Non-Sequiturs

* “Joe the Plumber” and the GOProud are friends again. I’m sure there is a joke there that would be wildly inappropriate. [MetroWeekly] * Apparently, being a partner at Morgan Lewis makes you too liberal to be Senator from Texas. [Am Law Daily] * Workout regimes of people truly rich enough to not work out […]

* The definitive post on why we cannot sue Rush Limbaugh for exercising his right to have enough rope to hang himself with. [The Legal Satyricon] * Bill Maher is also defending Limbaugh. Why can’t people understand that most acts of speech aren’t punishable offenses, even if that speech is very stupid. [Entertainment Weekly] * […]

* Dear readers, legal pundits, regular pundits, and the public at large: Please stop with this nonsense of how Sandra Fluke should sue Rush Limbaugh. Because I swear to God, if you guys make me indirectly defend Limbaugh, I will wear you guys out like the dirty little sluts you are. [Politico] * Which founding partner of a major law firm has abs of steel? [Dealbreaker] * A ranking of top moot court programs. I wouldn’t be surprised if the schools that are best at moot court are the schools that spend the most time lying to their students about how there’s a single goddamn employer out there who cares about moot court. [TaxProf Blog] * People think I hate cops, but I have nothing on Republicans in the Indiana House of Representatives. Those guys are such cop haters that they want to pass a law to make it okay to kill them if they enter your house. All I want is to be able to get away with saying “yo’ mama” if they try to falsely arrest you in your own home. [Recess Appointments] * This legal assistant reminds me of what Lane Pryce might have said if he had been sacked for a job as a legal assistant. [Roll on Friday] * Really, it’s the pro-death penalty crowd that wants us to be more like Communist China. [A Public Defender] * Congratulations to the new leaders at Ms. JD. [Ms. JD] * Michigan man sues movie theater for overpriced snacks. He’s not suing for amount they charge to see movies over the past atrocious season, he just wants to spend less while he’s sucking down Goobers and watching them. (One quick side note on the Oscars ’cause I was sick last week: F*** you, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Maybe they should re-release Margin Call with Zach Quinto replaced by a French mime so you guys might notice something at least 1% of this country cares about.) [Huffington Post]

* Hey baby, how about a little Koch in your Cato? (It’s really pronounced like “coke,” but it’s more fun this way.) [Volokh Conspiracy] * Next time you’re thinking of publicly criticizing a judge, use your internal coffee filter. Unless you don’t like your job and you don’t mind us writing about it. In that […]

* Defense lawyer: “I think you’ll be returning a verdict of ‘guilty’ on each and every one of these counts. I mean, crap… Scratch that, reverse it.” [NewsNet 5 Ohio] * It really stinks that Chick-fil-A is a little bit evil, because their food is SO GOOD. [TaxProf Blog] * Attorneys with more pronounceable names […]

* Now prison inmates will literally be able to listen to the jailhouse rock. Dancing to it is a different issue. [USA Today] * Why do students surf the web in class instead of taking notes? Probably because their professors are boring. [Legal Skills Prof Blog] * The current Supreme Court justices have less time […]

* Huh. It turns out people have been criticizing law schools for the same reasons for more than 100 years. There is literally nothing new under the sun. [Inside The Law School Scam] * This takes my disgust with airline cell phone rules to a whole new level. Congress needs to get on this, stat. […]

* Wow. David Brock, head of the liberal watchdog group Media Matters, “paid a former domestic partner $850,000 after being threatened with damaging information involving the organization’s donors and the IRS,” according to allegations in a lawsuit. [Instapundit] * Is the Supreme Court going to gut affirmative action in the Fisher case? Not necessarily, according […]

* So, your colleague or family member dies, suddenly, after allegedly being worked into the ground. But it’s my blog post about it that “turned the sad situation into a nightmare”? I think instead of lamenting for a fluff piece in a local paper, the media geniuses at Dinsmore should respond to a legitimate press inquiry. [West Virginia Record] * The Dharun Ravi trial is under way. I’ll be calling it the Ravi trial, not the Tyler Clementi trial. Because Tyler Clementi is the kid that tragically killed himself, while Dharun Ravi is the very much alive person who has already had his life ruined even thought he didn’t kill anybody. [Metropolis] * Are law firms finally starting to make money off of their investments in social media? [Legal Blog Watch] * HoLove is getting a Brazilian. [Legal Week] * Mmm… Section 230. [Paid Content.org] * Does pot make you less productive, or does lack of productivity make you smoke pot? Or, man, have you ever thought that, like, maybe the pot was smoking you, or something? [What About Clients?] * If you go to the second hour of this show, at about the 33-minute mark, you’ll hear me start to absolutely lose my mind over the Supreme Court’s decision to grant cert in Fisher. [WBEZ]

