Liberty University School of Law

The cold call is miffed
and there you are
you’re squirming for your life
you’re a falling star
And all the years
no one knows
just how hard you worked
because you’re Tier Four…
One Shining Moment, your debt’s piling up
One Shining Moment, your career’s frozen in time

It’s over. After 5 rounds of voting, we finally have a champion in the ATL March Madness tournament. Thanks to your voting, we can crown the Worst Law School in America. The championship featured 1-seeded Thomas M. Cooley against 8-seeded Liberty.

Did this tournament end in an upset?

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If you had the correct Final Four in the NCAA Basketball Tournament, then congratulations… you’re a UConn fan. Or at least someone who pays so little attention to basketball that you picked UConn because you remember when the team was a juggernaut sometime in the past.

The ATL March Madness bracket also has an underdog rolling along. Is Liberty a school of destiny?

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Remember when George Mason made a run to the Final Four? Or when VCU climbed out of the play-in game to make it into the Final Four? Quick aside, are you tired of the CBS commentators pushing the whole “it’s not a play-in game, it’s the First Round” on us? It’s like CBS hired the inventor of the Cooley Rankings idea.

Anyway, like those exciting, underdog-dominated tournaments, it looks like we’ve got a bottom-seeded team charging all the way into the Elite Eight in our humble ATL bracket. How crazy is that?

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It’s been a hell of a week for knowing what to wear.

Judge Richard Kopf blogged about “being a dirty old man and how young women lawyers dress,” weighing in on the latest debate about proper attire for women in law.

The story of Sunnie Kahle also emerged. (Gavel bang: Ann Althouse.) Sunnie is an eight-year-old Virginia girl whose grandparents reported to news media that Sunnie had been booted from her school for not being sufficiently girly. The story of a tomboy expelled for bucking hyper-conservative Christian notions of femininity set the internet ablaze with headlines like “Little Girl Taken Out of Christian School After Told She’s Too Much Like a Boy.”

In both of these stories, others are telling females how to look acceptably feminine. Judge Kopf instructs female lawyers not to appear overtly sexual. School officials instruct Sunnie not to appear overtly boyish. In each case, the powers that be seem to dictate the narrow swath between too-feminine and not-feminine-enough. Women and girls must be recognizably female while not spotlighting the sex traits that make them female.

That’s one gloss.

Here’s another. Let’s talk about sex and uniforms . . . .

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Basketball’s March Madness provided a string of dramatic upsets over the weekend. The Above the Law editors lost their alma maters over the weekend, and all of us slipped out of the Warren Buffett billion-dollar-bracket pool. It was all sad. But nothing warms the heart more than a CBS reaction shot to crying Duke bros.

Did ATL’s annual tournament provide similar fireworks?

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Games are underway. Your daily routine of blowing off work to read Above the Law is now complemented with blowing off work to watch a streaming CBS feed. If you’re going to do anything legal today — and I mean “legal” both as “law work” and “not illegal” — you might as well vote on the worst law school in America.

Polls for all 16 first-round matchups appear below. Get down there and vote for your favorites. Or least favorites, as the case may be.

Whatever you do, may your degree not be permanently sullied by this competition….

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Now that you’ve listened to the Above the Law editors draft their picks for the Worst Law School in America, it’s time to start filling out your brackets. The official ATL selection committee arranged the picks into a bracket retaining the integrity of the seeds, but otherwise shifting teams around to avoid having an editor’s teams face off in the first round.

So check out what the bracket holds….

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For the past few years, law schools have been in a state of crisis, and it’s getting worse. Prospective students just aren’t as interested as they used to be in borrowing up to six figures of government Monopoly money in the hope of surviving the post-graduation gauntlet of legal employment. At last count, applicants were down 11.1 percent from this time last year, and national 1L enrollment is down 24 percent from where it was in 2010.

Unable to keep up with the changing times and put asses in seats, law schools are doing anything they can to cut costs — up to and including laying off faculty and staff. Amid hefty declines in enrollment, some schools seem to be struggling.

But which law schools have suffered most? Even though law is a profession obsessed with rankings, this is one list your school probably doesn’t want to be on…

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Man who just can’t stop masturbating.

I hesitate to call Liberty University School of Law a “real” law school, as opposed to a finishing school for Christian soldiers, but whatever. They’re accredited. Wackadoodles need lawyers too.

So what are the good people at Liberty doing to make sure the legal world is safe for Christians? Combating sex addiction, of course! Because I guess it’s easier to fight a fake disease than wrestle with the fundamental hypocrisy of puritanical mores.

I thought “sex addiction” only afflicted world-famous celebrities who have the debilitating problem of getting a lot of ass. But apparently even regular people can get addicted to screwing anybody available…

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Would you like some doc review with that?

* How can you pick a side when it comes to fairness and the law? Can you straddle the fence? Don’t ask Justice Alito, because he’s still not really sure what the answers are. [New York Times]

* Paul Ceglia is finding out the hard way that court orders aren’t like annoying Facebook friend requests. You can’t just tell your lawyers to ignore them and hope they’ll go away. [Bloomberg]

* From occupying Wall Street to occupying the courts? 99% lawyers are threatening to clog up the courts if their demands aren’t met. At least they’d have a toilet to do it in. [New York Daily News]

* “If your choice is between going to Liberty Law or working a deep-fat fryer, you might as well go to Liberty, right?” Lat, I think we really need to have a chat. [Commercial Appeal]

* If I had a dollar for every dude who had an Asian adventure involving a Thai ladyboy, I’d be rich, but it doesn’t mean that The Hangover II was based on their exploits. [Hollywood Reporter]

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