Non-Sequiturs

I believe the defendant failed a saving throw against berserker, so when he killed those people he didn't know right from wrong.

* Dressing shrinks as wizards when they testify would be an AWESOME idea. I’m serious. Why can’t we have this? And titles, too. “Your Honor, I call Dr. Freud — Ph.D in weakness management and keeper of the sacred staffs of Ivory guard — to the stand.” [Overlawyered]

* iTextbooks! Could be awesome, could widen the gap between the rich and the iPoor. [Adjunct Law Prof Blog]

* Old lawyer accidentally smuggles a gun onto a plane, mainly because security — which noticed said gun — forgot to stop her. TSA doesn’t make us more safe, folks. It just makes us more molested. [Daily Mail]

* Apparently, LLMs go great with Brazilians. The people, not the grooming. Or maybe both — I don’t know, but I was only asked about people. [Live Mint]

* To be clear, putting slavery analogies into our math problems is bad… unless you are a college basketball or football star trying to work out how much you got paid in free tuition for last night’s game, versus how much the university made off of the performance of your team. Then the analogy is “apt.” [CBS Atlanta]

* White people problems, written by a former Cahill Gordon associate who quit to take a job in television. [Funny or Die]

* Additional impressive hires by an elite litigation boutique. How long before MoloLamken ends up on somebody’s hot list? [MoloLamken]

If SOPA wins.

* I’ll be more interested in this law firm merger if it turns out that McKenna Long partners have the right of prima nocta when Herbert Smith partners marry. [Am Law Daily]

* Anti-Affirmative Action activist, Ward Connerly, is under investigation for allegedly misappropriating funds. Connerly, who is black, is accused of taking the funds donated by conservatives for the cause and using them for himself. Sorry conservatives, you can have the Affirmative Action that I advocate or you can have Ward Connerly’s perverse version of Robin Hood, but I think it’s going to take a little more than a generation before you can wash your hands of 400 years of racial oppression. [New York Times]

* We are living in a time of Citizens United consequences. He’s a definitive piece on how Anthony Kennedy’s thoughts have affected American politics. [Election Law Blog]

* If we can stop “rogue” websites without SOPA, then there will be no reason to destroy the internet with that awful legislation. [Marketwatch]

* Doesn’t Rick Santorum know that they already tried enshrining a Catholic vision of marriage in a common law system? It led to a fat man murdering a number of attractive women and an entire nation making up a new religion. [The Volokh Conspiracy]

* It’d be great if the Government could hire some lawyers for FCPA enforcement. [Forbes]

* DLA Piper is shaking it up at the top. [Chicago Tribune]

If this guy wins the Republican nomination, we can agree that the Tea Party was totally overhyped, right?

* So, just so we’re all clear, Republicans running for President are no longer on board with the Voting Rights Act. Happy Martin Luther King Day. [Election Law Blog]

* It’s not like there are no more voting issues where we might want to have federal oversight of state laws that affect the electoral power of minorities in states that have been historically opposed to such things. For instance, where do your prisoners live for the purposes of redistricting? [New York Times]

* I’ll tell you what happens in a world where college kids can “major” in law and take the bar, yet law schools still exist: law schools will continue to operate as they have been, and “law majors” will be the new “must get” credentials for paralegals. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Every time I ask this question, I feel like a horrible person. But it’s a legitimate question: what are the legal ramifications when a race car driver dies while performing a sport that is only interesting because there’s a chance somebody will die? [Legal Blitz]

* Why won’t Mitt Romney show us his taxes? We just want to be envious, Mittens! Feed our envy. [Going Concern]

* I think I should be nominated for this public interest award. Nobody has done more to prevent lawyers from being taken advantage of than me. [American Constitution Society]

* Breaking down the Joe Paterno interview. [Atlantic]

* Now these are some guys that believe in the gold standard. [MyFoxDC]

* As Copyranter said when he emailed this link about the iPoo: “C&D coming in 3, 2, 1…” [Copyranter]


Can somebody remind me why this person is famous?

