Non-Sequiturs

* I think there is an interesting question on why Republican Presidents seem to have difficulty getting their Supreme Court justices to vote the party line, but this opinion writer handles the discussion in a stupid, butthurt way. [Washington Post] * Your Tweets can be subpoenaed. #Biglawdiscoverytactics. [Atlantic Wire] * Rutgers-Camden Law seems to be having trouble filling its seats. Maybe that's why they've started admitting people who didn't even apply. [Tax Prof Blog] * If you spend over $100K for a J.D. and then end up working at Axiom, you've probably lost. [Law Technology News] * Here's a nice little chart made with Chambers numbers to tell us which firms seem to be staffing up. The takeaway is that in addition to your studies, you should be spending enough time in the gym so you look pretty enough to work at Davis Polk. [WSJ Law Blog] * A Blawg Review that pays homage to Lyndon Baines Johnson. I read that LBJ used to take meetings while he was on the crapper. You probably couldn't do that today without somebody suing you. [The Defense Rests via Blawg Review]

* Katie Holmes… is free. FREEDOM. [ABC News] * The Marbury v. Madison interpretation of the Roberts health care ruling (which I noted yesterday morning) is gaining a lot of traction. [Daily Beast] * Killing me softly with taxes, killing me softly, with taxes, taking my whole life, with levies, killing me softly, with these taxes. [Going Concern] * Texas GOP Platform says that they oppose teaching critical thinking skills to children. The party says it was a typo, but given how many people can’t think themselves above 150 on the LSAT, I don’t think they have anything to worry about. [Talking Points Memo] * So, does this mean that Republicans don’t think the government can mandate ultrasounds, or what? [Huffington Post] * I was on the radio yesterday talking Obamacare with Northwestern Law professor Tonja Jacobi and SCOTUSblog’s Amy Howe. [The Afternoon Shift / WBEZ] * After the jump there is a spoken word poem about Law and Technology. That’s not a typo. Spoken. Word. Law & Tech. Don’t say I never did anything for you…. I hesitate to characterize it, other than to say I couldn’t believe that I was watching it:

* Both CNN and Fox News initially misreported the Affordable Care Act decision this morning, stating the mandate had been struck down. The Washington Post has screencaps of our generation’s Dewey Defeats Truman moment. [The Fix / Washington Post] * Hmm… was Scalia’s dissent originally a majority opinion? [The Volokh Conspiracy] * Slate explains the other important part of the SCOTUS decision: Medicaid expansion. [Slate] * Days like today (and SCOTUS decisions like this morning’s) are the reason Twitter was invented. Buzzfeed has the day’s funniest reaction tweets for your perusal. [Buzzfeed] * In the midst of all this ACA talk, The Onion reminds us of another mandate for 25-year-olds that sounds awfully familiar. [The Onion] * First they came for Megaupload… now the owner of SurftheChannel.com has been convicted of conspiracy to defraud in England. [Guardian] * A Liverpool woman tried to pay for £30 of gas (or, as they call it across the pond, “petrol”) with 1p coins, running afoul of the UK’s “Coinage Act of 1971.” And you thought getting a handful of those Sacagawea coins as change from ticket machines was annoying… [Legal Juice] * Rupert Murdoch plans to split News Corp. in two, separating its scandal-ridden, phone-hacking publishing side from its lucrative entertainment side (including Fox News and Twentieth Century Fox). [Daily Intel / NY Mag] * And finally, in only slightly less vital legal news, Jonathan Lee Riches filed two new lawsuits in West Virginia against various Kardashians, involving (among other things) Al Qaeda training camps, unicorns, sex tapes, gunplay, and Charlie Sheen. [Miami New Times]

* Tom Goldstein of SCOTUSBlog believes that the individual mandate will be upheld tomorrow. I’m on record as saying that if so, it’ll be the greatest moment of Chief Justice Roberts’s tenure. It would be a message that the Court was above politics, something that the Court has struggled to prove since Bush v. Gore. Obviously, I expect them to strike down the mandate, laugh at the other two branches of government, and then have a big sex and coke party because they can’t be fired. [SCOTUSblog] * Back in the day, I went to Lollapalooza and caught a performance of Courtney Love’s band Hole, and it was great and she was great and then she did a cover of Come as You Are that blew the doors off and I remember just hoping she’d stay just clean enough to make great music. Things didn’t work out that way. [Hollywood Reporter] * Social media. Data breach. Lawsuit. This happens so often now I don’t know that it’s news, it’s just the way things are. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight] * NYU Law Professor wants to ban hate speech. Gosh, I hardly think the government should be able to prevent me from saying things like “this stupid freaking argument would never be tolerated at Columbia.” [Bloomberg Law] * SEC is suing Phil Falcone, which is fun but might not make the most sense. [Dealbreaker] * The Ninth Circuit is trying to look down the rabbit hole of just what border agents can do to your laptop, and how long they can keep it. [Law Technology News]

