, I wish Party Law could be elected President of the NYU SBA for life). Perhaps he’s trying to exercise a little dead-hand control over the SBA?

Let’s see who Party Law is trying to squash now…

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My 1L grades were this big.

Continuing our discussion of “elite law school problems,” let’s talk about grades. If your law school is ranked poorly, waiting for your grades has made you stressed all January. But if you go to a top-ranked law school, it really shouldn’t be that stressful, right?

Hell, if you are going to a truly elite law school, you don’t even have grades. Sure, if you are gunning for the Supreme Court clerkship down the road, your transcript is important. But if you’ve made it all the way to one of the best institutions of higher learning, and all you care about it whether you get an A and a pat on the head at the end of the semester, you’re doing it wrong.

Sadly, there are a lot of people at top law schools who are doing it wrong.

At the University of Chicago, Dean of Students Amy Gardner decided to send a reassuring note to students about their grades. Most importantly, she told students not to believe each other if they try to brag about their grades.

It’s a lesson even non-Chicago students might need to hear….

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