United Kingdom / Great Britain

Because rolling up and smoking your court summons might land you in the joint.

Court documents probably make crappy rolling papers, but this kid wants to smoke his summons anyway.

* The Woody Allen-Mia Farrow custody findings were pretty damning. But for legal geeks, the important point is footnote 1, where the opinion shouts out then-clerk, now federal judge Analisa Torres for her role in drafting the opinion. [Huffington Post] * Um… you shouldn’t do that with a sea anemone. [Air Force Court of Criminal Appeals] * Judge Stanwood Duval presided over the criminal trial of a BP engineer arising from the BP oil spill. He forgot to mention that he was a plaintiff in a suit against BP arising from the BP oil spill. Oops.[New Orleans Times-Picayune] * Maybe Harvard needs some new tax lawyers. [Chronicle of Higher Education] * Apparently, the Brits aren’t too thorough with their background checks. A lawyer got exposed for lying about having two Harvard degrees. It only took bar authorities 9 years to figure it out. [Legal Cheek] * Elie weighs in on the McGruff the crime dog story from last week. [ATL Redline] * And part of the problem with the background check may start at the law school stage — the U.K. doesn’t consider criminal convictions for fraud in the U.S. as “relevant” for future practitioners of law. One tipster wonders if Stephen Glass should try his luck outside America? [New York Times] * UNLV Professor Nancy Rapoport offers some mixed thoughts on the Santa Clara professor’s “Local Rules.” [Nancy Rapoport's Blogspot] * Mathew Martoma’s conviction probably doesn’t mean all that much. Except to him, of course. For him it means some quality time in federal prison. [Dealbreaker]

The Beatles’ company, Apple Corps, sued Apple Computer in Britain. Who prevailed in this legal battle of the Apples?

* A lawyer who sold 2200 pounds of marijuana can’t practice in Minnesota any more. That’s a metric tonne, by the way. Jeez, now I sound like Thomas Corwin Mendenhall. [Minneapolis Star-Tribune] * If you can use Craigslist to commit crime, you can use it to solve crime. Awesome. Now, if you can use Craigslist to spark a race to the bottom in legal wages, can you use it to reverse that trend. No. [Legal Juice] * And if you think it’s tough for young lawyers to find a job here, then was a U.K. firm really asking prospective lawyers to invest money in the firm in exchange for a job? [Legal Cheek] * McGruff the Crime Dog wanted to take a bite out of crime… with a grenade launcher. [CBS Houston] * How to keep yourself productive. I’m very intrigued by this browser add-on she mentions… [Corporette] * This may come as a shock, but Glenn Greenwald is troubled by the Obama administration’s legal justification for killing American citizens overseas via drone. [The Guardian] * The Careerist’s Vivia Chen interviewed David during LegalTech. You can watch it at this link. [Law Technology News] * Did you see The Daily Show take on a recent trend in election law? Professor Rick Hasen did. And the video is embedded below… [Election Law Blog]

Jury reveling in the hilarious testimony in an attempted bestiality case.

* The Supreme Court isn’t sure how to address restitution in this child pornography case, but the justices agreed that they didn’t like the “50 percent fudge factor” offered by a government attorney. [New York Times]

* No, stupid, you can’t strike a juror just because he’s gay. By expanding juror protections to sexual orientation, the Ninth Circuit recently added a new notch on the gay rights bedpost. Progress! [Los Angeles Times]

* The Privacy and Civil Liberties Oversight Board says the NSA’s domestic surveillance program is illegal and should be stopped. Sorry, Edward Snowden beat you to the punch on that one. [New York Times]

* While Blank Rome was busy denying a possible merger with Nixon Peabody, it picked up 21 attorneys from two small firms in California to open a San Francisco office. Sneaky. [Philadelphia Business Journal]

* Dennis T. O’Riordan, the ex-Paul Hastings partner who faked his credentials, was disbarred — not in New York, where he claimed he was admitted, but across the pond in the United Kingdom. [Am Law Daily]

* The ABA Journal wants to know if your law firm considers law school pedigree during its hiring process. Please consider the law schools your firm shuts out from OCI, and respond accordingly. [ABA Journal]

* Word on the street is UALR School of Law is trying to push an affirmative action program that’s “likely unconstitutional.” It might also be insulting to prospective minority students, so there’s that. [Daily Caller]

