English couple Caroline and Steve Cartwright have a healthy sex life. But it doesn’t sound healthy. According to BBC News, their love-making sounds to neighbors like “murder” and has been described as “unnatural.” So prudish, those Brits.

Neighbors complained the noise kept them up all night, making them oversleep in the morning and arrive late to work.

Apparently Caroline Cartwright is the noisy one in the couple. She was convicted of “breaching a noise abatement notice.” She appealed the conviction:

She argued she had a right to “respect for her private and family life” under Article 8 of the Human Rights Act.

So do the British courts respect a woman’s right to be vocal about her pleasure?

Earlier this month, we mentioned that Hogan & Hartson and London-based Lovells were in “early stages of merger talks.”

Today brings the news that the firms are in “advanced talks to merge,” according to Nathan Koppel of the Wall Street Journal. But it’s not a done deal yet:

One of the biggest challenges to a Hogan/Lovells deal, lawyers say, will be marrying the firm’s contrasting styles. Hogan is considered relatively hard charging, paying partners based on how much business they bring in. Lovells take a more genteel approach, compensating partners based largely on their seniority.

UPDATE: Bruce MacEwen, who thinks that “this deal makes superb sense,” has a detailed analysis over at Adam Smith, Esq. (gavel bang: commenter).

A memo from Hogan head Warren Gorrell, plus selected comments from our prior post — we read the comments, so you don’t have to! — after the jump.

Back at the beginning of the legal recession, when Heller and Thelen were collapsing, there was talk that a number of firms would either have to fold or engage in mega-mergers.

For the most part, that hasn’t happened. But today, Legal Week is reporting that Hogan & Hartson and London-based Lovells are at least talking about merging:

Lovells and Hogan & Hartson are in the early stages of merger talks, Legal Week can reveal, with the firms’ management teams currently assessing the case for a transformative union.

Lovells is to discuss the proposed tie-up with the top 25 US law firm at a meeting of its international executive on 28 October. A deal would create a top 10 global practice in revenue terms.

With firms of this size, one imagines that merger talks will be complicated. And there is a lot that will have to happen for these firms to go from talking to combining. But if all the pitfalls are avoided, how big of a firm could we be looking at?

Details after the jump.

There are opportunities in England for those willing to brave the frigid waters of the North Atlantic. This week’s Job of the Week, brought to you by Lateral Link, indicates a bit of recovery in the international markets. Although candidates for this position cannot have been laid off, we are currently working with a number of corporate in-house clients, both domestically and internationally, who are considering applicants who have been deferred or subject to a reduction in force. Email bridgeyear@laterallink.com for more information. Now, to the position…

Position: Mid - Senior Corporate Associate

Location: London, UK

Description: The London office of a top US firm is seeking a mid to senior level UK-qualified corporate associate. Candidates should have 2-6 years’ corporate transactional experience with a top-level US or Magic Circle firm in London and must be currently employed with a top firm or investment bank. Must be UK-qualified. The firm is an international powerhouse, and is busy with high level public and private M&A transactions from the addition of a partner from another well known international firm.

For more information on this position or to apply, please see position 5244 on Lateral Link, or contact Justin Flowers at jflowers@laterallink.com / 646.257.4886. Membership in Lateral Link is free and you can apply at www.laterallink.com.

Ed. note: The legal world is much bigger than New York, or Washington, or even the United States. Welcome to Letter from London, a weekly dispatch from the other side of the pond. Our U.K. correspondent, Isaac Smith, will expose ATL readers to the latest goings-on in the London legal world. You can reach Isaac by email, at isaacsmithlondon@googlemail.com.

Lawyers love rankings like Somali pirates love US ships. Of course, some rankings are taken more seriously than others - which isn’t to suggest that lists such as United States Lawyer Rankings, Chambers & Partners, and Letter from London Top Five* are anything less than highly sophisticated exercises in quantifying excellence.

