Gawker

* We know our readers: here’s the only news that you care about this morning. This is the roster of salary movement news from Friday and Saturday: Desmarais, Brown Rudnick, Susman Godfrey, White & Case, Shearman & Sterling, and Baker Botts. If you’re ever worried that you’ve missed any of our coverage, check out our omnibus 2016 salary page where we collect all of these stories. [2016 Salary Increase / Above the Law]

* You may be wondering why some law firms in your city haven’t hopped on board the Cravath-inspired MoneyLaw train yet. It’s apparently all about competing market forces. John Beulick, Armstrong Teasdale’s new managing partner, says he’s considering bumping up associate pay because “[w]e want to and need to be competitive in our markets to have the talent that clients want us to have.” [Big Law Business]

* Speaking of raises for associates in flyover country, four Texas-based firms and seven national firms with offices in the Lone Star state have already announced matches to the new Cravath scale. Three more Texas firms — Akin Gump, Haynes and Boone, and Andrews Kurth — are expected to follow suit in the coming days. Please be sure to send us your firm’s memos ASAP after raises are announced! [Dallas Morning News]

* WHATCHA GONNA DO, BROTHER, WHEN LITIGATION FINANCE RUNS WILD ON YOU?!? Thanks to billionaire Peter Thiel’s financial assistance, Hulk Hogan bodyslammed Gawker into submission with a multimillion-dollar jury verdict. After declaring bankruptcy and entering into an asset purchase agreement, the media company is investigating possible legal claims against the venture capitalist. [Forbes]

* “I don’t really think [this lawsuit] has legs.” Doctors in California are filing suit to block The End of Life Option Act, a new state law that legalizes physician-assisted suicide. They claim that the law violates the state’s constitution with regard to citizens’ equal protection and due process rights because it fails to make “rational distinctions” between those who qualify under the law and those who are not covered under it. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Lawsuits matter: in the wake of the $140 million verdict against it in the Hulk Hogan sex tape case, Gawker Media is filing for bankruptcy and putting itself up for sale. [Gawker]

* Declaratory judgment: according to Judge Brett Kavanaugh, Judging Statutes (affiliate link), by fellow feeder judge Robert Katzmann, is “a pleasure to read,” “succinct,” and “educational.” [Harvard Law Review]

* SCOTUS sez: a judge shouldn’t hear an appeal in a death penalty case that he worked on as a prosecutor. [How Appealing]

* Speaking of the Supreme Court, Gabe Roth of Fix the Court makes the case in favor of mandatory retirement for the justices. [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

* Worst fellow airplane passenger ever (yes, even worse than the drunken law firm partner). [U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit]

* 9 “Musts” for Privacy & Data Security Risk Management and Compliance. [Legaltech News]

* Will wearing makeup increase your earning potential? (Yes, they only mean for women, the patriarchy is a real bitch like that.) [Corporette]

* Ken Starr says he is resigning from his position as Baylor chancellor “as a matter of conscience.” Yup, he still plans on teaching at the law school. [ESPN]

* Donald Trump’s terrible comments about Judge Gonzalo Curiel are all part of a branding exercise. [Lawyers, Guns and Money]

* Law professor Kimberlé Crenshaw is fighting to make people remember the women killed by police. #SayHerName [The Guardian]

* The cleanup after a storm can be even more challenging than weathering the storm in the first instance. [Katz on Justice]

* Has Election 2016 convinced you our electoral system is hopelessly broken? Here are the best ways to fix it. [Brennan Center for Justice]

* Reflections from Richard Levick on Peter Thiel v. Gawker (including commentary from our very own David Lat). [Forbes]

Ed. note: Above the Law will not be publishing on Monday, May 25, in observance of the Memorial Day holiday.

