Non-Sequiturs

* If we could send David Attenborough into a law school library around finals time, he might well write something as accurate as this. [Drug Addicted Law Student] * This is a more nuanced defense of affirmative action based on the Baylor numbers. You know, if you didn’t find “go f*** yourself” persuasive. [She Negotiates […]

* Being our most honest law school apparently doesn’t stop school administrators from feeling comfortable with lying. [Inside the Law School Scam] * You can’t will the death of your pets. [Chicago Tribune] * Somebody needs to get these mutherf**kin snakes off these mutherf**king planes. No, seriously, I’m not making a joke or anything. [Washington Post] * Dirty secret time: Lord of War is one of my favorite Nic Cage movies. Even more dirty secret time: I have a list of favorite Nic Cage movies that has multiple entries. [International Business Times] * My, it’s not just the Fifth Circuit that is engaging in breathless hyperbole about Obama’s admonishment to the Supreme Court. [Truth on the Market] * Honestly, why are so many states afraid of having their own citizens vote? [Election Law Weekly] * A fascinating look at how we access the web. [Ross's Law Marketing Blog]

* The best part of this story isn’t how the company analogizes itself to a pack of hyenas, it’s how it fundamentally misconstrues the hunting habits of hyenas. [Dealbreaker] * So this school bans a “Jesus is not a Homophobe” t-shirt because it’s indecent? Saying that the so-called Lord and Savior doesn’t hate people is indecent? Man, I love God, but the people working for him are a$$holes. [The Volokh Conspiracy] * A sex offender’s probation banned him from Facebook, but he couldn’t stay away, and now he’s in jail for ten years. I don’t see why he couldn’t stay away, most of it is just pictures of babies and… oh man, that’s freaking sick! [Not-So Private Parts / Forbes] * Was this a tip or drug money? I don’t see why it can’t be both. [Associate Press] * This must be how Jones Day gets so many clients. [What About Clients?] * Lat said he was on the fence about Judge Jerry Smith’s benchslap of the DOJ and President Obama. Ruth Marcus of the Washington Post has stronger opinions. [Washington Post] * Between the Supreme Court authorizing strip searches and the ongoing travesty of the TSA, I’m pretty close to just walking around naked all the time to save everybody the trouble of disrobing the Big Sexy. [Borowitz Report]

* Is it me, or do way too many smart people who are not lawyers listen to Jeff Toobin? [The New Yorker] * Should the LSAT test basic legal knowledge, like the MCATs require some basic medical understanding? Well, unlike medical school, there would still be a bunch of law schools willing to accept people who can’t spot a conspiracy to commit fraud when it’s staring them in the face. [Constitutional Daily] * I like the idea that bankers really think that only the New York Times is against them. Lawyers are much smarter, and know that hate for them spans all social and economic groups. [Dealbreaker] * Grey hair on corporate ladies is not helping their careers. It would be the same for men, it’s just that in a world of balding troglodytes, the grey-haired man is king. [The Careerist] * Facebook and Yahoo being friends? That was so 2000 and late. [All Things D] * Fun with Westlaw. [Noncuralex] * Good luck to all you shingle hangers. [I Just Want To Practice Law]

* New Orleans Saints players may face criminal charges in the wake of the bounty scandal. This could open up the way for Giselle Bundchen to be charged with murdering the Patriots Dynasty. [Yahoo] * I wish this weren’t an April Fool’s joke. [Election Law Blog] * Professors try to save students a bit of […]

  * Why wouldn’t you wear specs in court? Ladies love smart dudes. And smart dudes don’t kill people. [Washington Post] * Vodka? Good. Rape? Bad. Selling vodka with advertising that implies rape? Also bad. Modeling for the part of the victim in said ad? $$$. [KTLA] * Did Cafe Press take down all its […]

* Jesus horses are banned from standardized tests in New York. [Huffington Post] * Tune in to hear to our own Chris Danzig f*** Twitter. Wait, that came out wrong. [Daily Wrap] * Dude puts out a bounty on the guy who stole his truck, and I don’t see anything wrong with it. [Legal Juice] […]

* A warning label for law school: hey, why not? [Tax Prof Blog] * What are the laws of the world’s smallest nation? [Ars Technica] * If we end up with no health care reform, do we have right-wing bloggers to blame? [The Atlantic] * Speaking of the Obamacare arguments, would a simpler approach have worked for Don Verrilli in front of SCOTUS? [Recess Appointments] * A new law school on Daytona Beach? Well, I’m sure that school will attract a lot of “talent.” [Daytona Beach News-Journal] * Professors Miriam Cherry and Paul Secunda ask: Are law review submissions like the Hunger Games? [SSRN] * Are professors working hard or hardly working? [Adjunct Law Prof Blog] * Global warming creates jobs? [Slate]

* Alexander Wang says that he wasn’t running a sweatshop and that the former employee making the allegations was actually mean to all the other indentured servants workers. [Fashionista] * We’re well into the phase of the Trayvon Martin investigation where people are trying to blame the victim, but until they show me a guy […]

