Non-Sequiturs

A war hero comes home.

* Lawyers with four to seven years of experience are apparently now in demand. You know why? BECAUSE THEY FIRED ALL OF THEM TWO YEARS AGO! [WSJ Law Blog]

* Occupy Wall Street is now getting free hugs. It’s like, when you register as a liberal, somebody comes in the night and shoves your testicles back up inside you. [Dealbreaker]

* I dream of a day when eyewitness testimony is viewed as unreliable as DNA evidence is now thought to be reliable. [An Associate's Mind]

* If you are a lawyer, it’s really never about you. [What About Clients?]

Morgan Chu

* Even in the extremely unlikely scenario that one of these radical tax plans is adopted, tax lawyers will still find work. Believe it. [Going Concern]

* Morgan Chu, the hotshot Irell & Manella partner accused of sexual harassment, won a motion to compel arbitration of the dispute. [Law360 (subscription)]

* If you took the “over” on the cold day in Hell when BP is allowed to drill in the Gulf again, you’re gonna lose that bet. [New York Times]

* It’s a bit anticlimactic. And we’ve been pulled apart by political divisiveness. But we are just about done with the Iraq War! Yay? Ticker tape in Times Square, or is it going to be all, “Welcome home, while you were away we misplaced all the jobs and money”? [Politico]

* Another victim of the vengeful prosecution of Tyler Clementi’s roommate might be the guy Clementi was hooking up with when Dharun Ravi broadcast it. [Gawker]

* As I said on Twitter, you have to give Obama a little credit: when he uses suspect legal reasoning to do whatever he wants abroad, he comes home with scalps. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Here’s a job opening for an attorney that might not actually exist. [Constitutional Daily]

* This job opening is much cooler. But, don’t get me wrong, no Cooley grads are allowed to apply. Seriously. [The Legal Satyricon]

* I think the lesson here is there’s no reason anybody should ever want to immigrate to Alabama. [Huffington Post]

* Our thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends of Halley Catherine Shaw, a law student at Texas Southern University who died in a car crash earlier this week. [ABA Journal]

* The American Bar Association is hiring Carol Stevens, former managing editor of USA Today, as its new director of media relations. Yeah, ’cause it’s the media that makes the ABA look bad, not the ABA’s refusal to regulate law schools during a time of dishonesty and profiteering by member institutions. [Poynter]

* Let’s play “count the stupid lawyer stereotypes” in this paragraph, many of which could lead a person into making a grave financial mistake. [Boise Weekly]

* Look, if an animal escapes from a zoo, it wins. It shouldn’t be hunted down and taken back to captivity. That’s just natural law. [Legal Blog Watch]

* Breaking news: if you sign your name on a petition, people might find out you signed your name to a freaking petition. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Pretty awesome collection of t-shirts people are wearing in their mugshots. [New York Daily News]

* Viacom cancels Ted Olson, taps Paul Smith as his mid-season replacement. [Hollywood, Esq. / Hollywood Reporter]

* I’m trying to figure out what this report on parenting styles can tell us about Bonobo_Bro’s upbringing. [Dealbreaker]

* If you’ll be in New York on October 26 and would like to attend a free screening of the new, buzz-generating HBO documentary, Hot Coffee, followed by a conversation between Lat and director Susan Saladoff, click here to RSVP. [New America NYC]

* If a lockout happens in a league nobody pays attention to until April anyway, does it make a sound? [Legal Blitz]

* Above the Law: The Experience. [Faculty Lounge]

* If giving porn to prisoners prevents one rape — one single “this ain’t no fairy tale,” horrible occurrence of serving time for a minor crime, and then getting raped in your rectum — then I think prisoners should have as much of it as humanly possible. [The Legal Satyricon]

* I gotta think the right to robot counsel will herald a great new day in the cause of indigent criminal defense. [The Trial Warrior Blog]

* A man who licked the scraped knee of a woman who fell is getting charged with assault. As he should. Because that is a pervy thing to do, regardless of how many protestations of “I was just trying to help” he makes. [The Smoking Gun]

* Laughing is good for attorneys. Unless it’s directed at judges. [Underdog]

* The real truth is that Bess Levin can’t read. [Atlantic Wire]

* Cornel West has been released from prison. He was arrested earlier while protesting the Supreme Court’s pro-business record. I’m not sure if I even get to call myself a progressive black man without getting arrested for something. Any suggestions on what I should civilly disobey? [The Root]

* Immigrant parents want their kids to be lawyers instead of accountants. Yes, part of being a first generation American involves telling mommy and daddy they have no clue about what they’re talking about. [Going Concern]

* I didn’t even know we had a “stolen valor” act. Even more shocking: this law has nothing to do with the Swift Boat people and what they did to John Kerry. [Legal Blog Watch]

* When technology makes judicial opinions obsolete. [Law & Technology / Forbes]

* Growing too quickly retards profits per partner. [The Economist]

* A settlement between Frank and Jamie McCourt could set up a showdown between Frank and Bud Selig. I think Dodger fans and Met fans should form some kind of support group. [L.A. Times]

* Argue like Yoda, we once did. [Village Voice]

* Welcome to the new lead blogger for the WSJ Law Blog. [WSJ Law Blog]

* This guy suggests that all the Occupy Wall Street people go to law school. Put another way, this guys suggests the single dumbest thing I’ve heard over the course of these entire protests. These people want to be in less debt, not more. I’m putting this in Non-Sequiturs because if I had to write a full post on this, my head my would actually freaking explode. [Cornell Daily Sun]

* I mean, I can’t believe this Cornell guy. Look at his argument. It’s not that I disagree that “clever lawyers” could be helpful for the cause, but going to law school because you want to enact “social change” is exactly how many people end up in debt up to their eyeballs with a degree they don’t even like. Give OWS this iPhone app for getting arrested, not a freaking J.D. [An Associate's Mind]

* At least the OWS people aren’t spending three years procrastinating from the real world at great debt. [Ms. J.D.]