* John Quinn is opening up a museum for the brokenhearted. Yes, this is real. [Big Law Business]

* Chris Martin is getting some really good legal advice. [Jezebel]

* It may have seemed like Baylor was super forthcoming when it fired Art Briles and demoted Ken Starr to law school professor for failing to adequately deal with allegations of sexual assault by football players, but really, they’ve mastered the art of saying nothing. [Lawyers, Guns and Money]

* NBCUniversal to a federal judge: watch Straight Outta Compton. Actually, in context of the case, this request makes sense. [The Hollywood Reporter]

* David Lat on why Peter Thiel shouldn’t be mad at Gawker for reporting that he is gay. [Washington Post]

* Walgreens allegedly didn’t verify that the blood-testing technology Theranos was peddling actually worked before it partnered with the startup. [Law and More]

* You may not like that Peter Thiel is trying to sue Gawker out of existence, but that doesn’t mean the practice should be illegal. [Slate]

* Yikes! Thanks to its expensive legal battle with Hulk Hogan — one that’s been revenge-financed by tech billionaire Peter Thiel to the tune of millions of dollars — Gawker Media is exploring a possible sale of the company and has hired Mark Patricof of Houlihan Lokey to provide financial advice. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Maybe Harvard Law grads are a like Carrie Bradshaw after all — except their degrees cost more than their shoes: In addressing Harvard’s 2016 grads at the Law School’s Class Day, Sarah Jessica Parker of Sex and the City admitted she had no idea why she was chosen as a speaker, and said she initially turned down the offer. [Harvard Crimson]

* Alan Koslow, formerly of Becker & Poliakoff, resigned yesterday after he was charged in a federal money-laundering conspiracy scheme. Koslow’s charge is the result of a three-and-a-half year undercover FBI sting. He faces a maximum of five years in prison and a $250,000 fine. We may have more on this later today. [Orlando Sun-Sentinel]

* “Oracle shouldn’t ‘own’ programmers simply because they had taken the time to learn Java.” Google escaped an almost $9 billion copyright lawsuit with the help of a jury that concluded the tech giant had made fair use of Oracle’s Java programming language in the creation of its Android operating system for its phone business. [Big Law Business]

* Closing the gender gap, one job at a time: The OnRamp Fellowship, a program that pairs female lawyers who want to return to practice with the nation’s top firms in the hope of receiving an offer at the end of their one-year stints, has now expanded to in-house legal departments. Congratulations on your excellent work. [WSJ Law Blog]

Is this tech tycoon doing a good deed, or are his actions purely selfish in nature?

* David Mourey, the former assistant dean for bar preparation and academic success at Barry Law, was fired after students continued to fail the bar exam, but in a recently filed gender discrimination and retaliation lawsuit, he claims he was discriminated against because he was “singled out for discipline by an all-female management team.” We may have more on this later. [Orlando Sentinel]

* Despite the wishes of the public and rumors of his firing in the face of the Baylor University coverup of reports of rape and sexual assault by football players, “Ken Starr is [still] president and chancellor of Baylor University.” According to a university spokeswoman, the school has not yet finished reviewing Pepper Hamilton’s report on the matter, but Baylor will likely make an announcement by June 3. [Associated Press]

* “We are willing to fight this all the way to the Supreme Court if we have to.” Eleven states have filed suit against the Obama Administration in an effort to get around its guidance on transgender rights for children in schools, calling the policy a “massive social experiment.” The states suing are Alabama, Arizona, Georgia, Louisiana, Maine, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, West Virginia, and Wisconsin. [Reuters]

* Sumner Redstone turns 93 years old tomorrow, and he’s been in and out of court for the past few months in a battle to prove he’s mentally competent. The salacious case filed by his former female companion may have been dismissed, but now he’s attempting to fend off claims from Viacom directors who were ousted from a trust that will control his media holdings if he dies or is found incompetent. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Now that the world knows that PayPal’s co-founder provided funding for Hulk Hogan’s invasion of privacy suit against Gawker, it’s time to take a look at the lawyer who’s been representing the wrestler. Charles Harder is no stranger to Hollywood cases, and may be a longtime fan of litigation finance since he “[tries] to win and do so in a way that’s cost effective for a client, so they don’t lose when they’re winning.” [WSJ Law Blog]

* Since revenge litigation finance’s recent invention, what’s there to keep billionaires from destroying you with lawsuits? Unfortunately, the answer to this question is not much, especially when “there is no obligation to disclose the litigation financing arrangements” that have been made. Ethical issues aside, we really hope the super-rich wield their new power to ruin lives through rented lawsuits carefully. [Fortune]

* Peter Thiel may not have liked being a lawyer, but he’s willing to pay for them — as long as they’re suing Gawker. [Law and More]