Letter from London Top Five American Things in the UK 2009 (listed in order of merit)

1. American Idol

2. Skadden

3. Pop Tarts

4. KFC

5. Latham & Watkins

Sometimes it feels almost a shame when the cold, hard figures have to come into it, as they do in the boring old Q1 global M&A rankings (published last week). So who won? Well, you did. In fact, Wall Street wiped the floor with London. Letter from London Number Two American Thing in the UK 2009 Skadden led the way, working on 28 deals worth $169bn. The highest placed British firm - not that you care - was Freshfields, with deals worth $93bn.

After the jump, relative relief in London.

Ed. note: The legal world is much bigger than New York, or Washington, or even the United States. Welcome to Letter from London, a weekly dispatch from the other side of the pond. Our U.K. correspondent, Isaac Smith, will expose ATL readers to the latest goings-on in the London legal world. You can reach Isaac by email, at isaacsmithlondon@googlemail.com.

You thought Arent Fox telling deferred incoming first years that they are “free to pursue other options” was bad? Well, you Arent going to Foxing believe what UK firm Shoosmiths did last week.

In a letter leaked on Tuesday, Shoosmiths gives its 2010 intake three options: defer for a year, defer for two years or withdraw. And whatever choice you make, adds the letter, you get £0 compensation. Nice.

Outrage duly erupted on Legalweek.com’s message boards:

“Disgraceful” wrote one poster, “Shame on you Shoosmiths!” another. And my personal favourite: “I think lawyers at all levels are now treated as industrial prostitutes.”

Still, so far no major firm has told recruits they have to pursue other options. I wonder how long until that changes.

After the jump, US firms making partners in the UK.

Jeez, it’s like “we love the Queen” day over here.

We’ve got some law firm expansion to report on. McGuire Woods is planning to acquire the London-based firm of Grundberg Mocatta Rakison. The move will add 36 attorneys to the McGuire roster. According to the firm press release:

Today’s announcement greatly enhances McGuireWoods’ international capabilities, and allows the firm to better serve clients with matters requiring an international presence, including corporate and financial transactional work, as well as litigation and wealth management matters. In addition, this combination will allow the firm to offer GMR’s existing international client base its capabilities to handle matters throughout the United States and in the other countries where McGuireWoods has offices. McGuireWoods’ clients will also have access to GMR’s international network.

A tipster reports:

Maybe they’re trying to get some of that $1,440 an hour advising work.

The ABA Journal reported this morning that U.K. regulatory lawyers bill out for as much as 1,000 pounds a day.

McGuire Woods Chairman Richard Cullen explains why the firm wanted to expand during the recession, after the jump.

Ed. note: The legal world is much bigger than New York, or Washington, or even the United States. Welcome to Letter from London, a weekly dispatch from the other side of the pond. Our U.K. correspondent, Isaac Smith, will expose ATL readers to the latest goings-on in the London legal world. You can reach Isaac by email, at isaacsmithlondon@googlemail.com.

On his recent trip to the US, Prime Minister Brown presented President Obama with an ornamental pen holder, carved from the timbers of the Victorian anti-slave ship HMS Gannet.

In return, Obama gave Brown some DVDs — which, it was revealed on Wednesday, don’t work in UK DVD players.

Why humiliate us like this?

Maybe Obama was angry at the UK because London-based firm Clifford Chance laid off 35 business support staff from its New York and DC offices at the end of last year. But news of that only emerged last week — after Obama purchased the DVDs.

Perhaps Obama has a thing against the British. We do, after all, “sound gay and smell like Indian food” — as one poster on last Monday’s column observed. But your new president doesn’t seem the sort of chap to be burdened by petty prejudices — aside from, of course, his hatred of the disabled.

Or could it be that Obama is pissed off that he had to meet Brown instead of Tony Blair? Yeah, that makes sense. Americans f**king love Tony Blair.

