North Carolina

If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain. Or Muhammad will just buy the mountain — for $18 million.

Check out our latest Lawyerly Lair. It features a 10,000-square-foot mansion, a 2,500-square-foot guesthouse, 48 acres of land, 13 formal gardens, a one-acre pond (with bridge), a swimming pool and spa….

And its own mountaintop. Did we mention the mountaintop?

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Is the bar exam like a rat race? Well, when there are actual rats in the building....

If you just completed the 2012 bar exam, congratulations. For many of you, the bar exam will be the last test you ever take in your life. How good does that feel?

Special congratulations to those of you who just emerged from three days of bar exam misery, either because you took the bar in a state with a three-day test or because you took the bar in two different states. I took the New York and New Jersey bar exams back to back — and I had to take New York up in Albany, which meant hours of driving with a fried mind — so I feel your pain.

Pain and the bar exam go hand in hand. Earlier this week, we shared with you bar exam horror stories from Virginia and North Carolina.

Today we have many more bar exam dispatches. Read on for stories of horror and heroism, reports of rodents and other creepy critters, and claims of shady behavior….

UPDATE (7/27/2012, 11 AM): Please note the UPDATE appended below regarding the Virginia bar exam.

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(And more horror stories from across the land.)

If you are going to use an excuse for failing the bar exam, it better involve one of these.

The bar exam, Eli my boy. You see, you have a bar exam that is full of sorrows, and I have an internet connection that’s like a straw. You see, are you watching? My internet connection straw reaches across the country and starts to drink your tears milkshake. I drink your tear-shake. I drink it up!

Sorry, I’m not sure why I feel like a traveling oilman today, but I have spent some time drilling in the ATL Inbox for fun stories about things that happened during the first day of state bar exams.

There are some good ones floating around… and by “good,” I mean the kind of crap that will undoubtedly affect the performances of some test takers.

But hey, last year a woman went into labor and delivered her baby after the test and still passed. So I don’t want to hear any excuses — not even from the guy I’m about to tell you about, who had a seizure and had to be carried out on a stretcher….

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* Dewey get the chance to reap revenge against all of the partners who defected? Only in bankruptcy clawback suits. Many are keeping an eye on the Coudert and Thelen Chapter 11 cases to see if they’ll have to pay up. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight]

* “People have bigger concerns on their mind than whether Elizabeth Warren is 1/32 Cherokee.” Well, Scott Brown isn’t most people. He wants all of her job records from her career as a law professor. [Washington Wire / Wall Street Journal]

* “We are not anti-gay, we are pro-marriage.” I don’t think “pro-marriage” means what you think it means. Last night, North Carolina voters passed a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage in the state. [CNN]

* Mike McQueary is filing a whistleblower lawsuit against Penn State. Hate to say it, but that’s definitely not the first time Penn State’s seen a lawsuit over something being blown in the locker room. [Centre Daily Times]

* Washington University in St. Louis Law is launching an online LL.M. program for foreign lawyers for the low, low price of $48K. The exchange rate surely can’t be good enough for that to be worth it. [New York Times]

* Joran van der Sloot will likely be extradited to the United States from Peru this summer. His lawyer, Maximo Altez, isn’t a fan, because he thinks that we’ll charge his client with murder. America, f**k yeah! [ABC News]

* Oh, of course a member of the Village People’s claim just had to be the test case for 35-year copyright transfer termination. Well, kudos to you, Mr. Motorcycle Cop. You’re a real “Macho Man.” [Bloomberg]

Maybe a young Brando can play DeMayo in the movie.

Earlier this week, we shared an epic departure memo from the former marketing director at the Law Offices of Michael A. DeMayo LLP. In the memo, the woman (whom we nicknamed “Peggy Olson”) blasted her boss: “Of all the THOUSANDS of people I have met over the past 38 years, you are by far the most egotistical, self-absorbed, delusional, disrespectful and narcissistic person I have ever met.”

Well, it turns out that Michael A. DeMayo has some defenders in the Law Offices of Michael A. DeMayo. Or, at least one defender. Or maybe he’s defending himself?

Who knows. All we can tell you is that we received a fax (yes, not only do some people still use fax machines, but apparently Above the Law actually has one that we keep right next to our beepers and mercury-infused health drinks). It’s a full-throated defense of Michael DeMayo, replete with allegations that Peggy is going through a difficult situation that precipitated her departure memo meltdown.

