* The 9th Circuit ruled yesterday that prisoners held by the C.I.A. in overseas prisons could not sue over alleged torture because the lawsuit might expose government secrets. Secrets like, how the government tortures prisoners. [Associated Press]

* Does punishable mean “able to be punished” and is Miguel Tejada the proper precedent? The answers to these questions will determine a Bush lawyer’s fate. [BLT]

*For those of you who don’t habla español, La Barbie is Spanish for…The Barbie. [New York Times]

* There’s a “Going Into Business Sale” happening at some law firms. [Wall Street Journal]

* So this lawyer clears up issues relating to Minka Kelly’s cockapoodle. I review documents in a small windowless storage closet room. I guess what I’m trying to say is, we can’t all be Atticus Finch. [New York Daily News]

* The University of Chicago Law School received a gift of $10 million in order to keep pace with Yale and Harvard…and Baltimore? [Bloomberg]

* This week, the Morning Docket book club will be reading “Ape House.” I don’t want to ruin the book for all of you, but it features bonobo sex. Dockette will be leading the discussion next week. [New York Times]

Richard M. Daley

* Those big phonies on the parole board denied Mark David Chapman again. [New York Post]

* Mayor Bloomberg does not believe consistency with regard to the First Amendment is the hobgoblin of little men minds. [Wall Street Journal]

* BP magnanimously shares blame for oil spill. Apparently, greed is not always good. [Business Week]

* HP sues former CEO to protect trade secrets. Secrets like how to expense a mistress.[Washington Post]

* Judge Royce Lamberth (D.D.C.) rejected the government’s argument that a “parade of horribles” would result from his preliminary injunction against some funding of stem cell research. He refused to address the possibility of a “chorus line of fuglies.” [Associated Press]

* Chicago “Mayor for Life” and noted bar exam failure, Richard M. Daley, will not run for re-election. [New York Times]

* Jewish fanny pack enthusiast who arrested Mel Gibson sues the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. [Los Angeles Times]

T.I., apparently auditioning for a Dr. Seuss movie.

* Scalia to speak at Marquette’s law school dedication ceremony. Wait a second, I thought he wasn’t a fan of lower-ranked schools… [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]

* T.I. should know that the clink isn’t an ideal place for a romantic honeymoon getaway. [New York Times ArtsBeat]

* After this lawsuit, it’s fair to say that Brooks Brothers may be having a sale on bow ties soon. [Forbes]

* What’s the difference between two rival brands of 100% juice? Apparently a lot when one company’s label is “false.” [National Law Journal]

* Fuld of crap? Lehman’s former CEO plays the victim card, blaming bankruptcy on the big bad government. [New York Times Dealbook]

* Escándalo! The DOJ sues America’s toughest sheriff for non-compliance with its racial profiling probe. Illegal must be a race these days. [Los Angeles Times]

* In honor of 90210 day, here’s a law-related story about a high school teacher who made beautiful music with his female students. Too bad this didn’t happen on the show — he’d be a lot hotter. [Belleville News Democrat]

* The worst hangover ever: realizing that you lost a $1.3M painting while you were wasted. [Associated Press]

* If they want to live, the members of the Pacific Justice Institute had better not question the Governator’s action — or inaction — regarding Proposition 8. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Holy Xenu! With $1,000 a day fines, Scientology is making this lawyer one sad thetan. [St. Petersburg Times]

* Why involve the Second Circuit when even Kool & The Gang know that ladies’ night is constitutional? [New York Daily News]

* In the rap world, it’s all about the benjamins, baby… until you need a hip replacement. [NBC New York]

* The Discovery Channel thinks that the world is just awesome, but James Lee didn’t share the same sentiments. Too soon? [CNN Justice]

* The DOJ seeks justice for all, even community college job applicants who don’t have greencards. [Washington Post]

* The Seneca and Cayuga Indians won the right to sell New Yorkers cancer, tax-free of course, for at least two weeks. [New York Daily News]

* DOJ seeks stem cell stay. Now say that three times fast. [Wall Street Journal]

* Facebook is about sharing, but CEO Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t want to play by his own rules. [ABC News]

* These Horace Mann parents want to trade a monetary bequest for their son’s clean academic record, proving that money can buy you anything. Well, anything besides class. [New York Times]

* Not so neutral now, are you, Sweden? Julian Assange of WikiLeaks gets screwed by prosecutors, again. [Bloomberg]

Ed. note: This post is by Morning Dockette, one of our new Morning Docket writers. You can reach her by email at MorningDockette@gmail.com.

* In some states, medical marijuana will cost you more than just $450 an ounce. [New York Times]

* Facing possible racketeering charges, the entire cast of Jersey Shore may soon be joining the IFF. [New York Daily News]

* I bet Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream about this… [Washington Post]

* Patently offensive? The world’s 37th richest man sues Apple and Google, to name a few, because he obviously needs more money. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Hawaiians might say aloha (as in “hello”) to gay marriage after California’s Prop. 8 ruling. [Los Angeles Times]

* Paris Hilton should win an award for the most creative alibi of the year. That’s hot. [The Sun]

* The FCC says f**k it, and appeals its indecency policy to the 2nd Circuit. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Protip: if you’re a juror, don’t spill the beans on Facebook that you plan to convict. You might end up being the one convicted. [Click On Detroit]

Elie's a Mets fan so he never has to worry about WS tickets, free or otherwise

* New York Governor David Paterson may face criminal charges for accepting a free ticket to the World Series last year. Even if he’s convicted, I still think he got a good deal on that ticket. [WSJ Law Blog]

* The “hold-out” juror in the Blagojevich trial explains her vote. I’d like to mock her, but she appears reasonable, honest, and conscientious. It’s a shame Blagojevich didn’t sell her that Senate seat because Washington could sure use someone like that. [Chicago Tribune]

* Is the FAA’s proposed $24.2 million penalty against American Airlines excessive? Yes . . . unless you think that giant metal flying machines carrying thousands of people across the world daily should actually meet the minimum safety guidelines set by the government. [CNN]

* The Elusive and Exotic Double Benchslap: A Florida appellate court has found a plaintiff’s lawyer’s language during trial to be so prejudicial and inflammatory that the trial judge abused his discretion by finding otherwise. [Law.com]

* A Two-Step Guide to Losing a Seat on the Iowa Supreme Court: (1) Rule in favor of same-sex marriage; (2) Wait for the next retention election. [Washington Post]

Ed. note: This post was compiled by one of our seven Morning Docket finalists. The finalists will be handling MD all week. As always, we welcome your thoughts in the comments.

* At Walmart you can save money and live better, except if you’re a woman. [New York Times]

* Zenovia Evans is fighting for law school transparency, one lie at a time. [Huffington Post]

* Surprisingly, bigger isn’t always better at Hooters. [WSJ Law Blog]

* California jury trials are slower than rush hour on the 405, but a new law might change that. [National Law Journal]

* It’s likely that Lindsay Lohan’s probation-mandated 12 steps will lead her back to her drug dealer. [Associated Press]

* Tiger’s divorce may have affected his golf, but you know his game is still in full swing. [New York Times

* I'm on a board, I'm on a board, SEC look at me 'cause I got proxy access to a board. [Wall Street Journal]