* The owner of the New York Jets is backing Donald Trump and he has an unblemished record of picking winners. As long as you ignore Mark Sanchez, Tim Tebow, Ken O’Brien, the desiccated corpses of Brett Favre and Neal O’Donnell… actually this may turn out okay for the Democrats. [Lawyers, Guns and Money]

* The Senate actually did something, and it was good! Yesterday, they passed a bill to help sexual assault survivors. [Slate]

* Did Casey Anthony pay for Jose Baez’s legal services with her body? A private investigator claims that she did. [Radar Online]

* The term “Oriental,” as a way to refer to people, is being stripped from federal law. [Air Talk]

* Follow up is super important, especially when you are trying to build your own law practice. [Reboot Your Law Practice]

* Gawker asks judge to reduce or set aside the $140.1 million Hogan verdict. That’s nice to offer the judge avoid a humiliating reversal on appeal. And yet I’ve seen Wrestlemania, so expect the doomed judge to hit Nick Denton over the head with a chair while he isn’t looking before this gets better. [Capital New York]

* Ramon Fonseca assures the world that all of its operations were legal. Sure. I mean, cockfighting is still legal in Panama so this might not be the most ringing affirmation. [NBC News]

* The Stoli trademark battle may be headed to the Supreme Court. That’s absolut-ly crazy. [Law360]

* There’s an unauthorized Walking Dead theme restaurant out there in case you had a hankering for some possum and cheese whiz and there’s no Carl’s Jr. nearby. [Litigation Daily]

* Which Biglaw firms are making big bucks off baseball season? [The Am Law Daily]

* Eric Conn, dubbed “Mr. Social Security” arrested on federal charges that his immense success is due less to his legal acumen than “paying a doctor and a judge to rubber-stamp false disability claims using phony medical evidence.” Remember when he hired Miss Congeniality USA as a PR flack? Those were happier days. [ABC News]

* North Carolina releases its February bar exam results. So we know of at least 201 people who couldn’t let the championship game spoil their high. You may say, “well Duke students weren’t going to be devastated by the game.” Silly rabbit, Duke kids aren’t taking the February exam. [Bar Exam Stats]

* Kimberly Kitchen, the woman who was parading around and pretending to be a lawyer for a decade before she was caught in the act, was recently convicted of forgery, unauthorized practice of law, and felony records tampering. On the bright side, at least she doesn’t have six figures worth of law school debt to worry about right now. [WSJ Law Blog]

* President Obama published an op-ed in praise of SCOTUS nominee Merrick Garland on AL.com, pleading with Alabamians to let their senators know that it’s their duty to give Scalia’s would-be replacement a hearing and a vote, lest we “jeopardize our system of justice, hurt our democracy, and betray the vision of our founding.” [AL.com]

* Who is the real Merrick Garland? Not only does he have a “résumé that makes you want to cry,” but he’s also a pretty endearing gent. He used to want to be a doctor, he loves singing show tunes, and he was once so nervous when officiating a wedding that he began the ceremony before the bride even walked down the aisle. [New York Times]

* “We are heartened by this development and look forward to the Committee making this request directly … as is standard practice.” Republicans may be willing to accept Merrick Garland’s nominee questionnaire, but the White House has yet to receive one from Senate Judiciary Chairman Chuck Grassley or Senator Patrick Leahy. [BuzzFeed]

* Judge Pamela A.M. Campbell, who presided over Hulk Hogan v. Gawker, has had more decisions reversed on appeal than any other judge in her county, but “a judge who’s not afraid to make a decision and a not afraid to be reversed, is quite naturally going to be reversed more, and that doesn’t mean the judge is not a good judge.” [Tampa Bay Times]

* A judge has ruled that Ropes & Gray, the firm that once represented ex-New England Patriot Aaron Hernandez, must turn over the murder convict’s cellphone to his new attorneys so they can analyze it for his defense in the double murder case he’s being prosecuted for by the Suffolk County DA’s Office in Massachusetts. [Boston Herald]

* No matter what your right-wing uncle posts on Facebook, or what that drunken Bernie Bro tried to convince you of at a bar, no: Hillary Clinton is not getting indicted over her use of emails while at the State Department. Don’t believe me? Ask a law professor. [Media Matters]

* If you’re wondering what Mitch McConnell is thinking, overtly being an obstructionist over President Obama’s Supreme Court nomination of Merrick Garland, you aren’t alone. But here is some insight as to why he is playing this political game. [Guile is Good]

