Law Professors

The results are in. It turns out that a snazzy, mass-transit ad campaign mocking elites is not enough to turn around an entire law school. Law school applications are down because law school isn’t a good value, not because law school hasn’t been correctly marketed to prospective students.

It looks like Suffolk Law is going to have to face the music. The university has already replaced its president. Now the law school is offering buyouts to tenured faculty and professors with renewable contracts…

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Burger King bounty for Biglaw.

* Judge Posner dished out a whole lot of benchslaps at yesterday’s Seventh Circuit arguments over Indiana and Wisconsin’s bans on same-sex marriage. [BuzzFeed]

* Major U.S. and Canadian law firms chow down on Burger King’s whopper of a deal with Tim Hortons. [Am Law Daily]

* A recent Delaware court ruling on attorney-client privilege might allow in-house lawyers to speak more freely about wrongdoing at their companies, according to Professor Steven Davidoff Solomon. [DealBook / New York Times]

* The corruption trial of former Virginia governor continues; yesterday Bob McDonnell’s sister took the stand. [Washington Post]

* A favorable evidentiary ruling for Aaron Hernandez. [Fox Sports]

* And good news for Zephyr Teachout and Tim Wu, the two law professors running for governor and lieutenant governor of New York: the Times dissed their opponent, Andrew Cuomo, with a non-endorsement. [New York Times]

* I recently spoke with one of my cousins Joao Atienza of the Cebu Sun Star, about Above the Law and the world of legal blogging. [Cebu Sun Star]

So, it appears that there are some people who have ignored my advice and are about to show up to law school anyway. Still more people never heard my advice from their pre-law advisor/philosophy major. Welcome to the suck.

Well, there’s nothing for it now. You’re in it now and if you have chosen poorly it’ll be years before you fully realize the gravity of your decision. In the meantime, what are you supposed to do now? Classes are starting and… hey, are you briefing a case? Are you briefing a freaking case before classes even start? Jesus. PUT THOSE HIGHLIGHTERS DOWN.

You’ve heard about “outlines,” right? Outlines allow you to copy other people’s work so you don’t have to do it yourself. This is the way of things. I say, cheating is the gift man gives himself.

It’s time for some tips…

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Yes, there are going to be a lot of Simpsons references this week.

Moving on, it’s back to school time, which means campus brick-and-mortar bookstores all across the country are actually seeing some business. Forcing students to buy physical books is a good business to be in. The utility of running a textbook scam can be explained in one helpful chart:

You can blame your professors for this. Every student can get every case they need with a complimentary legal search password (thanks to our advertisers), yet professors still assign reading from casebooks. Even more incredibly, professors still write casebooks! And then those casebook publishers go out of their way to rip off students with multiple editions. There was even a cockamamie plan to prevent casebook resale that had to be beaten back by public outrage.

But, professors can also help students avoid unnecessary and costly book fees. Faculty members at one school fought back against their administration on behalf of their students…

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* Full, fair, and independent: In a St. Louis Post-Dispatch op-ed, Attorney General Eric Holder promised “robust action” in Ferguson, Mo., in light of Michael Brown’s killing. [National Law Journal]

* Biglaw firms have taken notice of the crowdfunding scene, and some have started up their own practice groups dedicated to the cause. Goodwin Procter just got in on the ground floor. [Crowdfund Insider]

* Who will be honored with induction to the American Lawyer’s Legal Hall of Fame in 2014? Take a look at a list of past winners of the title to see if you can guess which legal luminaries will be next. [Am Law Daily]

* “We are actively investigating. We will not rest until we bring this case to a close.” Police still have no leads or suspects in the tragic murder of FSU Law Professor Dan Markel. Sad. [Tallahassee Democrat]

* Is your fantasy football league legal? Like the answer to all questions of law, it depends. Not for nothing, but we’re willing to bet that you won’t really care if it’s legal if it’s going to impede on your fun. [Forbes]

