Morning Docket

* Law students file ABA complaint after law school admits it sorta winged it after losing all the exam grades. The class: legal ethics. Chef’s kiss. [Law.com]

* Speaking of legal ethics, here’s a hypo: Sam Bankman-Fried’s lawyer also represents the founder of Celsius. But SBF used stolen funds to pay Celsius. [Reuters]

* So the Hunter Biden “evidence” that we all said was faked by Russian intelligence… was faked by Russian intelligence. Shocking. [Axios]

* Courts provide guidance for corporations moving out of Delaware. So now Elon Musk can move to Texas and see if those courts are kinder to the prospect of a company squandering billions in shareholder funds to pay the CEO to cover the cash he wasted running Twitter into the ground. [Bloomberg Law News]

* The bankruptcy court just told Rudy Giuliani that he can challenge the jury award that drove him broke if he wants, but he can’t deplete any of his estate assets to do it. [Law360]

* “Wachtell and S&C Broker Largest M&A Deal Yet of 2024.” It’s February, gang. Maybe hold our horses until we’re at least a couple quarters in. [American Lawyer]

* Wayne Rooney applied to study law. [LegalCheek]

* Today, the Supreme Court will indulge the argument that the statute of limitations on challenging a regulation doesn’t apply to companies founded years after the fact. Who needs settled law, huh? [Reuters]

* “Concerns grow that legal losses could make Trump desperate, even more open to corruption.” Oh. Well better stop trying to address corruption if it makes him do corruption! [MSNBC]

* NY backs down from pledge to steal $100M from poor litigants. Perhaps kicking puppies can make up the shortfall. [National Law Journal]

* Federal judge warns Harvard lawyers that they sound ridiculous pretending like they’re normal people in front of juries. [Law360]

* George Santos sues Jimmy Kimmel for paying him to say ridiculous stuff on platform where he asks people to pay him money to say ridiculous stuff. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Julian Assange extradition battle enters final stages. [NPR]

* Seventh Circuit decides that if parents dump their kids’ DNA into Ancestry.com, the children aren’t bound by the arbitration clause. [Law.com]

* Cleaning staff member fired for eating leftover conference room food. [Roll on Friday]

* Trump’s legal team is already making friends with the next judge. [Yahoo]

* Judge ‘pantomimed something similar to a lap dance.’ [ABA Journal]

* Fani Willis dominates conflict fight. [Reuters]

* Firing remote workers becomes quick way to end up in court. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Kirkland wants other firms to hand over employee data. [Law360]

* NHL hit with antitrust suit. [Courthouse News Service]

* ABA looking to change the nomenclature for special masters. [ABA Journal]

* Delaware law can hurt CEO feelings. [Yahoo]

* Trump DOJ officials conflicted over coming back to engage in revenge prosecutions without worrying about rule of law. Note that they’re “conflicted” about this prospect. [Bloomberg Law News]

* The case against Merrick Garland. Honestly he hasn’t really run his office differently than past Democratic attorneys general but maybe that’s a systemic problem. [The Nation]

* Judges leaning into home security plan. [Reuters]

* Second Circuit agrees that banks can put employee retirement money in their own bad funds. [Law360]

* Law firms across the board are opening up their pockets. [American Lawyer]

* Video game company settles case with choreographer over dance move animation. While we’re at it, video games owe me because the animation of characters writhing in pain after being riddled with bullets is suspiciously close to my signature move. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Jack Smith given a week to respond to Trump’s Supreme Court nonsense. Seems like they’re eager to get this over with too. [Yahoo]

* Reuters asks “is Elon Musk full of shit?” The answer will almost certainly not shock you. [Reuters]

* Another firm crosses into the billion dollar club. Money fight! [American Lawyer]

* Medical experts suggest diagnosis invented by law enforcement to justify shooting people might not be medically sound. [ABA Journal]

* Bob Menendez lawyers compare Senator’s corruption charges to Taylor Swift. Except it’s “no body, no crime” not “a crapload of gold bars, no crime.” [NorthJersey.com]

* Trump’s appeals immunity ruling citing such unassailable precedent as… a dissent in another Trump case that does not itself cite relevant caselaw. Stellar work all around. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Latham shuts its Hong Kong lawyers off from the rest of the firm’s data. [Financial Times]