* We told you the Gawker verdict was no damn good. [Gawker]

* Will it take a Cesar Chavez to takedown rideshare giants like Uber and Lyft? [Casetext]

* Now that Donald Trump is within striking distance of the GOP nomination for president, will that impact potential sanctions against these lawyers? [Wise Law]

* Columbia Law hosted a conference about Asian-Americans in the law, with our own David Lat, about demystifying the model minority myth and the “Bamboo Ceiling.” [Columbia Law School]

* Can you make pre-packaged marketing materials work for you? [Reboot Your Law Practice]

* Federal Trade Commissioner Julie Brill will be leaving public service and heading to Biglaw. She leaves the FTC effective March 31 and will then join Hogan Lovells. [Reuters]

* WHATCHA GONNA DO, BROTHER, WHEN THIS JURY’S PUNITIVE DAMAGES AWARD RUNS WILD ON YOU?!? Gawker was hit with an additional $25M in punitive damages yesterday in Hulk Hogan’s sex-tape lawsuit, on top of the $115M award the jury had already slapped the media company with last week. That loud typing sound you hear is the appeals being furiously written. [Reuters]

* They were gonna grant you leave to file, but then they got high? The Supreme Court has puff, puff, passed on the opportunity to hear a challenge posed by Nebraska and Oklahoma to Colorado’s legalization of marijuana. Justices Thomas and Alito dissented, contending that the case fell within the Supreme Court’s original jurisdiction. [NPR]

* This took longer than the iOS 9 download: Hot on the heels of the announcement of new Apple products, we got the news that the tech giant and its rival, Samsung, will face off next term before SCOTUS in a patent case that’s been going on since the iPhone 4 was still considered the latest and greatest in smartphone technology. [WSJ Law Blog]

* “Once you start seeing leading law firms offering this, it’s going to become more prevalent and pretty rapidly, because it’s going to be required to compete.” Lawyers with law school debt will probably jump at the chance for their firms to pitch in to repay their loans, but don’t forget, all of that assistance will be taxable as income. [U.S. News]

* “My job is to enforce the law, and starting today, DraftKings and FanDuel will abide by it.” In a settlement reached with New York AG Eric Schneiderman, the sports betting daily fantasy sites will cease operations in the state, and in exchange, the AG will hold off on additional litigation that could force them to pay restitution to their losers. [ESPN]

Hulk Hogan victory might be temporary, but it is very real.

* Shocker! North Carolina’s voter ID law primarily impacted young voters of color. (Actually, I am not surprised at all.) [Democracy Now]

* Embrace the nerdiness of Merrrick Garland, you know you want to. [Comic Book Resources]

* Does the #HulkvGawk case mean that being an internet smart-ass isn’t cool anymore? God, I hope not. [Law and More]

* It is easy to blame the poor for their lot in life, much harder to do anything about the underlying issues. [Lawyers, Guns and Money]

* Merrick Garland: theater critic. [The Crimson]

* It’s science! Here is what data science tells us about Merrick Garland. [Ravel Law]

* Looking for an easy way for your clients to pay? A new option is coming your way. [My Case]

* Fingers crossed! GOP opposition to President Obama’s SCOTUS nomination is cracking. [Huffington Post]

* All the awesome things that Republicans have said about Merrick Garland. [Mic]

* A deep dive into the record of Chief Judge Garland, and it just might encourage Democrats who are worried that “moderate” is the most used descriptor for the jurist. [New York Times]

* The violence in this cycle’s electoral process may only appear historic in retrospect, and by then, it may be too late. [Medium]

* This is why we should all care about and support Chief Judge Garland’s nomination. [Slate]

* Analyzing Chief Judge Garland’s decision in SpeechNow v. FCC does not provide a reliable bellwether as to how he’d vote in a future campaign finance case. [Election Law Blog]

* The jury asks a female editor a shockingly sexist question during the Hulk Hogan v. Gawker trial. [Vox]

* Fun mashup of Hamilton, the musical, and Donald Trump. [YouTube]

Did anything even happen if it isn't incessantly documented with pics and videos?