* If you can ignore the fact that Ben Stein is suing over being discriminated against by global warming believers, he’s still a pretty smart guy. [Gawker]

* How long until we just conduct the entire Presidential election via Facebook? [Not-So Private Parts / Forbes]

* Judge Posner gets wonderful cases. [How Appealing]

* Eric Holder is a Democrat? YOU LIE! [Simple Justice]

* Orrick is suing Jon Huntsman’s campaign for unpaid rent. Silly Orrick, if they want to get any money out of Huntsman they have to sue his father and hope and promise to give sonny a job. [Washington City Paper]

* This is a terrible story about a soldier committing suicide. Not terrible enough to change my mind on whether bullies are legally responsible for people who make the tragic decision to take their own lives, but it’s still tragic. [Daily Mail]

* The FBI file of the late Old Dirty Bastard. I hope you like it raw. [The Daily Beast]

Dominique Strauss-Kahn

* Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s lawyer has a challenge for you: “I defy you to tell the difference between a naked prostitute and any other naked woman.” [Dealbreaker]

* It’s not often that Cravath partners leave for other firms, but it happens. Jeffrey Smith, former head of the environmental practice at Cravath, recently decamped for Crowell & Moring. [Am Law Daily]

* Former Bush Administration DOJ official John Elwood, now a partner at Vinson & Elkins, breaks down the Office of Legal Counsel’s recently issued opinion on recess appointments. [Volokh Conspiracy]

* Blawging, Flawging & the Mathematical Theory of Information. Also: what do laser hair removal in D.C. and lemon law in Wisconsin have in common? [Associate's Mind]

* Are Americans finally waking up to the higher education bubble? [Instapundit]

Professor Ann Althouse: birthday girl.

* It appears that Joseph Rakofsky, whose handling of a criminal case drew critical comment, struggles on the civil side too. Justice Emily Goodman returned a proposed order of his with this notation: “Decline to sign. Papers are incomprehensible.” [New York Personal Injury Law Blog]

* If you’re a trusts and estates lawyer or a reader of fiction, consider checking out this well-reviewed new novel by Patrick James O’Connor, which takes the form of an extended last will and testament. [Amazon (affiliate link)]

* Happy Birthday, Professor Althouse! [Althouse]

* Being 15 minutes early to crucial meetings is not all that it’s cracked up to be. [The Ying-a-Ling]

* Law school fiction: possible comic gold, possible Shakespearean tragedy. Check out excerpts from Cameron Stracher’s work in progress. [The Socratic Method]

* The key for women getting ahead in 2012: working for companies that don’t discriminate against women. I mean, it’s underwhelming advice, but voting with their feet is a big thing women can do to improve gender equality in the legal marketplace. [The Glass Hammer]

* It’s a point worth emphasizing: working a full-time job while in law school and doing well at said law school are basically incompatible goals. At least in this day and age. Maybe law school was easier for the Boomers because there was less competition (from, I don’t know, women and minorities). [Constitutional Daily]

* Note that this decision in support of federalism, the subject of a new article by Professor Ilya Somin, came from a unanimous Supreme Court. It’d be nice if Republicans could remember that this election season, instead of calling every progressive a devotee of centralized authority. [The Volokh Conspiracy]

* Is anybody still using Google Plus? Any lawyers? Bueller? Frye? [Legal Blog Watch]

He grows strong off the tears of fired workers.

