Morning Docket

* If firms keep telling the press that everyone wants to go back to the office then maybe it’ll be true! That certainly seems to be the strategy anyway. [American Lawyer]

* Religious groups challenging abortion restrictions hoping to take advantage of the trend of courts offering exemptions to public policy to anyone who claims it offends them. Yeah… this puts a lot of weight on the idea that those opinions reflect some sort of principled Free Exercise jurisprudence instead of “we’ve found a new way to legalize discrimination, guys!” [Politico]

* KPMG dominates the bank audit space with clients like Signature, and SVB, and First Rep– oh. Uh oh. [Bloomberg Law News]

* We’re set to learn who bailed out George Santos. On one hand, public inquiry into bail sureties emboldens disingenuous attacks on bail funds, which are often critical to social justice and giving meaningful effect to the right to protest. On the other hand… George Santos is accused of misusing funds already. [NY Times]

* Insider trading conviction brings juror to tears. The prospect of sending someone to prison should give jurors more pause, but Goldman bankers making insider trades isn’t where one would expect an outpouring of empathy. [Law360]

* Clarence Thomas’s dissent in the False Claims Act case ran contrary to everything “Originalism” claims to believe. This is going to shock you, but Originalism may not be the robust, good faith interpretive strategy we’ve been told. [Dorf on Law]

* “FTC to argue Microsoft’s deal to buy Activision should be paused.” GROAN. [Reuters]

* Sam Alito… COME ON DOWN! You’re the next contestant on “ProPublica is absolutely going to find all your past judicial ethics issues.” It’s becoming a popular show this year. [ProPublica]

* Trump’s documents trial set for August 14… before all the whining motions begins. [Law360]

* Fund manager explains that the legal industry is in trouble because all of his rich buddies are using ChatGPT to write all their contracts. Oh, this is going to be very funny! [Yahoo Finance]

* John Eastman’s disbarment proceedings went about as well as you’d expect. [Washington Post]

* Interesting analysis of how the nature of the student impacts the success of online legal education. [Law.com]

* Arkansas ban on gender-affirming care struck down. [Reuters]

* America needs to embrace failure a little more. It would certainly help if corporations were more open to investing in the future instead of overreacting in the present to trim enough expense to save a penny before the end of the quarter. [O’Dwyer’s]

* Judge Reinhart reminds Trump team that they can’t publicly disclose classified materials, though if they could follow that rule we wouldn’t be here. [Reuters]

* So far, legal experts aren’t particularly impressed with Trump’s legal strategy. [The Hill]

* John Eastman’s disciplinary proceedings kick off today. [CNN]

* Lawyer convicted of killing girlfriend dies awaiting sentencing. [CBS News]

* Justice Thomas dissented in the whistleblower case citing “serious constitutional questions” about a legal concept that was both long-established at English common law and fully understood to be constitutional at the time of the Founding. It’s like this Originalism thing is just a made up PR gimmick. [Law360]

* Quinn Emanuel partner leaves firm to preside over traffic court. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Donald Trump provides contracts courses with hypo on a gratuitous promise. [Miami New Times]

* January 6 defendant “JackTheTripper” heading to prison where I hope he has two roommates and engages in goofy hijinks. [Courthouse News Service]

* After mandating a 4-day office week, reportedly over the objection of the majority of partners, Eric Friedman is out as Skadden’s executive partner. So the office thing was a YOLO move. [American Lawyer]

* Twitter sued over music infringement and honestly if that’s the only trouble Twitter is in today that feels like a win. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Lottery lawyer gets 13 years which gratuitously designed to convey “unlucky.” [NY Daily News]

* A pair of law schools provide a blueprint for dealing with a post-affirmative action world. [Reuters]

* Government agencies besieged by cyberattacks after using a popular file transfer product. No law firms named in the attack yet, but it’s suspected to be the work of the group that hit Jones Day a couple years back. [Law360]

* Ron DeSantis bashes Trump’s Supreme Court nominees and pledges more in the mold of Clarence Thomas, which is great news for bribery enthusiasts. [Slate]

* Crowell fighting with landlord. Law firms… they’re just like us! [Reuters]

* A deep dive into the life of America’s dumbest lawyer. [NY Post]

* First year associates are racking up big fees in FTX cases. Well look at that… FTX creating fake value. [Bloomberg Law News]

* New bill seeking to yank 230 immunity from AI provides a salve for stupid people. [Gizmodo]

* Biden administration telling car manufacturers to violate state law to inflate dealership profits. [Yahoo]

* EU doing the antitrust work that the US won’t. [Law360]

* Dale Ho finally confirmed to SDNY. [Roll Call]

* Lawyer accused of blowing millions of client money in Vegas will plead guilty. Guess she didn’t like her odds… [NY Post]

