State Judges Are Clowns

Every Judge Gets a Nut: No Discipline for Isaac Stoltzfus, of Acorn Condom Fame

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Remember Isaac H. Stoltzfus from Intercourse, Pennsylvania? After handing out condom-stuffed acorns to women on the street outside the Statehouse in Harrisburg, Stoltzfus became our Judge of the Day back in September 2010. In the spirit of res ipsa loquitur, we kept our coverage short and sweet.

We now know that Stoltzfus was cited with one count of disorderly conduct, but that charge was dropped. In April, the Judicial Conduct Board filed a complaint against Stoltzfus because… well, let’s not split hairs here, the dude was handing out acorns that he had personally hollowed out and stuffed with condoms. That is some pretty bizarre behavior, but Stoltzfus claimed it was just a prank, and filed a motion to dismiss the complaint.

On Wednesday, the state Court of Judicial Discipline dismissed the complaint, but why? We’ve got the scoop, after the jump….

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Quote of the Day: Three Little Life-Ruining Words

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Mark Ciavarella, Jr.

Those three words made me the personification of evil. They made me toxic and caused a public uproar the likes of which this community has never seen.

— Former Luzerne County Judge Mark Ciavarella, Jr., commenting on his new moniker as the “Kids for Cash” judge. Today, Ciavarella was sentenced to 28 years for his role in a massive bribery scandal in the Pennsylvania juvenile justice system.

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Judge Accused of Raping Prostitute Will Put Away His Gavel

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Judge Albert 'Pat' Murdoch

Here’s a quick update on the unfortunate tale of Albert “Pat” Murdoch, the New Mexico state court judge who has been accused of raping a prostitute. He will be retiring from the bench, as of Friday, and he has agreed never to seek another judicial office in the state.

(Maybe he should run for elective office? It worked out for Alcee Hastings, who successfully ran for Congress after getting impeached from his federal judgeship.)

Murdoch is retiring pursuant to an agreement with the state Judicial Standards Commission, which had started a disciplinary investigation (which will now conclude). Pat Murdoch will have more time to focus on his defense in the criminal case against him.

On that subject, the contours of his defense are starting to take shape….

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Judges Behaving Badly? A Slew of Lurid Allegations

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Ex-Judge Thompson: not looking well.

Oh goodness. Today is shaping up to be “Misbehaving Judges Day” here at Above the Law.

One judge, new to these pages, is accused of a serious crime: rape. And supposedly there’s a video of the alleged act.

A second judge (or former judge), who should be familiar to many of you — Donald Thompson, aka the “penis pump” judge — has been hit with fresh criminal charges.

Let’s look at the allegations against the two men….

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Judge of the Day: Lady Likes To Take Pictures of Men Peeing. What’s Wrong With That?

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Judge Rhonda Hollander

We mentioned this in yesterday’s Morning Docket, and still you emailed. We mentioned it again in Non-Sequiturs, and still the tips kept coming. Well, fine. By popular demand, here is a full post on the Florida judge who stands accused of photograping a guy peeing in the men’s bathroom.

The Honorable Rhonda Hollander is a traffic court judge. But she seems to have a pretty interesting hobby. She was arrested last week for allegedly taking out her cell phone and snapping pictures of a man peeing in the bathroom. A courthouse police officer tried to stop her from taking these photos.

And that’s when things got weird….

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Judges Beware, Because Some Defendants Just ‘Go Native’

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A traditional American... Halloween costume mocking the native inhabitants of this land.

Growing up, we had something called the “coffee filter” in my house. It was my mom’s cutesy way of telling us that we always needed to think before speaking, but it worked (most of the time).

The world would probably be a much better place if everyone bothered to use their coffee filters, but the sad fact is that most people don’t even have one. That’s probably the reason why there are so many racial epithets and ethnic slurs floating around that I’m still learning about new ones.

And it’s probably also the reason why judges are just blurting them out in court….

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Does a Wisconsin Judge Have to Choke a Bitch?

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In March, we ran a story about how the justices on the Wisconsin Supreme Court had basically devolved into caricatures of themselves worthy of MTV reality show fame.

Apparently, in the midst of a heated debate, Justice David Prosser fell into the role of the hothead. He called a female justice a “bitch” “total bitch,” and threatened to “destroy” her. I guess this is what happens when members of the judiciary stop being polite, and start getting real –- The Real Prize World.

Anyway, you know what usually happens on the next episode of the show. We find out that the hothead isn’t just abusive with his words, but also with his fists. And that is exactly what allegedly happened earlier this month behind closed doors.

Did Prosser need to choke a bitch?

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Judge Calls Defendant ‘Gayer Than a Sweet-Smelling Jock Strap’

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Judge Philip Kirk

On Monday, Judge Philip Kirk of Wisconsin sentenced Delton D. Gorges, a 71-year-old former bus driver, to seven years in prison. Gorges was convicted on charges of sexually assaulting boys, after pleading no contest.

Judge Kirk had some odd words for the defendant at sentencing. Most notably, he told Gorges: “I think you were born gayer than a sweet-smelling jock strap.”

(I’m sorry, but is anyone else finding this transcript a little titillating? Maybe even Judge Kirk?)

Judge Kirk — today’s Judge of the Day, naturally — also expressed skepticism toward Gorges’s claim of heterosexuality: “I think that if anyone believes that in the last 10 years or 15 years all of a sudden you developed an interest in homosexuality and young boys, then I must have looked ravishing in my prom dress this year.”

(Well, Your Honor, you do wear a little black dress — well before the start of cocktail hour.)

Okay. Can we get some context up in here?

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Judge of the Day: Another Dangerous D.C. Driver

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What is up with judges in the Washington, D.C., metropolitan area? Why are they such bad drivers?

Last month, Justice Antonin Scalia got into a fender-bender in northern Virginia. According to at least one witness, he was at fault — and got ticketed for it.

Today we learn about the roadway misadventures of a Maryland jurist, Judge Brian Kim. In case you’re wondering, yes, he’s Asian.

But his alleged offense doesn’t seem stereotypically Asian….

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Non-Sequiturs: 04.11.11

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Judge A.P. 'Pete' Fuller

* New Egyptian democracy is already putting critics in jail. Dammit Middle East, this is why we can’t have nice things. [Gawker]

* We must make sure this technology never gets into the hands of clients. [LawyerClock]

* So it appears that South Dakota actually does have one badass living and working there — but now they want to kick him off the bench! [WSJ Law Blog]

* I tried so hard to come up with a meta-joke to go along with Ben Kerschberg’s story about metadata — and then I realized that I did and it’s just not that funny. [Forbes]

* You know what really makes Eliot Spitzer look bad? Andrew Cuomo. [Truth on the Market]

* Our very own Jay Shepherd doesn’t want to bill in six-minute increments, but he can present under such time pressure. [ABA Journal]

* Something tells me the fake law firm of Cromwell & Goodwin is about to get some very real resumes résumés. [Am Law Daily]

* When I was a kid, the only things you had to worry about finding on Long Island beaches were hypodermic syringes. Ah, the good old days. [Village Voice]

* Congratulations to Blawg Review. As Admiral Adama says, “Sometimes you have to roll the hard six.” [Blawg Review]

* Hey kids, don’t forget to send us your Law Revue clips. Share your funny — surely you can do better than this guy — with the rest of the world. [Above the Law]

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