* Yesterday, we talked about Professor Jonathan Turley being butthurt over the criticism he received from Ann Althouse and others. Today, Althouse responds. I'm keeping my powder dry till Thursday, when I will undoubtedly have a full mental breakdown as SCOTUS overturns a healthcare plan I didn't really like in the first place. [Althouse] * Woman gets raped. Woman gets morning after pill. Woman reports rape to police. Police arrest woman on outstanding, unrelated warrant. Warden confiscates pill because that's what Jesus would have wanted. Do I have to explicitly say this happened in Florida, or did I give you enough context clues? [The Daily Dolt] * Hedge fund manager who faked his own death has thoughts on famous murders. [Dealbreaker] * Some other ways for law firms to compete for clients beyond offering the lowest price. [What About Clients?] * I think if this Miami Heat owner insists on proceeding with this lawsuit, then we should all get to Champagne Bukkake him when he loses. [The Legal Satyricon] * Check out this awesome podcast I was on last night. Not only did I get progressively more drunk while taping, I think I also said that Roberts "isn't so bad" and then named my favorite Justice appointed by a Republican. [Recess Appointment]

* This is a great article on why the Supreme Court doesn’t leak, while more important institutions, like our national security apparatus, leak like a freaking sieve. [New Republic] * Most law professors think the Affordable Care Act is constitutional. Most law professors think the Supreme Court will overturn the ACA anyway. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? [Bloomberg] * And now for some SCOTUS thoughts from the amazingly amorphous Mitt Romney. Look at his works in equivocation, ye mighty, and despair. [Washington Post] * You know, I don’t know how they afford this stuff, but having an inalienable right to “paid vacation” really feels like the kind of European invention we should be emulating. Good ideas can come from anywhere, folks. [Legal Blog Watch] * Letting students sit for the bar exam after their second year but then making them come back to school for an even more obviously useless third year is a great way to make somebody have a total mental dissociative break. Just imagine calculating how much money you’re being forced to waste while you sit there in a 3L seminar called “Law and Ceramics.” [Faculty Lounge] * Oh, I like this. The little Democrat in me can’t help but like this: a “global” financial transaction tax. Mmm… there’s nothing like the smell of global redistributive fairness. [Overlawyered] * Jonathan Turley seems hurt that Ann Althouse and other conservative academics acted in a way that shows “we have lost the tradition of civil discourse in this country.” Yeah, umm, Professor Turley, perhaps you didn’t read the footnotes, but here on the internet we don’t have a tradition of civil discourse. We do have a tradition of ad hominem attacks, hyperbole, and pictures of cats. [Jonathan Turley]

* Welcome to the right side of history, former anti-gay marriage guy. [New York Times] * Protecting free speech has to be more important than stopping hate speech. [National Post vai Overlawyered] * Netflix is subject to the Americans with Disabilities Act. Seems unfair to me, people are already disabled, I don’t see why you have to make them deal with Netflix too. [Boston Globe] * This Tony Parker lawsuit following the Chris Brown fight is right out of Eddie Murphy’s Raw where people start suing Eddie for “sprained eyes.” (If you haven’t seen Raw in a while, click the link. So funny.) [Daily Mail] * This law would make it a crime for a teenager to breakup with his girlfriend via text. That sounds like a great idea. [Volokh Conspiracy] * See my vest, see my vest, made of lizards I’m smuggled to the U.S. [Legal Juice] After the jump, you really have to check out Brian Cuban having an aneurism over Lindsay Lohan’s continued freedom...

* Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer, Joe Amendola, has a very lawyerly license plate — and expired tags, too? [Deadspin] * In other sports law news, Darren Heitner says at least one football helmet manufacturer should be afraid, be very afraid, of concussion litigation. [Forbes] * A pop culture blogger, Jenni Maier, is rudely awakened to the boring, sexless, receding-hairline-filled real world of jury duty. [Crushable] * A pair of former Lawyers of the Day, Michael Tein and Guy Lewis, are in trouble again — this time for allegedly acting “recklessly and unprofessionally” towards the judge in a wrongful death case they were handling. [Miami Herald] * The Minnesota Supreme Court rules that a Mortuary Science student was legally flunked for making fun (on Facebook) of the cadaver she had to dissect. Chalk up another point to the Facebook Fun Police. [City Pages] * Senior U.S. District Judge Robert J. Kelleher, the oldest serving federal judge, died at 99 in California. [Associated Press]

* Hyper-competitive weekend warrior kills himself racing down a mountain path and his family is suing the internet start-up that makes an app that allows you to track your time against other users. Is anybody making an app to track really stupid lawsuits filed by bereaved family members who receive terrible legal advice during times of crisis? [Not-So Private Parts / Forbes] * The Fast and the Furious Legal Edition: Executive of Privilege. [WSJ Law Blog] * Bringing the billable hour to social media seems likely to make me cry. [Legal Cheek] * Former SCOTUS clerks think the individual mandate is done for. [Wonkblog / Washington Post] * Google threatens to bring the hammer down on YouTube to mp3 converter. [Torrent Freak] * Maybe this is the kind of alcohol you can buy with prestige points. [Urban Daddy] * The companies who will own the president if Romney wins. [USAToday]

* Another year, another survey that shows prospective law students care more about the U.S. News Law School Rankings than anything else when applying to law school. In fact, it’s the exact same number from 2010. Kids are dumb. [Kaplan] * Everybody is worried about what will happen when computers replace attorneys. I’m much more interested in what will happen when computers replace hookers. [The Atlantic] * If watching our Congress ask idiot questions of Jamie Dimon doesn’t make you feel like we need vastly more intelligent Congresspeople, maybe watching them fawn over Jamie Dimon will do the trick. [Dealbreaker] * I really hadn’t thought of this — in addition to your huge educational debts, your parents are most likely out there spending your inheritance. I swear, if I ever spend money on more education, it’s going to be on a post-apocalyptic survivalist class. [Law and More] * Former TSA lady gropes current TSA lady after inappropriate groping from TSA. [Threat Level / Wired] * In real life, unlike Monopoly, a bank error is never really in your favor. [Legal Blog Watch] * Do the Republicans have an abortion problem? [New Yorker] * Happy Birthday, Lat! Check out the very cool gift (affiliate link) that he received in the mail today — signed by one of the authors. [Twitpic via Twitter]

* Roger Clemens was found not guilty on charges of lying to Congress about using steroids. [New York Times] * Why did the ABA Journal kill a feature story on mentoring by Dan Hull and Scott Greenfield? The world may never know, and the world may never see the story. [Simple Justice] * Q: What does a male lawyer do when his female secretary gives him a nice little Father’s Day gift? A: Freak out because random acts of kindness are so unusual, and then write a letter to a New York Times advice columnist. [New York Times] * If you’ll be in D.C. this Thursday, June 21, check out this battle of the law firm bands — a fun event that we’ve covered before, as well as a fundraiser for a worthy cause. [Banding Together 2012] * ATL readers are awesome. You guys have already been a huge help to this court reporter who almost died when he fell into the Chicago River. The family is still taking donations, and now there’s a PayPal link, so it’s even easier to lend a hand to Andrew Pitts and his family. [Kruse Reporters Blog] * A closer look at the continuing rapid progress of predictive coding (or, as skeptics would say, our new computer overlords) in legal discovery. [WSJ Law Blog] * New York’s “hot dog hooker,” Ms. Catherine Scalia (no, not that Scalia), was sentenced to jail. Maybe she should have deigned to sell chocolate milkshakes instead. [Gothamist]

* America’s favorite serial litigant, Jonathan Lee Riches, wants to make an appearance as former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s lawyer. [Detroit News] * You better run and hide, because the vacuum bandit is coming to town. [Legal Juice] * A Chicago reporter fell into in the Chicago sewer system River. He is currently on a respirator, and another court reporter has set up a relief fund for him. Get well soon, Andrew Pitts. [Kruse Reporters Blog] * Speaking of Chicago, this could be an Odd Couple reboot: The drug dealer and his roommate, a local prosecutor. What goofy hijinks will they get into next? [Chicago Tribune] * This Australian reporter says the American legal system has evolved to conceal truth, not reveal it. See how long you can read this before smoke starts coming out your ears. [The Atlantic] * Happy Father’s Day! Even to all the famous, lawbreaking dads out there. [Attorney Fee]

