State Judges Are Clowns

Judge Wade McCree

Just when you think you’ve seen it all, another judge goes and pulls a Weiner. In case you haven’t heard, Wade McCree, a state judge from Michigan, has been accused of sending nearly-nude photos to a bailiff via sext message. That’s right, we’ve got judicial divos posing for male pin-up shots right here in America (sorry to steal your Canadian thunder, Madam Justice Lori Douglas).

As they say on the internet, TTIWWOP — “This Thread Is Worthless Without Pictures.” Well, we’ve got one (safe for work, of course)….

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Over the past week, while the Bay Area has been rainy, windy, and generally ugly outside, folks in my old Chicago stomping grounds have been enjoying the upside of global warming.

I know the sun is a nice, unexpected reprieve from the nine-month Midwestern winter. Unfortunately, the mini-heatwave has not brought any relief from the hot air that notoriously blows from government buildings in Cook County.

Earlier this month, a local judge was unceremoniously removed from her courthouse and arrested for assault. My colleague Staci Zaretsky might have called her a judicial diva, but I think this jurist is more of a Mike Tyson type…

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It’s time to announce the winner of February’s Lawyer of the Month competition. The slate of candidates our readers voted on was full of judicial divas, and their respective antics definitely overshadowed the rest of our competitors’ deeds (or misdeeds).

In a month where a lawyers filed a dozen class action lawsuits against law schools, you shrugged. In a month where a former Cravath associate lost his law license, you looked the other way. Instead, you opted to vote for a man who we assume to be a card-carrying member of the NRA.

Let’s take a look at February’s Lawyer of the Month. Grab your glocks when you see Tupac this judge….

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When we last checked in with the justices of the Wisconsin Supreme Court, one justice stood accused of allegedly choking a bitch in chambers (no, not the “total bitch” that he had previously threatened to “destroy” — another one). Although the kerfuffle did not result in any criminal charges, it seems that Justice David Prosser isn’t as charismatic as Wayne Brady, because now he’s facing possible ethics sanctions over the two incidents.

What did the outspoken justice have to say about the request for sanctions?

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It’s time to crown February’s Lawyer of the Month. Yes, we realize that it’s a little late to be conducting a poll for February, but we’d still like to give our candidates a chance to extend their 15 minutes of fame (or infamy).

Last month, we saw some wacky antics from judges and former Biglaw associates, and some lawyering that has the potential to rock the world of legal education for the rest of time.

That being said, let’s check out our nominees for the month of February….

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Ex-judge of the day, David E. Barrett.


I don’t even know where to begin with this, so let’s just play it straight:

Last week, a now ex-judge in Georgia pulled out a handgun during a bond hearing, pretended to hand it to an alleged rape victim who was testifying, and said she was “killing her case” and “might as well shoot” her lawyer.

What?

I wish this was a joke or a hoax story. But no, it actually happened.

Keep reading to find out who this former judge is (spoiler: it’s not Rooster Cogburn) and why he pulled his piece in court…

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Zombie Mohammed

What can we say? Around these parts, we enjoy talking about zombies. Zombies that usher in the apocalypse. Zombies that can do document review. Even zombie law firms.

So let’s discuss what everyone else is discussing: the “Zombie Mohammed” case. Earlier this month, Judge Mark W. Martin dismissed a harassment charge against Talaag Elbayomy, a Muslim man who allegedly attacked Ernie Perce, an atheist who was dressed up as “Zombie Muhammad.” The incident took place during last year’s Halloween parade in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania.

Since news of the ruling became public, things have gone crazy. Let’s discuss, and take an opinion poll….

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* Apparently attorneys at a “prestigious firm” in Washington, D.C. are fans of hobo hunting. What the hell does that mean? Well, there’s an app for that (one that Apple has rejected three times for its outrageous offensiveness). [VICE]

* “I want to (blank) Michelle Bachmann in her (blank) with a Vietnam era machete.” First of all: eww. Second of all: not a proper use of Twitter. Third of all: this is going before a grand jury. [Suits & Sentences / McClatchy]

* When your kid is an alleged aficionado of pilfered products, it helps to have friends in high places — like judges who look like Christopher McDonald and expect people to respect his authoritah. [Houston Chronicle]

Justice Jim Sharp

* I don’t think “gunner” means what you think it means. A 1L from Osgoode Hall Law in Toronto is accused of shooting up a residence hall with a 12-gauge Remington 870 shotgun. O Canada! [CityNews]

* It’s been a while since we wrote about law license plates, but just in case you’re thinking of getting vanity plates that read “NO TAGS,” don’t do it. You could get $20K in tickets like this clever guy. [Legal Blog Watch]

* FYI: you can only sometimes get away with paying kids to slap you in the face and pee on you. The rest of the time, you’re going to jail. [Legal Juice]

People have really given Mitt Romney hell for saying he’s “not concerned about the very poor.” But really, it’s not just wealthy Republican Mormons who lack compassion for the very poor in this country. Ronald Reagan’s greatest legacy to the Republican Party was that he made it okay for them to categorically disregard the plight of the structurally poor and blame them for their own suffering. And for the most part Democrats have decided that in order to win they must show a similar callousness towards the poor. The poor don’t vote, and so both parties conspire to ignore the impoverished — or worse, talk down to those who were stupid enough to be born to the wrong parents.

At an individual level, nearly all of us are complicit as well. Well, I’ll just speak for me: I do my part to not care about the permanent underclass that lives in the richest society on Earth. I won’t even give money to homeless people on the street unless they sing or dance or perform some sort of talent. One time I gave “James,” a blind man who panhandles on the 4/5/6, line at the same times I head into the office, $20 — not because I wanted to be kind but because I got so sick of his spiel (“I’m legally blind, I get a little bit of disability but that only leaves me $18 a month for food.”). I thought he might leave me alone for the rest of the month.

I don’t think I’m the only one who sometimes wants poor people to just go away….

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Being a judge is hard work. So hard, in fact, that sometimes these distinguished members of society go out in search of more plebeian ways to relax. We’ve taken the time to write about their hobbies in the past. For example, some judges get off by packing penis pumps underneath their robes. Some judges prefer prostitutes, and other judges like to blow through thousands of dollars at strip clubs. Hell, some judges just like blow.

But other judges are apparent aficionados of the classic gateway drug — marijuana. One judge in Texas was recently arrested for allegedly smoking two joints before he smoked two joints, and then smoking two more….

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