Think carefully. Everything after this moment will not only determine your career, but life. You can spend it in a corporate office drafting contracts and hitting on chubby paralegals before finally putting a gun in your mouth, or you can join my firm and become someone you actually like. So decide: do you want the job or not?
(The show, complete with absurd dialogue — like the 1L who brags about his recent summer internship with Chief Justice Roberts — and even more ridiculous plotlines — like the 1Ls who quote case law while deciding where to bury a body — is loosely based on attending Penn Law.)
If, unfortunately, someone in your family faced catastrophic injuries that you thought had legal issues, they would be on a very, very short list of firms to consider.
– Roger Dennis, dean of the Drexel University’s Thomas R. Kline School of Law. He’s telling the Philadelphia Inquirer about Thomas R. Kline. “Short list,” eh? After Kline donated $50 million and the school scrubbed poor Earle Mack from their letterhead and renamed the school, the best praise the dean can summon is that Kline belongs on a “short list.” Once you rename your law school, you’re already a commercial, so go right ahead and tell the reporter “Thomas R. Kline is the best goddamned lawyer on the planet!”
Who do you think President Obama could appoint at this very day, given the boundaries that we have? If I resign any time this year, he could not successfully appoint anyone I would like to see in the court. [The Senate] took off the filibuster for lower federal court appointments, but it remains for this court. So anybody who thinks that if I step down, Obama could appoint someone like me, they’re misguided. As long as I can do the job full steam…. I think I’ll recognize when the time comes that I can’t any longer. But now I can.
That’s not the way we do business. We’re not Republicans or Democrats.
– Chief Justice John Roberts, speaking at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln College of Law. The Chief Justice has made dispelling the impression of partisanship the cornerstone of his public relations efforts, pointing to a steady stream of 9-0 decisions. It’s a talking point that Dahlia Lithwick has termed faux-nanimity. Still, the Chief Justice soldiers on, hoping that no one looks into what Virginia Thomas is up to or where Justice Scalia goes hunting.
Trial by jury is the palladium of our liberties. I do not know what a palladium is, having never seen a palladium, but it is a good thing no doubt at any rate.
– Mark Twain, offering a stirring tribute to the American legal system. This quote, among many others, appears in a new compilation of Twain’s commentary on lawyers and the law entitled Mark Twain v. Lawyers, Lawmakers, and Lawbreakers. Palladium is a rare metallic element with atomic number 46, but we’re guessing Twain was going for another definition.
I am incompetent! Anybody who thinks they are representing an innocent person and can’t convince a jury is incompetent or ineffective.
– Ira Dennis Hawver, a lawyer who showed up to his disciplinary hearing dressed as Thomas Jefferson. Hawver was… wait, what? Dressed as Thomas Jefferson? Yeah. I guess that’s the sort of thing Tea Partiers do. Anyway, Hawver was defending himself against possible disbarment after he royally botched a death penalty case with his “my client couldn’t have done it because he wouldn’t have left a witness alive” defense — making his turn at cosplay the second dumbest argument he’s made in the courtroom.
OmniVere’s delivery of end-to-end technology & data consulting to position the company as a true differentiator in the global legal technology and compliance space.
CHICAGO, IL, September 29, 2014 – OmniVere today announced the creation of the company’s technology & data consulting arm and the addition of several industry-renown experts, including the former co-chairs of Berkeley Research Group’s (BRG’s) Technology Services practice, Liam Ferguson, Rich Finkelman and Courtney Fletcher.
This new consulting practice will provide and expand existing OmniVere eDiscovery consulting services to corporations, law firms and government agencies with a special focus on compliance, information governance and eDiscovery. This addition of this top talent now positions OmniVere as a true industry leader in the technology and data consulting space offering best-in-class end-to-end services.
Ferguson, Finkelman & Fletcher are nationally recognized experts and seasoned veterans in the areas of overall technology, electronic discovery, and structured data. At OmniVere, the team will be focused on all global consulting activities with respect to legal compliance, complex data analytics, business intelligence design and analysis, and electronic discovery service offerings.
The Trust Women conference is an influential gathering that brings together global corporations, lawyers and pioneers in the field of women’s rights. Unlike many other events, Trust Women delegates take action and forge tangible commitments to empower women to know and defend their rights.
This year, the Trust Women conference will take place 18-19 November in London. From women’s economic empowerment to slavery in the supply chain and child labour, this year’s agenda is strong and powerful. Speakers include Professor Muhammad Yunus, Nobel Laureate and founder of the Grameen Bank; Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka, Executive Director of UN Women; Mary Ellen Iskenderian, President and CEO of Women’s World Banking and many other influential leaders. Find out more about Trust Women here.