* Some law schools are thinking about reducing class sizes, but others are not. Said one dean, “People want to go to our school, and why should we say no?” [The Faculty Lounge] * The fun coming out of the Seventh Circuit just doesn’t stop. Do you know what an “interrobang” is? [Volokh Conspiracy] * Speaking of the “What What (In the Butt)” opinion, here’s some analysis from Professor Ann Althouse. [Althouse] * Yeah, we know, we’re not supposed to give tax advice. So think of this as housing advice: if you earn $1 million or more, avoid living in a blue state. [TaxProf Blog] * Free Winona Eggs Benedict! A New York City Council bill seeks to remove “unnecessary obstacles” to getting Sunday brunch. [City Room / New York Times] * An Australian journalist’s thoughts on how to reform the Anglo-American legal system. [The Atlantic] * Hmm…. should I look into buying the domain name david.lat? [Legal Blog Watch] * How Dewey go through $43 million in six weeks? Is this like Brewster’s Millions or something? Discussion in this video....

* Gina Chon, the Wall Street Journal reporter whose sensuous e-mails with Brett McGurk, a U.S. ambassadorial nominee, were released last week, resigned her job at the paper. But temporary unemployment is no match for true love (or super hot sex, for that matter)! [Washington Post] * UMass Law is now the first accredited public law school in Massachusetts. Thank God, because our law school reserves were running dangerously low. [Boston Globe] * The attorney for FunnyJunk is totally befuddled by the Oatmeal’s hilarious response to his legal threats, as well as the internet at large’s response to the response. Come on man, loosen up and feel the lulz. [Gawker] * The Justice Department dropped the remaining charges against John Edwards. That’s an anti-climax for the record books. [WSJ Law Blog] * Congratulations to Andrew Schilling, the former top civil prosecutor at the Manhattan U.S. Attorney’s office, who is joining BuckleySandler as a partner! [Thomson Reuters News & Insight] * JPMorgan’s CEO admits, “I was dead wrong.” Congratulations, I hope that makes you feel better. Now why don’t you give us taxpayers all our money back? [Gothamist] * I get stopped at the airport because some TSA agent thinks my belt buckle looks like a bomb or something, but this guy becomes a commercial pilot??? I just don’t get it. At all. [Wall Street Journal] * I do not envy the guy who has to explain the $19,000 strip club credit card bill to his wife. [Daily Business Review]

* What price can you put on freedom (or lack thereof)? Jeffrey Deskovic, who served 16 years in prison for a rape and murder he did not commit, sued a whole host of defendants after his exoneration — and won more than $5 million. [Cruel and Unusual] * One way of dealing with opposing counsel is to grope them and expose yourself to them. I didn’t say it was a “good” was to deal with opposing counsel. [New York Personal Injury Law Blog] * George Zimmerman’s wife was arrested for perjury. Good thing she wasn’t wearing a hoodie while she allegedly lied, ’cause you know how that goes. [Orlando Sentinel] * When studying for the bar, you have to at least pretend that there’s going to be a job afterwards. Don’t torture yourself with reality. [Law Riot] * As a boy with a girl’s name, I’m always worried that something like this will happen to me. Trust me, my son will not have this problem. I’ll call the kid Mars Glock The Penismightier Mystal or something. [The Daily Dolt] * Is the NFL going to end up like Big Tobacco? [Forbes] * I’ll be moderating a panel at this year’s American Constitution Society National Convention. That means I’m coming to D.C.! If you want to hang out, I’ll be drinking with Marin at Off the Record — which is downstairs at the Hay-Adams — starting at about 8:30 tomorrow night. [American Constitution Society]

* Really, Prometheus was the kind of movie that allows you to think “putting in some lawyers couldn’t have hurt.” [Point of Law] * Republicans are just better at naming laws than Democrats. I don’t know why that is, but it is. [Recess Appointment] * Stand your ground laws increase homicides. Tomorrow, the gun lobby will tell us that we need to arm ourselves because of the epidemic of people standing their ground and killing innocent, unarmed Americans who weren’t able to buy a gun. [WSJ Law Blog] * I almost feel bad for Anthony Kennedy. Every objective indicator proves that he was wrong about what the impact of Citizens United would be, and every month brings a new opportunity to shame Kennedy again. [Election Law Blog] * Do you take the Metro North home every day? Like Pete Campbell, you might need an apartment in the city. [Dealbreaker] * Defense rests in Roger Clemens trial. I guess the jurors will have to go back to counting sheep in order to get their rest in. [NPR] * A judge who meditated would freak me out. Especially if the judge meditated about how you shouldn’t judge people. [Underdog]

