* DWE? Guy gets ticketed for eating while driving. I mean, maybe if he were having spaghetti behind the wheel. [WSB TV]
* Older lawyers need to get over themselves and figure out how computers work. Millennials have better things to do than save your documents for you. [2Civility]
* Lobbying firms made bank last year. Squire Patton Boggs not so much. [Washington Post]
* Proposals abound to change the way courts issue warrants for online evidence. Wait, they still need warrants for online activity? That’s not the sense I’d gotten over the last couple of years. [Associate’s Mind]
* You can give a cop the finger. Didn’t know we needed a decision on this one. [Countercurrent News]
* New Jersey had to issue an ethical opinion because two judges were spending their free time going to dinner with a guy indicted for corruption. Another one where I didn’t think we needed a decision. [Legal Profession Blog]
* Time for a good cause: Attorney Bernardo Cuadra is running the Boston Marathon to raise money for MS research. [National MS Society]
Which Biglaw firm leads the way when it comes to vigorously promoting the interests of corporations who might otherwise find themselves investigated?
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Is this just good public relations, or is the firm on to something?
* Squire Patton Boggs has announced the new leadership structure of its lobbying and public policy practice. It’s really no surprise that the head honchos of the group hail from the Patton Boggs side of the recent merger. [Politico]
* “It’s funny how the Supreme Court reaches down and picks this case.” The most important digital privacy case of our time just happened to be filed by Stanford Law’s SCOTUS Litigation Clinic. Awesome. [San Jose Mercury News]
* If you’re caught on camera sleeping during a Yankees/Red Sox game, you can probably expect abuse from ESPN announcers. If you call someone an “unintelligent fatty” as an announcer, you can probably expect a $10M defamation suit. [New York Post]
* “I’m proud to do my job.” Madonna finally rescheduled her jury duty session in New York City, but she was dismissed early so as not to create a “further distraction for the courthouse.” [New York Daily News]
* It’s been three years since Casey Anthony was acquitted of her daughter’s murder. Let us remember this most amazing voicemail: “CASEY ANTHONY NEEDS TO ROT IN HELL! SHE NEEDS TO DIE!” [CNN]
* 8 reasons that lawyers are like condoms. Not included: on the inside, they’re just dicks. [Legal Cheek]
* A bunch of reporters that no one reads anymore take out their frustrations on SCOTUSblog for having the audacity to be good at its job. [ABA Journal]
* Presented without commentary — a dean is not pleased with us. [PrawfsBlawg]
* Jobs for law grads may be scarce, but WSJ wants you to know that Biglaw specifically is hiring again. So for a few of you, you’re set until you try to lateral. [Gawker]
* Deluding yourself is a valuable career strategy. [Law and More]
* Guy is suing an airline because he went to Grenada when he wanted to go to Granada. This gave me a great excuse to rematch the classic Newhart episode, Oh, THAT Morrocco. [Daily Mail]
* A woman who tried to save some ducklings now faces life in prison. The moral of the story, as always, is screw animals. [USA Today]
* The real winner in the protracted courtship of Patton Boggs was Akin Gump. [Washingtonian]
* Teaching the law has suffered because of the influx of stupid “Law and…” courses. [TaxProf Blog]
* But Oklahoma knows how to fix the problems with law school — give you an iPad! Video below… [YouTube]
* Duck Season! Rabbit Season! Duck Season! Human Season! $275,000 lawsuit filed after duck attack. [KATU]
* Following Moody’s downgrade of Vermont Law School, three other law schools see their credit join the ranks of junk bonds. [Tax Prof Blog]
* Lobbying firms are making money again. Well, except for down-on-their- luck merger candidate Patton Boggs. [Washington Post]
* Prosecution called off after the police lost the 100 Oxycodone pills in evidence. Sure. “Lost.” [The Journal News]
* Much like the Raiderettes before them, a group of former Buffalo Bills cheerleaders are suing over their pay. Thankfully Donald Trump is threatening to buy the team, so this suit isn’t the worst thing happening to the Bills right now. [WHEC]
* A sad account of how an alcoholic lawyer drank vodka by the quart while botching a death penalty trial. [Mother Jones]
* The death toll of the latest mass shooting at the Navy Yard is 13 (including the gunman, military contractor Aaron Alexis), and people are rallying for stricter gun control laws before we’ve even had time to mourn. When will we ever learn? [New York Times]
* Today is Constitution Day, and Justice Antonin Scalia would like to remind you to celebrate — except if you think it’s a living document. If that’s the case, you can just “[f]ugget about the Constitution,” because that thing is dead, baby. [Blog of Legal Times]
* Please sir, we want some more! The Judiciary Conference has been forced to plea poverty to President Barack Obama due to its teeny tiny itsy bitsy post-sequestration budget. [National Law Journal (sub. req.)]
* Congrats to Kimberley Leach Johnson, the first woman to climb to the very top of the ladder at Quarles & Brady. That makes her the only eighth woman currently leading a Biglaw firm. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)]
* And congrats to Matt Johnson, outgoing chief counsel to Senator John Cornyn (R-Texas), on his return to the private sector. He’ll be taking his talents to the lobbying firm, McBee Strategic Consulting. [The Hill]
* From second career choices to no career choices: if you want to go to law school after working in another field, you should consider if it will help or hinder your applications. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]
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A highly subjective look at the case against Jack Abramoff associate Kevin Ring. The writer, a friend of Ring’s, argues it was a miscarriage of justice.
Janna Ryan, Paul Ryan’s wife, used to have a career as a lobbyist (before her current one as a homemaker)…