Law Professors

* In his year-end report, Chief Justice Roberts wrote about the high court’s belated adoption of the latest technological advances, but promised SCOTUS briefs and filings would be online… next year. [New York Times]

* It’s been recommended that J. Michael Farren, the former White House lawyer who attempted to murder his ex-wife — a former Skadden Arps attorney — be disbarred in D.C. Apparently the bar considers a conviction for something like this a big no-no. [Legal Times]

* Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s terrorism trial for his involvement in the Boston Marathon bombings will begin in Boston on January 5, despite his legal team’s best efforts to avoid the inevitable. At least fangirls won’t have to travel to admire him. [Bloomberg]

* Here’s one law prof’s thoughts on Harvard Law’s lame response to sexual assault complaints: “I believe … that Harvard University will be deeply shamed at the role it played in simply caving to the government’s position.” Well then. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Remember the Idaho prosecutor who recited the lyrics to “Dixie” during closing arguments at a black man’s trial? The defendant’s conviction was overturned because the prosecutor “inject[ed] the risk of racial prejudice into the case.” [NBC News]

* “People asked me what I want as an epitaph: He tried.” Mario Cuomo, the three-term New York governor and Willkie Farr alumnus who was once considered to replace Supreme Court Justice Byron White, has passed away. RIP. [New York Times]

* Per the Department of Education, Harvard Law sucks at handling sexual assault and harassment complaints. As it turns out, the DoE only found out about the misconduct because a faculty member from New England Law snitched on the Ivy League school. [Boston.com]

* Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the penalties for pot possession. One state legislator wants to change that in the new year, and hopes his colleagues will puff, puff, pass his bill in favor of small civil fines instead of jail sentences. [VICE]

* “If the court has been waiting until the country is more comfortable with gay marriage, they’ve waited long enough.” The first SCOTUS conference of 2015 will focus on gay marriage cases. It’d be fabulous if they took one. [Supreme Court Brief]

* Latham and Fried Frank are going to be advising on Shake Shack’s initial public offering. Hungry attorneys working on the IPO will be disappointed to learn that their client doesn’t have any public offerings for consumption on Seamless. [Am Law Daily]

* The bankruptcy trustee for the late, great, defunct firm of Howrey LLP keeps lining up big settlements for its remaining creditors. This time, Wiley Rein will contribute $1 million to the failed firm’s coffers. Howrey like dem apples? [Wall Street Journal]

* “Instead of ordering the Marshal to permit a desegregated Christmas party at the Court, the Court hosted no party at all.” Justice Felix Frankfurter wrote in his diary of the SCOTUS Christmas party that never was due to the high court’s unspoken racism. [Supreme Court Brief]

* We know of at least one lawyer who may be receiving a lump of coal in her stocking. A former partner of two major New York City firms allegedly stole millions of dollars from them to live a life of luxury. We’ll have more on this later today. [Bergen Record]

* Since “interest in law schools [is] dwindl[ing] nationally,” the easiest cost-cutting measure comes in the form of faculty buyouts at another school. Don’t hate the playa, hate the game, law professors. It’s a “necessary” evil these days. [The Advocate]

* President Obama is going to nominate Sally Quillian Yates, U.S. Attorney for the Northern District of Georgia, for the position of deputy attorney general. If confirmed, there’ll be two women at the top of the DOJ. Yay! [Miami Herald]

* Guess who just got promoted to partner at Boies Schiller & Flexner? It’s none other than Joshua Schiller, the son of the firm’s cofounder and managing partner. Aww. That’s the most precious thing ever. We just want to pinch his cheeks. [Am Law Daily]

* Before you submit your law school applications, you should probably make sure that you’ve read and followed all of the instructions, because just in case you forgot, you’re applying to follow instructions for a living. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

Technology has changed at an unprecedented rate and most law schools have simply failed to keep pace. This law professor, however, is trying to change that.

While the facts of the case are still emerging, what do we know now that might make sense of this unusual claim?

After his tenure application was denied, he wasn't offered an extension on his employment contract with the school.

