Terrible Jobs

Regular readers of this blog will know that I don’t like guns. I don’t like gun owners, and the Second Amendment is the only amendment I can’t stand. If there was an unsecured firearm just hanging out around the ATL offices, I’d be very unhappy. Guns kill people and I’d be far more worried about a co-worker accidentally shooting the biggest target in the room than the Adam Kaisers of the world making a personal appearance to our offices.

But, even though I’m a pansy-ass liberal who trusts in power of peace over the false security of loaded weapons, I would not freak out if I found out that somebody around here kept a gun under his desk in case Evan Chesler hears one too many “Cravath no longer pays top of the market” references and decides to execute order 66.

Of course, I’m a grown man who knows that when the bullets start flying there’s no shame in running or hiding like a bitch. Other people with less experience and confidence might see a gun and turn into a useless pile of fear.

And that’s when the internet needs to step in and give some advice…

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Insert face of law school student above.

Instead of hiring a new professor to teach Cross-Cultural Comparison of Masturbatory Prohibitions, I want law schools to start paying six-figure salaries to the people they hire to work in their career services offices. I want U.S. News to include the number of CSO professionals and money spent on CSOs as data points in their law school rankings. I want deans to start asking rich alumni if they would like to donate to help fight mental disability and extreme laziness in career services offices.

Because honestly, the lack of effort put in by career services professionals at the nation’s law schools really seems to be out of hand. Maybe they’ve just been collectively beaten down by the years of terrible job prospects and the throngs of students in need of help. Maybe they believe that there really is nothing they can do, and they are significantly more worried about protecting their own jobs than finding jobs for eager law students. Maybe the lack of institutional support and respect for their efforts makes them feel like second-class citizens whenever the Professor of Impractical Studies That Serve No Clients walks into the room.

I don’t know why we’re here, but when you can’t even trust your CSO to effectively cull Symplicity to remove stupid and insulting job prospects like the ones below, it’s time to change the entire approach to law school career services….

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The last time we wrote about somebody on the Emory Law faculty trying to “help out” struggling, jobless Emory Law students, we were covering the train wreck of a commencement speech by professor Sara Stadler. She told graduating law students, many of whom didn’t have a job, to “get over” their sense of entitlement.

You’d think that the Emory faculty wouldn’t risk condescending to their students again, even in the name of trying to help them. But sitting in my inbox is a series of emails from Sarah Shalf, the director of the Emory field placement program, offering students the opportunity to babysit kids and “network” at her Super Bowl party.

Condescending? For a certain point of view, absolutely. But Shalf is honestly trying to help, and she’s using her party to do more for students than Emory Law career services is really doing right now. It’s not her fault that Emory Law students are so desperate for job opportunities that babysitting at a Super Bowl party where judges and lawyers will be represents a good deal.

Such a good deal that Shalf had to devise an application process for the babysitting gig….

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It’s been a while since we’ve had a true contestant for the title of most depressing job offered to a law student. Sure, there have been a lot of jobs that offer $10 an hour, or even $0 an hour, for legal work. But at least those jobs were offering the opportunity to put long years of legal education to some sort of use.

No, the most depressing jobs for would-be lawyers in this economy are jobs they could have easily gotten before they went to law school. Or college. Really, the most depressing job I’ve seen appeared last year, when University of Texas law students were given the opportunity to do some babysitting for extra money. That’s an opportunity you present to responsible high school students, not students at the fifteenth-best law school in the country.

If you thought those days were behind us, think again. Take a look at the job that was blasted out yesterday to students at the other law school ranked #15, UCLA Law.

Traffic in L.A. is notoriously horrible, and now one UCLA law student might profit from his or her stop-and-go driving skills…

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Is this a “terrible job” or “the inevitable future of the legal economy”? Note: those two answers aren’t mutually exclusive.

The University of Michigan Law Schoolthe 9th-best law school in America — is now posting job opportunities from India.

Has it really gotten bad enough that graduates from a top law school should consider international LPO opportunities? Yes, yes it has….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “We Knew This Was Going to Happen: Michigan Encourages Law Grads to go to India”

We’ve done a number of posts on terrible job offers. You can pretty much go onto Craigslist once a week and find some firm trying to get legal services on the cheap. Usually, it’s a firm or a solo practitioner that’s trying to take advantage of the legal recession by lowballing prospective associates.

Yesterday, an ad went up from a Pro Se litigant looking for legal help. This guy isn’t willing to hire a lawyer to represent him, but he’s got no problem finding one to do all the work:

Recent law school grad needed for research by Pro Se Litigant in areas of civil law including contracts and due process. Please include resume with your response. PayPay will be method of payment. Please indicate which legal search engine you will be using.

Wonderful, so not only does this guy want you to do all the work, but he also expects you to pay for your own Westlaw or Lexis access.

What’s this guy going to pay you for this opportunity?

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