* Magistrate in Trump’s arraignment has an extensive history of quoting music lyrics in opinions. Maybe Siting on the Potty? [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

* Clients want to see more innovation out of law firms. Surely junking all their remote collaboration infrastructure and forcing everyone to sit in high overhead expense offices will do the trick! [American Lawyer]

* Judge blocks Microsoft’s acquisition of Activision until FTC completes its challenge. Quietly returns to chambers and fires up Call of Duty on a PS5. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Congress heard testimony about the phenomenon of scammers are using AI to fake kidnappings. While regulation is probably needed… doesn’t this just make real kidnappings less likely? I mean, Nigerian princes don’t even bother asking me to help them move their money anymore. [Courthouse News Service]

* E. Jean Carroll granted leave to amend complaint to include all the new defamation committed after she won the first lawsuit. [Reuters]

* Partner sues McDermott and a recruiter for failing to disclose conflicts the firm had with his book of business. Not sure why the recruiter would know if the firm intended to hide the ball on its own business, but hey. [Law360]

* Walking through the arraignment process. This is a public service for Donald Trump, since he might not have local counsel at hand to give him this primer. [New York Times]

* Everything you ever wanted to know about the Miami courthouse. [Miami Herald]

* Trump is encouraging his supporters to show up to the arraignment, but analysts aren’t seeing much enthusiasm to go get arrested. [NPR]

* All right, enough of that… the golf merger looks to be in serious trouble, but Wachtell gets to bill either way so it’s all good from our perspective. [American Lawyer]

* Employers must continue to provide health insurance that covers cancer screenings, with a special carveout for plaintiffs citing religious objections who got the Fifth Circuit to strike down the rule. [Reuters]

* Stinson looks to expand into California. There are probably some Barber Ranen lawyers out there looking for a new home. [Bloomberg Law News]

* New York courts shut down paying security expenses for former judges… by that we really mean one specific former judge. [Law360]

* Trump indicates that he would consider a plea deal if the DOJ would “pay me some damages.” It’s possible he’s not receiving top notch legal guidance right now. [Newsweek]

* JPMorgan Chase has settled with Jeffrey Epstein’s victims. [MarketWatch]

* Civil rights lawyer arrested for filming a traffic stop as creeping fascism breaks into a sprint. [ABC News]

* 3M tried to wiggle out of earplug liability through bankruptcy. The courts seem to have grown wise to this strategy. [Financial Times]

* Government digging into allegations of COVID test fraud, where people ordered free tests on behalf of dead people. Look, I don’t know if anyone in DC is tracking the level of COVID denialism out here but maybe we don’t need to complain about anyone wanting tests. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Title IX changes expected to trigger wave of litigation. [Law.com]

* Marvel settles with classic creators who possessed the most important superpower of all: a colorable copyright interest. [Law360]

* When you constantly admit to elements of a crime, it shouldn’t really be a surprise when you get indicted for that crime. [CNN]

* Julian Assange loses bid to avoid extradition to the United States. His camp says he has another appeal coming, but maybe he and Trump can soon reminisce about classified documents and Russian misinformation campaigns. [Reuters]

* Baker Botts eyes merger and five of its partners eye the leadership chair. It’s Game of Thrones except with more financial spreadsheets and less nudity. Presumably. [Bloomberg Law News]

* ChatGPTGate continued with a hearing and the two lawyers involved in citing the fake AI generated cases got a thorough tongue-lashing. [Law360]

* Speaking of AI, a radio host has sued ChatGPT for making up past criminal claims about him. This has been coming for awhile. [Business Insider]

* The FBI nabbed the guy involved in the allegations against Texas AG Ken Paxton, so that’s all crumbling apace. [Politico]

* ABA issues ruling on client intake. Look, they can’t all be earth-shattering the day after a president gets federally indicted. [American Lawyer]

* Supreme Court justices issue annual financial disclosures as required by statute (in case anyone’s confused) except Thomas and Alito. Can’t be caught making material omissions on financial disclosure forms if you don’t file any financial disclosure forms! [Reuters]

* We haven’t checked in on Lin Wood in a while… now even QAnon allies are suing him. [Daily Beast]

* Prosecutors inform Donald Trump that he’s a target in the classified documents investigation in one of American history’s greatest “duh” moments. [CNN]

* DLA Piper named in discrimination suit. [American Lawyer]

* Cooley paying associates $100K not to work. Or, phrased more accurately, “Cooley is paying associates $100K to stay afloat on their soon-to-begin student loan payments.” [Bloomberg Law News]

* Intellectual property experts testify about whether or not AI are capable of legally recognizably invention. At least we know they can invent caselaw! [Law360]

