Television

* A California judge sentenced a man to 53 years in prison and then officiated his wedding. So she gave him 53 years followed by a life sentence? Hey ho! [CBS News] * Jersey Shore’s The Situation suffers the indignity of a legal defeat. I mean, if he has dignity left. [South Florida Lawyers] * Who would make a better juror: a non-citizen or Charlie Sheen? I’d prefer to have Sheen… I don’t know if there are many crimes he wouldn’t understand. [The Atlantic] * The results are in from Kaplan’s just completed 2013 survey of law school admissions officers. The headline is that 54 percent of law school admissions officers report cutting their entering law school classes for 2013-2014 and 25 percent plan to do so again next year. Time to build another law school! [Kaplan Test Prep] * A comprehensive list of the crimes committed by Batman in Batman Begins. And I’m not entirely sure everything he did in his hostile takeover of Wayne Enterprises was on the up-and-up either. [Salt Lake Tribune] * Here’s a list of online resources for new attorneys. Here’s another helpful one. [Associate's Mind] * An attorney bit his 3-year-old son. Hurray for bath salts! [KRQE] * A record label threatened to sue a guy. Unfortunately for them they threatened to sue Professor Lawrence Lessig. [NPR] * Student loan default rates are at the highest level in 20 years. Seems like a sustainable model. [Chronicle of Higher Education] * The recycling of policy debaters into litigators brings good and bad habits to the legal profession. On the plus side, there’s the refined research skills. On the other hand, stenographers have a hard time keeping up. [Houston Law Review] * The new song “Lady Justice” by lawyer-artist DNA (featuring Zoha). He’s already figured out that all the good songs these days have to be “featuring” someone. Song after the jump…

* Big data is coming for the law. I, for one, welcome our new computer overlords. [Associate's Mind] * Judge tells a Sikh man to “remove that rag” or go to jail. Guess which state! [ACLU] * The feds are at it again, posting a job opening for an uncompensated “Special Assistant U.S. Attorney.” Finally a government job that contract employers can point to and say, “See, $10/hour isn’t so bad…” [A Connecticut Law Blog] * Law firms are getting out-hustled by a number of other service providers. [ABA Journal] * Lawyers are terrible leaders. And if you don’t understand business, you can’t really be a good advocate. This also explains why firms are getting out-hustled per the prior item. [Fashion Law Blog] * The Supreme Court Historical Society & The Historical Society of the New York Courts Present are hosting a CLE event called “Learned in the Law: Role of the U.S. Solicitor General…a New York Point of View” on October 25. Tickets are $30. [Historical Society of the New York Courts] * Paul Konigsberg, Bernie Madoff’s tax lawyer, has been arrested. Hopefully he won’t get screwed. [Crain's New York Business] * Is the series finale of Breaking Bad a trade secret? A better question is whether the recipe for Blue Sky is a trade secret. Video after the jump….

* Sri Srinivasan was sworn in as a member of the D.C. Circuit by Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, who called him “fair, faultless and fabulous.” The man must have great shoes. [Washington Post]

* Things aren’t going very well for Steven Donziger in the Chevron / Ecuador case now, but then again, they never are. The Second Circuit denied his bid to oust the judge on the case. [Bloomberg]

* Dewey know how much this failed firm’s ex-landlord wants from 450 of its former partners? Somewhere in the ballpark of $1.6 million to $45.45 million, so it could be painful. [Am Law Daily]

* Kilpatrick Townsend & Stockton has already named a new chairman. Congrats to J. Henry Walker IV, a man whose name alone makes it sound like he should probably leading something. [Daily Report]

* Time is running out for prosecutors to bring charges against those connected to Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme, but it looks like his niece, a Fordham Law grad, is in their sights. [DealBook / New York Times]

* The series finale of Breaking Bad airs on Sunday, and you must be very sad, so here are five compliance lessons to take away from the show. First and foremost, don’t ever hire a Pinkman. [Corporate Counsel]

* E.A. Sports and the Collegiate Licensing Company settled the suit filed against them by college athletes, leaving the NCAA to whine, moan, and “take this all the way to the Supreme Court.” [Birmingham News]

* George Zimmerman’s wife says her husband “went on a victory tour” without her, and has no idea where he is. Clue: maybe he was advising Cybill Shepherd for her role on Law & Order next week. [Miami Herald]