* Squishmallows launches suit against Build-a-Bear. [BBC]

* More firms trumpet robust 2023 profits implicitly dunking on the firms still laying people off. [American Lawyer]

* Harvard not liable for morgue manager selling spare parts. [Law360]

* Ohio law attempting to ban children from using social media without parental permission blocked based on pesky “basic Constitutional rights” thing. [Reuters]

* Pauline Newman loses another challenge as DC judge jettisons suit while shrugging at the idea that appellate judges have an unenumerated “pocket impeachment” power to terminate a lifetime appointment on their own. [ABA Journal]

* Aileen Cannon meets privately with Trump lawyers so they can tell her what to do. [Newsweek]

* Judge says he thought lawyer was flirting, so he responded by touching her “lower hamstring.” Not even sure that’s the acceptable next move if she HAD BEEN flirting. [ABA Journal]

* Winston & Strawn executive pushes third party presidential option. And, honestly, if you can’t trust lifelong Republican Biglaw attorneys for political advice then who can you trust. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Judge orders Elon Musk to testify because his testimony, which should force him to settle based on his past trips to the stand. [Reuters]

* Man who traded on Biglaw girlfriend’s insider information receives permanent injunction against violating securities laws. So everyone gets a freebie! [Law360]

* There is “concern” about A&O Shearman. No kidding. Maybe the mass defections it set off? [ALM International]

* Hawai’i Supreme Court considers actual historical record… upholds state gun laws and mocks U.S. Supreme Court’s vibe-based take. [Reuters]

* “Club dancer hired as solicitor’s ‘obedient little slave creature’ awarded £28k.” No further commentary needed. [Roll on Friday]

* Special Counsel in Biden document case opts for unorthodox prosecutorial strategy of admitting that there is no crime and then putting out 50 pages insulting the target of the investigation because the guy is MAD that he can’t find any crime. [ABA Journal]

* FCC bans AI-voiced robocalls. So much for those retirement plans! [Law360]

* Yale and Stanford move up interview season into June. Why not the first day of 1L? Or orientation? [Law.com]

* Seyfarth may still lag behind the market in compensation, but they reported another solid, profitable year and are looking to expand. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Kilpatrick sees 13 percent profit surge. Starting to doubt the handful of “we need layoffs because of economic headwinds.” [American Lawyer]

* A group of originalists are going to rule that post-Civil War America passed the Fourteenth Amendment bar on insurrectionists as merely advisory. [SCOTUSBlog]

* Paul Hastings joins Arnold & Porter in reporting a big revenue year. I suspect this is going to be more of the norm and the firms engaging in layoffs will be the outliers. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Rudy Giuliani tells Trustee about all his unpaid bills. [Law360]

* Former client gearing up to file complaint against Kasowitz for $100M over alleged conflict of interest. [New York Law Journal]

* Gen AI could change the conversation around the billable hour. It probably won’t, but it could and likely should. [Legaltech News]

* Law professor lost his Title IX claim against the school for being anti-male, but he’s filing a new lawsuit. [ABA Journal]

* Special counsel — no, not that one — concludes investigation. [Reuters]

* Snoop and Master P suing Post and Walmart for sabotaging their cereal brand. You’ve got to eat something when the ladies in the livin’ room leave at 6 in the morning. [Law360]

* Taylor Swift threatens the same incredibly stupid lawsuit that Elon Musk did. [CNN]

* Some firms are laying people off. Other firms are seeing epic profit boosts. Arnold & Porter is the latter kind of firm. [American Lawyer]

* School shooter’s mother convicted of manslaughter. Not sure vicarious liability is going to lead anywhere good. [Reuters]

* This isn’t exactly news, but Donald Trump’s fundraising sent millions to fund lawyers for his failkids. [Business Insider]

* Elon Musk is funding Gina Carano’s lawsuit against Disney because he’s willing to underwrite anything anti-Trans at this point. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Elon University begins admitting law students in Charlotte. [WBTV]

* California can continue to enforce its ammunition background check law while the Ninth Circuit ponders constitutionality of the common sense regulation Chris Rock outlined 25 years ago.

