Mark Wahlberg

* President Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen will be released from prison early over COVID-19 concerns. He will still be under house arrest, which is not unlike the situation of many people right now… [NBC News]

* Speaking of which, R. Kelly’s lawyer is trying to get the incarcerated singer cut loose because of COVID-19 and says R. Kelly thinks he’ll die of coronavirus in prison. [New York Daily News]

* It’s been a decade since the Deepwater Horizon explosion, and the Mark Wahlberg movie would be a lot more boring if it just covered the legal battles that ensued from the incident. [Texas Lawyer]

* Check out this Boston lawyer who is volunteering 20 hours a week at Massachusetts General Hospital to give back during the COVID-19 pandemic. [Boston.com]

* New York’s Appellate Division, First Department, will be going all virtual for the foreseeable future. Hope they still have that nifty light system to tell attorneys how much time they have left. [New York Law Journal]

* The trial of Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes has been delayed because of COVID-19. Thankfully, Theranos isn’t around to make faulty COVID-19 tests… [CNN]

* Joe Exotic, star of the Netflix docuseries Tiger King, has asked a federal judge for access to a computer and a law library in prison. If he gets a computer, his first priority should be making another music video. [TMZ]

* A student at Barry Law claims someone stole her phone and used it to call an African-American blogger an N-word on Instagram. We’ll have more on this believable story later. [Miami Herald]

* Mark Wahlberg wants to be pardoned for a crime committed before he was known as Marky Mark. He should also consider asking to be pardoned for The Happening and Planet of the Apes. [CNN]

* The job market was flat last month, and in 2014, the legal sector lost 3,000 jobs. Don’t worry, you’ll get a job eventually, per the hopes and prayers of your career services employees. [Am Law Daily]

* Shine bright like A. Diamond: Howrey’s bankruptcy trustee says he’ll have a confirmed creditor-repayment plan “well before” the end of next year. [WSJ Law Blog]

* iF*ckedUp? The last named plaintiff in the Apple iPod class action may not have bought an iPod during the time period at issue in the suit. [Bits / New York Times]

* We suppose that with new tech comes new logos, because Covington & Burling is dropping the “& Burling” for global branding purposes. [National Law Journal]

* David Lat, ATL’s founder and managing editor, doesn’t “think [he’s] defamed anyone” in his book, Supreme Ambitions (aff. link). Yay! We’ll have more on this later. [New York Times]

* I’ve never heard of a “copyist.” Apparently it’s what you call people who “steal” intellectual property that isn’t actually protected. I’d care, but I’m too busy trying to figure out how The Onion would write this blurb. [You Thought We Wouldn't Notice] * And now time for your annoying “why do LAWYERS get money instead of PLAINTIFFS??????” post: The Stop-and-Frisk edition. While I wait for some of you to get off the turnip truck, I’ll note that I don’t begrudge the lawyers who helped bring to light the horrible NYPD tactics one cent. [New York Observer] * Tom Cruise’s lawyer almost got Tom Cruise’s ass beat down by Mark Wahlberg’s fists. [Gawker] * IED explodes in a district attorney’s office in Oregon. No one was injured. So jokes about Stanford blowing up Oregon’s BCS title chances remain totally appropriate and cool. [ABA Journal] * Every year, people ask if the February LSAT is “too late” if you want to start law school the next fall. And every year, I want to say “How in the f*** can you not get your s*** together to take the LSAT earlier, but just have to start attending law school as soon as possible?” [LawSchooli.com] * Will the Ninth Circuit follow up its oral benchslap with a written one? One professor doubts it. [Volokh Conspiracy]