* Sort of, not really spoiler alert: Saul Goodman apparently left New Mexico and joined Covington’s D.C. office. That’ll be a good fit. [Legal Cheek] * There’s a Broadway version of A Time to Kill? And Fred Thompson is in it, because this is a lot better than putting in that modicum of effort it takes to mount a campaign for president. [A Time to Kill on Broadway] * A bestselling author is suing USC for discrimination. I find that hard to believe. If USC turned any discriminating eye toward hiring, they wouldn’t employ Lane Kiffin. [Courthouse News Service] * Check out the new book by former firm partner Liz Brown about the process of leaving the legal profession. [Life After Law (affiliate link)] * A humorous take on the Supreme Court’s preparations for the new term. Justice Ginsburg is basically a Time Lord. [McSweeney's] * Class certification is denied for the Thomas Jefferson School of Law grads alleging the school misled them with false and inaccurate employment statistics. The case was doomed from the beginning, because there’s nothing “typical” about TJSL students! [San Diego Courts] * A profile of Ted Cruz by Jason Zengerle. It’s unfair to call Cruz a “Wacko Bird from Texas”; he’s a “Wacko Bird from Canada.” [GQ] * Lawyers defending the accused rapists of a Naval Academy Mid asked the victim to describe her oral sex technique, if she “felt like a ‘ho,’” and if she wore underwear. The goal was to teach Afghanistan to be more like the U.S., not to teach the Navy to be more like the Taliban. [Jezebel]

Congratulations to the recent top law school graduate who just won a seven-figure sum on "The Million Second Quiz"!

Here are five of the best complaints made to an agency that has no legal authority over Miley Cyrus and her twerktastic performances.

* The hits keep on coming for Curt Schilling. Now the SEC has woken up and decided to probe the $75 million he secured from the state of Rhode Island (already the subject of another suit). Maybe he can fake another bloody sock to generate some sympathy. [Bloomberg] * Apple sold a “Season Pass” to Breaking Bad Season 5 and then refused to honor the second half of the season to its subscribers, prompting an Ohio doctor to file suit for $20, with hopes of building a class action. Look, Apple needed that money; Tim Cook is desperate these days. [Deadline: Hollywood] * Speaking of Apple, the Federal Circuit looks like it’s going to give Apple another crack at its claim that Google ripped off the iPhone patents, citing “significant” errors on the part of the last judge to rule on the dispute: Richard Posner. You come at the king, you best not miss. [Wall Street Journal] * And last, but definitely not least, Apple’s new fingerprint ID will be the death of the Fifth Amendment. Discuss. [Wired] * A film chock-full of unsanctioned footage and insulting knocks on Disney has been picked up for distribution. This is your official warning that it’s time to prepare the beauty pageant pitch for the Disney execs. [Grantland] * Elie smash, Charlotte Law School. [NPR Charlotte] * The International Association of Young Lawyers conference will feature a speed dating session (on page 6). Really hard-hitting program there. [International Association of Young Lawyers] * Congratulations to the 49 firms honored for meeting all of WILEF’s criteria for Gold Standard certification at today’s awards gala! [Women in Law Empowerment Forum]

* Once again, Justice Ginsburg offers us some perspective on behind the scenes action at the Supreme Court. We bet you didn’t know that “Get over it” is one of Justice Scalia’s favorite expressions. [Politico]

* The chief justice of Delaware’s Supreme Court turned in his resignation papers on Friday, and rumor has it that the legendary Leo Strine will try to replace him. Best of luck, Chancellor! [Reuters]

* “I wasn’t looking for a job.” Paul Aguggia, the chairman of Kilpatrick Townsend & Stockton, will step down to cash in as the CEO of a New Jersey bank where he served as outside counsel. [American Banker]

* This is what it’s like when bankruptcies collide: AMR Corp. is now disputing Dewey’s billables, including 1,646 hours of contractually prohibited work completed by first-year associates. [Am Law Daily (sub. req.)]

* Bank of America is bleeding money in settlement payments. A $39 million payout in a Merrill Lynch gender bias case brings the total to about $200 million in under two weeks. [DealBook / New York Times]

* GW Law starts its dean search next month, and whoever takes the position needs to be good at raising funds, because the school has struggled in that department ever since Dean Berman left. [GW Hatchet]

* An Ivy League law professor tells us the third year of law school is a “crucial resource” to ensure lawyers are well-trained, so classes like “Understanding Obama” must be social imperatives. [Washington Post]

* It seems to me that the only jurors who might be influenced by the depiction of the legal system on Law & Order are the ones who were too dim to figure out how to get out of jury duty. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)]

On CNBC, we talked about the uselessness of the third year of law school.

