DUI / DWI

* Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh likes hanging out with the Supreme Court. Harbaugh characterizes Justice Thomas as very enthusiastic. Seriously. This guy thinks someone else is enthusiastic. [Wall Street Journal Law Blog]

* Darren Wilson isn’t racist, everybody. I mean, he thinks black people have bad upbringings and prefers to eat out “Where it’s not a mixing pot,” but he really wants you to know he’s not racist. [Gawker]

* Whatever happened to the SCOTUS clerks of ten years ago? [Excess of Democracy]

* How terrifying is Heien v. North Carolina? Cops are now stopping people for air fresheners and using it as a pretext to search the car… and courts are approving it. [The Marshall Project]

* A Shearman & Sterling partner arrested in a DWI sweep. [The East Hampton Star]

* Do you use LinkedIn Pulse to grow your brand? You probably should. [Law and More]

* The true story of a prosecutor who went undercover and strapped on a wire for over 3 years to root out corruption in the judicial system. His new book is titled Operation Greylord (affiliate link). [My Fox Chicago]

* Health care discrimination against the mentally ill is illegal. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. [Vox]

* If you missed Lat’s events at the ABA meeting over the weekend, here’s a recap of one. [American Bar Association]

* Justice Thomas parted with his conservative brethren on the Confederate flag case, but was it a product of his experience as an African-American? Don’t bet on it. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* A jury awarded $500,000 to a patient after doctors mocked him while anesthetized. For example, the anesthesiologist said, “I wanted to punch you in the face and man you up a little bit.” Maybe it’s me, but if he sued over that, it sounds like he absolutely deserved that punch in the face. [MedCity News]

* This title says it all, “I Am An Adjunct Law Professor Who Teaches Five Classes. I Earn Less Than A Pet-Sitter.” [TaxProf Blog]

* Have you ever wondered how blind people perceive and experience race? Really interesting findings from Professor Osagie K. Obasogie of UC Hastings Law. [Buzzfeed]

* This may come as a shock, but a report finds that prosecutors cared more about securing convictions than protecting the public. [The Times-Picayune]

* When we say the immigration system is broken, this is what we mean: 15-year resident with a Columbia Law degree about to be deported. [Vox]

* In honor of the anniversary of Jaws last week, an examination of Quint’s legal duties to Brody and Hooper. When you consider his potential liability, perhaps he was better off getting eaten. [The Legal Geeks]

* Federal government paying to scour sewage in Washington state to learn about pot usage post legalization. Note to federal government: they’re the dirty hippies, not you. [Seattle Times]

* From Fuller House to the Big House? Actor John Stamos was arrested for driving under the influence and briefly hospitalized this weekend. Listen, Uncle Jesse, we know you’re still a celebrity, per se, but as Joey Gladstone would say, you really need to cut it out, capice? [Variety]

* “You’re right, I am the man.” Former U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder received a warm reception during his keynote at the American Constitution Society convention’s opening gala this weekend when an audience member shouted out, “Eric Holder, you the man!” [Legal Times]

* Lawyers, here’s a useful practice pointer on “reverse sexism.” Per a new study, men on three-judge panels of federal appellate courts tend to “view women as damsels in distress who need their protection,” but are much harsher on male litigants. [WSJ Law Blog]

* More law schools are opening solo incubators and firms, boosting their employment stats and losing hundreds of thousands of dollars along the way. Rutgers Law lost $100K, but it’s a small price to pay to make it look like your grads get “jobs.” [Associated Press]

* “Time to engage counsel?” This is the question that parents are being forced to ask themselves in the face of legal liability waivers for post-prom parties. Seriously? Man, am I glad I was in high school before parents became contractual killjoys. [New York Times]

* Never give up the lie: LAPD swears they caught Robert Durst on their own with no help whatsoever from the extensive six-part documentary. The Ferguson police to the LAPD: Dude, you’ve got a credibility problem. [Gawker]

* It’s been almost a year since we wrote about a group of UC Davis law students fighting to get a law degree for a Chinese immigrant screwed over by the courts 100 years ago on the grounds that “persons of the Mongolian race” couldn’t be citizens, much less lawyers. On Monday the California Supreme Court agreed with the students. [Los Angeles Times]

* As St. Patrick’s Day approaches, here’s a reminder (from your pocketbook) not to drink and drive . [Nerdwallet]

