Non-Sequiturs

* Urging people to kill the president is protected speech, according to the Ninth Circuit. So if you are playing along at home, judges think that talking about killing judges is wrong, but they don’t care if you threaten the executive branch. [Wired]

* Did anyone start Dewey & LeBoeuf in their Dodger lawyers fantasy lineup? [Am Law Daily]

* I thought the Roger Clemens mistrial was due to government incompetence, but this guy thinks it’s due to government arrogance. [The Legal Blitz]

* Yes, I know Ben Wallace is thinking of going to law school. I wrote about it when I heard about it last fall. Sadly, I have no additional thoughts on the matter since my prior post. [ABA Journal]

* The U.S. Government has decided to stop pursuing Randy Quaid. When reached for comment, Russell Casse said: “They’ve got bigger fish to fry now, believe you me.” [Gawker]

* Delaware should make it more efficient for law firms to tax public mergers. If you don’t like it, you’re feel to come up with some other way for your firm to generate half a million in undeserved fees. [Dealbreaker]

* Cocaine’s a hell of a drug. [New York Times]

* Which is why some might try to pay an Ivy League tuition by selling it. [Village Voice]

* To be clear, hiring a legal secretary who doubles as a personal prostitute is not okay. Yes, we finally have a punishment for Samir Zia Chowhan’s “adult gigs” legal secretary ad. [Legal Profession Blog]

* Is it time to start getting civilly disobedient with the TSA? [WSJ Law Blog]

* It’s possible that the House Ethics Committee screwed up the Maxine Waters investigation. That Committee is so incompetent that if it was an elected official it’d be called “Maxine Waters.” [Politico]

* The court awards $47K in damages over a stolen laptop. I wish I owned something that was worth nearly $50K if it was stolen. [Legal Skills Prof Blog]

* Indiana man prevented from donating blood because he “seemed gay.” You know, Indiana is starting to “seem dumb” to me. [Hip Hop Wired]

* As the economy heats up, there will probably more people quitting their jobs, so here is a quick refresher course on how to quit appropriately. [The Awl]

* It’s Nelson Mandela’s birthday. I call him “Nelson Mandela” and not “Madiba,” because I don’t think watching Invictus qualifies me for that level of familiarity. [Blawg Review]

Stephen McDaniel

* Is the D.C. Circuit is okay with TSA screeners touching your junk? Professor Orin Kerr discusses an opinion handed down today. [Volokh Conspiracy]

* According to his mother, Mercer Law grad Stephen McDaniel — a “person of interest” in the investigation of the death of Lauren Giddings — would like to serve on the Supreme Court someday. He might want to get a haircut first. [Macon.com]

* Speaking of SCOTUS, here’s Linda Greenhouse’s scorecard for the Term that just finished. [Opinionator / New York Times]

* Could a change in Irish law result in priests going to prison? [Catholic News Agency]

* Can a criminal defendant assert a Batson claim based on sexual orientation? [Poliglot / Metro Weekly]

Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe): all grown up now.

* Lawyer turned novelist Arin Greenwood offers conflicting thoughts on the Canadian legal troubles of comedian Dave Foley. [Washington City Paper]

* “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Lawsuits”: Justin Tenuto reviews “the most interesting, amusing, and preposterous claims from a decade of Potter case law.” [Legally Easy]

* Has diversity taken a hit during the recession? Not on the campuses of the University of California, according to Heather Mac Donald. [City Journal via Instapundit]

* How can legal departments implement new technology to increase the value they provide to their organizations? [Above the Law (sponsored content)]

* Today, it’s been fourth months since I quit smoking. Luckily, being smoke free hasn’t dulled my sense to the point where I think busybody neighbors should be able to impinge on a man enjoying a cigarette in the privacy of his own home. See, I think it’s possible to not smoke and not be a fascist. [ABA Journal]

* I’m not going to lie, I’m loving every single minute of this NewsCorp scandal. [Ad Week]

