Rudeness

The pages of Above the Law are littered with lawyers who have tried to use their status as legal eagles to get out of brushes with law enforcement. Not their legal knowledge — smart lawyers who have run-ins with the law keep their mouths shut, don’t blow, and save their arguments for judges instead of arresting officers. But smart attorneys make for boring stories.

It’s the people who think that just being a lawyer will keep them out of jail who bring the real fun. Once a cop gets a look at your Cravath prestige points (or the local equivalent), he’ll just look the other way and allow you to stumble to your car.

Think of folks like the young associate who allegedly told a police officer, “You are going to… die. I’m a lawyer. You can Google me.” Or the future prosecutor who allegedly said, “I start with the Linn County Prosecutor’s Office next Tuesday. I want you to arrest me for not signing this.” Or the prominent lawyer who allegedly said, “You can’t arrest me. I represent Seattle and King County. You are making a mistake.”

Well, today we have another classy Seattle legal lady. But this one allegedly did her talking not just with her mouth, but with her anus…

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“I am hyper-sensitive when it comes to name calling and ethnic slurs — just look at my name. I bristle when people are derided as dumb Polacks, greedy Jews, smelly Pakis, stupid beaners, camel jockeys, frogs and gooks. There are many more but no reason to list them all.”

Deyan Ranko Brashich

Brashich, an NYU Law School graduate and attorney, just wrote a gem of a column for the Litchfield County Times. Let’s check out more from his bats**t editorial, shall we?

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Judge Nelson is tired… of your sh*t.

Your Honor, we’ve been working very long hours.

So have I!

– an exchange between Mark O’Mara, one of George Zimmerman’s defense attorneys in the Trayvon Martin murder trial, and Judge Debra Nelson, after a 12-hour day in court. When defense attorney Don West piped up to say he didn’t think he could “physically keep up this pace much longer,” Judge Nelson gathered her belongings in a huff and left the courtroom, ignoring him.

(Keep reading to see video footage of the incident in question.)

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Throwing a temper-tantrum in your office is better than throwing one in a parking lot.

I know, I know — when most of you think of “class,” you think of a small Long Island law firm that represents a small-town school district. So I’m sure it’s going to come as a shock to you that one of these Island lawyers engaged in a profanity-laced tirade after a school board meeting, in which he cursed out some parents in a parking lot.

This is Long Island we’re talking about, old sport. Respected Long Island attorneys don’t resort to such ribald language. If “Strong Island” isn’t careful, it’s going to be viewed as no better than the Jersey Shore.

Wait… I’m being told that we’re already there. Oh well, might as well take a look at this video of this lawyer calling somebody’s mom the C-word after a school board meeting….

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Sheena Monnin

Ed. note: We hope that you had a great July 4th — and that you’re enjoying a four-day weekend. But if you’re at work today and looking for diversion, check us early and often — we will be posting today (although on a reduced publication schedule).

* Lawyer of the Day Long Weekend: Christopher Kirby, whose profanity-laced tirade at the mother of a special-education student during a school board meeting has gone viral. Stay classy, Chris. [New York Daily News]

* Speaking of classy, if you make Donald Trump look good, you’re doing it wrong. The $5 million arbitration award against former beauty queen Sheena Monnin just got upheld by Judge J. Paul Oetken (S.D.N.Y.). [New York Law Journal]

* Have you been injured in an accident? Call a New York State legislator, who might be earning a six-figure income by moonlighting at a personal-injury firm. [New York Times]

* Nationwide layoff watch: Dickstein dismisses seven partners in New York. [WestlawNext Practitioner Insights (sub. req.)]

* Who doesn’t love rule by lawyers? Adli Mansour, chief justice of the Supreme Constitutional Court of Egypt, takes over as the nation’s interim leader. [New York Times]

* If you’re feeling the heat in D.C. these days, lawyer turned ice cream entrepreneur Victoria Lai can help. [Washington Post]

Mr. Milbank is a humorist and satirist. He can make mountains out of molehills if he wants to. But he should take a page out of Justice Alito’s book and pay more attention to getting it right.

William Ranney Levi and Dana Remus, former law clerks to Justice Samuel Alito, in a letter to the Washington Post responding to an article by Dana Milbank. Milbank accused the justice of “demonstrat[ing] his disdain” for his women colleagues while on the bench.

‘HEE HEE! OWW! WOO!’

When you’re handling a major trial with alleged damages in the millions, sometimes things can get pretty heated. Tempers can flare, ridiculous documents can be exchanged behind closed doors, and you might even threaten to enlarge someone’s [bleep]hole if you are f**ked with. As you can see, things can get out of hand pretty quickly.

And that’s what just happened in the Michael Jackson wrongful death trial. You might think that attorneys in civil suits are capable of being civil to each other, but you’d be wrong.

Katherine Jackson’s lawyer, Brian Panish, allegedly felt the need to show the opposing attorney from AEG Live who was, in fact, bad…

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No one enjoys driving in Los Angeles. There’s smog, hours of backed up traffic, and occasional car chases. Angelinos can now add one more item to their reasons to hate driving — an area attorney waiting to beat the hell out of them.

“Road rage” is a fact of life in Southern California. Remember this clip from L.A. Story? But people like to — unfairly — think of road rage as a phenomenon afflicting working stiffs, not well-heeled professionals.

However, a veteran attorney lost his cool in a roadside brawl with another motorist in business attire just off the 405 in Van Nuys.

And we have video…

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I told my dad “Fudge you” just once. I was fifteen or sixteen and he was being a real butthole. Saying some crap about the clothes I was wearing. My jeans were too fricking big or something, I don’t know. Style, huh? Anyway, I was standing there with my big fricking jeans literally hanging off my backside, when dad starts in on me. Saying all his crap about my big fricking jeans. So I say it. I just up and say it. “Fudge you.” Life, as it has from time to time since that fateful moment, paused. And not slightly, but for, like, ten fricking minutes. Time just stood freaking still and the moments to come just waited there, I guess. Waiting to freaking happen cause time had stood still and all. Well, when time started up again, I hightailed it back to my room as my dad just stood there silently. Not a freaking word to be said, I guess. I must have sat in my room for two hours, until my mom came home and retrieved me from my self-imposed exile. “Cheese and rice, what did you say to your father? He’s sore as heck over something you said.” I told her and she blushed and I blushed and she told me I ought to apologize. She told me to pull up my pants, too. On account of my butt showing.

There are moments in life that just scream for curse words. For sailors, those moments take up their entire lives! For the rest of us, we must pick our moments carefully. One Connecticut man recently cussed a fudging blue streak all over his speeding ticket, earning the ire of the small town that issued the citation.

And now it’s not just a huge freaking deal, but also a possible crapstorm of constitutional proportions…

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Have you ever walked into a chain restaurant, launched a foul-mouthed and self-entitled tirade, and then placed the whole thing “under video surveillance” to post on Facebook? If you answered yes, then HI THERE, TAYLOR CHAPMAN! If not, you’re the rest of our audience.

This is the part of the day that the “Time to Make the Donuts” commercials didn’t show. The part where an insane woman hurls racial epithets because Fred the Baker didn’t give her a receipt.

Is this woman a lawyer? Of course she’s a lawyer…

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