Professors Richard Epstein (left) and John Yoo

* Are you still trying to make sense of the conflicting opinions in United States v. Jones, the GPS tracking case recently decided by the Supreme Court? Professor Barry Friedman has this helpful round-up. [New York Times]

* Elsewhere in law professors opining on SCOTUS, what do Professors Richard Epstein and John Yoo predict the Court will do regarding Obamacare? [National Review Online]

* A Spanish CFO, a Finnish tax lawyer, and a moody Hungarian CEO walk into an Amsterdam coffee shop…. [What About Clients?]

* Musical chairs: prosecutor Greg Andres is leaving DOJ for DPW. [DealBook]

* In case you missed this fun Friday story, it got picked up by MSNBC today. [Digital Life / MSNBC]

* Did your law firm give you an iPad? Are you wondering what to do with the darn thing? Here’s an idea, after the jump….

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Fight, you damn coward.

* Rutgers Law: where things just got real. Real worse. [Courier Post Online]

* I’d like to think that law schools are better at giving bad news to faculty than they are at giving bad news to students. The way they tell students, “Congratulations, you’ve been admitted,” is so unprofessional and cold. [Faculty Lounge]

* Floyd Mayweather is above the law. He’s a rank coward who is going to get beat down by Manny Pacquiao if he ever develops the stones to face him. But Mayweather has good lawyers. Maybe he can hide behind them instead of fighting Pacquiao. [The Legal Blitz]

* Facebook and Washington State team up to stop clickjacking. [Corporate Counsel]

* I thought that magic mushrooms came from bizzarro Care Bears. [Underdog]

* I oppose the religion of the Sith, but I would defend their right to practice it. [College Humor]

* The Patent and Trademark Office says, “Leave Blue Ivy alone, leave her alone!” [Government Executive]

* Our own Chris Danzig will be covering LegalTech New York next week. Email him if you want him to check something out. Maybe he can figure out why social media use is up among in-house counsel. [Inside Counsel]

Greg Kelly

* Greg Kelly stands accused of an alleged rape that supposedly took place at a “lower Manhattan law firm.” While we wait for the tips machine to fire up, who’s up for kegs and eggs and Good Day New York tomorrow morning? [Gothamist]

* Classes in space colony law coming in 3… 2… 1… [Buzzfeed]

* The Ninth Circuit isn’t paying too much attention to the drivel coming out of the Republican primaries. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Resources are available for lawyers with substance abuse problems who need help. For lawyers with substance abuse problems who don’t need any help, I’ll be at Professor Thom’s tonight. [ABA Journal]

* Megan McArdle wonders: How much does Warren Buffett pay his secretary? [Instapundit]

* Congratulations to Barney Frank. Welcome to a civil liberty you should have always had. [Huffington Post]

* Apparently New York Times writer David Segal started his jihad against law schools because of a lawyer friend he talked to at a cocktail party. Click on the jump so you can get a look at him being interviewed, just in case you see him on the subway and want to talk to someone about your troubles…

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* You wonder if the Supreme Court justices who went to the State of the Union even noticed Gabrielle Giffords last night, much less were humble enough to learn anything from her example. [Slate]

* Rapelisberger Roethlisberger settles his case. [NBC Sports]

* Let me get this straight, first conservative parents want the magical creation story taught in schools. Now they want “ex-gay therapy” to be taught as well. Here’s a thought: why don’t you teach your kids that in church, and let schools focus on things that are actually real. [Huffington Post]

* Pepperdine University won’t let students form an LGBT organization because it’s against God’s will. Also against God’s will, intelligent people going to Pepperdine. [The Advocate]

* Should companies help us recover our purchases if they are stolen? I’d settle for increased taxes so we can afford more police officers to do that job, but don’t mind me, I’m the guy who thinks government has a responsibility to its citizens. [Overlawyered]

* I didn’t know I could just buy a drone and fly it anywhere. [Not So Private Parts / Forbes]

* My dog ate my homework. Also, my dog killed my wife. [Legal Blog Watch]

* Everybody is having a pants party today over these five careers U.S. News thinks you can do with a law degree. But here’s the thing, for every one J.D. holder who fills one of these positions despite their law degree, I can name ten people who have the same job and DIDN’T have to waste three years of their lives and more than $100,000 to get the opportunity. Christ on an opportunity Cross, if I had gone to journalism school instead of law school maybe I’d still have this job and be able to use a comma. [WSJ Law Blog]

* If you don’t have a gavel, you can’t be a judge. No really. Not in Utah. I guess they need visual cues out there. [Salt Lake Tribune]

* Underwear gnomes, funny. Underwear Asians, significantly more disturbing. [Montgomery Media]

* I can’t even keep American kids from pursuing law degrees, there is no way I’m stopping foreign students. [Bar and Bench]

* If you are following us on Twitter during tonight’s stump speech State of the Union, here’s a fun drinking game. [Constitutional Daily]

* Judge Wesley Brown (D. Kansas), the longest-serving federal judge in history, just passed away (at the age of 104) — R.I.P. [Wichita Eagle]

Apparently you guys really like seeing “funny” videos about law students even after I’ve subtlety warned you to manage your expectations. Here’s what I was email bombed with today. Can tomorrow please be the day where we get flooded with naked women or something?

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Keep fighting, Ryan Braun.

