Relax, folks. We are aware that the 2009 law school rankings of U.S. News & World Report have leaked, in advance of their official Friday publication date. They're all over the blogosphere and the message boards (links collected below).

We've been sitting on this item for a little while -- coordinating with our other posts this morning, taking into account our traffic patterns, etc. There is a method to our madness.

Ideally we'd hold this item even longer (which would allow us to do a more detailed write-up). But it's clear that you're all dying to talk about the rankings RIGHT NOW. And we don't want to get any more emails and comments of the "why aren't you writing about U.S. News" variety.

So here you go. Rankings and discussion, after the jump (i.e., click on the "Continue reading" link below).

We bring you some news from the University of Virginia School of Law, which last year was voted America's Coolest Law School by the readers of Above the Law. UVA has a new dean: Professor Paul Mahoney. Congratulations, Dean-To-Be Mahoney!

Professor Mahoney, who will replace John C. Jeffries Jr. as dean when Jeffries steps down in July, has a glittering resume: MIT, Yale Law, clerkships for Judge Winter (2d Cir.) and Justice Marshall, and four years at S&C. He joined the UVA law faculty in 1990. Word on the street is that Paul Mahoney was "the internal favorite" and that "students [are] pleased" by his selection, which didn't come as a surprise:

[H]e was widely expected to be the guy. I'm sitting in his wife's class right now (she's a prof here too), and not even she [Professor Julia D. Mahoney] has said anything about it. Just prattling on about bailments...

Meanwhile, while we're training the spotlight on Charlottesville:

Journal tryouts are ongoing at UVA and presumably other law schools. This is the official Feb Club blog's take on journal tryouts...

It's an entertaining post, characterizing journal tryouts as "a Pyramid Scheme of misery"; check it out here. Elsewhere on the Feb Club blog, a group blog devoted to the monthlong cycle of parties at UVA Law, you can find delicious photos of shirtless studs and busty babes. Check out the main page by clicking here.

Update: In other UVA-related news, Professor Michael Klarman, who is beloved by students and faculty alike, is moving to Harvard Law School.

Paul G. Mahoney—Scholar, Teacher, and Corporate Law Expert—Named University of Virginia Law School Dean [University of Virginia School of Law]
Paul G. Mahoney bio [University of Virginia School of Law]
Journal Tryouts are the Biggest Scam in the Law School [Feb Club Is Why Daddy Left]
Michael Klarman to join HLS faculty [Harvard Law School]

Earliest: Congratulations to America's Coolest Law School: UVA!

Things have been quiet on the Supreme Court clerk hiring front. There are rumors that Justice Alito has finally finished hiring for October Term 2008, but nobody seems to know who the lucky winners are. If you know, please drop us a line.

We do, however, have some news. A tipster reports:

Justice Ginsburg just hired a 2006 UVA Grad to begin clerking summer 2009. I knew Pamela Bookman (pictured) in law school, and not only is she incredibly smart, she is remarkably fun and down to earth. Kudos to Pam!

For confirmation, see this article, which has the story of how Pam Bookman got an offer from RBG on the spot:

Even though Bookman [who is clerking for the International Court of Justice in The Hague] currently lives thousands of miles away from Washington, D.C., she was still able to arrange an in-person meeting with Ginsburg. Two weeks after receiving an e-mail from Klarman saying that Ginsburg wanted to interview her, Bookman traveled to Washington while visiting her parents during winter break. Bookman chuckled that her interview was her first time ever visiting the Supreme Court. After chatting with Ginsburg about international law, the justice offered her the job on the spot.

“It was thrilling, it was surreal,” she said. “I’m still not sure this is real.”

The current tally of OT 2008 and OT 2009 SCOTUS clerks, with Pamela Bookman added, appears after the jump.

Some quick updates on law-related sex scandals previously covered in these pages:

First, Kansas Attorney General Paul Morrison, a recent Lawyer of the Day, is resigning. We'd say that this is pretty lame; what prominent public official hasn't had an affair? But there are other allegations in the mix, including a claim that he tried to get dirt on a political rival from his lover, which make the resignation more understandable.