* This is a great debate among law professors about the Affordable Care Act. [PolicyMic] * Honestly, calling female law students “sluts” is just not a way to win an argument. [Stop the Harvard Law Hate] * Dear God, I don’t want go to prison. [Dealbreaker] * Dewey know the number for the lenders? [Legal Week] * Judges who behave like “supervillans.” [Cracked] * How many pictures of critically thin women can you solicit before it becomes wrong? [Fashionista] * With the re-start of Mad Men, I’m wondering if this season might be the best race-baiting seasons of television in history. [Slate]

* You know you love bracketology, so why not fill this one out and start an office pool with your nerdiest lawyer friends before Obamacare hits SCOTUS. [March Madness - Healthcare Edition] * But speaking of SCOTUS, maybe you should give this a read before you fill out your Obamacare bracket. Do the justices even care about the law here? [Slate] * Snitches get stitches, even alleged ones, especially when they’re tight ends in the NFL. [Fox Sports] * Facebook tells employers to back off with the big brother BS. [CNN] * Philip Morris execs probably started singing the chorus from one of Billy Joel’s most popular songs when they got the verdict on this case. [Abnormal Use] * This is kind of like that episode of Family Guy where Brian and Stewie get drunk and crash a car. Except this is real life, so it’s less entertaining when a dog gets drunk. [Legal Juice]

* Sonia Sotomayor will reportedly speak at NYU Law commencement… wait, wait. Sorry, I’m hearing that Party Law is moving to exclude her from the ceremony because she didn’t get her commencement speaker application in on time. [NYU Law] * Let’s count all the ways Justice Kennedy was wrong in Citizens United. [Politico] * We’ll […]

* If lawyers screw up Tim Tebow coming to New York, thereby messing up the Reign of the Beast and delaying the Rapture, I’m going to be pissed. [ESPN] * The difference between what law schools report to U.S. News and the truth is shocking. Well, sorry, apparently not at all shocking to any reasonable […]

* Really, it’s never a good idea to talk to a police officer unless you are accompanied by an attorney. [Legal Blog Watch] * The more you dive into Florida’s “stand your ground” law, the more ridiculous it gets. [Recess Appointment] * I’m not sure it matters if the ABA asks law schools to report […]

* Dear black people: please do not try to use Florida’s laws allowing you to stand your ground as justification for gunning down a white person armed with candy. If you try, well, you’ll probably end up like Trayvon Martin. [The Root] * Kash had a nice way of analyzing that patently horrible decision the […]

* This guy is the Bonobo_Bro of prosecutors. [New Orleans Times-Picayune] * The superintendent at my high school used to cheat on her exams all the time. It was no big deal. [Legal Juice] * Many of our readers can probably appreciate this tutorial on the art of the screw you guys, I’m outta here […]

* DLA Piper goes to a one-tier partnership system where everybody gets equity. Finally partners at DLA Beauxbatons will be held in the same esteem as partners from DLA San Andreas. [Legal Week] * If you’re friends with the Manhattan DA and have been frequenting Upper East Side whorehouses, you might want to put in […]

* A photoshopped image that liberals will love: John Yoo as Dirty Harry. [Ricochet] * Lawyers are people too. They get scared, and sometimes they suffer bad car wrecks. Unfortunately, sometimes, to be able to see life from the client’s eyes, it takes understanding in a car crash. [Stephen Hoffman] * Fix-it ticket, fixing a […]

* Happy International Women’s Day, ladies! Now get in the kitchen and bake yourself a cake. Legal Cheek] * The judge in the Raj Rajaratnam case speaks out about wiretapping and the uptick in insider trading enforcement. You probably don’t want to play this game of telephone. [Bloomberg Law] * I would also add this […]

* I think the brother who wrote this post and I should head out to a bar this weekend and talk about the dangers of privately objectifying women in the workplace. I’ll get us a table at Rick’s Cabaret. [Jezebel] * Topless woman protests Bank of America at a corporate meeting. Luckily, she was escorted out before everybody ran out of dollar bills. [Dealbreaker] * The war on religion continues. Next on Your Republican Party: Companies who make birth control pills but mislabel them so women are taking the sugar pills at the wrong time shouldn’t be liable for their gross negligence because they were within their religious rights to trick dirty sluts who like to have sex. [Legal Blog Watch] * Every time a new law school doesn’t open, an angel gets its wings. And then I capture the angel, ram a cone up its ass, and sell it at Christmas time to pay down my debt. [BU Pipe Dream] * I had oral surgery this morning, so I’m high as a kite and I still couldn’t understand this post. [PrawfsBlawg] * Just a reminder that trial lawyers aren’t required to fight like petulant children over every issue. [Forbes] * I think America should play nicely with Europe in space. But the “lamestream media” seems to want us to be able to shoot wolves with machine guns while in low earth orbit. [New York Times]