Florida

Fear not, Republicans!

The terror you experienced when Senator Harry Reid crafted his clumsily constructed nuclear solution to the logjam over judicial nominations can marginally subside. Brave Americans like Senator Marco *pauses… takes sip of water* Rubio have managed to single-handedly stand up for your right to not allow a qualified black, gay guy to preside over federal trials.

Huzzah! Just what the Framers never intended. Well, actually keeping blacks and gays off the bench is probably exactly what the Framers intended, but I mean they never intended a Senator to be unilaterally blocking judicial nominees. Enjoy one more arcane senatorial rule that has no basis in the Constitution, but nonetheless hamstrings our nation….

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Today in courtroom civility, we find a lawyer drafting a letter to his adversary employing some colorful language. Indeed, the title doesn’t even do his insult justice — we’ll put the whole thing after the jump so the easily offended won’t see it. This is what happens when hyper-aggressive Biglaw litigators retire: they move to Florida and keep litigating every slight they suffer in their cozy planned communities.

And if you don’t believe me that fights arise over trivial retirement home hijinks, this whole affair revolves around a card game. Bridge to be precise, and it’s spawned over 600 docket entries and a federal civil rights suit…

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‘Manage me, Mark O’Mara.’

Not only have I done nothing wrong in regards to how we managed the defense fund and the online presence for the Zimmerman case, but I think we also set the standard for how these matters should be handled in future high-profile cases that warrant such measures.

Mark O’Mara, former defense attorney to George Zimmerman, commenting on the Florida Bar’s ethics investigation into whether he properly managed his client’s defense fund and social media presence. O’Mara’s full statement can be seen here.

(For all of the trouble O’Mara’s going through, we wondered if the proceeds of this eBay sale for Zimmerman’s artwork would be used to pay his outstanding legal bills. Let’s find out what Zimmerman had to say about that.)

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Sometimes in life you face choices. When faced with a slight, you can either walk away or you can keep it real.

Take the case of this benchslap. The lawyer felt the judge was being unfair because an appearance was scheduled for the date of the office holiday party. He could have just sucked it up, but he decided to “keep it real.”

And like so many of the protagonists of the Dave Chappelle skit of the same name, it ends with an important lesson about what happens when keeping it real goes wrong….

(Please note the UPDATE added below.)

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I recently started a new project (yay money). It was accompanied by all the usual strum und drang — the seating chart, the log-ins, the deadline — typical but annoying stuff. I noticed that a buddy of mine was there. Well, at least it was someone I’d been on reviews with before who was distinctly not weird. When you’ve been on multiple projects with the same agency or vendor you start assembling a cast of “regulars,” and these people can be your lifeline during arduous projects. We start to reminisce about past projects like old war buddies and it strikes me.

I’ve been doing this too long.

Not just in a “what am I doing with my life” existential crisis kind of a way, but for at least the foreseeable future this IS my life. Like anyone in any position for a bunch of years I’ve amassed tips and tricks to get through the day, and can predict the general course of a project. So in celebration of the stalled nature of what I, laughingly, call my career, I present the 7 signs you’ve been doing document review too long…

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She holds you in contempt.

Congratulations to Maryland Attorney General Douglas Gansler. The voters have spoken, and he is our latest Lawyer of the Day. Maybe this honor will help Doug Gansler close the gap in the race for the Democratic nomination for governor.

We enjoyed the process so much last time that we’re going to do it again. We’ll give you three nominees, identify the arguments for or against Lawyer of the Day status, and let you vote for your favorite.

Our latest slate raises this question: what’s worse, criminal or crazy?

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One lawyer had pictures of his staff with skirts too short. He kindly removed them when we asked.

Kathy Bible, advertising counsel for the Florida Bar, in comments made about the Sunshine State’s crackdown on lawyer advertising via social media platforms, including “inappropriate” Facebook photos.

It’s that time of year again, and people are starting to get very antsy as they await the results of the July 2013 bar examination. While a handful of states have released test takers from their torturous waiting game, other locales will keep bar examinees on pins and needles until November.

We’ve already heard about the results from North Carolina — as usual, the Tar Heel State was the first to get its results out. Speaking of North Carolina, we’ve heard this year’s results were rather ugly. It seems there was about a 10 percent dip in the passage rate this summer, even though no one had to take the bar in the dark. Yikes! Getting back to the results, next in line came Utah (remember when we released the state’s unofficial results?), followed by Florida, and then Indiana.

Let’s talk bar exam results…

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Florida, Indiana, Utah — any others?

Prowling leopard = cute. Prowling 59-year-olds = gross.

I think we can all agree that Peeping Toms are creepy. We have the internet if you like looking at somebody who is (pretending to be) unaware of a camera recording their intimate moments. I guess what I’m saying is: people who don’t know how to use the internet are creepy.

In Florida, a city attorney is under arrest. He’s accused of being a creeper who was caught prowling around a woman’s home. Naked. And by “around a woman’s home,” I mean that he was allegedly in her bedroom. Naked.

Authorities then Tased the man. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on his apparent inability to use the internet to satiate his alleged perversions — after all, the man is 59 years old….

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Two people were killed during their Labor Day barbeque and another was seriously injured when their neighbor sneaked up behind them and opened fire.

In pretty much any other state, I’d be confident that their assailant would face justice for his actions. But this went down in Florida so who knows — who knows whether some nutjob jury down there will accept the various defenses his lawyers have offered to justify the slaying of two people.

Of course the shooter is asserting a “stand your ground” defense. I mean, that pretty much goes without saying at this point in Florida. A byproduct of the Zimmerman trial is that there will be a lot of additional death in Florida as crazy people think they’re allowed to shoot anybody who looks at them funny.

I don’t intend to post about every wacko who shoots first and stands his ground later. But this guy… this guy and his “sure, why not” lawyers are also asserting a defense under the Bush Doctrine.

Let me give Sarah Palin a moment to look that up before we continue…

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