Job Searches

If you’ve been searching the Illinois State Bar website looking for employment opportunities, you might have come across a “super duper” job option. Unlike most attorney job offers that grace our pages, this is not facially offensive. It’s an in-house position. The responsibilities seem legit.

The salary is not listed, but that is better than a listed wage of $10 per hour or something ridiculous. They appear to offer nice benefits to all their employees.

So why are we bringing this opportunity to your attention? Because when Red Bull and beer are listed as job perks, we know that our “bro” readers will want to hear about it…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “If It Was Supposed To Be Fun, They Wouldn’t Call It Work”

Mabel: the best (and cutest) attack dog ever.

* Reason No. 564,857,495,736 Why Law Graduates Are Unemployable: They don’t have good skills. You know, like social skills, networking skills, bow hunting skills. Just the usual. [Wall Street Journal]

* At 91, Justice Stevens has got a virile mind, but he may have suffered a premature evacuation from the bench of the Supreme Court. [ABA Journal]

* Michele Bachmann wants to amend the constitution to define marriage as between a woman and a man. Those pornless marriages are going to be pretty boring. [The Note / ABC News]

* Sorry, guys, but your “Amazon fishing expedition” is on hold because of the DOJ’s child sex tourism lawsuit. Go Wet Your Line somewhere else, with someone of age. [New York Times]

* Nature, you’re doing it wrong. I said Tyler Coulson should attack the wild like Bear, not be attacked by a bear. Don’t worry, because Mabel saved the day. [New York Post]

* This lawsuit against the PGA is grrrrreat! Which tiger is more distracting: one in a bright orange costume, or one with a bevy of bimbos? [ProGolfTalk / NBC Sports]

* With Deathly Hallows: Part 2 opening this Friday, the Wizarding World of Harry Potter probably wishes it could cast some evanesco and make this Cezanne font lawsuit disappear. [Gothamist]

Are you a recent law school graduate searching for a job in a down economy? Do you hope to find a nontraditional position in the Great Midwest? Do you have an unconditional love for breakfast foods? If so, you need look no further, because Indiana University School of Law – Indianapolis may be able to assist you with all of your employment needs.

As we know, IU Indy Law likes to keep it real — so real, in fact, that Dean Gary Roberts has preached that law students are idiots if they believe their salaries will be $140,000 right out of school. At odds with this tradition of realness, the second tier law school is offering its recent graduates what seems to be a prestigious, in-house opportunity.

The job listing in question touts: “It’s a good feeling to know someone is paying you for what you’re worth.” But unfortunately, at this law school, your J.D. is worth jack squat and a stack of waffles….

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Law school isn’t a bad choice or financially ruinous choice for everybody — just for many people.

Given the state of the legal economy, it sometimes feels like law schools are pumping out two classes of law students. The first blessed group of people can follow a “traditional” path to financial security: summer at a Biglaw firm, get an offer, work there for a few years while paying off debt, etc.

The other group consists of the law school have-nots. They didn’t get Biglaw summer associate offers because the supply of legal jobs has contracted while the number of available law students has increased. The “secondary” or “local” markets aren’t hiring either. Public interest work doesn’t quite pay the bills. Nobody is coming to interview them 3L year. They are members of the Lost Generation.

There are, of course, more law school have-nots than there are lucky ones. That’s just the way of things. But law schools tend to trumpet the few stories of success while ignoring the many stories of distress.

We’ve talked about all of this before, of course. But today we have an interesting opportunity to take a peek inside the head of a successful candidate — and see just how myopic his worldview is. And we can look at the thoughts of a have-not — and see just how bitter he’s become.

Below are two emails. One came from a summer associate at Cravath, raving about his wonderful, awesome world. The other is a response written by a rising 3L describing his no good, very bad employment prospects….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “A Tale Of Two Law Students: One Summering At Cravath, The Other Still Searching For A Job”

Remember this picture?

Last month, we asked for possible captions, and after narrowing the field to our top ten finalists, we have declared the winners….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Caption Contest Winners: Living in a Van, Down by the River”

Wouldn't you love to lick one of these?

When faced with a job that isn’t making you happy, sometimes creativity is necessary in order to escape. Because hey, not everyone can enjoy courtroom glory like that of Jose Baez, knight in shining armor for Casey Anthony. And so, for these people, there are many career alternatives to choose from.

We’ve written previously about these creative types: some decided that they’d rather walk across the country than work another day in Biglaw; others decided to hang their own shingles in the wonderful world of mobile cupcakes.

If doing something that will make you or your customers wish for a summer oasis is your thing, then I say go for it.

But some lawyers opt to pair business sense with their creativity. Some lawyers realize that during the summer, the ideal treat is not scaling a mountain or munching on a cupcake, but instead, licking a popsicle or two. And that is how one former prosecutor started a delicious frozen empire in Georgia to become the self-proclaimed Earl of Pops….

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Last week, I received an email from a recent graduate who is in the midst of a small firm job search. She is having trouble focusing her search because there are so many small law firms and so few resources (or so she thought) about how to find all the various firms. She wrote:

Every lawyer I speak to, whether a friend, in an interview, or informational interview, has an inconsistent network. The one small firm lawyer I know has referred me to solo practitioners and Biglaw attorneys, but not other small firms. Career services offices mainly work with big firms, not too many small firms. There are few small firm positions posted on job boards, but I know that most small firms fill open positions by word of mouth.

She asked me where to look to find and network with attorneys at the many small firms in her city. She signed it “Seeking Small Firm.” I decided that her nom de plume was so awesome, I had to help.

Find out what I told her after the jump….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Size Matters: Desperately Seeking Susan”

A reader noticed the job placement stats at UCLA Law, the #16 law school in the country, for the class of 2010.

The stats are frankly unbelievable. UCLA is claiming that 97.9% of its class of 2010 was employed within 9 months of graduation, at a median starting salary of $145K. Japanese officials were more straightforward about the Fukushima Daiichi disaster than UCLA is being with these bogus employment figures. But whatever, as I’ve said many times: we’ve gotten so used to educators misleading us that the concept of one of them telling truth seems like we’re asking too much.

At least UCLA added some fine print:

Note: Employment statistics include full-time and part-time jobs. Salary statistics are full-time only for those who reported salary information. Second jobs are not included in these statistics. This report represents NALP categories only.

Translation: If a graduate received money for giving a half-and-half at a truck stop up in Berkeley, that still counts! But the salary numbers only refer to our highest performing graduates. Also, why are you reading this tiny print? Look at the monkey. Look at the monkey. Yes, you’ll probably need a second job. What?

Obviously, this “disclaimer” is woefully ineffective, and a reader has even more reasons why….

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We told you on Friday that somebody was literally trolling around Craigslist looking for people to sue New York Law School, in the same way that Thomas Jefferson School of Law has been sued.

I don’t think that effort will amount to much, and so I don’t think it has anything to do with the decision of New York Law School’s longtime dean, Richard Matasar, to make his exit from NYLS. Matasar isn’t telling people where he is going just yet, but he did tell the students that his stewardship of NYLS has left him with a great opportunity he didn’t want to pass up.

Let’s hope there are lots of NYLS students who feel the same way….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “New York Law School Helps At Least One Person Get A Job: The Dean!”

Well now, here’s an interesting job opportunity for a young lawyer. You don’t have to review documents or research law. You don’t have to appear in court or file papers. You don’t even have to file a bunch of responses and answers.

All you have to is use fancy legalese to scare the heck out of somebody.

You can do that, can’t you? Isn’t intimidating laypeople with “the law” the one thing we all learn in law school?

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