* Downton Abbey has inspired a new bill making its way through the House of Lords, who apparently watched the show and figured out for the first time that women get screwed by the law of entail. Now if they can just pass a law that would keep Bates out of prison in the first place. [The Atlantic] * Ben Adlin reminisces about the era when the Supreme Court actually cared about oral arguments. [Summary Judgments] * An interesting infographic on where Superlawyers went to school. Finally a ranking where NYU can top Yale. [Online Paralegal Programs] * Another installment of classic ads ruined by lawyers. [Vice] * Fifth Circuit judges aren’t the only ones to tell their colleagues to shut up; here’s some fun news from the Philippines. [Manila Times] * French cities have banned performances of a comedian with a history of racking up hate speech fines. I mean, since when has anti-Semitism been a problem in Europe? [Al Jazeera] * If you think conservative arguments against the Affordable Care Act are dumb, check out liberal columnists arguing that Obama screwed up by not pushing for single-payer. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* Chris Gossage, the London solicitor who spilled the beans on J.K. Rowling’s pseudonym for The Cuckoo’s Calling (affiliate link), was fined for breaking a client confidence — making him the first person in 2014 to meet his resolution and lose a significant number of pounds. [Perez Hilton] * How awful are student loan companies? This woman tried to discharge a student loan and was told she spent too much income dining out — referencing a $12 McDonald’s Value Meal for her and her husband. You stay klassy, loan sharks! [New York Times] * Border agents really have something against musical instruments. It all dates back to that one time at band camp when a flute stood them up. [Overlawyered] * A super-affordable tuxedo blazer! [Corporette] * ATMs aren’t all that secure. At least not in Brooklyn. Maybe it was opening ironically…. [Legal Juice] * Donald Looper, the founder of 120-lawyer Looper Reed & McGraw, has stepped away from the firm. Probably to head back in time to prevent the firm from ever existing, because that’s what good Loopers do. [ABA Journal] * A human rights lawyer was kidnapped in Syria and the rebel groups seem to not care even a little bit. [Al-Monitor]

* Judge William Pauley ruled that the NSA’s warrantless spying program is legal, noting that — if it had existed — the government could have predicted the 9/11 attacks. Good point, because intelligence agencies were in no position to figure out that there was an attack brewing without a Big Brother initiative. Oh… wait. [Huffington Post] * On a related note, a cartoon from 1994 that predicted the NSA’s controversial programs. It’s really kind of scary…. [Slate] * Britain’s clowns are furious that people are dressing up as clowns and trying to scare people. For their sake, let’s make sure they never hear about Pennywise. [Lowering the Bar] * Professor Dave Hoffman evaluates the case for flat-rate tuition. [Concurring Opinions] * The Wolf of Wall Street is about a criminal ripping off poor people. Bankers cheered at a recent showing. There is a lesson to be had there about what bankers would do if given an opportunity. [Business Insider] * “Knockout,” a game where young boys cold-cock unsuspecting victims, is a serious issue. Nah, just kidding, it’s a crypto-racist overreaction. But at least one kid was stupid enough to try it and then tell a cop about it. Seriously. [Gawker]

Partner bonuses at Hogan Lovells generated controversy earlier this year; can the same be said about associate bonuses?

Alan Turing, and the thousands of men who suffered as he did, deserve better.

* “No one calls me Justice Sotomayor and no one calls Justice Kagan Justice Ginsberg. It’s an exhilarating change.” Back in the day, people used to mistake the Notorious RBG for Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. How rude. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)]

* Eversheds, the national U.K. law firm that sounds like it’s an outdoor storage emporium, has elected a new chairman. Congrats to Paul Smith, who specializes in environmental law, and will begin his four-year term on May 1. [Am Law Daily]

* In his last year of service, California Treasurer Bill Lockyer will moonlight in Brown Rudnick’s Irvine office. Critics think this move “looks and smells bad.” If it’s brown, flush it down? [Bloomberg]

* Down 11 percent from last year, this fall, law schools enrolled the fewest amount of students since 1975, when there were only 163 ABA-accredited schools. Too bad tuition’s still so high. [National Law Journal]

* Aaron Hernandez is now facing a wrongful death suit filed by Odin Lloyd’s family. Without anything else to say about this sports-related legal news, here’s a picture of Elie Hernandezing. [Associated Press]

* George Zimmerman is an artiste extraordinaire, and one of his paintings is currently for sale on eBay where the price has been bid up to $110,100. The guy’s almost as talented as George W. Bush. [CNN]

Law students fighting over rabbits like children.