* I am rooting for Ryan Braun to become the first baseball player to successfully appeal a positive steroid test. [Milwaukee Journal Sentinal]

* Barack Obama wanted to be a law school dean. Dean Obama would be as oblivious to the problem of rising law school tuition as he is President Obama, only Dean Obama would have a better economic incentive to not care about the issue. [The Faculty Lounge]

* It’s nice when the TSA is polite about inappropriately touching you in public. [Underdog]

* In Texas, they shoot first, and ask for permission later. [Election Law Blog]

* Justice Alito, are you still sticking to the “not true” rebuttal to concerns over Citizens United? [D.C. Circuit Review]

* Dear Americans, stop trying to legislate what other Americans can wear. Christ, we let children walk around with white hoods on their heads every Halloween, and do you see me complaining? [Lowering the Bar]

Based on my unscientific calculations, approximately 6 times 10^5.9052 people have sent us the video embedded below. Please look, at least so that you don’t also send the clip and have to endure the violently angry email I’ve saved as a draft….

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* If you don’t allow strip clubs in New Jersey would that leave the state with, you know, any businesses? [WSJ Law Blog]

* If Obamacare does nothing else, it just made birth control covered the same as Viagra. If that’s not enough to give Obama a three to one advantage among women, I don’t even know what’s happening in this country. [Think Progress]

* A picture is worth a 1,000 words, but Judge Posner only needs to remember two: fair use. [Legal Blog Watch]

* I know it’s hard to believe, but at one time we actually had to fight to keep Alabama from leaving. I’d be willing to let them leave now, but we still might need them in case we have to play college football against space aliens. [Going Concern]

* Honestly, why do so many people in this society think that taking a principled stand is something that can only be done if it’s easy and costs nothing? Taking a stand when it costs you personally is half of the damn point. [Simple Justice]

* Test your legal knowledge and win an iPad2. I killed it. [Practical Law Company]

I believe the defendant failed a saving throw against berserker, so when he killed those people he didn't know right from wrong.

* Dressing shrinks as wizards when they testify would be an AWESOME idea. I’m serious. Why can’t we have this? And titles, too. “Your Honor, I call Dr. Freud — Ph.D in weakness management and keeper of the sacred staffs of Ivory guard — to the stand.” [Overlawyered]

* iTextbooks! Could be awesome, could widen the gap between the rich and the iPoor. [Adjunct Law Prof Blog]

* Old lawyer accidentally smuggles a gun onto a plane, mainly because security — which noticed said gun — forgot to stop her. TSA doesn’t make us more safe, folks. It just makes us more molested. [Daily Mail]

* Apparently, LLMs go great with Brazilians. The people, not the grooming. Or maybe both — I don’t know, but I was only asked about people. [Live Mint]

* To be clear, putting slavery analogies into our math problems is bad… unless you are a college basketball or football star trying to work out how much you got paid in free tuition for last night’s game, versus how much the university made off of the performance of your team. Then the analogy is “apt.” [CBS Atlanta]

* White people problems, written by a former Cahill Gordon associate who quit to take a job in television. [Funny or Die]

* Additional impressive hires by an elite litigation boutique. How long before MoloLamken ends up on somebody’s hot list? [MoloLamken]

If SOPA wins.

* I’ll be more interested in this law firm merger if it turns out that McKenna Long partners have the right of prima nocta when Herbert Smith partners marry. [Am Law Daily]

* Anti-Affirmative Action activist, Ward Connerly, is under investigation for allegedly misappropriating funds. Connerly, who is black, is accused of taking the funds donated by conservatives for the cause and using them for himself. Sorry conservatives, you can have the Affirmative Action that I advocate or you can have Ward Connerly’s perverse version of Robin Hood, but I think it’s going to take a little more than a generation before you can wash your hands of 400 years of racial oppression. [New York Times]

* We are living in a time of Citizens United consequences. He’s a definitive piece on how Anthony Kennedy’s thoughts have affected American politics. [Election Law Blog]

* If we can stop “rogue” websites without SOPA, then there will be no reason to destroy the internet with that awful legislation. [Marketwatch]

* Doesn’t Rick Santorum know that they already tried enshrining a Catholic vision of marriage in a common law system? It led to a fat man murdering a number of attractive women and an entire nation making up a new religion. [The Volokh Conspiracy]

* It’d be great if the Government could hire some lawyers for FCPA enforcement. [Forbes]

* DLA Piper is shaking it up at the top. [Chicago Tribune]

If this guy wins the Republican nomination, we can agree that the Tea Party was totally overhyped, right?

* So, just so we’re all clear, Republicans running for President are no longer on board with the Voting Rights Act. Happy Martin Luther King Day. [Election Law Blog]

* It’s not like there are no more voting issues where we might want to have federal oversight of state laws that affect the electoral power of minorities in states that have been historically opposed to such things. For instance, where do your prisoners live for the purposes of redistricting? [New York Times]

* I’ll tell you what happens in a world where college kids can “major” in law and take the bar, yet law schools still exist: law schools will continue to operate as they have been, and “law majors” will be the new “must get” credentials for paralegals. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Every time I ask this question, I feel like a horrible person. But it’s a legitimate question: what are the legal ramifications when a race car driver dies while performing a sport that is only interesting because there’s a chance somebody will die? [Legal Blitz]

* Why won’t Mitt Romney show us his taxes? We just want to be envious, Mittens! Feed our envy. [Going Concern]

* I think I should be nominated for this public interest award. Nobody has done more to prevent lawyers from being taken advantage of than me. [American Constitution Society]

* Breaking down the Joe Paterno interview. [Atlantic]

* Now these are some guys that believe in the gold standard. [MyFoxDC]

* As Copyranter said when he emailed this link about the iPoo: “C&D coming in 3, 2, 1…” [Copyranter]

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