* There’s a new chief legal officer at Morgan Stanley: Eric Grossman, a former Davis Polk partner, replaces Frank Barron, a former Cravath partner (who joined Morgan Stanley not that long ago; if you know more about this odd situation, email us). [Bloomberg Businessweek]

* Will anybody be surprised if it turns out that Ron Paul likes to fire people too? [Politico]

* Et tu, Bill Kristol? [Weekly Standard]

* How will Citizens United affect the political process? We’re starting to find out. [WSJ Law Blog]

Chief Judge Alex Kozinski

* How often does a federal judge get a shout-out in the announcement of a pop music group’s tour? [The Music Network]

* Or how often does a federal judge go on tour with his own band? [Patently-O]

* Maybe the NLRB should stay the course on protecting employees’ rights to organize themselves using social media. [LexisNexis / Labor & Employment Law]

* Most people will just ignore the balanced budget amendment as proposed by Chuck Woolery (yes, that Chuck Woolery), but on the off chance that somebody actually says to you, “You know, Chuck Woolery has some really good ideas,” here’s somebody who took the time to smack the Chuckster down. [Recess Appointment]

How many more days can I remind people that this guy could be the Republican nominee?

* Corporations are people when it comes to influencing our political process with money. But people are not people if they are foreign born. Clearly, foreign nationals living in the United States should just incorporate themselves in Delaware if they want to regain their personhood. [Election Law Blog]

* Let’s see if my patented blurb machine can come up with an Elie-style blurb for this article on technology-assisted review: “Associates will loose job to machetes because law schools graduate bad news debt.” Meh, at least it got the typos right. [Law & Technology / Forbes]

* It is funny to see the “Indian Enron” spit up on everybody. [Going Concern]

* Jon Corzine isn’t going to retreat to his lair and lick his wounds, okay. He’s going to get up off the mat and find somebody else to hire him to do something. Hey, nobody ever went broke underestimating Americans. [Dealbreaker]

* I don’t think anybody wants to hear what Rick Santorum thinks about this couple. But most people don’t actually see what Santorum’s family policies would do to real families. [Stop the Deportations]

* But we can’t yell at Santorum for everything. He’s not a total hypocrite. [New York Personal Injury Law Blog]

* Honestly, I don’t think I’d survive one day in jail. I think I’d be beaten up by hour three, be weeping by hour seven, spend 13 to 16 trying to sleep, get raped on hour 16, and get shot to death trying to escape around hour 20. So, that’s like, less than a day. [Underdog]

* Andrews Kurth had such a good year that they’re not just giving their high performers bonuses, they’re giving raises to 25 associates! [Texas Lawyers]

* Davis Polk is taking a jump across the pond. [The Lawyer]

* When I’m struggling to think creatively, I have a drink. When that doesn’t work, I have another. [What About Clients?]

* How bloodthirsty do you have to be to believe that the death penalty, as applied, is actually working? [SAFE]

* If I had a kid, I’d start a parenting blog. I’d call it: How To Avoid Raising A Lawyer. [WSJ Law Blog]

Mountain Dew: a mouse could not survive in this environment, according to PepsiCo counsel.

* Pepsi lawyers offer a creative (if disturbing) defense to a lawsuit by a man who claims he found a mouse in his Mountain Dew. [Madison County Record via The Atlantic Wire]

* Will birther queen Orly Taitz get to depose — i.e., “rupture the jurisprudential hymen” — of President Barack Obama? That would be kind of awesome. [Columbus Ledger-Inquirer]

* Professor Ann Althouse raises an interesting “who decides?” question about Cleveland’s controversial ban on trans fats. [Althouse]

* Please, lawyers, stick to cocaine. Allegations of crystal meth usage are très déclassé. [NewsOK.com]

* Kudos to Kirkland & Ellis for coming to the defense of lesbian and gay public employees in Michigan. [Poliglot / Metro Weekly]

* It seems that the Montana Supreme Court isn’t a fan of the Citizens United decision. [Huffington Post]

* Jamin Soderstrom, a (rather cute) former S&C associate and current Fifth Circuit clerk, has written a book (affiliate link) analyzing the qualifications of presidential candidates and the relationship between résumés and presidential success. [Tex Parte Blog]

* If you’re a law professor / blogger who wants to get a rise out of fellow profs, write posts in praise of Paul Campos (just voted our 2011 Lawyer of the Year — congrats again, Professor Campos). [PrawfsBlawg]

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