* Faced with an ever-growing justice gap, a jurisdiction basically gives in on requiring a law degree to practice law. Which, depending on your feelings on InfiLaw, has been happening for years. [Washington Post]

* The Minority Corporate Counsel Association’s announcement of the 2015 Employer of Choice Awards honor companies for demonstrating commitment to and success at creating and maintaining inclusive corporate legal departments. The national home office of SAE is disappointed at the slight. [Corporate Counsel]

* A roundup of ridiculous laws still on the books. Missouri bans driving with an uncaged bear in your car. Sounds like good advice. [The Reeves Law Group]

* In addition to speaking with us, John B. Quinn is making the rounds of legal media to discuss Quinn Emanuel’s new marketing program. [Bloomberg BNA/ Big Law Business]

* Speaking of Quinn Emanuel’s new program, here’s what someone with public relations expertise has to say about it. [Law and More]

* On Thursday, March 26, at 2 p.m. Eastern, Lex Machina is hosting a webcast to discuss its Year In Review 2014 Patent Litigation Report. [Lex Machina]

* Silk Road’s Ross Ulbricht found guilty. [Law360

* Valentine’s Day gifts for lawyers. [Law and More]

* “7 Things You Only Find Out as a Lawyer to the Poor.” [Cracked]

* On the day high school athletes sign away their futures, this article explains that law school is almost as bad when it comes to transfers. [Inside Higher Ed]

* The lawyer who won Survivor: Racism Survivor: Cook Islands is now in charge of keeping Facebook users from throwing privacy hissy-fits. [Fusion]

* Win your case… still lose your license. [Associated Press via Philly.com]

* On the subject of law-related scents, does you law school have a custom fragrance yet? [TaxProf Blog]

* Should law professors serve as both parties and counsel on amicus briefs? An interesting question of ivory towerness. [Josh Blackman’s Blog]

* The duty to vaccinate: or not all libertarians are as crazy as Rand Paul. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* As the year winds down to a close, we take a look back at the amazing time Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg had. From her Hobby Lobby dissent to her subtle New Republic shade, the Notorious RBG’s 2014 was better than yours. [Bustle]

* When you’ve allegedly been driving drunk after a holiday party and have gotten into an accident, one of the things you say to the police upon your arrest should not be, “Come on, I’m a judge” — especially if you are one. [New York Post]

* After advising on 221 deals worth about $511 billion, Skadden Arps was the top dog in the M&A game in 2014. While taking a break from rolling around in money, the firm’s managing partner was heard thanking inversions. [MoneyBeat / Wall Street Journal]

* Although we haven’t heard what’s going on with associate bonuses at this firm, Wiley Rein bought itself a bonus subsidiary. Last week, the firm finalized its purchase of lobbying and communications group McBee Strategic. [Blog of Legal Times]

* While many law schools found their student enrollments getting smaller due to forces of nature in 2014, the University of Mississippi School of Law claims it decreased its class sizes intentionally. Oh, the places you’ll go! [Clarion Ledger]

* Florida Judge Cynthia Imperato was “devastated” after a jury found her guilty of DUI and reckless driving charges, but we imagine the judge may be more devastated by the fact that she’s a sitting judge who’s been sentenced to 20 days of house arrest. [Florida Sun Sentinel]

* David Schwimmer, best known for his role as Ross on Friends, has been cast as lawyer Robert Kardashian in an O.J. Simpson true crime television miniseries. He surely knows it’ll take a lot of “unagi” to play the role just right. [Rolling Stone]

* If you have to debt finance your J.D., you’re going to in for a rude awakening when you graduate and the loans start coming due. FYI, “lot[s] of graduates [are] buried in private student loan debt with not enough income to repay it.” [Forbes]

* The parents of James Holmes, who’s better known as the alleged shooter in the Aurora movie theater massacre, have begged for him to be spared the death penalty ahead of his trial, but prosecutors say that in this case, “justice is death.” [Denver Post]

* When it comes to Russia, “[a] lot of firms are thinking about pulling out.” That’s what she would’ve said if she were a managing partner. Biglaw firms that have been rocked by the ruble’s ruin are telling lawyers to leave before they’re laid off. [Am Law Daily]

* Binder & Binder, the National Social Security Disability Advocates® whose late-night TV commercials you’ve grown to love, has filed for bankruptcy. The firm’s headcount will likely drop by more than half because of this. Yikes! [WSJ Law Blog]

The attorney in question had two licenses suspended: her driver's license AND her law license.

