Energy Drinks

Does anybody really think Red Bull is good for you? For a moment, I’m not talking about legal standards or product safety or efficacious warning labels. I’m asking, just between us, don’t we all know that ingesting caffeine and sugar bombs is not a healthy thing? People aren’t supposed to have wings. We are terrestrial beings. I’d guess that every ingested substance that has ever made humans feel like they’ve slipped the bonds of gravity is bad for you.

A Brooklyn man downed a Red Bull, played some basketball, had a heart attack, and died. Does it really surprise anybody that this happens every now and again?

Okay, now put your “law talking” hats back on. Is it a wrongful death when somebody drinks something, dies, and everybody besides the manufacturer kind of shrugs and thinks, “Yeah, that’ll dog you”? This lawsuit alleging fraud, failure to warn, and breach of warranty by Red Bull manufacturers is surprising only insofar as it hasn’t been brought a hundred times already…

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* Sagging is one of the best anti-crime tools going. Since it stymies people who actually commit crimes, it seems to work better than stop-and-frisk… [Lowering the Bar]

* From an appellate brief in New York: The “’Question Presented’ stated only “’WHAT’S A BOY TO DO?’” What, indeed. [MyCase]

* Geraldo Rivera is out of an upcoming symposium on the Kennedy assassination reviewing the accuracy of the Warren Report. The reason? This half-naked selfie. I know he’s against wearing concealing hoodies, but dude, there’s a middle ground. [Inside Higher Ed via TaxProf Blog]

* Are energy drinks the next tobacco? ::sips from old-school Four Loko:: [Law and More]

* W(h)ither equity partnerships in Biglaw? [Adam Smith, Esq.]

* Professor Josh Blackman discussing his new book Unprecedented: The Constitutional Challenge to Obamacare (affiliate link). [Josh Blackman's Blog]

* A Blurred Lines parody video made by law students less than thrilled with the date-rapey message of the original. It’s got some language that you don’t want to blast in the office (though, again, it’s fundamentally less offensive than what Thicke actually sings). Embed after the jump…

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* Justice Sotomayor’s memoir made the NYT’s best-seller list, and in terms of sales, she’s officially beating the pants off other Supreme Court justices who’ve released books of a similar nature. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)]

* In case you were sleeping under a rock yesterday when this happened, John Kerry was confirmed by the Senate as secretary of state. Don’t think we’ll be getting a Texts From John Tumblr, though. [New York Times]

* Despite having a “pretty spectacular” year, Blank Rome’s legal secretaries may soon find themselves blankly roaming in search of new employment. Better hurry up, the buyout offer expires on Friday! [Legal Intelligencer]

* Straight up now tell me, do you really wanna sue me forever? Corey Clark once claimed he had an affair with American Idol judge Paula Abdul, and now he claims MoFo and Gibson Dunn defamed him. [Am Law Daily]

* In this round of musical chairs, we learn that Orrick hoovered up three energy and project finance partners from Bingham, one of whom will co-chair the firm’s U.S. energy group. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight]

* Remember the Zumba prostitution ring? Now we know you can’t be prosecuted for secretly filming Johns in the act in Maine, because there’s no expectation of privacy in “bordellos, whorehouses, and the like.” [Wired]

* Energy drink makers are facing class action suits over claims made about their products. Fine, Red Bull may not give you wings, but it tastes like piss, and that’s gotta count for something, dammit. [National Law Journal]

* Much like herpes, Lindsay Lohan’s legal drama is the gift that just keeps on giving. Her longtime lawyer Shawn Holley wants out, and her new lawyer, Mark Heller, isn’t even licensed to practice in California. [CNN]