* Digital cash apps becoming a key way to distribute class action awards. No more inconvenience of having to fill out that $2.38 check! [Law.com]

* Department of Justice likely to get involved in PGA/LIV merger. Weird how spending major Biglaw dollars calling one of them a monopoly might backfire when you try to merge with them. [Law360]

* After inviting thorough mocking of their legal acumen, Harlan Crow’s lawyers at Gibson Dunn back away from original “let’s just do contempt” offer and suggest a meeting with Senate staffers. [NBC News]

* Speaking of… comparing Clarence Thomas to the “lowliest” federal worker is a stark reminder that John Roberts is running a cesspool of ethical compromise. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Batman defeats Italian designer in trademark dispute. Not that it matters… that guy will break out of Arkham and be designing clothes again within a couple months. [Reuters]

* “There Is One Group the Roberts Court Really Doesn’t Like.” Take a guess! It’s fun because there’s at least three or four groups it could be! [New York Times]

* Move over law firms, legal technology vendors poised to become next fashionable cyber target. [Legaltech News]

* A dive into K-Pop and contracts. [LegalCheek]

* SEC says Binance engaged in “extensive web of deception.” And if you can’t trust people selling fake money, who can you trust? [Law360]

* Coinbase must have thought it dodged a bullet after Binance, but it only took an extra day for the SEC to come around for them too. [Reuters]

* Federal Circuit continues to sideline Judge Newman. [Bloomberg Law News]

* The independent state legislature theory continues to lumber like a zombie toward the country. [New Yorker]

* Florida lawmakers desperately trying to convince immigrants to stop leaving the state and that the tough anti-immigrant law was just for show. Maybe don’t pass performative legislation? Just a thought. [New Republic]

* Speaking of lawmaker grandstanding, a group of New York legislators have tried to horn in on the CUNY commencement speech news cycle. They denounced the speech for “paint[ing] America as a colonial imperialistic nation imprisoning innocent people.” Guess they missed all the Central Park 5 headlines. [New York Law Journal]

* Law school admissions return to normal. Law school regrets to return to normal in about 3 years. [Reuters]

* Trump wants judge recused over $35 political contribution. Yeah… that oughta do it. [Law360]

* Not sure “Why Alex Murdaugh is a disgrace to lawyers everywhere” is a headline anyone needed, but go on. [MSNBC]

* Associates don’t have much control over their hours, so why make that the primary metric for layoffs? Um… it’s easy? [American Lawyer]

* Disbarment doesn’t wipe away the fees. Anna Delvey needs to pay up. [NY Post]

* Time to consider the real victims of the TikTok bans: legal industry influencers. [ABA Journal]

* Clifford takes a Chance in launching Houston office. Actually this seems like a pretty solid move, but they aren’t called Clifford Prudentdecisionmaking so the wordplay opportunities were limited. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Science confirms that legal writing is terrible. [AAAS]

* Maryland judge benchslapped for using Beowulf and Whistler’s Mother to import racist stereotypes into an opinion. As racism goes, it’s a very erudite version. Much more National Review than Daily Caller. [ABA Journal]

* House Oversight Committee is probing FTC Chair for pursuing the policies she said she would pursue before getting the job. Really scrounging the bottom of the barrel these days… go back to Hunter Biden’s laptop or something. At least it was interesting. [Reuters]

* Speaking of Hunter Biden, he’s setting himself up to be the next Second Amendment test case to erode laws barring felons from keeping arsenals. [NY Times]

* Federal judge delivers tongue-lashing to Crowell attorneys suing over policies they allegedly advised the defendant on earlier. [Law360]

* Dechert secures sanctions reversal in earplug trial. I SAID, DECHERT SECURES SANCTIONS REVERSAL IN EARPLUG TRIAL. Take those things out, will ya? [Law.com]

* Starbucks is in Trenta trouble as labor law rulings come down. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Biglaw continues to grow despite lagging demand. Is it bad planning or do the firms realize that this recession-that-isn’t is never going to arrive? [American Lawyer]

* The good news: Congress remembered that jurisdiction stripping is a real power that they have! The bad news: they’re using it to clear the deck for one of Joe Manchin’s pork barrel projects. [American Prospect]

* Ninth Circuit swoops into ongoing sex trafficking trial before judge could allow defense lawyers to ask victims about prior prostitution arrests. Look at those go-getters on the Ninth Circuit refusing to procrastinate until there’s a final judgment! [Legal Affairs and Trials]

* Judge Ho wrote a whole separate opinion about the grave injustice of forcing him to use a thesaurus. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Diddy sues liquor giant alleging that it squelched his brands by marketing them exclusively to Black consumers. [Law360]

* An interview with Ron Klain as he transitions back to the private side of the spinning door. [ABA Journal]