* Apparently attorneys at a “prestigious firm” in Washington, D.C. are fans of hobo hunting. What the hell does that mean? Well, there’s an app for that (one that Apple has rejected three times for its outrageous offensiveness). [VICE] * “I want to (blank) Michelle Bachmann in her (blank) with a Vietnam era machete.” First […]

* How can you tout your achievements in a cover letter without sounding like a tool? Here are some pointers from Professor Eugene Volokh. [Volokh Conspiracy] * The “unbundling” of legal services is a big buzzword when talking about the direction of the profession. But, as Jordan Furlong posits, should lawyers and law firms start thinking about “rebundling”? [Law21.ca] * Benchslap of earlier this month: the Fourth Circuit smacks around some saucy AUSAs. [Legal Blog Watch] * “[P]ublic drunkenness is not illegal in NYC.” (Elie will be glad to hear this.) [Gothamist] * How will SCOTUS rule on the Stolen Valor Act? Mike Sacks reads the oral argument tea leaves. [Huffington Post] * Chris Christie to Warren Buffett: if you want to pay more taxes, “just write a check and shut up.” [Dealbreaker] * A Harvard Law School student, Matthew Schoenfeld, stands up for a good cause. [Harvard Law School News]

* It looks like Marcus Epstein landed on his feet. [One People’s Project] * A cop in Akron says he found a female judge and a female lawyer “half-naked, late at night in back of car reeking of booze.” Clearly, this is LeBron James’s fault. [Daily Mail] * An NYU Law grad and former WilmerHale […]

* I’ll probably get more into this next week, but here’s a ranking of law schools based on how they prepare you for the bar exam. [Tax Prof Blog] * So voter fraud isn’t as big a deal as the GOP likes to make it, but voter suppression probably isn’t as huge a problem as […]

* The New Jersey assembly passed gay marriage, but Chris Christie intends to veto it. This is how it’s done, Mitt Romney. You have to start pandering to the most extreme and hateful elements of your party long before you’re actually running for president. [Think Progress] * Links that make your legal website look outdated […]

* Nothing beats a calm, collected, religion-based benchslap of religious hypocrisy. [Tex Parte Blog] * If our parents hadn’t gotten us vaccinated, we’d fire them, too. Jenny McCarthy should jump into a freakin’ volcano. [Volokh Conspiracy] * It must be so hard to write fake news when it all starts coming true. [The Onion] * […]

* A father who shot his daughter’s laptop stands by his actions. I think I’d stand with him… it’s safer than standing opposite. [Huffington Post] * Scott Greenfield is saying goodbye to blogging. Five years is a long time in blog years. [Simple Justice] * There’s a grassroots movement to save Judge Andrew Napolitano’s Fox […]

* Looks like Obama has reached a compromise position on birth control. It’s not right, but it’s okay. [WSJ Law Blog] * Apple gets so emotional baby, every time it thinks of Samsung. [eWeek] * Greece begrudgingly signed austerity legislation while lamenting, “Didn’t we almost have it all.” [What About Clients] * The Bearcat would […]

* This is how bros roll in the U.K. There’s a Shearman & Sterling U.K. lawyer up in here. [Daily Mail] * Being hot for teacher gets you suspended now. [Adjunct Law Prof Blog] * It would have been fun to see well paid O’Melveny attorneys dumpster diving. [DNAinfo] * An average American complains to […]

* How would you describe the mainstream media’s recent reporting on Citizens United? Not true, not true — and Dan Abrams explains why. [Mediaite via The Corner / Ramesh Ponnuru] * Whether the U.S. Constitution requires marriage equality can be debated as a matter of constitutional law. But as a policy matter, is this still […]

* When the student debt bubble bursts and causes general economic ruin, I don’t want to be called a “prophet.” You may call me “messenger,” as in the sentence, “We’d like welcome the messenger, Elie Mystal, to the program. Tell us, seer, what it was like being so far ahead of the curve.” [Democrat and […]