Sports

* Apparently, heckling Carmelo Anthony can cost you your job. [Dealbreaker]

* There’s nothing the Supreme Court can do to stop cops who want to take a long time to release you from a stop, even if the Court wants to. [Simple Justice]

* I think we should just ask John Roberts to tell every state precisely how they are allowed to discriminate against black voters and be done with it. Just tell us the rules so we can start the GOTV campaigns. [Election Law Blog]

* Former Manhattan Assemblywoman Gabriela Rosa gets a year in jail for purchasing a sham marriage to gain citizenship. The “for citizenship” part is what got her, because lots of politicians are in sham marriages. [Journal News]

* Judge Frank Easterbrook thinks that the new proposed length limit for appellate briefs is too short. Verbose litigators everywhere, rejoice. [How Appealing]

* I thought “spoofing” was bad for the market, but Matt Levine says cracking down on spoofing “helps” high-frequency traders, who I also think are bad for the market. You know why I’m not an SEC lawyer? Prosecuting people based on them being “bad” becomes untenable when everybody involved is rich. [Bloomberg View]

* The world’s largest Harry Potter memorabilia collection belongs to a lawyer. His patronus is a shimmering gavel. [The Telegraph]

* The FCC has ended the sports blackout rule. Expect the NFL to go bankrupt within days. [Politico]

* No one expects to see “lawyer” on a Top 20 Work-Life Balance list, but there is one legal job out there coming in at number 11. [Glassdoor via Adjunct Law Prof Blog]

* Want to expose the severe problems of the over-criminalization of everything? Everyone with a warrant turn themselves in on one day. Call it “Warrant Day.” See how the system copes logistically and financially when all those citations come home to roost all at once. [Street Roots]

* Russia’s equivalent of Chief Justice Roberts advocates a return to serfdom. Now there’s an originalist! [Business Insider]

* Bow Tie Law talks about the role of discovery software in the duty of lawyers to review documents. Because document review is “legal work” when it’s about paying people a livable wage and “computer work” when it isn’t. [The Everlaw Blog]

* Before we get wrapped up in the cases the Supreme Court will decide, let’s remember all the cases it won’t decide. Because “we can tell a lot about what the court cares about—and what it doesn’t” from its cert decisions. [Slate]

* Ha. After today’s story about the debt mistakes of Lisa S., here’s the cautionary tale of one “Elie M.” [Law and More]

* Elizabeth Garrett, USC Provost, will become the next president of Cornell. Garrett will also be a tenured faculty member at Cornell Law School and is bringing along her husband, Andrei Marmor, who will also join the law school. See, this is how you hire administrators: get someone willing to do double-duty with teaching! [Cornell Chronicle]

Reefer Sadness

Ours is the age of victim shaming. This much I know. Our culture is one so damned afraid of death that we rationalize every single one as the inevitable coda to a life poorly lived. The ownership society we have built has meant nothing materially so we are left with our own deaths to own… wholly and irrevocably. If you die tomorrow, the newspaper will tell us what horrible behaviors led to your death. Tsk tsks will ring out both far and wide. Assuming anyone gives a sh*t about you. Or the person who killed you.

This impulse to blame death on the decedent doesn’t need much encouragement, of course. But it finds it in the kindred compulsion to believe everything that is said about drugs. You combine a stubborn unwillingness to accept the indeterminacy of death along with the rank stupidity of drugs and… well, you got yourself a stew, baby.

On Wednesday, a race car driver named Smoke got off and it may be because the one he smote may have smoked…

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Derek Jeter is retiring. If you follow sports, you know that one of the most overrated players in history is calling it quits. If you don’t follow sports, you probably also know this.

A few days ago, Jeter hit a foul ball (he has problems hitting balls in play at this point). Blue Jays third baseman Danny Valencia threw the ball to a dad, who gave it to his daughter, who promptly threw the ball back because little kids like to throw things.

UPDATE (9/25/2014, 4:56 p.m.): The embed appears to be broken. We will continue to try and fix it. In the meantime, the video is available here:


More ABC news videos | Latest world news

Turns out, the dad in that video — who ultimately got the ball back — is a Biglaw lawyer! Work/life balance for the win….