* Danny Masterson convicted on two counts of rape. [Reuters]

* When the Supreme Court tried to deflect the heat from Clarence Thomas taking hundreds of thousands of dollars in gifts, the justices signed an ethics pinky swear. Alito breached it within the month. [Slate]

* Corporate legal departments are hiring smaller law firms to save money. I swear we wrote this exact same story… the last time there was a whiff of rate hikes only to have everything return to normal in a year. [Corporate Counsel]

* Sam Bankman-Fried preparing to blame Fenwick & West for everything. [Fortune]

* Texas lawmakers unveil new anti-ESG laws to limit insurance carriers from considering environmental issues. You know… the environmental issues they’re being asked to pay for. I’d like to limit life insurers from considering my career as a crocodile wrestler too, but c’est la vie. [Bloomberg Law News]

* The family at the center of the opioid crisis can successfully shield themselves from liability because that’s what corporations do! [Courthouse News Service]

* NLRB goes after non-compete agreements and it’s honestly a little shocking that they haven’t always been going after non-compete agreements. [Law360]

* Chris Christie announcing a presidential run next week. Over/under on the number of times he mentions that he was a prosecutor in his kickoff speech? I’m setting the line at 9. [CNN]

* Ken Paxton on the verge of impeachment. And apparently that means it’s time for a good old fashioned dumpster fire… of papers outside his office. I’m sure there’s an innocent explanation. [Washington Post]

* Judge loses defamation suit over being linked to QAnon. Or so the shadowy government conspiracy would have us believe. [Reuters]

* Hugh Grant case against branch of Rupert Murdoch empire can proceed. It’s like the Dominion case but more charming. [ABC News]

* North Carolina sued over its electronic court filing system. Ah, the only corner of American technology where PACER can look like an industry leader. [Courthouse News Service]

* The Pacific Legal Foundation had themselves a DAY yesterday. They won the elderly woman tax foreclosure case everyone was up in arms about and then they got the Supreme Court to gut wetlands protections. [Law360]

* Of the previous 100 anti-LGBTQ+ statutes passed, half of them were this year. It’s fricking May. [538]

* Biglaw is amidst an era of upheaval where firms can no longer rest on their reputations.”Nobody wants their career careening from guardrail to guardrail. They don’t want huge peaks and valleys. They want stability.” Welcome to late-stage capitalism, pal. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Texas House digs into Ken Paxton’s financial issues. Ken Paxton calls the Speaker of the House a drunk. Everything is very normal in Texas. [Law360]

* Have we created a generation of lawyers incapable of schmoozing? [Roll on Friday]

* Panama grants legal rights to turtles. Cowabunga. [AP News]

* Alex Murdaugh indicted for fraud. Kind of the least of his worries at this point. [Reuters Legal]

* “Are Second Hundred Firms the New 100?” No. Next question. [American Lawyer]

* The full Am Law 200 rankings are available. Let’s just put a link here for handy reference. [American Lawyer]

* Speaking of the second hundred, its growth outpaced the first hundred. Which isn’t too surprising because those firms had more room to grow, but it is a sign that business is flowing toward less expensive platforms. [American Lawyer]

* Trump’s criminal trial set for March 25, 2024. So basically after he’s locked up the nomination. [Law360]

* Speaking of Trump, his lawyers are seeking an audience with Merrick Garland complaining about the “ongoing injustice” of being investigated for that documents crime that the DOJ already gave Trump months to fix before his lawyers lied about it. Not predicting a fruitful meeting for the crew. [Reuters]

* The new British Invasion is less entertaining than the Beatles, but then again the Beatles never drafted an executive compensation clause. [Bloomberg Law News]

* New lawsuit contends that Biden must use the Fourteenth Amendment to avoid a government default. Meanwhile, the Biden administration continues efforts to protect the global economy by throwing pennies in a wishing well. [Politico]

* Remember when Donald Trump lost that defamation case to E. Jean Carroll and immediately went out and repeated the same claims about her being a liar? Because E. Jean Carroll does and she’s seeking another $10M. [Law360]

* Complaints against federal judges jumped 22 percent last year. You don’t think this could be a knock-on effect from putting unqualified judges on the bench and blessing widespread financial ethical breaches, do you? [Legal Intelligencer]

* Wells Fargo piling up NLRB complaints to go with the $1B they had to pay over the Fed, Treasury, and CFPB complaints. [Bloomberg Law News]

* TikTok sues Montana over state’s performative ban. [Reuters]

* Federal judge temporarily blocks Mississippi law designed to give white state officials control over the court system but only in majority Black areas. This briefing is going to read like a timewarp. [AP]

* Expect the rest of the Magic Circle to reevaluate their U.S. strategies in response to A&O merging with Shearman. [LegalCheek]