Job Searches

Law student who is employed upon graduation thanks to the marketable skill of bagging groceries.

You can do anything with a law degree, including most of the things you could have done without a law degree.

For instance, you could bag groceries with a law degree. I think they even teach classes in law school that prepare you for a life of bagging groceries — one is called “Environmental Law.” Still, when a law school starts advertising “clerking” jobs that involve working in stores instead of courthouses, you really know all you need to about the market for new graduates.

And this is from a law school with a bit of a history of advertising terrible law jobs for its grads…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Terrible Job Watch: Law School Advertises Opening For A Clerk — I Didn’t Say ‘Law’ Clerk”

Ed. note: The Aspiring Lateral, a new series from Levenfeld Pearlstein, will analyze a variety of issues surrounding lateral moves, drawing on the firm’s experience in the lateral market as well as the individual experiences of LP attorneys. Today’s post is written by Brian Kozminski, a partner in LP’s Real Estate practice.

For those thinking about switching firms, one of the most important things to consider about any prospective new firm is the way in which it is managed. Preferably efficiently, transparently, and in a business-like manner. But because you are in the legal profession, that is likely not the case. Sound harsh? Let me explain.

In order to understand how fully stacked the decks are against good management in law firms, it’s instructive to step back and compare how management choices are made in law firms with other industries.

If you owned a restaurant, for instance, you probably would not assume that your best chef would also make the best restaurant manager. If you owned a movie studio, you probably would not assume that your best director would also make the best CFO. If you owned a basketball team, you probably would not assume that a great point guard would also make a great coach and president of your team. (Or you would, then regret it later.)

The restaurant, movie studio, and basketball team owners (with the exception of the Knicks) understand that the skills of their top producers — however impressive — are not necessarily transferable to executive positions. Law firms are only learning this lesson now. Following a historic practice that continues to this day, many firms are run by the lawyers with the biggest books of business.

It does not go too far to call this practice absurd. Certainly, yes, at any law firm it makes sense to place lawyers in the leadership positions of, for instance, managing partner and chairman. And there may be some overlap between the qualities needed to succeed in those positions — charisma being one — and those helpful in becoming a rainmaker. But to ask those lawyers to also make the trains run on time — to administer the business operations of the firm — is courting disaster, for any number of reasons…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “The Aspiring Lateral: The Business Side”

Have we got an opportunity for you!

Are you a “recent law school grad” trying to find a gig more exciting than reviewing documents? Are you the adventurous sort willing to take a risk, pick up and move across the world, on the risk of a big score?

This new job listing promises just such a big score if you’re willing to move to Ukraine for an undefined period. It can’t be any worse than a warehouse of contract attorneys. What task could possibly require a green American lawyer in Ukraine?

And just how dangerous must this job be if it’s a “multi-million dollar opportunity” for the lawyer?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Can’t Find Work? Have You Considered Moving to Ukraine Under Shady Circumstances?”

Ted Cruz

* After months of gains, the legal industry lost 900 jobs in October, just as some of the big state bar exam results came out. We imagine the folks who rallied for the 10-months-after-graduation employment statistic are as pleased as punch. [Am Law Daily]

* “How do we find a new inventory of high net worth clients?” The answer for Kelly Drye was really quite simple: it seems that pro athletes are willing to pay just about anything to keep themselves from going bankrupt. [Capital Business / Washington Post]

* “I don’t know why it’s better to use a bigger firm.” When it comes to the latest law firm mega-mergers, some say that it’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean. [Wall Street Journal (sub. req.)]

* It’s like Groundhog Day for these Biglaw attorneys: Apple and Samsung are preparing for the “patent trial of the century,” part deux, and both MoFo and Quinn Emanuel have enlisted new lineups. [The Recorder]

* SAC Capital’s general counsel is okay, “[a]ll things considered.” His painful appendectomy is nothing compared to the $1.2 billion his hedge fund has to pay the government. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Ted Cruz might be an “AASS,” but he’s done at least one awesome thing in his life. He once drank so much Everclear that he completely ruined a play put on by the Harvard Law drama society. [Boston Globe]

* The Z-list actress who sued IMDb for revealing her age filed an appeal with the Ninth Circuit because hey, some of those judges are pretty old. Maybe they’ll sympathize. [Hollywood, Esq. / Hollywood Reporter]

The job market for new attorneys is bad, but you already know that. People are struggling to find any paying legal work of any kind, even as they hope that one day the investment they’ve made in law school will pay off. And you already know that.

Employers know that. Employers know that you are desperate and sad, and they’re happy to take advantage of that. But there’s an employer posting on Craigslist who wants to hire you, even though they know you’re going to spend a lot of your time there crying in your office.