* They’re making The Devil’s Advocate into a TV show. That is all. [io9]

* Lingerie brand is suing its former lawyer for screwing up its patent filing. What a boob. [NY Post]

* Chris Kluwe and the Minnesota Vikings have reached a settlement to avoid potential embarrassment. Now if only they could reach settlement with the Packers for the same reason. [NBC Sports]

* The world of raising hogs meets the Eighth Circuit. The fifth “H” stands for what the hell? [The Legal Geeks]

* Shares in Taser have gone up 25 percent since Michael Brown’s shooting. Oh, remember Taser? The company that makes a product that stops fleeing suspects without executing them? Looks like the market is expecting a sea change in how police do business. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* Jesus. A teenager who waited in jail for three years pending trial died in solitary confinement at Rikers Island when his heart exploded. A new lawsuit alleges that the prison just ignored the condition. So much for innocent until proven guilty. [Gawker]

* A new study undermines the myth that the gender imbalance in tenure is not related to productivity. But hey, who cares, tenure is passé according to Laurence Tribe. [Inside Higher Ed h/t TaxLaw Prof]

* When times are tough, lawyers are denying their law degrees in job applications. No matter how hard you pretend, your debt isn’t going away. [Law and More]

[I]f you’re in law school because you didn’t know what else to do after your BA, because you hate Math (and erroneously think Law doesn’t requite Math skills) and the sight of blood, therefore couldn’t be a physician, and have no goal other than to make a lot of money, and if you dislike work but have always relied on your IQ and adrenaline to ace all your courses, well, you chose the wrong generation to go to law school. Get thee out now whilest a partial refund of tuition is still available.

– Professor Michael Krauss of George Mason University School of Law, in an essay written on Forbes, where he tries to save one lamb.

On Friday, special prosecutor Michael McCrum secured an indictment of Texas Governor Rick Perry. Perry, whose 2012 campaign is the first abortion Republicans have celebrated in years, is accused of coercion and abusing his office when he threatened to, and subsequently did, revoke funding for the Public Integrity Unit. That unit is charged with rooting out government corruption, and Perry took away its budget because the district attorney in charge of the unit — a Texas Democrat — was convicted of drunk driving and wouldn’t step down. Perry thought she should leave her post because she had lost the public trust over her conviction and not at all because she had been investigating possible corruption related to Perry’s signature project, the Cancer Prevention and Research Institute of Texas.

If you don’t think this is shady and improper, you’re a hyperpartisan for Perry. Entirely obliterating the agency charged with protecting citizens from official corruption because you don’t like the person in charge — for whatever reason — smacks of overreach. Imagine Congress and the President zero-funding the Supreme Court because they wanted one justice to resign. It’s just cockroach hunting with a bazooka.

Still, is it criminal as opposed to just shady? That’s a different question. Law professors weigh in….

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In early July, we broke the news that Cooley Law School would stop accepting first-year students at its Ann Arbor campus and would begin conducting faculty and staff layoffs due to continuing declines in both enrollment and revenue. At the time, the school had “no plans” to completely close the campus.

At the end of July, however, Cooley Law notified its Ann Arbor students there may be a “possible consolidation” of that campus with other Cooley campuses, three of which exist in Michigan.

It’s now mid-August, and the foreboding promise of layoffs has finally come to fruition. How many heads will roll thanks to this law school’s “right-sizing” plan? Our sources say the damage is “massive”…

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In the class that Florida Coastal admitted in 2013, more than half the students were unlikely to ever pass the bar.

– Professor Paul Campos of Colorado Law, in a feature essay published by The Atlantic about the dangers of attending for-profit law schools like those owned by InfiLaw — namely Florida Coastal School of Law, Arizona Summit Law School, and Charlotte School of Law.

(Remember when a dean candidate was thrown out of Florida Coastal because he suggested the school was doing a disservice to its students? We’ve got his name. If you’re interested, keep reading to find out who he is.)

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