What allegedly happened between this judge and his intern?

* The Sixth Circuit, in an opinion by Judge Jeff Sutton, just upheld four states’ bans on same-sex marriage. Next stop, SCOTUS? [BuzzFeed] * JPMorgan Chase really doesn’t want people to hear this woman’s story. [Rolling Stone] * Dating site busted for sharing users’ STD info. [Slate] * If you’re opting for a life of crime, dream bigger. [Legal Juice] * There’s a patent on filming yoga classes. So class, you’re going to transition from “downward dog” to “shameless patent troll.” [Lowering the Bar] * The continued existence of Thomas Jefferson School of Law has spawned so many good lines. The Times compared the school to Dracula. Now Steven Harper describes it as “throwing furniture into the fireplace to keep the house warm.” [TaxProf Blog]

* “Perhaps Congress should have called this the Sarbanes-Oxley Grouper Act.” Based on the justices’ reactions during oral argument, it seems like SCOTUS isn’t taking the bait in the Yates case. [WSJ Law Blog]

* It seems that President Obama still hasn’t made a decision on who he wants to replace Eric Holder as attorney general. Maybe the results of the midterm election made him change his mind. [Legal Times]

* Jay Z may have 99 problems, but this champagne deal ain’t one because Cooley helped to seal the deal. If Armand de Brignac is good enough for Queen Bey, it’s good enough for this Biglaw firm. [Am Law Daily]

* Students at the University of South Dakota School of Law are wondering whether they’re receiving a good legal education considering they’re being trained to pass the “easiest [bar] in the nation.” [The Volante]

* Kenneth Desormes of Connecticut was charged after trying to eat the results of his breathalyzer test. He may be the same Kenneth Desormes who tried to get his law school to admit to fraud. [Hartford Courant]

* If you’re a law student in Philadelphia or D.C., come hang out with us this week. RSVP to tomorrow’s Philly event here. [Above the Law] * Or RSVP to Thursday’s D.C. trivia night here. [Above the Law] * Judge Jed Rakoff explains exactly why innocent people plead guilty for all those people who don’t believe it. Well, the people who don’t believe it probably don’t read the New York Review of Books, but maybe John Oliver will have Judge Rakoff on so this can go viral. [The New York Review of Books] * The sex, lies (about polygamy), and videotape article from this morning raises another important issue I’d missed: the heightened stigma faced by women with substance abuse issues. [Law and More] * 10 thoughts on business development. Don’t do what the guy in the last story did. [Medium] * Adjunct law professor threatens to quit. Law school dean surely replies, “You must not know ’bout me.” [Chronicle of Higher Education] * Georgia state legislature has the novel idea to punish the people who exploit student athletes as opposed to only the athletes themselves. Too bad that doesn’t apply to the universities. [The Legal Blitz] * Five years after New York State required banks to negotiate in “good faith” with homeowners facing foreclosure, the Second Department approved a sanction for banks that ignore this obligation. The 2009 law created the “good faith” obligation but contained no remedy for violations. That left trial judges without guidance as to how to proceed when faced with an intransigent bank. [WiseLaw NY]

If only this guy were at an Am Law 100 firm so we could make Biglaw/Big Love jokes.

* After being temporarily suspended as part of “Porngate” for trafficking in “highly demeaning portrayals of members of various segments of the population, including women, elderly persons, and uniformed school girls,” Seamus McCaffrey retires from the Pennsylvania Supreme Court. [Philadelphia Daily News] * A group of women lawyers in Miami has called for NBC to cancel Bad Judge because it “depicts a female judge as unethical, lazy, crude, hyper-sexualized, and unfit to hold such an esteemed position of power.” Indeed there’s no place for depicting women judges that way on TV. Especially when Miami is perfectly capable of depicting them that way in real life. [Crushable] * Epic trademark infringement. [Legal Cheek] * Crazy pro se guy slapped down in Canada. [Lowering the Bar] * While almost everyone else is seeing lower applications, USC Law saw a 5 percent bump. [USC Gould School of Law] * Stanford and Dartmouth in hot water over election law charges in Montana. Apparently piercing the imaginary veil of non-partisanship in judicial elections is the problem and not the whole idea of judicial elections in the first place. [Montana Standard]

* “[T]he ‘superstar’ model of Supreme Court advocacy marketing is prevailing”: recent Supreme Court litigation has been dominated by Biglaw and boutiques, and five of them handled about half of last term’s cases. [WSJ Law Blog]

