Tony Buzbee

Putin, totally not gay. Like, the opposite of gay, with his cute little hat and stuff.

It was at some point during the Pleistocene Era that man first learned how to play grab ass. In the locker rooms of that day, on the golf course, pretty much anywhere you found two cavedudes hanging out, they were grabbing at each other all fun-like. Fast forwarding just a couple decades, the ancient Greeks formalized this game as wrestling and built up around the new sport a festival that would celebrate dudes just hanging out, being dudes. Greeks from all over got together and got naked and just grabbed and pulled at each other, sweat glistening off their meaty torsos. The competition itself was secondary to the camaraderie, which was mostly made up of the aforementioned tugging and pulling and rasslin’, naked bodies gyrating in tune to nature’s dictates about motion and the human form. Also at this time, someone (probably Aristotle or Plato) came up with the idea of amateurism to describe what was happening at the Games. This idea, of course, has evolved over the years into what now comprises college sports in this country along with countless amateur-themed websites that require 5 dollars for monthly subscriptions. Same kind of deal at work in both. [Ed. note: Juggalo Law is not a trained historian and, in fact, boasts loudly and often that he got into law school solely on "huge balls and forged transcripts." We're not even sure he's literate.]

Next February, the Olympics will be held in a country that would rather not hear about gay stuff, be it from prehistory, antiquity, or now. Russia, a nation in desperate thrall to the diminutive former hubcap thief Vladimir Putin, has outlawed pro-gay “propaganda.” And so now the world’s eyes turn to Russia to see what will happen when a virulently bigoted law bumps up against the notorious gay curling mafia.

Let’s talk biathletes.

Let’s talk sports…

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Last week, we toured the $5 million estate of a renowned plaintiffs’ lawyer down in Texas. We mentioned that this legal eagle was fleeing his finely feathered nest in favor of even better abode: a $14 million mansion, smaller in square footage than the old house, but with a much better location.

Now it’s time for us to check out the new digs. This mansion has “only” 12,000 square feet, compared to the former home’s 14,000 square feet, but it has many other things going for it….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Lawyerly Lairs: Everything Is Bigger In Texas (Part 2)”

Whenever we write about a lawyerly lair in New York City, our readers in Texas scoff. They mock the tiny size and high price. They observe that for the cost of a minuscule Manhattan studio, you could get yourself 3500 square feet — plus a Lexus! — down in Texas. And did you know that there’s no state income tax down there?

Today our Texas tipsters will be happy. We’re visiting the $5 million, 14,000-square-foot mansion of a renowned plaintiffs’ lawyer — with room for many Lexuses, in the 13-car garage….

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Everyone knows that being engaged is kind of like test-driving a car.

If you discover that the fancy car you’ve chosen to take out on the road doesn’t turn left, then you probably don’t want to buy that car. Similarly, if the fancy man you’ve chosen (a doctor, ooh la la) breaks up with you, tries to woo you back with expensive gifts, and then sues you, then you probably don’t want to marry that man.

And when something like this happens in Texas, it’s like watching a real-life episode of Dallas unfold before your eyes….

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