* Former federal prosecutor Moe Fodeman of Wilson Sonsini breaks down the case against Walter White. Spoiler: Fodeman thinks Orange Is the New Black for White. [Esquire Culture Blog] * President Obama joins the chorus calling for an end to the 3L year. But when will students take all those "Law and Running a Massive Domestic Spying Operation" seminars? [Buzzfeed] * At the end of this HuffPost Live clip, Elie suggests anti-gay clergy should unsubscribe from the Bravo network. Seems unfair to those who enjoy watching “Real Housewives of the Provo Tabernacle.” [HuffPo Live] * Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant formed a dominant NBA Jam team. But without Grant, Pippen got dismantled by the duo of Easterbrook and Posner (and Williams). [FindLaw] * Jim Beam has resuscitated Seinfeld attorney Jackie Chiles in a new ad campaign about suing bears for stealing honey. It mkaes slightly more sense when you see the whole ad. Slightly. [Hollywood Reporter] * Judge E. Curtissa Colfield seems to have gotten a little drunker than she thought the other night and started berating cops. Maybe drinking is why she had that problem getting those decisions issued on time. [Legal Juice] * Is rapping about crime probative to charges of committing a crime? Both the majority and dissenting opinion are worth a read. [Las Vegas Law Blog] * Speaking of…. Taking the Notorious R.B.G. label seriously, here’s some SCOTUS-themed lyrics to Biggie’s Juicy. Embed after the jump….

Judge Judy Sheindlin retains her place as the highest-paid TV star. But how much more is she making than everyone else?

Could somebody help me get this Showtime charge off my Time Warner Cable bill?

* Former Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. is heading to prison in Alabama for 30 months. Among the items he improperly purchased with campaign funds was a cape. How awesome is that? [Reuters via Yahoo! News] * The Bureau of Prisons is planning to move its female inmates out of Danbury to convert it to a men’s prison. The author behind Orange Is the New Black has a different plan. [Jezebel] * Reminiscent of the gun post a while back, more proof that women have all kinds of room to store contraband. [Legal Juice] * Simpson Thacher lawyers reached some “unsettling conclusions” about the Clinton Foundation. Probably spending too much time with that Lewinsky Foundation. [New York Times] * You thought there was animosity toward lawyers in the U.S.? Check out how much they hate them across the pond. [Legal Cheek] * What do you get if you combine a lawyer with a paramedic? [The Ambulance Chaser]

* The speed (or lack thereof) of justice: The DOJ filed suit against Bank of America, alleging that the bank defrauded mortgage-backed securities investors in 2008. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Sri Srinivasan, the newest member of the D.C. Circuit’s bench, is getting ready to hear his first arguments, while litigants try to commit the spelling of his last name to memory. [Legal Times]

* The LSAT is not to blame for the dearth of minority enrollment in law schools, said a UVA Law professor, and then a Cooley Law professor had to swoop in to slap him down. [National Law Journal]

* After teaming up with Touro, the University of Central Florida is working with Barry on an accelerated degree program. The dean of FAMU is upset. Don’t worry, you’ll get your turn, too. [Orlando Sentinel]

* New Jersey is in no rush to legalize gay marriage. To support their views, officials point out that people with civil unions are just like married couples — except for the married part. [New Jersey Law Journal]

* Meanwhile, a judge in Illinois will decide whether she’ll dismiss a challenge to the state’s gay marriage ban by the end of September. In her defense, early fall is a great time for a wedding. [Daily Herald]

* Belvin Perry, the judge who presided over the Casey Anthony murder trial, may be getting his own Judge Judy-esque television show. Oh, Flori-duh, you never, ever cease to entertain us. [MSN News]

* Size matters when it comes to hourly rates. Because when you work in Biglaw, it’ll be all the more odious for your poor clients when you “churn that bill, baby.” [Corporate Counsel]

* Would you want this Cadwalader cad, a former mail room supervisor, at your “erotic disposal”? The object of his affections didn’t want him either, and she’s suing. [New York Daily News]

* In the wake of the George Zimmerman verdict, the NAACP is pressing for federal charges and a civil suit may be in the works. This trial isn’t over in the court of public opinion. [Bloomberg]

* This experience inspired George Zimmerman, fresh off his acquittal, to go to law school to help the wrongfully accused. If it makes you feel better, when he graduates, he’ll be unemployed. [Reuters]

* Here’s the lesson learned by Prop 8 proponents: If at first you don’t succeed at the Supreme Court, try, try again at the state level and base your arguments on technicalities. [Los Angeles Times]

* You do not want this patent troll — one of the most notorious in the country — to “go thug” on you. Apparently this is just another danger of alleged infringement in the modern world. [New York Times]

* Asiana Airlines is considering suing the NTSB and a California television station over the airing of “inaccurate and offensive” information (read: wildly racist) about the pilots of Flight 214. [CNN]

* Ariel Castro was slapped with an additional 648 counts in the kidnapping case against him, bringing the total to 977. Prosecutors are not yet seeking the death penalty. [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

Could a “Red Wedding” happen at your firm, or is the profession still too genteel for that?

If you've got a media appearance coming up, take some advice from Brian Tannebaum to avoid making mistakes.

Who is number one in the tax evasion champions league?

So many millions, so few bedrooms....

From the social media meltdown of the century to the best threatened lawsuit yet.