* Former D.C. Mayor Adrian Fenty has joined a law firm. The crack free position should end any speculation about a return to public office. [BLT: Blog of the Legal Times]

* Regardless of what you think about abortions in Missouri, can’t we at least agree that the Missouri Governor is a sniveling politician who is too busy trying to be all things to all people? [Huffington Post]

* But I’m sure Missouri’s new abortion restrictions will please the Flying Spaghetti Monster who is also now getting the international recognition it deserves. [Constitutional Daily]

* The 100 most powerful attorneys in Hollywood. So, these are the people who make offers you can’t refuse. [The Hollywood Reporter]

* Don’t forget, if you’d like to be considered for our in-house columnist position, the deadline is tomorrow. [Above the Law]

* Has anybody considered pouring a Chernobyl-like sarcophagus over the Wisconsin Supreme Court? [WSJ Law Blog]

* If Mark Zuckerberg ever tries to sue Kash for stalking him, I’m sure a bunch of ATL readers will offer to defend her. [Not So Private Parts / Forbes]

* Intelligent design my ass. An intelligent creator wouldn’t have put genitalia on the outside where it could get chopped off by an angry spouse one’s trying to divorce. [Radar Online]

* This week’s Round Tuit perfectly sums up the Casey Anthony situation by finding the perfect picture of an outraged Nancy Grace. [Infamy or Praise]

* When legal historians attack: Gordon Wood v. Alison LaCroix. [University of Chicago Law School via Brian Leiter]

* It looks like this gay couple got a two year lease on love. [Stop the Deportations]

* Did you know that Above the Law has its very own LinkedIn group? You should join! [LinkedIn]

* TLC’s Sister Wives are challenging Utah’s bigamy laws. More power to these polygamist people, especially the men. They deserve some credit for tolerating a handful of wives. [Jonathan Turley]

* Screw law students, we need to keep our professors employed. This is definitely the most important thing the ABA needs to worry about right now. [TaxProf Blog]

* Even though the fan who caught the ball on Derek Jeter’s 3,000th hit is swimming in student loans, he may still have to pony up taxes on all of his new Yankees loot. [Going Concern]

* We all know Julian Assange doesn’t want to get extradited to Sweden because no one understands zeeur phuenteec lungooege-a boollsheet. Börk, börk, börk! [Constitutional Daily]

* A PA restaurant is banning kids under 6 because they are LOUD, NOISY a-holes. Parents, WHY do you think it’s okay to bring your kids to a restaurant if they can’t behave? I’ll never get this. [CNN]

* Crackpot Law, starring Herb Titus and Michele Bachmann. You better get armed and dangerous in God’s Law and “normal people values” if you know what’s good for you. [Religion Dispatches]

* If you think that your law school loans ruined your credit, you should try being “dead.” [ABA Journal]

* Wait, having your boss walk in screaming “Penis, Penis, Penis” doesn’t happen in every place of business? [Jezebel]

* Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s case has been adjourned until August. [Thomson Reuters]

* Yeah, well I told the phone what to do, so maybe I’m the “smart” one, and the phone has just gotten better at listening to me. [iPhone J.D.]

* One of TaxProf Blog’s readers offered to donate a kidney to Adjunct Law Prof’s daughter. Would that have been considered as income? Here at Above the Law, we just want your eyes. [TaxProf Blog]

* When life gives you lemons, you probably shouldn’t do what this 79-year-old child toucher allegedly did, which was basically the equivalent of making lemonAIDS under Megan’s Law. [Deadspin]

* It’s 7/11, so there are free slurpees at 7-11. In solidarity, Above the Law declares that this is one day where Kirkland & Ellis associates can slurp their firm without being made fun of. [Slurpee]

Chief Justice Roberts: not a fan of law reviews.