* Beware of “affluenza” — the condition where rich kids believe that their wealth shields them from consequences. One kid with affluenza was convicted of four counts of manslaughter and got… probation. Great way to teach him that there are consequences. I don’t doubt being a hyper-privileged douche contributed to his criminal behavior, but let’s see if the judge is equally lenient to the next kid in this courtroom who argues that poverty contributed to his crimes. [Gawker] * In America people complain about law reviews sharing outlines for free. In the U.K., they’re selling notes on eBay. If you’re buying notes off the Internet, perhaps law school isn’t your bag. [Legal Cheek] * Do Twitter mentions reflect the scholarly significance of a professor’s articles? No. [TaxProf Blog] * Here's some terrifying stuff that lawyers want for Christmas. It's not quite our gift guide. [The Spark File] * The word "spin" is apparently trademarked. This is the company that did it and enforces its trademark against gyms with uncertified spin classes. [Racked] * Law school applications are in free fall. Too bad all these people are going to miss out on that sweet $1 million law degree. [Lawyers, Guns & Money] * Mental health remains a seriously undiscussed problem in the legal industry. [Law and More] * TSA now confiscating prop guns off stuffed animals. [Lowering the Bar] * A Chinese law professor lost his job for writing an article advocating constitutional rule. If you think this is a harsh response, remember this government used to throw tanks at people over less. [Washington Post] * Speaking of China, next month the CBLA is hosting a panel discussion about the expanded use of the FCPA, specifically with regard to China. [CBLA]

Are this firm's bonuses higher than the market rate? Just a tad, for some.

Don't come complaining to us; after all, you apparently asked for it....

* You’d think that when discussing major reforms to the patent system, the director of the USPTO would be there, but you’d be wrong. You’d also be wrong if you thought we had a director right now. [National Law Journal]

* Welcome to the future of Biglaw: Allen & Overy has realized that it’s a waste of money to keep hiring in a weak market, so the firm is recruiting its alumni to serve as contract attorneys in times of higher legal demand. [Legal Week]

* Dean Gregory Maggs, the interim leader of George Washington University Law, is being lauded for increasing first-year enrollment by 22 percent in a time of crisis. Excellent work, sir. You flood that job market. [GW Hatchet]

* Just because you have a law degree doesn’t mean you’re “entitled to rise up and become partner.” Getting a job in the new normal involves having a good attitude and social graces. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Ladies, if you get pregnant after a fling with an Olympic medalist and move out of state, please know your “appropriation of the child while in utero [will be deemed] irresponsible, reprehensible.” [New York Times]

* GTL stands for “Gym, Tan, Laundry,” but the owner of these Jersey Shore nightclubs thinks it stands for “Gym, Tan, Lawsuit” — thanks to losses uncovered by its insurer in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. [Newark Star-Ledger]

Law students in blackface.

* Man buys the house next to his ex-wife and installs a $7,000 bronze sculpture of a raised middle finger. Art that marries form and function. [The Daily Mail] * George Zimmerman’s been arrested again. Shocking. [Orlando Sentinel] * Judge Victor Marrero orders MF Global to pay over $1 billion to customers. Serves those MFs right. [CNBC] * The Second Circuit has punted on the question of whether defunct firms in New York have an ownership right to fees earned by former partners who took work to new firms. [Am Law Daily] * Howard Morris, the former co-chief executive of SNR Denton, is joining MoFo as the head of the bankruptcy and restructuring group in London. [DealBook / New York Times] * NBC has a new show about a criminal court judge who is a hard-living, sexually unapologetic woman. So basically a documentary about Justice O’Connor’s early years. [Deadline] * So Detroit might be the worst place to work. Even with that caveat, it’s hard to believe this ad seeking someone to do, “whatever other crazy type stuff this (bastard) lawyer of ours thinks up.” A screenshot is provided after the jump in case the ad comes down.… [Craigslist]