Something you might not know about Tony Blair, after the jump.

Ed. note: The legal world is much bigger than New York, or Washington, or even the United States. Welcome to the inaugural installment of “Letter from London,” a weekly dispatch from the other side of the pond. Our U.K. correspondent, Isaac Smith, will expose ATL readers to the latest goings-on in the London legal world. You can reach Isaac by email, at isaacsmithlondon@googlemail.com.

Firms in the U.S. often try to keep their layoffs nice and quiet, with instructions not to communicate with the media or the odd scare tactic… Cousins, you’re not alone.

A recent meeting between DLA Piper’s UK management team and employee reps over its stingy redundancy package got off to a bad start when London Managing Partner Catherine Usher pleaded for “ideas on how we can keep the information confidential” — words which were leaked, along with the rest of the minutes, to just about every legal news publication in London last week.

Some quick background: DLA, which launched its second redundancy consultation in January (with criteria including number of sick days taken), is paying out the statutory minimum to UK-based lawyers who get the chop. This equates to one week’s pay (capped at £350 a week) for each year’s service. By way of comparison, Linklaters is said to be offering three weeks’ pay (at the full rate, without any cap) for every year with the firm, plus three months’ notice. DLA’s US arm is also being considerably more generous.

More of the DLA minutes:

Meeting begins with Usher urging associates to stop leaking things to the press.

Employee rep points out link between firm’s less-than-generous redundancy package and press leaks.

Heated exchanges ensue.

Hapless HR manager tries to pacify the crowd, but her misguided recommendations that (a) associates go out for some morale-boosting team drinks and (b) the fired ones use an “an advice line” which provides “guidance about the impact of redundancy and what to do next” only make situation worse.

Anger boils over and Usher and HR Manager set upon by frenzied mob.

Ok, that last bit may not have happened.

Addition London news, after the jump.

Last year, we reported on a nice perk for Cravath associates abroad: a hefty cost of living allowance, which had junior associates in London making over $300,000.

It looks like the half-Skadden mentality has made its way across the Atlantic. From a tipster:

Cravath Swaine & Moore cuts its COLA in the London office from $110,000 to $60,000 as of January 1, 2009. [A]ll the associates, one after one, where called into the office of a partner, Philip Boeckman, to receive the news. The reason mentioned for the cut is the evolution of the dollar-pound exchange rate. The COLA is the same for all associates in London regardless of the level of seniority. The COLA gets paid together with the base salary on a bi-weekly basis.

That’s a big cut for the 20 associates in the London office. Before the COLA was raised to $110,000 last year, it was at $85,000.

RollOnFriday is not overly sympathetic:

Clearly the firm’s partners have now got wise. This week associates were hauled in one by one and told that the COLA would be reduced by $50k from 1st January, in response to weakness of Sterling. One associate complained to RollOnFriday that this comes on top of bonuses being halved and the ski weekend being cancelled, and says that these measures “pretty badly affect associate morale”. OK, no one likes to get less wedge - but low morale because of only getting £40k to live in London, when everyone else is being made redundant? Bring out the violins.

The other side of the pond just got a lot less attractive.

Earlier: Biglaw Perk Watch: Working Abroad

Cravath London associates lose £34k bonus [RollOnFriday]

And now, some layoff news from the other side of the pond, courtesy of TheLawyer.com:

DLA Piper is conducting a firmwide review of staffing levels, resulting in five redundancies in the firm’s technology, media and ­communications (TMC) group.

The layoffs, which were all in London, include three assistants, a legal director and an associate.

The cuts, which were all voluntary, coincided with the loss of IP partner Richard Penfold, who left for US firm Heller Ehrman. A DLA spokesperson wished Penfold good luck. He joins Heller’s year-old City office as its eleventh partner.

Those Brits can be so confusing sometimes. The headline refers to five lawyers being made “redundant,” but some of those job titles — “assistant,” “legal director” — sound like positions that would be held by non-lawyers in the United States.

