Law Schools

* The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has been operating without a director for almost a year and a half, and Sen. Orrin Hatch is calling it “inexcusable.” Here’s his politely pissed off letter to President Barack Obama. [Corporate Counsel]

* The chief judge of Florida’s 18th Judicial Circuit Court wants you to know Judge John “I’ll Just Beat Your Ass” Murphy’s behavior “in no way reflects the typical manner that courtrooms are managed … in this circuit.” [WSJ Law Blog]

* Weed has been legal and free flowing in Colorado for months, but now the state is starting to see its dark side. It seems morons who get too high are accidentally killing themselves and others. [New York Times]

* InfiLaw’s bid to purchase Charleston Law reached the pages of the NYT, with a shout-out to one “scrappy website” that referred to the company by its one true name: “diploma mill.” [DealBook / New York Times]

* “Why would you bring black people into the world?” An ex-lover/employee of Donald Sterling is suing him for racial and sexual harassment over lovely comments like this. She’s repped by Gloria Allred. [CNN]

The celebrated litigator and law professor looks back on his life and career.

* Dan Marino was suing the NFL over concussions, becoming the highest profile former player to level a suit against the league. Among his allegations, he claims concussions led him to hold that ball laces in for Ray Finkle. Why do I say "was," you ask? Because he claims he filed suit accidentally. No greater proof of the dangers of concussions necessary. [Awful Announcing] * The Supreme Court used to gather in the basement and watch porn together according to Larry Tribe (affiliate link). Best anecdote is Justice Marshall narrating porn to the nearly blind Justice Harlan. You can spoil the ending for Justice Harlan here. [Washington Post] * It turns out the Brits have their own obsession with law school rankings. Here’s their “league table” for a legal education. [The Guardian] * You know not to wear a bikini to the firm pool party, but what should you wear to the other summer events? [Corporette] * An article ponders when firms are going to figure out that recent law school grads are perfect paralegals. Thanks for that kick in the gut. [New Geography] * Following up on an older story, the Fifth Circuit has withdrawn a ruling made in 2007 upon revelations that one of the judges involved had a financial interest in one of the parties. [Center for Public Integrity] * Do we need more reasons why Bitcoin is stupid? Ah, it’s used in messy divorces to hide assets. Perfect. [Digital Journal] * Debt collectors are increasingly giving up on calling you all the time and just seeking default judgments. [Huffington Post] * From the SUNY Buffalo commencement, Judge Thomas Franczyk and graduate Joey Nicastro took the stage to perform a song for the occasion. Francis Malofiy is already planning to sue them. Video below….

Crim Law exam features Fifty Shades of Grey prequel as fact pattern. [Legal Cheek] * You’d think being in jail would be a pretty good alibi. But that’s not the Chicago Way! [Overlawyered] * How many law professors have wished they could say this before? “Don’t give me any of your s**tty papers and you get an A.” [Critical-Theory via TaxProf Blog] * Lawyer powerlifting to raise money for mentoring programs. Because donating to charity is more fun when it comes with the risk of severe groin injuries. [Chicago Tribune] * U.S. News has a list of ways being a paralegal first can help with law school. It’s dumb. There’s only one reason paralegal experience helps and that’s to meet practicing lawyers and figure out whether or not law school is even worth it. [U.S. News] * In the past, Professor Nancy Leong was accused of narcissism. But she doesn’t seem to be attention-seeking at all based on this publicly posted shot. Maybe she can post that on Ashley Madison and see what happens… [Instagram] * Regulating imports could drastically improve labor conditions around the world (and potentially bring more jobs back home). But that could curtail profits by a smidgeon so let’s table that discussion. [Lawyers, Guns & Money] * A former AUSA on the Phil Mickelson/Carl Icahn insider trading case and wiretaps. [mitchellepner] * John Oliver made a powerful appeal to the Internet to take action in defense of Net Neutrality. If you want to know what you can do (or don’t even understand the issue) and laugh at the same time, the video is embedded below… [Huffington Post]

Where can you learn the law and party like a rock star at the same time? Let's find out!

* Federal judges still have financial allegiances to their former firms that are reported on their mandatory annual disclosures. At least one appellate judge — Jay Bybee of the Ninth Circuit — made a killing after confirmation. [National Law Journal]

* After “a challenging 2013,” Bingham McCutchen is leaking lawyers like a sieve. Fourteen attorneys, including nine partners, recently decided to leave the firm, and they’re all headed to different Biglaw locales. [WSJ Law Blog via Reuters]

* Just one day after Donald Sterling was declared “mentally incapacitated,” he filed a lawsuit against the NBA, seeking more than $1 billion in damages. Skadden lawyers are stripping off their warm-up suits to take it to the court. [USA Today]

* This Am Law 200 firm thinks it figured out a way to help women combine their careers and home lives — by hiring a role model/mentor with an almost six-figure salary. Good idea or bad? [Dallas Morning News]

* We’ve got some breaking news for our readers from the “no sh*t” department: Law schools are competing to cut costs based on a shrinking applicant pool, but tuition is still quite unaffordable. [Houston Chronicle]

* Lewis Katz, co-owner of the Philadelphia Inquirer and alumnus of Dickinson Law, RIP. [Onward State]

When trying to be prudent just isn't enough.