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On September 4, Bill Simmons wrote a column for Grantland regarding the National Football League, titled “The League That Never Sleeps.” Since then, the NFL has remained in the headlines on a daily basis, scarred by a near-constant stream of negative news concerning off-field incidents involving current players. Apart from the escalation of unseemly episodes we have seen recently, the NFL is also struggling with potentially existence-threatening legal issues relating to the harm suffered by players due to the inherent violence of the sport. At the same time, the NFL remains the biggest show (especially from a TV ratings standpoint) in town, and the league has never been more profitable.

Do I need to spell out the parallels with Biglaw? Record profitability, coupled with record instability. It is a wonder that we don’t see Biglaw behemoths sponsoring the halftime clash between two local Pee-Wee teams at NFL stadiums….

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Eric Winston

Eric Winston, the current president of the NFL Players Association, has had a busy past few weeks. In addition to working with the Players’ Union to negotiate a new drug policy, Winston has had to deal with rather unprecedented discipline situations surrounding Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson, among others, not to mention the questions surrounding NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

But there’s a reason he was elected. Eric is incredibly intelligent and one of the more thoughtful interviewees in sports. Eric’s been nice enough to join me for a conversation about recent developments in collective bargaining, player discipline, and due process that will develop over the course of the next few days. Check back as our conversation develops…

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Louie C.K. has the definitive statement on the legal standing of corporal punishment (it’s Louie C.K., so I shouldn’t have to tell you NSFW):

” ‘Stop hitting me, you’re huge. You’re a giant and I can’t defend myself.’…

Kids are the only people in the world that you are allowed to hit… They’re the most vulnerable and they’re the most destroyed by being hit but it’s totally okay to hit them. And they’re the only ones. If you hit a dog, they’ll f***ing put you in jail for that s**t. You can’t hit a person unless you can prove that they were trying to kill you. But a little tiny person with a head this big who trusts you implicitly, f**k ‘em, who gives a s**t, let’s all hit them…

Let me say this, if you have kids and you do hit your kids, I totally get it. I’m not judging. I get it. My mom hit me. I don’t hit my kids… I’m not better than my mom, it’s because she was poor and I have money… I work two hours a week sometimes.”

That’s pretty much the law right there folks. Of course people shouldn’t hit their kids. It’s freaking barbaric. It’s proven to be an ineffective and damaging form of discipline.

But the law accepts the premise that some people are going to hit their children from time to time. Once you’re there, once you abandon a “zero tolerance” policy on corporal punishment for children, it’s exceedingly difficult to parse “reasonable” from “abusive” punishments…

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I suppose there are any number of moments that one can point to that perfectly encapsulate the complete insanity, inanity, and impotence of the NFL’s response to Ray Rice knocking out his fiancée. There is the Ravens tweet, of course. That perfectly horrible bit of victim-shaming, a 144 characters-or-less bite-sized lump of horrifying misogyny. There is John Harbaugh’s endorsement of Rice, a recommendation so heartily unnecessary, it sounded like a Hall of Fame introduction.

But in weirdness alone, the most perfect moment happened last night. That’s when the NFL chose the legal profession as its moral and ethical cover. In the punch bowl that is the NFL’s announcement of a laughably inept “independent” investigation, the league dropped this fantastic turd of a non-sequitur:

“Director Mueller’s investigation will be overseen by NFL owners John Mara of the New York Giants and Art Rooney of the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the final report will be made public. Mara and Rooney are both attorneys.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA… what?

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In case you haven’t seen it yet, here’s the video TMZ posted of Ray Rice, the Baltimore Ravens running back, repeatedly striking his then-girlfriend and now wife, Janay Palmer:

There will be a lot of talk this week about whether the NFL saw this video when they suspended Rice for only two games. And there will be a lot of talk about whether Rice can be subjected to NFL “double jeopardy” and face additional consequences for his actions.

Before that discussion, can we talk about the part where the judicial system most certainly did see this video before sentencing Ray Rice to… nothing? Screw NFL suspensions. How is Ray Rice not in JAIL?

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* It’s fun to keep suing the Redskins over their racist nickname. It’s also fun to watch the Washington Football Club get the snot beat out of them. [ABA Journal]

* Legal aid… for inventor seeking venture capital. Everybody needs lawyers, folks. Nobody wants to pay for them. [San Jose Mercury News]

* Goldman picks and chooses which employees have their legal fees picked up by the firm. [New York Times]

* Judge Posner’s past pontifications on gay marriage, sans benchslaps. [Washington Blade]

* Harvard received the largest donation in its history. It wasn’t from me. [Business Insider]

* A nice review of David Lat’s book, Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link), by Judge Kopf. [Hercules and the Umpire]

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