* According to a statement filed in court by 50 Cent, the cash the bankrupt rapper has been flashing in all of his Instagram photos isn’t real. He claims the bills he was posing with were just props. Unfortunately, it seems that Fiddy is a wanksta, so he really needs to stop fronting. [Hartford Courant]

* Not that she was a likely choice to begin with, but AG Loretta Lynch says that a Supreme Court nomination would “curtail her effectiveness in her current role,” and has graciously asked that she not be considered for the vacancy left by Justice Antonin Scalia. [Associated Press]

* “I am very concerned about the harm caused to the law school, our students, and our alums by the inaccurate info being put out there.” Dean Michael Schwartz of Arkansas School of Law (Little Rock) seems worried about Professor Robert Steinbuch’s FOIA lawsuit seeking access to the school’s admissions data. Wonder why… [Campus Reform]

* From the Big House to the White House: more ex-convicts are heading to law school and successfully starting their lives anew. Christopher Poulos, for example, used to be a cocaine dealer who did time in federal prison, but he recently completed an internship with the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy. [Washington Post]

* “I never had a problem with the article. My problem is the videotape. It’s on the Internet. It lives forever.” Hulk Hogan (aka Terry Bollea) took the stand yesterday in his invasion-of-privacy case against Gawker, and his testimony became “extremely explicit” as his sex life and sex organs were discussed at length and in detail. [USA Today]

* WHATCHA GONNA DO, BROTHER, WHEN HULKAMANIA SELECTS A JURY TO RUN WILD ON YOU?!?! Jury selection has started in Hulk Hogan’s $100M sex-tape case against Gawker. The trial begins next week, and if he wins, his 24-inch pythons could put the site out of business. [New York Post]

* President Obama met with Senate leaders yesterday to talk about his impending Supreme Court nomination, and the Republicans present held steady in their adamant refusal to hold hearings or vote on any of his prospective candidates. After all, President Trump’s 2017 nominee will obviously be a far greater choice. [The Hill]

* “They’re just normal people. They weren’t always judges.” Being a federal judge with a lifetime appointment may be a “surprisingly monastic existence” at times, but the fact of the matter is that our Supreme Court justices are really just like us. Off the bench, some of them are social butterflies, and others are complete hermits. [Washington Post]

* According to a recent study on federal law clerks, “judges appointed by Republicans are more likely to hire clerks who come from the left-side of the ideological spectrum,” but that’s likely because the pickings are slim when it comes to conservative clerks. Top law school grads tend to lean liberal, so the applicant pool is a bit skewed. [WSJ Law Blog]

* K&L Gates is leaking partners, practice leaders, and executive committee members like a sieve once again, but Peter Kalis, the firm’s usually outspoken chairman, hasn’t said a peep about the departures yet. What’s going on at the firm? If you have any information, please feel free to email us or text us (646-820-8477). [Big Law Business / Bloomberg]

Now that he has passed on, Justice Scalia cannot confront the new witnesses against him -- so those of us who remain should subject their claims to the strictest scrutiny.

* In September, Fox News anchor Harris Faulkner sued Hasbro over a toy hamster named Harris Faulker, claiming it violated her likeness rights. Hasbro has moved to dismiss the suit by providing a judge with side-by-side photos and a snark-filled filing. [THR, Esq. / Hollywood Reporter]

* Per Gawker’s GC Heather Dietrick, it’s “more likely than not” that the media empire will lose in Hulk Hogan’s case over the release of his sex tape. She doesn’t think it’s likely, however, that the wrestler will get the $100 million in damages he’s seeking. [POLITICO]

* It’s time for a ride at the regulatory rodeo, because for the first time in more than 20 years, the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission has issued a new operating license for a nuclear power plant. Say hello to Watts Bar Unit 2 in Spring City, Tennessee. [The Verge]

* We mentioned previously that when Apple refused to unlock a defendant’s iPhone for the DOJ, a federal judge wasn’t sure if he had the legal authority to order Apple to do so. As it turns out, Apple’s EULA gives the government the perfect loophole. [Simple Justice]

* In case you missed it last week (we did), LegalZoom has settled its $10.5 million antitrust lawsuit against the North Carolina State Bar. The online legal documentation company will now vet all of its documents with lawyers from North Carolina. [ABA Journal]

* Breaking Media Editor at Large Elie Mystal appeared on The Docket to defend sex offenders’ civil rights on Halloween. His Darth Vader costume is worth seeing. [MSNBC]