* Confessions of a litigious mind: Trial attorney admits he was trained as a spy. [What About Clients?] * A Fordham Law professor running for governor. [New York Times] * Are messenger bags unprofessional for lawyers? My firm bought us messenger bags with firm logos so this wasn’t a question for me. [Corporette] * New carbon regulations on the horizon and industry is already gearing up for a fight. [Breaking Energy] * FTC charging Jerk.com with deceiving customers. What a paradox, because if the FTC is right this seems like truth in advertising. [IT-Lex] * Larry Klayman is suing the entity he founded, Judicial Watch, for defamation. Somehow Orly Taitz is involved. [South Florida Lawyers] * Hey recent grads! Do you need to frame your shiny new diploma? Mountary is offering a 20 percent discount to ATL readers. Just enter the code “atl20″ at checkout. [Mountary] * Bruce Allen Murphy has a new biography on Justice Antonin Scalia that proposes that far from forging a conservative Court, Justice Scalia's actions have undermined building a conservative team of justices. Also he reminds us that Scalia was totally an affirmative action hire. Video after the jump.... [YouTube]

Who knew a U.S. Attorney could be so entertaining?

* A court in India has been asked to decide if a Hindu guru is dead or in a really, really deep meditation. In related news, Mike Myers is arguing to studios that The Love Guru was just “deeply meditating” at the box office. [The Telegraph] * Patton Boggs, or Squire Patton Boggs more accurately, is losing its health care policy group to Akin Gump. Remember when Patton Boggs had lobbyists? [Legal Times] * Take the “doctor” out of Juris Doctor and make law an Associate’s Degree. Sound crazy? Well, there are some good points in this quasi-satirical look. [The Legal Watchdog] * A crocodile was injured by an overweight accountant. That is all. [TaxProf Blog] * We’ve written before about the ongoing effort in Dallas to overturn wrongful convictions, but now that model is starting to pick up steam and reach other cities. [Christian Science Monitor] * Aspiring writers: don’t miss the AAWW Publishing Conference, taking place in New York on Sunday, June 8 (discount code for ATL readers: “aawwfriends”). [Asian American Writers Workshop]

You'll soon wish Mindy Kaling was your commencement speaker after hearing this awesome speech.

* Barnes & Thornburg’s managing partner is planning to step down after almost two decades in the firm’s top leadership role. His tenure ends on a high note: 2013′s gross revenue was up by 12% and PPP was up by 8.2%. [Am Law Daily]

* “To terminate Jones Day at that point is an incredibly bad idea. I hope the mayor hears me.” Judge Steven Rhodes politely called Detroit’s mayor a moron after the city official declared he’d fire Jones Day in September. [Detroit Free Press]

* “When you’re giving anything to a judge, you try to be careful about it.” In 2012, law schools paid federal judges almost $2M to teach and lecture. A useful way to spend tuition dollars? [National Law Journal]

* San Diego Law School, a branch of San Francisco Law School, is open for business. It’s being marketed as a “fresh start” — if you failed out at another law school, come join the party here! [Daily Transcript]

* If you weren’t aware, Mindy Kaling gave a commencement speech at Harvard Law this week. She praised the graduates’ dedication to tedium, and kindly reminded some that they were evil. [Boston.com]

Shaq lays out his top three law school choices.

These chilling tales will give you goosebumps. Keep reading, if you dare!

How should people with learning disabilities or difficulties be treated when taking the LSAT?

* “[T]hree names are unnecessary, and over time I think you’ll see Squire Patton start to take hold.” Sanders got the boot in this law firm merger, and it won’t be long before Boggs follows. [Am Law Daily]

* The “great female brain drain” at Am Law 200 firms isn’t slowing down, and it will only get better if Biglaw firms concentrate less on their failed “fix the women” approaches. [Harvard Business Review]

* Mary Jo White of the SEC promised to dust off an often ignored — but “potentially [] very powerful” — section of securities law to pursue financial violations. Be wary of the “innocent instrumentality” doctrine, defense attorneys. [DealBook / New York Times]

* We’ve got some breaking news for our readers from the “no sh*t” department: Law school graduates are still having a very tough time getting jobs as lawyers, and there is no real end in sight. [Sacramento Bee]

* If you’re looking for a way to explain a switch in your undergrad major when applying to law school, show admissions committees how pretty your grades are now. Tada! [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

Wherein enrolling 28 students just isn't enough.

This girl will cut you and/or f*ck you.

For the second straight year, this law school announced a generous tuition cut.

* Supreme Court justices are “basically rewriting the law,” sometimes years after the fact. As it turns out they’ve been quietly “changing the wording of opinions” — sometimes, even our legal idols make mistakes. [New York Times]

* Many law school deans at leading law schools are pretty pissed off about Justice Antonin Scalia’s latest criticisms of the legal academy. Please, continue taking “Law and Unicorns.” It’s a real class, we promise! [National Law Journal]

* Judge Randall Rader, who recently resigned as the Federal Circuit’s chief judge, released a memo to his colleagues apologizing for his scandalous recusals in a pair of patent cases. Poor guy. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Peter Alexander, Indiana Tech Law’s dean, has resigned less than a year after opening the school’s doors. The school’s interim dean doesn’t use capital letters in his name. That’s cute. [Journal Gazette]

* Très, très déclassé: Mahbod Moghadam, formerly of Dewey & LeBoeuf, was fired from Rap Genius after he inappropriately annotated suspected Santa Barbara shooter Elliot Rodgers’s manifesto. [Re/code]