* It’s not a “done deal” yet, but Albany Law School is in serious talks with the University at Albany to form an affiliation by the end of the year. There’s been no word on whether Albany Law would remain a stand-alone school under the yet-to-be inked arrangement. [Albany Business Review]

* The dismissal of lawsuits concerning allegedly deceptive employment statistics at several Chicago-area law schools was affirmed by an Illinois appeals court. ::insert sad trombone here:: [National Law Journal]

* If you’re still thinking about applying to law school for some reason, you might find these tips on what not to write in a personal statement to be useful. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News & World Report]

* Amanda Bynes, one of our favorite fading starlets who was already on probation, was arrested this weekend on a DUI charge after stopping her car in the middle of an intersection. [Los Angeles Times]

* Mexican drug cartels are moving beyond shipping cocaine and are starting to grow the stuff too. As long as they stop hijacking lime shipments and driving up margarita prices. [Vocativ] The prosecutor who admitted Ray Rice into a pre-trial intervention program (and there are pros and cons to that decision) specifically denied the same option to a working single mother of two who didn't realize her out of state gun permit wasn't accepted. She was offered a 3+ year prison deal. Because, you know... prosecutors. [Huffington Post] * If you’re planning on getting arrested in New Orleans — and who isn’t? — don’t get arrested at night. [The Times-Picayune] * A federal judge is accused of sexual misconduct with a clerk. I had to check twice to make sure this wasn’t just a plot point in David’s upcoming book (affiliate link). [Waco Tribune-Herald] * Defense lawyer allegedly drives drunk… to the courthouse. [Indianapolis Star] * The complex legal tapestry of sandwiches. [The Atlantic] * “Mathew Martoma’s Parents Raise Some Good, Less Good Points.” [Dealbreaker] * If you were interested in the mélange of issues surrounding privilege, whistleblowing, and litigation finance, here’s a primer. [LFC360] * Jimmy Kimmel asked some New York Fashion Week attendees about Justice Scalia. Hilarity ensues. Video embedded below… [YouTube]

The Affluenza controversy was messed up enough. Now the kid's lawyers are trying to use another kind of privilege to keep his diagnosis from coming up in a civil case.

What's going on in this courthouse, and is there any way we can join the party?

* Donald Sterling may be banned from the NBA, but the recording that placed him on the outside looking in was captured illegally per California law. [The Legal Blitz] * If the NBA owners agree — as expected — to force Sterling to sell the Clippers, it could cost his heirs over $100 million. Let’s feel sorry that megamillionaires might be slightly less megamillionaires. [Slate] * The inimitable Charles P. Pierce with more on the horrifically botched execution in Oklahoma last night. Overlooked in the horror was the constitutional crisis that preceded it — where the very authority of the state supreme court was called into question. [Esquire] * After getting his client acquitted of molesting a child while drunk, a lawyer managed to get arrested for DWI, hours after the verdict. Amazing. [St. Louis Post-Dispatch] * The conservative argument for copyright reform. Seriously, at this point there’s no political philosophy in favor of lengthy copyright terms, so why can’t we change this? Oh, right. Media companies have tons and tons of money. [R Street] * UVA Law funds the first jobs of a bunch of its grads. David Lat weighs in. [C-Ville] * This story could just as easily be entitled “I’m a young Biglaw associate who lives in Williamsburg.” [McSweeneys]

* Okay, law students! How far would you go for silence in the library? [Legal Cheek] * An attorney was suspended for two years for beating up girlfriend who he began dating while she was still a client. But the real punishment seems to be the extensive text message communications attached to the decision. It’s like a teacher making you read the note you were passing out loud in front of the whole class. Cringeworthy clinginess. [The Oklahoma State Courts Network] * Lawyer’s alleged drunken air rage diverts a trans-Atlantic flight to Dublin. Because if you have a potentially quarrelsome drunk, dropping him off in Ireland is the right answer. [Irish Times] * Aeropostale is suing H&M over the phrase, “Live Love Dream.” Maybe what they save on originality they pass along to the consumer. [Fashionista] * This is how all trials should end. [Condé Nast Collection] * The wrongfully accused — like the people bullied into pleading guilty to crimes they didn’t commit — are given a raw deal in more ways than one. [Policy Mic] * Woman arrested after she called the crime lab posing as a court employee and tried to get her evidence destroyed. Well, it was worth a try. [The Times-Picayune]