* Chief Justice Roberts tries to explain why law reviews are so damn useless and boring. [Adjunct Law Prof Blog]

* Look, I like Jimmer Ferdette Fredette. I think that he was discriminated against because he’s white and I’ll bet all the money in my pocket that he ends up having a better career than Kimba Walker. But the childhood contract thing is silly. Derek Jeter’s is silly. Unenforceable fake contracts are silly. [Legal Blog Watch]

* Gun owners, why do you need to be able to practice shooting at things at ranges located close to schools? It’s like gun nuts won’t be happy until they’ve turned society back into game of Red Dead Redemption. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Here, let me trying using “gun nut” rhetoric to defend something that doesn’t kill anybody: Michele Bachmann will have to pry my pornography from my cold, lubricated dead hand. [Slate]

* Federal prosecutors should not have kiddie porn on their government computers (unless it’s pursuant to a child pornography investigation). [Not-So Private Parts / Forbes]

* Cataphora Legal + Ernst & Young = WIN. [Above the Law (sponsored content)]

* Do not forget to vote in Above the Law’s Fictional Lawyer Contest this weekend. You can vote from as many different IP addresses as you like. The battle of between McCoy and Hutz is close while it seems people have abandoned Elle Woods. [Above the Law]

What do you predict for the legal profession in 2020?

* Florida gets a lot of flak, but the state seems to be doing something right with respect to defamation lawsuits. [The Legal Satyricon]

* “How is law school like the NFL draft?” (Aside from the high risk of getting your brains scrambled.) [Freakonomics]

* Let’s “think the unthinkable” about the legal profession in 2020, suggests Matt Homann. Bruce Carton: “50 percent of U.S. law schools will close their doors due to overcapacity.” [the [non]billable hour and Legal Blog Watch]

* Some readers apparently mistook this satirical communication from Jose Baez, counsel to Casey Anthony, for the real thing. And maybe that wasn’t so unfounded. [ABA Journal]

* Speaking of satirical takes on the Casey Anthony case, here’s one from Mark Steinberg. [Huffington Post]

* Kenneth Moreno, one of the two NYPD officers acquitted of raping a drunk woman, isn’t out of the legal woods yet: he faces drug possession charges for heroin allegedly stashed in his precinct locker. [DNA Info]

* Courtesy of MoloLamken, here’s a great guide to the big business cases of the Supreme Court Term just ended. Download or print it, then read it at the gym or on the subway. [MoloLamken]

* Good news for job-seeking law students: JD Match is now free. So what do you have to lose? Give it a whirl. [JD Match]

* Musical Chairs: Guidepost Solutions welcomes litigatrix Carolyn Renzin, formerly a partner at elite boutique Stillman Friedman. [Guidepost Solutions]

I'm pretty sure this was the only child to die under suspicious circumstances in the past three years.

* Caylee’s Law would make it a felony for anybody to grieve for their child in any way that doesn’t involve law enforcement within the hour. I trust the libertarian crowd is going to help me point out how this is dumb. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Big time antitrust lawyer Christine A. Varney is leaving the Justice Department and heading to Cravath (perhaps as a replacement of sorts for Katherine Forrest). So it looks like there was some money left over after spring bonuses for Cravath to make a new hire. Phew. [Dealbook]

* Eliot Spitzer (f.k.a. the steamroller) just got flattened by Erin Burnett. [Dealbreaker]

* Even judges in Flori-duh are allegedly bats**t crazy. [Obscure Store]

* In more reasonable news coming out of Florida, this reminds me of the “mock trial” club in high school. [Miami New Times]

* Courtesy of NALP, here’s more evidence that the class of 2010 is totally screwed. You know, I wish I could have the entire class over to my house for a big pity party. We could all hang out and play Rock Band, and at the end everybody could have a cup of my delicious homemade Kool-Aid. [NALP]

* Chicago law firm merger mania? I just hope nothing messes with the name “Wildman Harrold.” [ABA Journal]

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