Second, yes, we missed last week's juicy NYM story about financier Jeffrey Epstein, alleged former paramour of model Maximilia Cordero. Fortunately, our colleagues over at DealBreaker didn't; Bess Levin's post appeared here.

Finally, a sex scandal that's new to these pages: some 1Ls at UVA getting busted for bonking, in a cell phone booth at the law library. Of course, library sex is nothing new. But it seems to be moving up the U.S. News rankings.

Attorney General Paul Morrison scandal (collected coverage) [Topeka Capital-Journal via WSJ Law Blog]
In Kansas, Top Official Announces Resignation [New York Times]
Jeffrey Epstein, Owner Of An Enormous Townhouse, Doesn't Bitch About Having To Answer The Front Door When He's In The Middle Of A 4th Floor Breast-Feeding [DealBreaker]
The Fantasist [New York Magazine]
Law Lib Bump ‘n Grind? [BLOTUS via TJ's Double Play]

Earlier: Lawyer of the Day: Attorney General Paul Morrison
Sex in Your Law School Library Is Illegal, and 'Necessity Is Not a Defense'

Getting rejected by a law firm and having lots of your classmates learn about it: embarrassing.

Getting rejected by a firm you didn't even apply to: priceless.

I'm afraid I must reject your rejection [TJ's Double Play]

Earlier: Public Humiliation, Courtesy of Your Friends at Wilson Sonsini

As we mentioned before, we regularly receive all sorts of apocryphal rumors related to the fall recruiting process.

The gossip can be salacious and fun to read -- even if turns out to be untrue. Like this rumor, which we heard from a University of Virginia law student quite some time ago:

Skadden has not interviewed here on grounds yet.... [Ed. note: We believe that they have by now.]

There are some rumors going around the school that a handful of my classmates, all of whom are minorities, have already received offers from Skadden. Obviously, any rumor must be taken with a grain of salt, but the word here is that offers were made very early to minority candidates in an effort to attract more minorities. I know of at least two with offers and both are African-American. Neither worked for Skadden last summer, which is the red flag in my eyes....

As I said, I'm not too familiar with the NALP rules, but others have indicated to me that those early offers are not proper given the NALP rules and regulations. I personally could not care -- I'm not interested in Skadden or the markets in which Skadden is interviewing for at UVa -- but I read the site regularly and wanted to pass along the information.

Sadly, it appears that this gossip -- while juicy and potentially controversial -- is not true.

The explanation appears after the jump.

Not too long ago, we said we had a "gut feeling" that some Supreme Court clerk hiring was going on (despite the Court being in recess). We were right.

Meet Porter Wilkinson. And don't hate her because she's beautiful. Or brilliant. Or rich. Or the daughter of a top feeder judge and frequent Supreme Court short-lister, Judge J. Harvie Wilkinson (4th Cir.).

Or, for that matter, a future Supreme Court clerk. We hear that Judge Wilkinson's daughter -- yes, Porter is a girl's name, if you're a WASP -- just landed an October Term 2008 clerkship with Chief Justice John Roberts. Congratulations, Porter!

Not surprisingly, we hear that the young Ms. Wilkinson is fairly conservative -- in case you couldn't have guessed that from the fact that she's currently clerking for Judge Brett Kavanaugh (D.C. Cir.) (alongside the lovely, and recently married, Zina Gelman).

And where did we hear about Porter's politics? From Judge Wilkinson himself!

In late July, we attended the excellent national convention of the American Constitution Society, in Washington, DC. Judge Wilkinson was on one of the panels. In thanking the ACS for inviting him, he noted that his son is a member of the liberal organization -- but that he's balanced out by his sister Porter, a card-carrying member of the Federalist Society. We bet the Wilkinsons must have interesting dinner table conversations.

Porter Wilkinson continues the trend of fathers and daughters who both clerked for the Court (as noted by Tony Mauro). See here.

Update: A tipster tells us, "FYI, Porter was an All-American lacrosse player at UNC. See here. Her husband [Christian Cook] was lacrosse Defenseman of the Year at Princeton and three-time national champion. Formerly of the Secret Service. See here. They got married this past summer in Charlottesville."