* NLRB rules that Dartmouth basketball players are “employees” of the university. Continuing to go out there while sitting at the bottom of the Ivy League is the very definition of a job. [Front Office Sports]

* DOJ seeks new documents from Ticketmaster amid allegations that the company is deliberately failing to cooperate with investigation. This sets up a possible grand irony: Ticketmaster having to pay tacked on fees. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Federal Circuit appears inclined to preserve 4 decades worth of precedent. See Supreme Court? It is possible. [Law360]

* ABA remains “ultimate resource” for lawyers declares ABA as it raises its dues. [ABA Journal]

* The power of streaming turned Suits into a hit years after it went off the air. Now it’s getting a spinoff. [LegalCheek]

* Kentucky prosecutor convicted of trading legal favors for sex as the profession’s resistance to alternative fee arrangements continues. [Law.com]

* The secret to beating Elon Musk in $55 billion pay package case? Letting the jury hear Musk’s side of it. [Wall Street Journal]

* Proskauer settles fight with former COO in trade secrets fight. Now he’ll be free to share such gems as “bill more” with his new firm. [Law360]

* Man sentenced for impersonating NBA star to get fake medical payments. “To ruin people’s reputations… for wealth is really something,” said Judge Seybert… accidentally describing just about every billionaire’s path. [ESPN]

* Harvard Law School will join Yale and Stanford in offering some full tuition scholarships to low-income students. While an admirable move in a vacuum, just be wary if a school with an endowment in the billions starts saying “we didn’t charge 20 of you, so that’s why it’s so important that we raise tuition 185 percent on the rest of you.” [Reuters]

* Ethics complaints filed against judges for encouraging firms to give oral argument opportunities to younger and more diverse advocates. It’s the same group suing NYU on behalf of white students not smart enough for law review so as you can imagine their quarrel isn’t really with the “younger” part. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Police arrest Killer Mike after winning three Grammys. [Deadline]

* Tex McIver, the Biglaw partner who shot his wife and blamed it on Black Lives Matter, may soon be released from prison. [CNN]

* We all knew Goodwin was still laying people off — but now they’ve issued a statement about their “performance” cuts. [American Lawyer]

* Trump apparently lost his mind when he realized Alina provided lunch during his deposition. Very stable genius and all that. [CNN]

* Disney appeals that loony Judge Winsor opinion in the DeSantis case. [Deadline]

* Texas Supreme Court justice skipped half its arguments to go campaigning. You know… you can do those events at night, too. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Fifth Circuit cuts back bias award. [Law360]

* For second time in its history, Harvard Law Review elects a Black woman to presidency. Which right-wing activist group will sue first? [Reuters]

* Congress needs to take action on civil forfeiture reform… example #473684. [Forbes]

* Bar exam passes on ExamSoft. [Reuters]

* Trump judge dismisses Disney lawsuit against DeSantis explaining that Disney lacks standing because DeSantis has already caused so much damage that there’s really just no way to fix it. Galaxy brain thinking all around. [NPR]

* Former NRA lawyer throws boss under a bus. [ABA Journal]

* Harvard Law School fails to teach students that Singapore is not part of China. [Huffington Post]

* “Trump: Any Lawyer Who Represents Me Is Either a Patriot or ‘CRAZY.’” True. [Daily Beast]

* Are these the salad days for associates? [Bloomberg Law News]

* Biglaw offers mixed response to Generative AI. [American Lawyer]

* Someone involved in the “fire university presidents for anti-Semitism” hearings finally figured out that Amy Wax exists. Welcome! You have such a journey ahead of you! [Law.com]

* We’re actually having a fluoridated water debate? In the year of our Lord 2024? [Bloomberg Law News]

* After losing not one, but two trials before Judge Kaplan, Donald Trump now argues that the fact both the judge and Carroll’s attorney are Paul Weiss alums should nix the verdict. [Reuters]

* Alex Murdaugh will not get a new trial. [NY Times]

* Texas wants to take the corporate law crown from Delaware. [Financial Times]

* Marilyn Manson ordered to pay Evan Rachel Wood’s legal fees. [Rolling Stone]

* IRS whistleblower sentenced to 5 years for his public service. [Courthouse News Service]

* American Lawyer asked top firms how they’re using AI in their practices. The answers are mostly mundane except for one that read “our attorneys are overwhelmingly pleased with our AI integration END OF LINE.” [American Lawyer]

