Drinking

Non-Sequiturs: 10.30.12

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* Did the lead plaintiff in the job stats suit against Thomas Jefferson School of Law turn down a law job offer? Does TJSL teach its students anything about discovery? [ABA Journal]

* This judge may have a wee bit of an anger problem. [Legal Juice]

* The Democratic activist who bailed the UVA Law grad accused of forced sodomy out of jail has been arrested for a DUI. Based on her mugshot, it appears she may have been at a Halloween event or a Mike Tyson facepainting contest. [Daily Progress]

* What do Dolce & Gabbana have in common with Al Capone? No, not their impeccable fashion sense… [Fashionista]

* Keith Magness, the attorney accused of masturbating on his female colleague’s desk chair and dry cleaning, settled a lawsuit stemming from his allegedly unseemly behavior. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating. Eww, eww. Gross. Eww. [NOLA.com]

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A Recent Cardozo Law Grad Gets Trashed — Literally

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Warning: for law degrees only, not lawyers.

After a late night out on the town, many of us have probably come up with ill-conceived plans that seemed like great ideas at the time. For example, I recently concocted a plan to move to a remote island to escape my soul-crushing student loan debt, and even started packing a suitcase. But then I fell asleep. Upon awakening from my drunken stupor slumber, I realized just how absurd that plan was. Come on, I can’t afford plane tickets.

But what if you never had the chance to sleep it off? What if you thought that your harebrained plan would actually work?

That may have been what happened this weekend to a recent Cardozo Law School graduate who was unable to get into her Chelsea apartment in New York. She cooked up a plan so convoluted, so MacGyver-esque, that 1Ls the world over would cringe if it ever appeared on a torts exam. This lawyer thought it would get her back into the comfort of her own home, but instead, she only succeeded in landing herself in the hospital — with significant damage to one of her limbs.

We suppose this must be what happens to newly minted lawyers who are used to receiving walking instructions from their law schools….

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Comment of the Week: Drinkin’ Is Bad, Mmm ‘Kay?

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Going to be honest with you, folks. Pickings were a bit slim for this week’s Comment of the Week contest. I know the new Disqus is scary, but you can still comment anonymously. You just have to make your fake email a little more complex, like GuestyMcGuest12579@guest.com, instead of guest@guest.com.

Of course, we do have a winner, arising out of the drunken stupor that is lawyerdom as described by Elie earlier this week. Because, when all else fails, thank goodness for ye olde jokes about booze, boobs, and babies….

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Why Do Lawyers Drink So Much? Because They Can.

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Earlier this week, a tipster sent us a link to a Greedy Associates post entitled “Why Do Lawyers Drink So Much?” My initial thought was “Ugh.” Honestly, somebody writes that article every three months, and every six months we have to write another version of the same story.

The reasons given for lawyer alcoholism are always the same. “Lawyers are only alcoholic because they’re super TYPE A badasses.” “Lawyers hate their jobs and drink to forget.” “It’s not the law that makes people alcoholics, it’s alcoholics who choose the law!”

I was going to ignore this latest Drunks and the Law story, but then the scotch in my coffee kicked in and I thought, “Hey, isn’t it just that lawyers drink because they can?”

Think about it: being a lawyer is a great job to have if you want to drink as much as possible while also having a job…

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Non-Sequiturs: 10.17.12

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‘Folks, if you happen to see a damaged boat down there, please hit the flight attendant call button.’

* New York police just arrested a man for allegedly planning to blow up the Federal Reserve Bank. Thank you, officers. [CNN]

* This judge made a telecom executive cry in court. After the teary-eyed businesswoman stormed out, she re-entered the courtroom a short time later and “verbally assaulted” opposing counsel. That’s what I call a serious case of the Mondays. [New York Post]

* Much has been made about the terrible connections prostitution has to human trafficking, but what about the self-professed “hos” who, by all accounts, enjoy having sex for money? [East Bay Express]

* If you want to ride a mechanical bull, you should probably be aware that getting thrown off isn’t even a risk, it’s a veritable certainty. [Abnormal Use]

* I unabashedly dislike the TSA, but it seems these dummies had it coming. [Denver Post]