With Porter Wilkinson added, the current list of OT 2008 clerks thus far appears after the jump.

Graduation Awards: Four in the Class of 2007: Porter Wilkinson [Virginia Law]
Carter Phillips' Kin Is Alito Clerk [Legal Times]

The NYT has served up a relatively weak batch of candidates this week. That's okay with us; we needed to be brought down to earth after the heights of last week's eminence-fest.

Still, a warning: There's not an Ivy League degree to be found in this column, so those of you who are nauseated by the couplings of mere Duke-UVA grads may want to avert your eyes and ponder what a cesspool the Times has become.

Here are the finalists:

1. Jill Isaacs and Kurt Perhach

2. Jennifer DeLeonardo and Adam Frey

3. Liza Burnett and Stephen Fefferman

Read more about these couples, after the jump.

* These guys get a case at the Supreme Court before they even graduate. They really are the coolest law school! [The Daily Progress via How Appealing]

* Cho loophole supposedly now closed. [CNN]

* Bush telling Texas it has to comply with international law? Seems a little ironic... [Jurist]

* A fool for a client... [WSJ Law Blog]

* Yes, what's going in Darfur is genocide, ok people? Geez. [The Christian Science Monitor via Yahoo!]

Our March Madness contest, an NCAA-esque tournament for the title of America's coolest law school, is now over. Congratulations to the very deserving winner:

UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA SCHOOL OF LAW!!!

In the final round, UVA went up against Columbia. It wasn't even close:

After the jump, a few pieces of evidence in support of UVA's coolness. Nice work, guys!

If Karl Rove's rap performance has caused you to harbor grave doubts about the ability of white guys to rap, this video -- a "Beastie Boys" parody, produced for the 2006 Virginia Law Libel Show -- may restore your faith:

The inside jokes will be lost on non-UVA types. But the dancing and rapping are impressive, especially coming from law students, and the production values are solid. Nice use of freeze frames.

(Our favorite joke: the "Isis" reference.)

Ch-Check it Out -- The Virginia Law Libel Show [YouTube]

Earlier: Say Hello to 'MC Rove'

Is there anything to do in lovely Charlottesville, Virginia, other than hump like bunnies? A recent study suggests the answer to this question is "no."

Over at the University of Virginia Law School, student bodies are gettin' busy. The Virginia Law Weekly, UVA's student newspaper, recently administered a sex survey. It was taken by approximately half of the law school -- an impressive response rate. The survey revealed the following:

[A]lmost 64% of law students are currently involved in a sexual relationship, and most of us (52%) are having sex at least once a week. But even though a full 70% of students report that they are either “satisfied” or “very satisfied” with their sex lives, apparently that’s not enough. Fifty-nine percent of respondents told us that they want to have sex more often.

Please, kids -- let's not get greedy. After all, you're in LAW SCHOOL. And you need to leave yourselves SOME time to hit the books, so you can land that coveted Wilkinson clerkship.

Additional highlights from the survey, from TJ's Double Play:

* Who are the nine dudes and two girls who are awesome? And by awesome, we mean slept with more than 30 people.

* About 30 percent of both law school men and women have cheated on a partner. Finally, gender-equity. Plus, since we're going to be lawyers, screwing people is what we do best.

* Sixty-five percent of law students do not think oral sex is sex. In that case, We would love to not have sex with you.

* The average law school guy has had six partners and the average girl has had five, well beyond the national average of about three. Again, screwing people is what we do best.

* 1Ls make up fifty percent of the law school's virgins. Explanation: $3100 a week at your summer job will work wonders for your sex life.

* Thirty percent have had anal sex, which just goes to show that the butt is the new oral. See, The Bottom Line.

For more titillating tidbits, read the full post at TJ's Double Play, the Virginia Law Weekly article, or the underlying raw data.

UVA Sex Survey [TJ's Double Play]
2007 Sex Survey Results Show Busy, Insatiable Student Body [Virginia Law Weekly]
UVA Law Sex Survey Raw Data [Survey Monkey]

Sorry it has taken us so long. As promised months ago, we now begin our series profiling current Supreme Court clerks (aka the "October Term 2006" or "OT 2006" law clerks).

