Monsanto

* To those about to rock, we’ll arrest you! Woman arrested in jewel heist conspiracy swapped stones for diamonds. [CNN]

* Trump reportedly called officers… a thing he grabs, for doing their job during the failed insurrection. [Business Insider]

* Internal CDC document compares spreadability of Delta COVID variant to chickenpox. Can we stop treating medicine like a Federalism issue? [Reuters]

* Three teachers awarded $185M from Monsanto suit over chemical exposure. Go Torts! [The Guardian]

* Reclaiming the sacred: Red Road to D.C. activists push for Native American inclusion in lawmaking. [The Hill]

* A federal judge may soon certify a class action involving the pay of fighters in the UFC. Maybe they should just resolve their differences in the Octagon… [Yahoo News]

* A former judge in Texas has surrendered her law license after she faced charges for wire fraud and other crimes. [Texas Lawyer]

* A Florida lawyer claims he was racially targeted for jogging late at night around his community. [NBC News]

* Sanctions against an attorney involved in a case concerning Roundup have been overturned. [Bloomberg Law]

* Bed Bath & Beyond is paying $1.49 million to settle a lawsuit claiming it illegally disposed of hazardous waste. Maybe the company will be able to negotiate a 20 percent discount… [CBS News]

* Guess which Biglaw firm has decided to bring back on-campus recruiting for its summer associate program? Here’s a hint: You’re going to need a pair of flip flops. We’ll have more on this later today. [American Lawyer]

* With an estimated $11 million annual salary, Sandra Goldstein, who recently left Cravath for Kirkland & Ellis, may be the highest paid female partner in all of Biglaw. You go, girl! [The Careerist]

* Speaking of female Biglaw partners, Bracewell partner Barbara Jones’s $700 per hour rate as special master in the review of materials seized from Michael Cohen’s office has added up to a pretty YUGE bill for just one week’s worth of work: $47,390. [New York Law Journal]

* The Justice Department approved a merger between Bayer and Monsanto, but only after the companies agreed to dump $9 billion in business assets. “Today’s news makes it clear that our antimonopoly laws are completely worthless,” said one farm group that’s just thrilled by the news. [Washington Post]

* Eduardo M. Peñalver, the first Latino dean of an Ivy League law school, has been reappointed to a second five-year term as dean of Cornell Law after achieving quite a few milestones for employment and bar pass rates at the school. [Cornell Chronicle]

* Briana Williams, a single mother who requested an epidural while she was in labor so her contractions wouldn’t interfere with her completion of a final exam, recently graduated from Harvard Law School. Much respect from one law mama to another. Congratulations and best of luck in all that you do! [Yahoo!]

* Judge Posner tells lawyer for Mike Pence: “You are so out of it.” Was he talking about the case or the election? [LA Times]

* Vibrator sparks class action of bachelorette party attendee class. [Corporate Counsel]

* Bayer is looking to buy Monsanto and multiple Biglaw firms are working on this headache. [The Am Law Daily]

* Former Simpson Thacher clerk gets 46 months for insider trading. [Law360]

* Guess who is funding the battle over pot legalization? [The Intercept]

* The next Brown v. Board? [Law.com]

* The least shocking lawsuit award goes to this suit claims Georgia’s voter registration laws violate federal law. [ABC News]

* “Next thing I know he knocks me over backwards, puts the pillow over me and he cuts my throat and stabs me.” Law firm partner Leo Fisher testified yesterday in the trial against Andrew Schmuhl, the lawyer accused of abducting and maliciously wounding him. We’ll have more on this horrifying testimony later. [Washington Post]

* In a move that’s sure to attract attention (and ire) from the Justice Department’s Antitrust Division, Bayer has offered to buy Monsanto for $62 billion. This may be the largest all-cash takeover in history, so we wonder which law firms will have the pleasure of reaping all the rewards that come with so huge of a deal representation. [Reuters]

* “Can citizens sue the government over climate change?” Great legal minds are divided over the answer to this question. Constitutional law scholar Erwin Chemerinsky says yes, but international law savant Eric Posner says no. Whatever you think is the right answer, it’s time we get more aggressive on this issue. [Room for Debate / New York Times]

* With Ted Olson quarterbacking Tom Brady’s request for an en banc hearing of his four-game Deflategate suspension before the Second Circuit, perhaps this case has a fighting chance. Patriots fans should be praying, because an en banc hearing could result in their QB’s suspension being stayed for the start of the season. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Victims of the Colorado Springs Planned Parenthood attack have filed suit against the clinic, claiming the shooting was both “predictable and preventable.” They say that given the past history of threats of violence against places where abortions are performed, patrons should’ve been alerted that they were at risk of injury or death. [Denver Post]

Monsanto in the pot game?