And the “cuts” are described as “voluntary.” What does it mean for layoffs to be voluntary? Isn’t their involuntary nature the whole point of layoffs?

DLA review sees five TMC lawyers redundant [The Lawyer]

Here’s a follow-up to last week’s post about associate salaries in London. It sounded some pessimistic notes, but maybe the pessimism was unwarranted. From Legal Week:

Shearman & Sterling has announced an increase of 7 percent in its London associate salaries, putting the firm’s rates well ahead of those at top U.K. firms. The rises mean a newly qualified solicitor based at the firm’s London office will get paid 80,000 pounds ($157,976), up from a figure of 75,000 pounds last year. Senior associates will receive salary increases on a discretionary basis, with the base salary level moving up to 170,000 pounds ($335,699) a year.

Trainee solicitors will also get a bump-up from the review, with first-years now pocketing 39,000 pounds ($77,013) — up from 36,500 pounds — and second-years in line for 41,500 pounds ($81,950). The increases will make them among the highest-earning trainees in London.

Remember, however, that these figures are for U.K.-qualified lawyers. As one commenter noted, U.S. lawyers working in London, whether for U.S. firms or Magic Circle firms, generally do better. For more discussion, see here.

Linklaters has followed suit:

In response to Shearman’s move, Linklaters announced raises of nearly 4 percent for junior lawyers, in what will be seen as a confident move from the U.K. giant. A newly-qualified solicitor (NQ) at the Magic Circle law firm is now set to earn 66,600 pounds ($131,500), up from 64,000 pounds ($126,300) in 2007.

Finally, in other U.K. news, the London office of O’Melveny & Myers is in “disarray” and “turmoil,” according to The Lawyer (via the ABA Journal). That publication reports that “underinvestment by the firm’s Los Angeles (LA) hub [has] prompted the exit of a fifth of its partners and a generation of senior associates.” We dropped OMM a line to see if they had any comment, but they didn’t get back to us.

Update: More here from Legal Week, which reports that O’Melveny is “is in talks to bring its remuneration structure for London partners into line with the rest of the firm.”

Shearman leads London associate salary hike, Linklaters follows [Legal Week]
O’Melveny in disarray as UK dream goes sour [TheLawyer.com]
O’Melveny’s London Office is ‘In Turmoil,’ Legal Publication Says [ABA Journal]

Earlier: London to… £75K Be Happy You Have A Job!

Starting salaries for new associates in the London offices of U.S.-based firms can be quite generous. They often exceed the New York going rate of $160,000, approaching $200,000 at top shops. See here (noting that Weil and Cleary pay newly-qualified lawyers the equivalent of $180K, and Latham pays NQs the equivalent of $190K, in London). [FN1]

But top U.K. firms, known collectively as the “Magic Circle,” aren’t quite as generous to their London associates. From the ABA Journal:

[W]hile some magic circle firms may up the ante at least a little this year, some partners are complaining that junior lawyers already are overpaid…. Says an unnamed Clifford Chance partner: “People should be grateful for having jobs in the current market. I could easily see the rises not happening now and being deferred until later in the year.”

Currently, starting lawyers at leading London firms reportedly make between 63,500 pounds and 65,000 pounds. That translates to a range of about $125,000 to $128,000 in U.S. dollars.

Additional detail, from Legal Week:

Partners with City giants including Linklaters and Clifford Chance (CC) - normally early movers - told Legal Week they are not expecting to see significant increases this year, as they feel the impact of the credit crunch.

Linklaters, Freshfields Bruckhaus Deringer and Allen & Overy (A&O) are all in the process of reviewing their salary bands, with partners conceding substantial rises are unlikely. Increases at the junior end are thought to be particularly unlikely.

Insofar as the market for legal services is becoming increasingly global — London has been gaining on New York as a global financial capital, and competing with it for talent — pay stasis in London is bad news for those seeking pay raises in New York.