* How many cops does it take to kill a man? [Simple Justice] * Professor Paul Campos has been having fun with the NALP numbers. Well, fun for him, and for me. Less fun for anybody unlucky enough to have been part of the class of 2011. [Inside the Law School Scam] * And if you don’t like to read, here’s some video about how bad the job market is for the class of 2011. ARE YOU LISTENING, PROSPECTIVE LAW STUDENTS? CAN YOU TAKE IN AND PROCESS INFORMATION? [Bloomberg Law] * How come my anonymous readers don’t drop $25 million on me? I’d name a whole wing of my new house after them. And give them a T-shirt. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight] * In the recession, we cling to what we have instead of striking out into the unknown. In related news: if you leave your law job, there’ll be a stampede of people happy to take your spot. [What About Clients?] * I don’t even think you should be allowed to defend yourself pro se. [Underdog] * Southwestern Law’s Dean Bryant Garth is stepping down. One of these days, somebody will let me run a law school. [Southwestern Law School]

* Do you still have to pay for legal research? I say “yes.” You have to pay for it right up until the moment you feel comfortable walking into a partner’s office and saying, “This is everything I could find on Google.” [Legal Blog Watch] * Chinese female lawyers in China are amazingly successful compared to their Western counterparts. Theories abound as to why, but I like the theories that blame American children for being whiny brats who need their mommies all the time. [The Careerist] * One would expect nothing less from Warren Buffett’s bodyguard. [Dealbreaker] * The upside of having children’s birthday parties at gun ranges is that the children will get to see natural selection in action. [The Volokh Conspiracy] * At least Kwame Brown is proving that we still have campaign finance laws. [Washington Post] * Wasn’t this a subplot in Happy Gilmore? [Constitutional Daily]

* Some say we need judges, not doormats, but I say we need our doormats to be more judgmental. [The Atlantic] * I wonder if the voters will like how Romney surrogate Donald Trump is now threatening beauty pageant contestants. [Dealbreaker] * Sure, the headline seems crazy: “mother arrested for cheering too loudly at high school graduation.” But honestly, some parents need to shut the hell up. There are lots of kids graduating. Your child can figure out that you are proud of her achievement without you ruining the experience for everybody. [MSNBC] * This week’s bro safety announcement. [Reuters] * This week’s professional safety announcement. [Not So Private Parts / Forbes] * This article on ten things law schools won’t tell you should be titled, “100 things Above the Law has told you over and over again but you won’t listen to because you refuse to learn.” Though, in fairness, that is a bit long for a title. [Smart Money] * D-Day. You know, the reason why the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee wasn’t celebrated as a government in exile. [What About Clients?]

* The Ninth Circuit denies en banc rehearing in the Prop 8 case. Can we please hurry up and get this thing in front of the Supreme Court already? [Ninth Circuit via Metro Weekly] * AOL’s attorneys at DLA Piper sent a nastygram to a Maryland blogger, alleging intellectual property infringement, based on the blog’s aggregation. Because you know, AOL/the Huffington Post has never aggregated anything. [Maryland Juice] * Just before she was convicted of public intoxication, DLA Piper partner Laura Flippin was also accused of lying under oath by the judge in the case. In short, things did not go as well they could have. [The Flat Hat] * Even more law schools are shrinking their class sizes. Do we have a trend on our hands yet? [Crain's Cleveland Business] * Remember the law school martyr Phillip J. Closius? He may no longer be Dean of University of Baltimore Law, but he has not finished his crusade to improve the financial security of students. Keep fightin’ the good fight, Phil. [Baltimore Sun] * Congratulations to the 15 firms that made the NLJ’s 2012 Appellate Hot List. Most are Biglaw shops, but three elite boutiques made the cut: Bancroft, Horvitz & Levy, and Kellogg Huber. [National Law Journal] * Ever wondered what life in prison is like? Check out this podcast, in which Jeffrey Deskovic, who served 16 years in prison for a rape and murder he did not commit, is interviewed by Professor Zach Shemtob (disclosure: Shemtob is Lat’s co-author and special friend). [Cruel and Unusual: A Podcast on Punishment]