Joe Francis

Joe Francis

I want that jury to know that each and every one of you are mentally f–ing retarded and you should be euthanized because, as Darwin said, you have naturally selected yourself. You are the weakest members of the herd. Goodbye!

And if that jury wants to convict me because I didn’t show up, which is the only reason why they did, then, you know, they should all be lined up and shot!

– Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis, offering comment to the Hollywood Reporter on his recent false imprisonment conviction.

(We’ve got some video clips from that interview, and they are… well, there’s no real way to put it eloquently, so let’s just say they’re pretty f**king awesome.)

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Non-Sequiturs: 09.12.12

Get. Off. My. Lawn.

* Jury agrees that Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis slandered casino mogul Steve Wynn by saying he threatened to kill Francis over his gambling debt. That’ll be $20 million. Or, Francis can just show Wynn his boobs. [Huffington Post]

* Moonbeam Jerry and Chris “Destroyer of Idiots” Christie are feuding. It’s just like Biggie v. Tupac, but with hot air instead of unregistered firearms. [Daily Dolt]

* Dude spies on his wife in their own home for the better part of a year. Now they’re getting divorced. Mother, tell your husband not to spy my way. [USA Today]

* Judging from the intensity of the ATL Fantasy Football league after just one week of play, a lot of lawyers really wish they had this job. [Sports Illustrated]

* Thank God there were no leaf blowers were involved, or one of these guys may have napalmed the whole neighborhood. [Legal Juice]

* Congratulations to Goodwin Procter on a notable hire out of the Solicitor General’s Office: Willy Jay, who has argued before SCOTUS almost a dozen times. [Goodwin Procter]

* Just a reminder that Elie is speaking in front of the Anti-Defamation League’s Young Lawyers division tomorrow night at the beautiful New York offices of Arnold & Porter. One of his topics is “why you don’t want me deciding your hate speech,” so at the very least, it should be lively. [Anti-Defamation League]

Morning Docket: 11.03.11

* Only in Texas can a judge get paid leave after a video of him beating his daughter’s ass goes viral. Makes you wonder about the kind of crazy sh*t you’d need to do to get stuck with unpaid leave. [KRIS TV]

* A federal judge has ordered Paul Ceglia to return from Ireland to produce more of his hidden destroyed missing evidence. Oh, Facebook, always trying to steal his lucky charms. [paidContent]

* Memo to the NBA: you know you’re playing on the wrong court, right? On the bright side, at least we don’t have to worry about this happening with the WNBA. Or anyone caring about it if it did. [Bloomberg]

* Bar passage rates for first-time takers in New York were up by half a percentage point. Biggest contributing factor: I didn’t take the New York exam. Yeah, you’re welcome. [New York Law Journal]

* Joe Francis is suing over a debt dispute and vows to take the it to the Ninth Circuit if he loses. He needs to realize that no one cares about what he does unless it involves boobs. [Washington Post]

* Don’t be fat and then smush a lawyer at Shea Stadium. You’ll break her back, she’ll sue, and you might be known as the guy who got fat people banned from the upper deck. [New York Post]

Ashley Alexandra Dupré

This is not Amber Arpaio.

Three years after the Client Number Nine scandal, those involved have moved on to bigger and better things. Well, depending on how you define “bigger and better”: Eliot Spitzer landed a gig at CNN, while his former call girl, Ashley Alexandra Dupré, now pens a sex column for the New York Post and was featured on the cover of Playboy. But some people who weren’t directly involved have had a harder time moving on, namely a woman named Amber Arpaio.

You may remember her name and perhaps even her driver’s license photo from this YouTube video released by “Girls Gone Wild.” At the height of the Client Number Nine media frenzy, Joe Francis offered Dupré one million dollars to do a “Girls Gone Wild” magazine shoot and promotional tour. He withdrew that offer when he serendipitously realized he already had footage of Dupré from earlier times in his archive. Dupré then sued him, saying she was only 17 at the time that footage was shot.

Francis responded by releasing a video of Dupré mugging for the camera in a towel, claiming to be 18, and saying her name was Amber Arpaio. The camera then lingers on Arpaio’s New Jersey license for about 30 seconds. The video was widely circulated on the Web, and led Dupré to drop her lawsuit — Francis and ‘Girls Gone Wild’ were triumphant!

Well, until Amber Arpaio filed her own lawsuit against Dupré and “Girls Gone Wild,” for defamation and invasion of privacy…

Read on at Forbes….