Flori-duh

Ebola* Congratulations (and good luck) to our nation’s new ebola czar — who happens to be a high-profile lawyer. [ATL Redline]

* An update on the Charleston Law/InfiLaw drama. [Post and Courier]

* If they had only taken the pink underwear off the patient before he woke up, he wouldn’t have his panties in a bunch. [Huffington Post]

* Getting people to read law review articles is hard enough; why put them behind a wall? [TaxProf Blog]

* It’s funny that Floridian lawyers are having such a bad reaction to Bad Judge, since the show could actually be reality TV down there. [Daily Business Review (sub. req.)]

* Career advice: if you aspire to the federal judiciary, try to avoid writing blog posts about biting girls in the butt. [Missouri Lawyers Weekly (sub. req.)]

* Congrats to lawyer Lisa Smith on winning the Pitch Week book competition at the When Words Count Retreat! [Street Insider]

To have all of this happen in such a safe and nice community, it’s just very shocking.

– Rena Karle of Abeles & Karle PLLC, a law firm located in Volusia County, Florida, commenting on a bizarre break-in that occurred at the office. Items stolen ranged from computer towers and monitors to Halloween candy and a Bible. Karle also noted that the floor, walls, and ceilings were covered in “some kind of white sticky goo.” Damages as a result of the break-in at the law firm have been assessed at $100,000 to $150,000 thus far.

A mother and daughter are giving interviews to anybody who will listen about behavior that actually should be very embarrassing to them if they had any sense of shame. Here are the facts that the family really wants you to know.

* 15-year-old Miranda Larkin was the new girl in school who didn’t know the dress code, which specified that skirts be no more than three inches above the knee.
* Mother Dianna Larkin allowed her daughter to go to school in a skirt “closer to four inches” above the knee.
* Busted for a dress code violation, Miranda Larkin was made to wear a “shame suit” of sweat pants and a large T-Shirt that read “Dress Code Violation.”
* Crying ensued.
* The Larkins are now threatening to sue the school, alleging FERPA violations, and saying ridiculous things like “[T]his is not about punishing kids. This is about humiliation.”

Dude, your daughter is in high school. The only punishment she understands is humiliation…

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Court reporters put up with a lot. Not only are they largely condescended to by the often middling attorneys they deal with every day, but they have to listen intently to everything lawyers say all the time. And when they’ve managed to turn around two days worth of testimony into a transcript by mid-morning the next day, they get a courteous nod and a “what took you so long?”

The job really is its own circle of hell. The sort of thing that might make somebody type “I hate my job” over and over and over again instead of keeping up with the proceedings.

But not every court reporter is a martyr deserving of veneration. If, for example, a court reporting service just didn’t prepare transcripts in criminal cases for months on end, they may earn themselves a hearty benchslapping…

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Judge John C. Murphy of Brevard County, Florida was feeling a bit like Judge Dredd yesterday morning. Video captured him verbally sparring with an experienced assistant public defender, Andrew Weinstock, before requesting Weinstock visit him in his “Chambers of Doom” (a.k.a. the hallway) for some actual sparring.

Looks like we need to come up with a new term beyond “benchslap.”

Cue Michael Buffer: “Let’s get ready to RUMMMMMBLLLLLLE!”

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One is an outlier. A sad reminder of the legal profession’s struggle with alcoholism. Two is a curiosity. Perhaps a coincidence? But when three judges, all from the same court, get charged with DWI over the course of a mere six months, you’re looking at a trend.

Just this morning, the third judge in this trend was handcuffed and led away from the scene of an accident. In this case, the courtroom parking lot. That’s right, she’s accused of running over the gate to the lot and then ramming a parked sheriff’s car.

At 8:00 a.m.

There must have been an awesome special on mimosas at the local IHOP knockoff….

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Justice Sonia Sotomayor

Reason enough why no country should ever engage in the practice of Affirmative Action again. This could be the result. Where would she be if she didn’t hit the quota lottery? Here’s a hint: “Would you like to supersize that sir?”

– Florida Assistant State Attorney Kenneth Lewis, in a message expressing his love for Justice Sonia Sotomayor on Facebook. Lewis also posted messages suggesting that “crack hoes” get their tubes tied for Mother’s Day, and in support of Donald Sterling and the right to free speech.

She hid her weed… where?!

With profits per partner soaring at some Biglaw firms, partners need to find ways to spend all of their money. Some like fine wine, but others prefer fine women — and that’s usually where all the trouble begins.

Case in point: one prominent partner recently found himself involved in some shady police activity after a woman who claimed she was owed money for “services” was arrested at his home with drugs stashed in her nether regions.

This partner’s bio has since been removed from the law firm’s website. Who is he, which firm does he work for, and what allegedly happened?

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David Audlin

In January, we brought you word of a Florida state-court judge who posted a sex ad on Manhunt. We covered the news, first broken by JAAblog, since we are fond of stories about sexy judges. But we did not judge. Instead, Staci Zaretsky wrote of Chief Judge David Audlin, “more power to him if [the photos are] real. Everyone needs to get some, even judges.”

Last week, Judge Audlin resigned from the bench, apparently because of L’Affaire Manhunt. With all due respect to the judge, this strikes me as a bad decision….

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I am writing to share some great news about Florida Coastal School of Law’s latest bar passage results released this week. Out of the 11 law schools in the state, Coastal Law’s bar passage rate of 72.9% is ranked in the top 5…

Nicole C. Schumer, the Assistant Director of Admissions at Florida Coastal Law (an ATL March Madness Final Four school), struggling to find the positive.

Finishing 5th out of 11 is a solid “Gentleman’s ‘D'” for the jewel of the Infilaw crown, but Schumer is intent on slathering lipstick all over this pig by hailing it as a “top 5″ achievement. Let’s help her out. Out of 11 Florida law schools, Florida Coastal is Number 1 in graduate underemployment! Number 1!

(Keep reading to see the whole announcement.)

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