* We know all about the ridiculous lawyer with three Harvard degrees who is apparently considering suing a mom-and-pop Chinese restaurant over a $4 overcharge. We’ll have more on this absolute absurdity later. [Boston.com]

* An English court ruled that a girl with fetal alcohol spectrum disorder couldn’t be awarded damages against her mother because the harm occurred in utero. Remember folks, the unborn aren’t people, only corporations are. [Daily Beast]

* A Foley & Lardner IP partner may be facing sanctions for a rather unorthodox petition for a writ of certiorari that he submitted to the Supreme Court. [Legal Times]

* Someone at Harvard Law taped fliers containing the last words of unarmed African-Americans who shot by police over portraits of their law professors. [ABC News]

* Per a recent study, the vast majority of law students have suffered from some sort of mental health issue while in law school. This isn’t at all shocking. [Yale Daily News]

* New York has rejected recognizing a chimpanzee as a “person.” [PrawfsBlawg]

* Which law schools are most conservative? Most liberal? [FiveThirtyEight]

* Elie’s new job as “deal judge.” [Dealbreaker]

* Lawyer suspended amid accusations that he sexted three clients with nude photos of himself and told one “she could ‘ride bareback’ with him.” [ABA Journal]

* Duquesne says it denied professor tenure because she was bad at the whole “teaching” part of her job. Whoa! When has that ever mattered to tenure? [TaxProf Blog]

* Josh and Jess sit down with Judge Matthew Sciarrino to talk about the new Star Wars trailer. I don’t know. Looks kind of boring. We need George Lucas to spice it up with a Special Edition version. [The Legal Geeks]

* Prosecutor recites “Dixie” at closing argument of a black man’s trial. [Idaho Statesman]

* Want to see a group of assistant district attorneys from the Bronx throwing up gang signs in their holiday photo? Of course you do! How seriously is the Bronx DA’s office taking the picture even though local defense attorneys are pissed? Not very! [New York Daily News]

* “What he did was out of line, inappropriate, unnecessary, and hurtful.” There’s a scandal brewing over at Mercer Law, where a professor apparently thought it would be prudent to use the “N-word” during his constitutional law class. [Macon Telegraph]

* Gilberto “Cannibal Cop” Valle wants his conviction for illegally accessing NYPD databases to be overturned to improve his chances of getting into law school. He shouldn’t be worried — some schools accept convicted murderers. [New York Post]

* Thelen LLP’s bankruptcy case, first filed way back in 2009, is finally moving towards its conclusion. The last holdout partners who refused to settle must now pay back their monthly draws from the firm’s final year. Too bad, so sad. [National Law Journal]

* Ladies, have a pudding pop: Martin D. Singer of Lavely & Singer, better known these days as Bill Cosby’s lawyer, wants the media to stop publishing “unsubstantiated, fantastical stories” about the comedian’s alleged rape victims. [Chicago Tribune]

* The grand jury in the Michael Brown shooting is still undecided on the case. Perhaps they’ll have a decision before Thanksgiving so everyone in Ferguson can enjoy their turkey in peace (or in protest, depending on how it comes out). [CNN]

Got a sports law question? Ask it here and we'll try to answer it for you.

* We are coming to Chicago, and we’d love to see you at our event on Thursday night — RSVP here. [Above the Law]

* Wait, FIFA may be dishonest? Kirkland partner Michael Garcia announces plans to appeal after FIFA releases ethics report on the Russia and Qatar World Cup bidding process that contains “numerous materially incomplete and erroneous representations of the facts and conclusions.” And he should know since he worked on the investigation. [Am Law Daily]

* Behold the all-purpose citation! [Lowering the Bar]

* Regarding yesterday’s crazy “woman sues the owner of the dog that her dogs killed,” an astute reader notes that a year ago, the Texas Supreme Court limited damages in pet deaths to “animal’s market worth.” So in the interest of reining in damages, the courts gave the victim less incentive to sue than the owner of the perpetrators. Sounds like a great system there. [Dallas Morning News]

* The holidays are around the corner. Get that special lawyer some prints of courthouses around the country to spruce up their office. [Courthouses of America]

* Wow. California school district argues that 14-year-old girl could legally consent to sex with her teacher because, I mean, come on, we all knew she was a slut. This happened. In 2014. [Slate]

* Advice that should go double for lawyers: sometimes you really just need to drop acid to clear your head. [What About Clients?]