NY to 190? As the Brits like to say, “Not bloody likely.”

[FN1] These figures are generated by converting pounds to dollars. But yes, we know that London is even more insanely expensive than New York.

Firms to hold off on major pay hikes after crunch [Legal Week]
London Partners to Associates: At $125K, We’re Paying You Too Much [ABA Journal]

Still no bonus announcement from Mayer Brown. But check out this intriguing email, sent out in the last hour:

From: D’Esposito, Jr., Julian C.
Sent: Thursday, December 20, 2007 12:41 PM
To: FW-Assocs; FW-Cnsl
Cc: Holzhauer, James D.; Geller, Kenneth S.; Maher, Paul; Favoriti, Gail A.; Pepper, Margery; Madden, Emilie S.; Dabrowski, Heidi M.; Reichert, Kathleen S.; Harris, Robert; Staiano, David; Couleur, Nancy Jo; Belic, Indira; Burdett, Shannon T.; Burkes, Eugenia; Corby, Candice; Harris, Russell; Holthaus, John H.; Kennedy, Clinton D.; Kislow, Connie; Ku, Alice; Loessl, Angela-Katrin; Tulic, Vesna; Watson, John; Wells, Stephen R.

Subject: Firmwide Meeting on Friday, December 21

Please plan to attend a Firmwide video presentation by the office of the Chairman on December 21 that will describe an exciting, transformational event for the Firm. The meeting will begin promptly at 8am PST, 10am CST, 11 am EST, 2pm BRST, 4 GMT, 5 CET and 12 am Saturday HKST. The Director of Administration will inform you of the location of the meeting in your office. If you are out of the office, there will be a limited number of dial-in lines, the number for which can be obtained from the DoA. You should receive an Outlook calendar notice of this meeting later today.

____________________________________________
Julian C. D’Esposito
Mayer Brown LLP
71 S. Wacker
Chicago, IL 60606

What could this “exciting, transformational event” be? We assume it’s not the recent indictment of partner Joseph Collins, since that’s already public.

Maybe a merger is in the works? It wouldn’t be the first in the firm’s history. The firm’s former name, Mayer Brown Rowe & Maw, reflected the merger of U.S.-based Mayer, Brown & Platt with U.K.-based Rowe & Maw.

Update: One tipster speculates:

I have no idea, but it is of course intriguing. Maybe we’re going public. (That would apply only to the English LLP of course. I think that it may be possible in the future but hadn’t seen any change in the law that would allow it now.)

So maybe it’s a merger. Or possibly the “exciting” change is that they are not going to give bonuses any more.

That would be “exciting” news — to rival firms, looking to raid the ranks of Mayer Brown lawyers.

Further Update: We’ve learned that tonight is the holiday party for the New York office. And still no word about bonuses…

Last week, we mentioned in passing the news that the former U.K. Attorney-General, Lord Peter Goldsmith, QC, is joining Debevoise & Plimpton. Lord Goldsmith will head up Debevoise’s European litigation practice.

The Times of London reported the news here, and the WSJ Law Blog posted on the move here. But both write-ups omitted the most notable part of Lord Goldsmith’s resume (as mentioned by a WSJ commenter):

On 17 February 2007, the Mail on Sunday reported that Goldsmith, who is married, had been having an affair with Kim Hollis, Britain’s first Asian QC.

Good stuff. And more dirty details, after the jump.

Maybe we should feature stories about the full-time associates who mistreat summer associates. For one such story, involving a senior associate in New York who’s an a**hole of Ari Gold proportions, see here.

Or maybe we should feature stories about partners who, despite being partners, comport themselves in a manner that would make Aquagirl blush. For one such story — from a few years ago, and from the other side of the pond, but trust us, it’s good — see here.