Fun times….

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Here at Above the Law, we love a good departure memo. Usually, the best ones are written by disgruntled lawyers (whether partners or associates).

But today we’ve got an amazing departure memo, currently making the rounds by email in certain legal circles. This farewell message was reportedly written by the (former) marketing director for the Law Offices of Michael A. DeMayo LLP, located in Charlotte, North Carolina.

It’s great. The former marketer knows where all the bodies are buried (bodies = hilarious email threads). And she’s in marketing, so she’s good with words.

Really, anytime you can make your boss look like the Material Lawyer when he’s trying to get tickets to a Madonna concert, you’ve found a way to express yourself on your way out the door…

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Ekaterina Rybolovleva: 'But daddy, I want an $88M apartment now!'

* No dowry, no problem: Dewey we have a suitor for this imploding Biglaw firm? Rumor has it that Greenberg Traurig was seen whispering sweet nothings into D&L’s ear about its possible interest. [Am Law Daily]

* BlackBerry maker Research In Motion has hired Milbank Tweed to work out a restructuring plan. Just think, maybe if your product didn’t suck so hard, you wouldn’t be in this position in the first place. [Reuters]

* Sex, money, and betrayal… it sounds like another failed TV series about lawyers on ABC, but in actuality, it’s just a preview of the John Edwards campaign finance trial set to begin this week. [Los Angeles Times]

* Technophobes beware, because this copyright battle over code is getting serious. Oracle v. Google turned into Larry v. Larry in court last week as the CEOs for both companies gave testimony. [Bits / New York Times]

* George Zimmerman thought he’d have to stay in jail longer because he was having trouble coming up with his bail money, but he was released in the dead of night. Bet he looked pretty suspicious. [CNN]

* “There are [fewer students] coming in and crying. I haven’t had a crier yet, which I have had in the past.” Given the legal hiring market, that’s a real accomplishment for a career services official. [Charlotte Observer]

* Who gives a sh*t? Not this Russian fertilizer tycoon. When you’re a billionaire, buying an $88M apartment for your kid is just a run-of-the-mill transaction. Come on, he’s not hiding his assets for his divorce. [Telegraph]

Prosecutors have lessened the charges against Kenan Gay, the Charlotte Law 2L charged with pushing a man out into the middle of traffic and killing him.

The prosecution has done the charging, but the defense has done the talking. A few weeks ago we told you Gay’s attorney argued that the victim, Robert Kingston, had been hitting on Gay’s girlfriend. Now, the defense has apparently conducted an investigation and found some witnesses who paint a very different picture of what went down before Kingston’s death.

And, not surprisingly, the defense’s investigation is not favorable to the victim…

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Kenan Gay

Man, some people got really worked up about about some of the opinions I shared in yesterday’s post about Kenan Gay, the second-year student at Charlotte Law School who has been charged with murdering a man by pushing him out in traffic. (Note to readers: if you don’t like strong opinions, you might want to steer clear of my posts; there are many other writers to read on this fine website.)

People especially took offense to my raising the possibility that the victim, Robert Kingston, might have been a “townie.” When I used the term “townie,” I was referring to the discord you see on some campuses between the student population and the population of people who live in the town on a full-time basis.

But I guess a lot of you college-educated types also like to impose your own class and educational prejudices on townies. So many of you emailed me to tell me about Kingston’s education and socioeconomic status, it’s as if you think that holding a college degree and a good job absolves you of the “townie” distinction. To that I can only hope that you keep your uppity, educated asses out of my local bar. Nobody wants to hear about what you just learned in your comparative trust-fund psychology class when we’re out for an after-work drink.

Anyway, I’d like to move beyond Towniegate to discuss some actual allegations about Kingston. But first I’d like to share the quasi-death threat I received from a so-called friend of Kingston, just so everybody has a suspect in case I’m found on FDR miles away from a Taco Bell…

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They say campus security starts in the admissions office, but no admissions committee can truly screen out all of the bad apples.

The community at Charlotte School of Law (not to be confused with UNC-Charlotte) is in a state of shock. A current student there was charged with murder following a bar fight.

We’re not even talking about one of those tragic “eggshell victim” situations, where the alleged attacker lands a punch that would cause a normal person to have a hurt jaw but causes the alleged victim to have a life-threatening embolism. Unless you consider not being able to survive being hit by a BMW to be “eggshell.”

Let’s take a look at the allegations….

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