* Professors who refuse to retire are the worst. [TaxProf Blog]

How long will it be before other law schools copy this great idea for a class (if they don't have such a course already)?

A student response to the Harvard Law professors who complained that the university's sexual harassment policy was an affront to the law school's institutional independence.

* Thanks to a partner from K&L Gates, victims of revenge porn will be able to rely upon the assistance of the Cyber Civil Rights Legal Project to guide them through the courts pro bono. [National Law Journal]

* The latest Princeton Review rankings are out, and now you can find out if you attend a law school that has some of the best professors in the country. Spoiler alert: Yale Law isn’t No. 1. [Huffington Post]

* Calling all lawyers and law students! If you bought a Red Bull in the past 12 years to get through an all-nighter, then you’ll be able to make some quick cash from this class action settlement. [BuzzFeed]

* It seems that Madame Justice Lori Douglas, the Canadian judge whose nude pictures were leaked online, is no longer facing sexual harassment charges. That must be nice for her, all things considered. [CBC News]

* Per federal prosecutors, if you’re not too high to suck at playing games on Xbox, then you’re not too high to forget about friends of the accused Boston bomber removing evidence from your room. [Bloomberg]

* Adrian Peterson’s felony child abuse trial is supposed to begin in December, but it could be delayed because the judge may have to recuse. That’s what happens when you call lawyers “media whores.” [CNN]

What kind of silver bullet could kill this venerable institution?

* We welcome Howard Bashman to his new homepage! [How Appealing / Above the Law] * An ode to Brian Leiter to the tune of the Beach Boys’ “I Get Around.” [Philosophy Metablog] * “Lawyers have a powerful voice in the American legal system, government, and news and entertainment businesses. But do they make their contributions to society while impaired?” You’re goddamned right we do! [SSRN] * For example, a Louisville lawyer was arrested for allegedly surfing the web while driving drunk. Who says solo practitioners can’t multitask. [WDRB] * Is litigation finance a loan or an investment? Perhaps tax law holds the answer. [LFC 360] * Former St. Louis Mayor Freeman Bosley Jr. had his law license suspended indefinitely. Apparently his trust account was bouncing checks. This suspension has ramifications for a much bigger case — Bosley had been representing Dorian Johnson, an eyewitness to the Michael Brown killing. [Missouri Lawyers Weekly (sub. req.); St. Louis Post-Dispatch] * Hasbro thinks that owning Scrabble means they own the English language. [Slate] * Congratulations to legal communications specialists Infinite PR, who just merged with UK outfit Spada to expand their business across the pond. [PR Week]

Will he go gentle into that good night? Of course not!

* Following the divisive decision in Shelby County v. Holder, voting rights cases may be heading back to the SCOTUS sooner than we thought. Thanks, Texas and Wisconsin. [USA Today]

* Bienvenidos a Miami? Cities compete to be designated as sites where global arbitration matters are heard. Miami is an up-and-comer, but New York is king. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Thanks to anonymous donors, the reward for info related to FSU Law Professor Dan Markel’s murder has been raised to $25,000. Not a single suspect has been named since his death. [Tallahassee Democrat]

* After losing the Democratic primary to Gov. Andrew Cuomo, Professor Zephyr Teachout drank some gin and tonics like a boss before returning to her class at Fordham Law to teach property. [New York Times]

* Try as he might, the Blade Runner just can’t outrun the law: Oscar Pistorius might have been cleared on the murder charge he was facing, but now he’s been found guilty on a culpable homicide charge. [CNN]

Protip: when hosting an event, try to refrain from sexist introductions of your speakers.

How can you succeed as a first-year law student? Professor Joseph Marino offers some advice.