* Overrated: Government surveillance is out of control. Underrated: Government spending massive amounts of money making the Army’s Intelligence and Security Command look like the set of Star Trek: The Next Generation is out of control. [Lowering the Bar] * Helen Wan explains “The 5 Rules Every New Associate Must Know.” Not included: learning all the technical details required to convincingly say your smartphone failed to get that 1 a.m. message. [The Careerist] * Another post in the fascinating series about creating visual maps of Supreme Court doctrine. It’s like a nerdier version of the The Atlas of Middle-Earth(affiliate link). [PrawfsBlawg] * Ilya Somin reviews the Supreme Court’s most recent Takings Clause jurisprudence. It’s a lot harder for the government to take your property away. But don’t worry, it’s still really easy to lose all your property to unregulated markets. [The Volokh Conspiracy] * The Office of the Solicitor General may have inadvertently helped out Frederick Oberlander and Richard Lerner, the two lawyers charged with criminal contempt for talking about a cooperator’s sentence (if you can call a $25,000 fine for admitting to a $40 million fraud a “sentence”) that the feds claim was sealed. [Wise Law NY] * A somewhat sad art show based on requests from prisoners in solitary. Some beautiful stuff here. Though I’d have expected more “Rita Hayworth” photo requests. [Gawker] * The Daily Show takes on biotech patents. Video after the jump…

* Joseph Rakofsky has lost his case against, well basically everyone. Including ATL. [Popehat] * EDNY Judge Edward Korman is earning accolades for his sassiness. [Jezebel] * The Supreme Court handed down its decision in the Monsanto case. Reading the decision is not exhausting. Get it? [Patently-O] * Happy Mother’s Day from Kobe Bryant! Black Mamba takes his mom to court. [Legal Blitz] * Sammy Hagar can’t be held liable for defaming a woman. He also can’t drive 55. [Courthouse News Service] * Stealing $100 worth of cigarettes may seem crazy, but $100 worth of cigarettes in Texas would net something like $480,000 in New York City. [Legal Juice] * Intellectual property run amok. And it doesn’t involve Prenda in any way! [Dealbreaker] * As we reported before, being a divorce lawyer is not just for nailing your clients anymore. [Jezebel]

The Supreme Court will hear arguments to determine if secondhand seeds are worse than secondhand smoke.

Ed. note: Due to the Presidents’ Day holiday, we will be on a reduced publication schedule today. We will be back in full swing tomorrow. We hope that you will enjoy your day off, but please feel free to lament your lack thereof in the comments.

* “[T]hey don’t want to hear nothing.” Vedel Browne, the man accused of robbing Stephen Breyer at machete-point while the justice was vacationing in his home in the Caribbean, now claims that he’s innocent, mon. [St. Kitts-Nevis Observer]

* You know what, the farmer in the Super Bowl commercial probably didn’t have to deal with bullsh*t like Monsanto’s seed patents, but today’s farmers do, and they’ll argue their case before the Supreme Court this week. [New York Times]

* “I’m a betting man. And I would bet and give odds that Sullivan & Cromwell has never said that publicly.” Who dares question S&C’s stance in the hot mess that is Herbalife? None other than Carl Icahn. [Am Law Daily]

* Here’s an important Biglaw math lesson that’s been provided to us via California-based firms like Irell & Manella, Munger Tolles, and Orrick: a little revenue minus a lot of partners equals profitability. [Recorder]

* Amid a flurry of filings on Valentine’s Day, love must’ve been a battlefield for the embattled Dewey & LeBoeuf refugees who were in desperate search of their once promised 2011 bonuses. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)]

* From the department of things that suck: having to defend your office’s alleged “underhanded tactics” in a $150 million wrongful conviction case while you’re trying to get re-elected as district attorney. [New York Times]

* We got bitches in the office lawyerin’ on, and they ain’t leavin’ till six in the mornin’ — unless they want to be fired. An ex-Travers Smith trainee claims she was canned for leaving the firm “early”… at 6:30 a.m. [Telegraph]

* If it weren’t for Cosmo, this woman wouldn’t have known her landlord was an alleged creeper. A Maryland lawyer now faces criminal charges for allegedly filming his female tenants in the nude. [Washington Post]

* “We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious!” The ABA officially put Florida A&M on notice that its law school accreditation may be in jeopardy if they don’t shape up in terms of bar passage. [Orlando Sentinel]

* What do you do the second you step off a cruise ship that’s been described as “a floating toilet, a floating petri dish, a floating hell”? You grab the very first lawyers you see, and sue! [Nation Now / Los Angeles Times]

* Global agribusiness group Monsanto Co was awarded $1 billion in a patent infringement case against DuPont for improperly duplicating some kind of crazy seed technology. [New York Times]
* For particularly thick-headed employers who don’t understand it’s a bad idea to ask employees for Facebook passwords, now Illinois will fine them $200 for doing so. [Chicago Tribune]

* A federal judge in Washington sanctioned well-known plaintiff’s attorney Joy Ann Bull for filing grossly inflated fee statements. She was consequently asked to resign her partnership at Robbins Geller Rudman & Dowd. Welcome to the breadline! [LegalNewsline]

* Should a trial judge who is a Brooklyn Law grad recuse himself from a case against Brooklyn Law filed by Brooklyn Law alumni? Meh… [National Law Journal]

* As Ralph Baxter nears retirement, who will be chosen to lead Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe? [Am Law Daily]

* The Ninth Circuit already issued an injunction against Arizona’s new late-term abortion ban. Like they say, it’s all about shakin’ hands and killing kissin’ babies. [Denver Post]