I mean “cubicle”….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Horrible Job Watch: Surprisingly Honest Terrible Job Offer”

‘Don’t Tase these, bro!’

* A proposal to raise the retirement age for judges in New York was crushed by voters, but Chief Judge Jonathan Lippman has vowed to continue fighting the requirement — just like a stubborn old man. [New York Law Journal]

* Which law schools have the highest percentage of graduates working as corporate directors or executive officers of companies? You might be surprised by some of the results. Or you might not. [National Law Journal]

* Dean Lawrence Mitchell of Case Western Reserve Law wants parts of the retaliation suit that’s been filed against him tossed for being “scandalous” and “salacious.” But those are the best parts. :( [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

* Thanks to a $25 million donation from an alumnus and his wife, Yale Law School is going to be getting dormitories for law students in the very near future. The thought of all of those coed nerdgasms between future SCOTUS clerks is a thing of beauty. [Fox News]

* Clark Calvin Griffith, the former adjunct professor at William Mitchell Law, has been suspended from practicing law for 90 days after exposing his penis to a law student. Stiff punishment. [Pioneer Press]

* If you were thinking of giving away guns on Facebook, then you should think again. The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun on the internet is with slideshows of the 572 best kitty cat gifs. [Corporate Counsel]

* A police officer in Arkansas ordered a woman to flash him her boobs while she was at work, and when she refused, he allegedly Tasered her repeatedly. She’s obviously suing now. [New York Daily News]

Searching for jobs is never fun.

Even in a job market that isn’t floundering and redefining itself every six months it can be stressful. This is especially true for recent law school graduates who have the specter of future student loan payments lurking in every corner. So when a law school makes an earnest effort to assist its students and alumni in obtaining the jobs that are available, the school should be commended.

This post is about what happens when the “available jobs” are contract attorney positions. It may not be the dream job you envisioned when you submitted your law school application three short years ago, but it is a living.

Which law school is leveling with its recent graduates by setting up a matchmaking service to get recent grads work reviewing documents for peanuts?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “This Law School Is Finally Being Honest About Job Prospects”

If you can’t see it in the eyes, then I can’t help you.

Don’t date people you work with. Don’t date people you might work with. Don’t date people you are interviewing. Don’t date people you don’t technically work with, but who work for the same company as you do. Don’t date people who you have to see every day on your way to work. Don’t try to get your date a job at your company. Don’t date people who have dated other people at your company. DON’T S**T WHERE YOU EAT!

Why? Because when (not if) it ends, it’s going to end badly. One of you is going to have to quit. And that’s assuming that both of you are reasonable adults. God forbid if one of you happens to be a crazy person. Then, you’re just going to end up with a shattered windshield and a legitimate concern that you need to find a new job for the summer.

Like this guy…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “The Recruiter You Dated At Your Firm Turns Out To Be Crazy, Now What?”

Consider it official: the federal clerkship hiring season is now underway. For 2Ls, that is.

As we reported back in June, “[t]he Law Clerk Hiring Plan is pretty much dead, at least in its strictest version, and it seems like every judge is going his or her own way.” As a result, ambitious 2Ls around the country have already started applying to their favorite federal judges.

Some applicants have been emailing judges directly with materials, and others have been submitting hard-copy applications. They’ve had to do this because OSCAR, the Online System for Clerkship Application and Review, has refused to release the clerkship applications of 2Ls.

Until now. Let’s take a look at what was just posted over at the OSCAR website….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Clerkship-Seeking 2Ls, Start Your Engines”

* Judge Richard Posner is the latest judge to have admitted to making a possible error (which he later endlessly recanted), but hey, if he was wrong, at least he was wrong in a “responsible, informed, and fair-minded way.” [National Law Journal]

* After being unceremoniously tossed off New York’s stop and frisk case by the Second Circuit for her supposed “partiality,” Judge Shira Scheindlin has been replaced by Judge Analisa Torres. Best of luck — you might need it. [New York Law Journal]

* Will Judge Scheindlin’s removal have a chilling effect on judicial speech? Lat thinks it would cause judges to “hide underneath their robes” even more than they already do. [Room for Debate / New York Times]

* The Biglaw gay gross-up marches on: it’s funny that the most conservative industry is outpacing others in terms of progressive benefits for LGBT employees and families. [Capital Business / Washington Post]

* “The U.S. is facing a paradox surrounding access to justice,” says ABA President James Silkenat, who is trying to kill two birds with one stone by pairing unemployed lawyers with poor clients. [Am Law Daily]

* Bernie Goetz (aka the New York subway vigilante) was arrested on pot charges after allegedly offering to get an undercover cop high. We’ve got a feeling his new nickname will be “Burnie.” [New York Daily News]

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