We’ll tell you that the two naughty female partners were from Shearman & Sterling. But please respect the house rules and don’t identify them further. Considering the great nicknames developed for partner #2, including “The Human Stain” and “The Sprinker,” it’s just not necessary. Thanks.

Stories from the Belly of Biglaw: Curious George [Urbanagora]
Yank skanks [TheLawyer.com]

Lately we’ve been talking to a lot of 2Ls about the law firm recruiting process. From these conversations, we’ve learned that (1) a fair number are interested in working abroad, especially in the fabulous (and fabulously expensive) city of London, and (2) many law students treat the Vault law firm rankings as the Gospel.

In light of these two facts, we expect that many of you will be interested to learn that Vault just released its second annual Top 50 UK Law Firms Rankings. You can check them out here (main page) and here (prestige rankings).

Not surprisingly, the so-called “Magic Circle” firms still hold the top five spots on the list. But they have played musical chairs amongst themselves.

Please treat this post as the open thread for U.K. law firms. If you’d like to discuss what it’s like to work for one of these shops, this is the place to do it!

The Vault 50 Top UK Law Firms [Vault]

We previously had an open thread on London salaries, when Weil and Cleary went to 180 and Latham went to 190. Now TheLawyer.com reports that Paul Hastings has raised to £90k, or roughly $180k, in its London offices.

So we’ll ask again: does this make London more attractive than New York? Will the London raises create any additional upward pressure on salaries in New York? Let us know if this changes anything, in the comments.

Yes, it’s true — we swear! This is not just another wild rumor. You can take this one to the bank!

The Bank of London, that is. From TheLawyer.com, a U.K.-based website:

Weil Gotshal & Manges’ London associates now earn more than their counterparts in New York after a 20 per cent pay hike in London.

The US-headquartered firm is now offering some of the most generous pay packets in the City with newly qualifieds (NQs) now receiving £90,000, representing a 20 per cent jump from £75,000. First-year associates who qualified in September 2006 will receive an average of £95,000.

If you enter the figure of £90,000 into this currency converter, you get the sum of $178,441, based on the current exchange rate. And Weil isn’t even the most high-paying firm in the city:

This puts Weil towards the top of the market in terms of US firms in London. Latham & Watkins still offers NQs the most, with £96,000, and Cleary Gottlieb Steen & Hamilton offers them £92,000.

Latham’s salary of £96,000 for new lawyers translates into $190,341. Cleary’s £92,000 comes out to $182,411.

So should U.S. associates pack it all in and jump across the pond? Or does London’s high cost of living, plus the crappy food — Gordon Ramsay and good Indian joints notwithstanding — make the move not worth it?

Feel free to discuss associate compensation in London in the comments. This will constitute the open thread on London and the U.K. that some of you have been asking for. Thanks!

Update: This is kind of random, but click here for Google Maps directions from New York to London. We especially like step #21.

Further Update: A reader notes that if you get recruited by your firm’s New York office for a London position, you could do even better. More details after the jump.

Weil Gotshal ups NQ pay to £90k [TheLawyer.com]
Weil Gotshal Newly Qualified Lawyers Earning A Bundle More [LawFuel]
Universal Currency Converter [XE.com]

When we think of British judges, we think of wigs. But now, thanks to our latest Judge of the Day, we may start associating them with Calvin Klein briefs.

From the Daily Record:

A SENIOR judge yesterday showed a court his Calvin Klein pants as he denied twice flashing at a woman on a train.

Lord Justice Richards, 56, held up his trendy black briefs as he began his defence of charges that he opened his trousers to show his penis.

He told David Fisher QC, defending, he would need to use both hands to open his underwear enough to expose himself. He added: “That is the natural way of doing it.”

“Whether one could do it with one hand I don’t know, it is not something I do. For a man, it is natural to use two hands to assist in removing one’s penis.”

If that’s not a Perry Mason moment, we don’t know what is.

Update: As noted by a commenter, Lord Justice Richards got off. In a manner of speaking.

More fun after the jump.