* To say nothing of the fact that lawyers get run over down at Zuccotti park. [Gothamist]

* Why doesn’t he just tell the protesters to light themselves on fire in front of a bunch of schoolchildren? [Slate]

* If you want to hear more about my thoughts on Occupy Wall Street, I’ll be on Mike Huckabee’s show this weekend. I’ll be comparing and contrasting OWS to the Tea Party and debating Phillip Dennis. [Huckabee]

* If I tell you a check “cleared,” do you know what I’m talking about? No, you don’t. According to bankers, you have no freaking idea what I just said. Mwahahaha. Pick up the pieces of your mind, ’cause I just blew it. [New York Personal Injury Law Blog]

* Finally, we have two lesbians on the federal bench. Now it’s a party. [MetroWeekly]

* Being required to get fingerprinted in order to apply for food stamps is demeaning. And it’s not like signing up for food stamps is a big jolt of self-esteem in the first place. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Honestly, I think UNC should just go pro. [WRAL Sports]

* Really, we’re protesting people’s houses now? I have an idea: how about we get to stone one random rich person every day the economy fails to improve for the common man? Wait, that might actually work. [Huffington Post]

* Are you too important to return calls to your clients? [What About Clients?]

* JD Match continues to gain momentum. [JD Match]

* Florida only wants to fund education that creates jobs. Apparently English majors are concerned, but shouldn’t Florida’s law schools be really, really concerned? [Legal Blog Watch]

* I’ve said this before, but the Republican failure to bargain for tort reform during the health care negotiations shows that they don’t really have good faith when negotiating about this issue. [New York Personal Injury Law Blog]

* A chilling tale of malicious prosecution by the government. [Popehat]

* I don’t think Eliot Spitzer won’t go away, I think he can’t go away. [Dealbreaker]

* The Winklevii don’t want to pay their lawyers. Always remember folks, people who are rich without working for it tend to suck. [Hollywood Reporter]

* Lawrence Lessig has some advice for the Occupy Wall Street people. [Huffington Post]

* The Underwear Bomber pleads guilty. I don’t usually support excessive punishments, but seeing as he’s the proximate cause of everybody getting groped or scanned in the nude when they fly, I really hope he spends the rest of his life tossing salads. [CBS News]

* I think I’ve watched this 20 times today. No legal hook, unless South African laws allow you to sue antelopes. [YouTube]

* People are making efforts to keep the Occupy Wall Street Crowd from breeding. [Dealbreaker]

* Here’s a defense of going to law school. Written by a law professor. Who doesn’t teach at an elite institution. Next up, we have a fox who wants you to take down barriers of entry to the hen house. [National Jurist]

* If it’s wrong to call somebody wrong, then I don’t want to be right. [Just Enrichment]

* It feels like we should expect to find some male models behind the plot to assassinate the Saudi Arabian ambassador to the U.S. [Wall Street Journal]

* Now that he’s been dead for a couple of days, I think I can link to this without being forced to become part of the humancentiPad. [The Legal Satyricon]

* How to give really long notice about your intention to resign? My advice would be to start keeping a bottle of liquor on your desk that you very obviously have to replace on a regular basis. Nothing evinces your intention to not be around for the long haul like openly developing an alcohol problem during business hours. [The Careerist]

* Is there a euphemism for breasts that lawyers prefer to use? In my experience, I think writers like the word “boobs,” while in law land it’s really all about “Tits or GTFO.” [Huffington Post]

If you sinned enough to deserve this horn, you had a bad ass year.

* Instead of a human, TSA may employ a computer to look at your naked body scan. I think somebody misunderstood the memo; we want robots to be our sex slaves, not the other way around. [Not So Private Parts / Forbes]

* Lawyers need to dream bigger about their careers, says Cordell Parvin. Good advice. I want all the young lawyers out there to close their eyes and think, “I will have… a career!” Now, isn’t that helpful? [Cordell Parvin Blog]

* Fair use shouldn’t be that hard for other bloggers to understand. Or other lawyers to understand. In fact, if you come across a lawyer/blogger who doesn’t “understand” fair use, I think it’s fair to ask him if he understands that he’s an “a$$hole.” [Law Sites]

* Let me be clear about this, there is no conflict in life that you won’t be a little better prepared for if you’ve read and internalized the lessons from Sun Tzu. [Underdog]

* Patent judge cashes in. [The Patent Examiner]

* Do you know what ATL contributor Chris Danzig does in his spare time? Show up at the Oaklandish Harvest Hoedown at around 1:45 to find out. [Rockridge Out and About]

* Is there a lot of religious discrimination going on in sports? It’s got to be tough when you need to be home before Friday night lights. [Legal Blitz]

* Happy Yom Kippur. I must say, if I was Jewish, I would have been sinning like a mofo all this week. Meats and cheeses for everybody, know what I’m saying? [Washington Post]

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