* The still anonymous NYU Law School white male 1L suing over law review acceptance policies now seeks class status on behalf of other students too dumb to make law review. [Reuters]

* David Kenner gets one year of probation for leaking confidential evidence from the Pras Michél case. [Daily Beast]

* US asking cloud companies to investiate foreign clients as part of bid to stay ahead of China’s AI. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Legal thoughts on Florida State’s spat with the ACC. [Tampa Bay Times]

* There’s a shortage of prosecutors and it’s becoming a problem for defendants. [ABA Journal]

* Sadly, Charles Fried has died. [NY Times]

* Rudy raises a million from big donors for his legal defense. Given what he charges for Cameo, I’m scared of what he must have to do on camera for these guys. [CNBC]

* SEC decides that doing an end-run around going public doesn’t excuse SPACs from regulation. [National Law Journal]

* Alabama unveiled its new, “painless” death penalty technique. As a witness put it, prison officials “were visibly surprised at how bad this thing went.” [Reuters]

* A look at the NCLA. Because sometimes you just want to sell a bunch of asbestos baby pajamas and who’s the federal government or “cancer” to tell you no, amirite? [Bloomberg Law News]

* Another firm followers Slaughter & May in employing Big Brother to get associates into the office. [Roll on Friday]

* Congrats to American Lawyer’s new editor-in-chief! [American Lawyer]

* Alina Habba likely avoids malpractice claims… because Trump’s case is already a loser. Small miracles! [Business Insider]

* Biglaw needs to confront how it offers feedback and chart a course somewhere between, “fine… I’m too busy for this” and “you’re fired and you’re also ugly.” [American Lawyer]

* Greg Abbott vows to ignore Supreme Court ruling in bid to earn elusive 9-0 defeat. [The Hill]

* Maybe Abbott wouldn’t be forcing another wasteful appellate process if the justices would just explain themselves. [Balls and Strikes]

* Fifth Circuit grants qualified immunity despite law enforcement taking several months to plot malicious prosecution against journalist. [Reuters]

* Mainstream media as shocked by Supreme Court clerkship bonuses as everyone else is. [Washington Post]

* Biglaw makes bigtime real money off fake money. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Supreme Court’s “faithless elector” case may open backdoor to election tampering by state legislatures. [ABA Journal]

* New push for the Supreme Court curb “two-step” bankruptcy abuse. But the company behind the tactic, which shields a company from legal liabilities by allowing it to spin those to a new entity that then declares bankruptcy, throws such wonderful parties for Clarence Thomas and the gang so it’s probably safe. [Reuters]

* In-house work is now a non-stop geopolitical compliance obstacle course. [Corporate Counsel]

* Ninth Circuit considers California assault weapons ban. Just a reminder that the trial judge in this case terrorized a crying child for kicks and has yet to face any repercussions. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Starbucks union orders up financial disclosures. [HuffPo]

* Solicitor who spent a month in prison for researching a case while on jury duty now suspended for 8 years.[LegalCheek]

* Charges dropped in case of a Dallas lawyer’s murder. [ABA Journal]

* Law firms should keep profit focus on the down low if they want to keep the team happy. [American Lawyer]

* Supreme Court rules 5-4 that Texas can’t implement its own immigration policy. Would be really interesting to hear WHY four justices thought the Supremacy Clause was mere puffery, but they didn’t issue any opinions because of course they didn’t. [Washington Post]

* Florida backtracks from plan to use taxpayer funds for Trump legal defense fund after Ron DeSantis suggests he’d veto it. Besides, he needs that money to keep paying lawyers to lose to Disney. [Politico]

* First Circuit blesses Mexico’s lawsuit against American gun manufacturers marketing high-powered weapons to cartels. [Reuters]

* Generative AI complicates attorney-client privilege when it asks the client “hey, I gotta ask if you did this because, hoo boy, you wouldn’t believe the last guy’s answer.” [Bloomberg Law News]

* Meanwhile, legal challenges to generative AI like to characterize it as regurgitating copyrighted work. But is that metaphor a hallucination? [Legaltech News]

* Supreme Court agrees to hear wrongful conviction case where state supreme court wants to go through with death penalty, while the prosecutors want the conviction overturned. [ABA Journal]