We'll be going chambers by chambers, starting with the most junior justice. Here are the four law clerks to Justice Samuel A. Alito, Jr.:

1. Michael S. Lee (BYU '97/Benson (D. Utah)/Alito)

2. Christopher J. Paolella (Harvard '99/Alito)

3. Matthew A. Schwartz (Columbia '03/Alito)

4. Gordon D. Todd (UVA '00/Beam)

As a member of the Alito extended family explained to us, here's the key to understanding the Alito chambers: 3:1. This golden ratio perfectly captures the demographics of the OT 2006 Alito clerks. Consider:

1. Familial status: three are married with children, one is not (Chris Paolella -- married, but no kids yet).

2. Undergraduate institution: three are Princetonians, one is not (Michael Lee -- BYU).

3. Prior Alito clerkship: three previously clerked for then-Judge Alito on the Third Circuit, one did not (Gordon Todd).

4. Religious affiliation: three are Christian,* one is not (Matthew Schwartz -- he's Jewish).

5. College debate: three were gods of the parliamentary debate circuit, and former presidents of the American Parliamentary Debate Assocation (APDA); one was not (Michael Lee).

But we wouldn't want such commonalities to overshadow the individuality of these gents. Check out our profiles of Messrs. Lee, Paolella, Schwartz, and Todd -- after the jump.

* Mitt Romney footnote: Michael Lee is Mormon, which we consider to be Christian. Presidential candidate Romney hopes that evangelical Christians voting in the Republican primaries will agree with us.

The Virginia Senate race between Republican incumbent George Allen and Democratic challenger Jim Webb has been one of the most bizarre and entertaining races in recent memory. To recap, here are some of the things we've been treated to in recent weeks:

-- the magnificent spectacle of "Macaca"-gate;
-- a Southerner's dramatic discovery of his long-lost Jewish heritage;
-- a campaign manager named Dick Wadhams (he's not gay!); and
-- a father placing his son's penis in his mouth (okay, in a work of fiction).

This is truly an embarrassment of riches. What more could one ask for?

Well, how about a law-related angle? From TJ's Double Play:

[W]e thought we weren't going to blog until our memo was done. Then 1L extraordinaire Mike Stark decided to pick a fight with Sen. George Allen and got his ass literally thrown out of a campaign event. Word is that Stark, who runs lefty blog Calling All Wingnuts, apparently began asking rude questions about Allen's wife (most likely having to do with divorce details and whether or not he spit on his wife) and then Allen's security tossed him out of the building.

Like any good law student, Stark is making a (federal?) case out of it. From NBC 29:

[O]ne Allen campaign staffer put Stark in a headlock and threw him to the ground. Stark was also removed from the building. Stark was not injured and is pressing charges.

But here's the best part:

Thanks to a reader for sending us the video, so you can see Stark get thrown to the ground and pinned against a wall. It's pretty awesome, especially because Stark is a pretty well-known gunner. We'll see if he's a little quieter this week. Or in class at all.

Well, at least Stark didn't get his ass arrested. Because federal judges don't look kindly upon clerkship applicants with criminal records.

You can read more about the whole incident at TJ's Double Play and Wonkette.

Macaca Mike vs. Anglo Allen [TJ's Double Play]
Allen Staffers Beat Up Blogger, Nation Celebrates [Wonkette]
Incident at Allen Campaign Stop in Charlottesville [NBC29]

* That's interesting: crossword guru Will Shortz is a UVA Law alum. And we love the opening question of this interview -- even if it's not terribly PC. [TJ's Double Play]

* The saucy blog commenter who (unintentionally) got Lee Siegel's TNR blog taken down: Kramer Levin associate Joseph Schwartz, self-described "reluctant lawyer” and “frustrated” fiction writer. Take a number, Joe. [New York Observer]

* Getting those ankle bracelets removed would be oh-so-liberating. [The Independent via DealBreaker]

* Our ERISA Hotties Contest isn't the only poll in progress here at Above the Law. Don't forget to vote for August 2006's Couple of the Month! [ATL]