* Back to hating on the airline industry: “Sorry, folks, we’re going to be delayed arriving in Vancouver because of some weather issues… and because we have to detour for a moment and search for a missing yacht.” [Consumerist]

* Law blogger Eric Turkewitz’s face is all over a bunch of New York bus ads. And no, he’s not advertising himself. This story is actually pretty neat. [New York Personal Injury Attorney]

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Jerry Sandusky’s Lawyer Has A Late-Night Heart-to-Heart with Several Penn State Students — Over Beer and Taco Bell

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Karl Rominger

In the hours before Jerry Sandusky’s sentencing on Tuesday, one of his attorneys, Karl Rominger, was giving new meaning to the phrase, “Don’t sweat the small, medium, or large stuff.”

Was Rominger reviewing notes? Meditating? Naaah. He was out drinking with Penn State students! Specifically, he was on the prowl for some ladies.

A couple reporters from school publications were there to catch the action and some choice soundbites from Sandusky’s lawyer. Oh, and of course there are photos.

Giggedy… giggedy?

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Billionaire Is SOL Because Of The SOL When It Comes to Thomas Jefferson’s Wine

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It must be every billionaire wine connoisseur’s dream to own a few bottles from the cellars of the man who drafted the Declaration of Independence. The taste of the prestige must be simply delightful. But after paying $311,804 for four bottles of wine that may have been counterfeit, even the richest of men would probably be left with the awful taste of sour grapes.

This is what allegedly happened to William Koch, brother to the controversially conservative Charles and David Koch, when he discovered that the wine he purchased from Thomas Jefferson’s cache in France may have been bogus. Because when you’re worth $4 billion, it must be embarrassing to file suit over a mere pittance. But that’s exactly what this wine aficionado did; no one fools a Koch brother and gets away with it.

Alas, it seems that Koch’s claim aged more like milk than fine wine, and the Second Circuit had the unfortunate task of telling him….

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Non-Sequiturs: 10.02.12

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* A case of alleged murder by legal form. Christ, this sounds like a bad Twilight Zone episode. [Lake Expo]

* A novel reason why teenagers should still refrain from posting party pictures on Facebook, future job concerns be damned. [ABA Journal]

* Kirkland & Ellis donated $5 million to the Northwestern University Law School. I think some celebratory key jangling is in order. [Northwestern News Center]

* Con law nerds, you can now check out the audio from the Supreme Court’s announcement of its ruling in the Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. the Obamacare case. [Oyez]

* What do the naked Kate Middleton pictures mean for modern privacy law? Other than the fact that all famous people should just become nevernudes, obviously. [LinkedIn]

* A judge blocked the controversial Pennsylvania Voter ID law, at least until election season ends. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Although law school application rates are falling across most of the country, application numbers have spiked at the extraordinarily prestigious Kansas University School of Law. Wait, what? [LJWorld]

* Oh lord, here we go again. Samsung sued Apple for patent infringement in the iPhone 5. Let’s begin round #72,354. Ding! [CNET]

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Lawyer of the Month: September Reader Poll

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September wasn’t just a sloppy month for the drunken class of 2015, but for quite a few lawyers, too. It’s no coincidence that the majority of our candidates for this month’s competition earned their spots for their alleged escapades with alcohol.

Which attorney was allegedly so drunk that she bit an employee at an adult sex shop? Which attorney allegedly got so wasted that he didn’t even know he was missing a finger? And which attorney got tackled to the ground after allegedly trying to escape arrest for his third DUI?

Take a look at our nominees for September’s Lawyer of the Month and find out….

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‘Apparently Intoxicated’ Prosecutor Allegedly Takes a Literal Bite Out of Crime at an Adult Store

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You know it’s going to be a great day when you get to write about allegations of attorney misconduct that took place at a store that markets itself as a “purveyor of adult accoutrements, toys and lingerie.”

Do you remember Courtney King, the Ice Miller attorney who allegedly told the police to Google her before she was arrested? Well, today we’ve got another tale of a female attorney who allegedly attempted to pull rank during what seems to have been a rather drunken escapade in Chicago. Trust me, girl, the hangover is going to be that much worse for a prosecutor who has become the prosecutee.

Just because you were allegedly causing a ruckus in an adult store doesn’t mean that you have to go all BDSM on everyone, and start biting people when you’re asked to leave….

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