Videos

Throwing a temper-tantrum in your office is better than throwing one in a parking lot.

I know, I know — when most of you think of “class,” you think of a small Long Island law firm that represents a small-town school district. So I’m sure it’s going to come as a shock to you that one of these Island lawyers engaged in a profanity-laced tirade after a school board meeting, in which he cursed out some parents in a parking lot.

This is Long Island we’re talking about, old sport. Respected Long Island attorneys don’t resort to such ribald language. If “Strong Island” isn’t careful, it’s going to be viewed as no better than the Jersey Shore.

Wait… I’m being told that we’re already there. Oh well, might as well take a look at this video of this lawyer calling somebody’s mom the C-word after a school board meeting….

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Anna Chapman

Because she’s relevant again.

Before the media fixated on Edward Snowden’s crazy overseas adventures, there was a story about how the NSA created a series of hyper-aggressive surveillance programs. The outrage over private contractors scanning everyone’s metadata fell away so quickly you’d think a powerful clandestine organization masterminded a propaganda effort to move all the attention to the tangential stories of how the Moscow airport TGI Friday’s is lame and whether Snowden’s abandoned girlfriend is hot or not.

Now Anna Chapman’s involved in the story somehow.

Well, the brains behind this year’s Law Revue contest winner didn’t lose the ball in the media shell game and put together a parody of the NSA’s domestic spying efforts.

And he’s repping his Above the Law t-shirt throughout the video, too. Thanks for putting all of us on a watch list, guys…

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What should unemployed law school graduates do when they can’t find work and can’t feed themselves? A certain great French princess — although not Marie Antoinette, FYI — might say, “Let them eat cake.”

But not everyone can afford cake. Debt-burdened young (and not-so-young) lawyers don’t want to spend dough; they want to make it.

Perhaps literally as well as figuratively. Do you have some talent in the kitchen? Here’s an inspiring story for you….

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For some people, a career in Biglaw can lead to some serious mental health issues. The odds are high that in some point in your life, you’ll wind up inside a therapist’s office to lament whatever ails you.

But for other people, a career in Biglaw can inspire a will to offer counsel — of the therapeutic variety — to people who’ve been worked to death. And who better to do so than someone who used to work for one of the most prestigious law firms in the world?

You, too, can land a job on the other side of the couch. It’s time to slip off those white shoes, and find out how you can make the transition…

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* A company is selling pork-laced bullets to “keep Islamics from going to Heaven.” Ever since Denny’s, they’re putting bacon in everything… [CBS Seattle]

* Justice Thomas is really terrible. This is probably why #UncleThomas is trending on Twitter. [Jezebel]

* A feminist critique of law reviews based on the Russell Crowe film, Gladiator. This sounds intriguing. [TaxProf Blog]

* If you wanted to know how the judge decided the audio expert issue in the Zimmerman trial, we’ve got you covered. If you wanted to know when attorney Don West will compile his collection of Greatest Opening Statement Jokes, we have no idea. [The Expert Institute]

* TNT has a new show dropping teams in Tasmania and forcing them to endure… a knockoff of The Amazing Race and Survivor. But an L.A.-based attorney is on this Friday trying to win $100,000, or what we used to call “a year-end bonus.” [TNT Newsroom]

* Ken White breaks down all the charges against Edward Snowden. To avoid these charges, Snowden is holed up in the transit zone of the Moscow airport, which I hear has a really terrible TGI Friday’s where Snowden will get to eat for the indefinite future. [Popehat]

* Anonymous Partner isn’t the only one with advice for summer associates. Here are tips from Grover Cleveland, author of Swimming Lessons for Baby Sharks (affiliate link), and Katherine Larkin-Wong, president of Ms. JD. [The Careerist]

* Chief Judge Alex Kozinski and Professor Nicholas Quinn Rosenkranz debate an upcoming Supreme Court case, Bond v. United States, concerning the treaty power. [Cato Institute]

For those who are brilliant (and lucky) enough to get hired, being a law professor is a great job. You get to write and teach about interesting subjects. You get the summers off — yes, we know you have articles to work on, but you have total flexibility about your hours and location. You get to be a public intellectual, writing for newspaper op-ed pages and magazines. And you get paid well, too.

If you have an unusual personality, don’t sweat it. Legal academia is welcoming to sociopaths. And sadists, too.

If you enjoy inflicting pain on others, being a law prof is a great gig. Using the Socratic Method, you get to torture 1Ls — and many of them will eat it up. As a law professor, the winner of multiple teaching awards, once told me, “The students like it when you’re a hard-ass; they like to be challenged.”

Many law students don’t mind verbal victimization, but they’d probably draw the line at physical contact. Which brings us to a high-profile law professor who goes around sticking needles in people….

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Yeah, O.G. Hipster

Yes, that Learned Hand, and that definition of a single.

That means there’s a 45 out there with Judge Learned Hand’s Greatest Hit. And, of course it’s vinyl, because Learned Hand keeps it (hipster) real like that.

But really, the noted jurist just knew a famous Civil War hymn that folklorists worried would get lost to antiquity if they didn’t force him to lay down a track.

Do we have a copy of Billboard’s #11,8736,984,8474 hit? You’re goddamned right we do!

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If you don’t live in the South, you may never have been to a Waffle House. Before anyone points out that Waffle House has a number of locations in the North these days, you’re wrong — anywhere with a Waffle House is automatically the South. It’s the new Mason-Dixon line.

In any event, the Waffle House is a chain of greasy spoons that consumes more lard than most countries and offers trainee positions to law students.

The Chairman of Waffle House, Joe Rogers Jr., is in a Georgia courtroom because his housekeeper accused him of demanding sex acts from her over the course of her eight years of service. Rogers has admitted to the affair — which was a gimme because nothing associated with a Waffle House has been cleaned since 1985 — but denies that he forced his maid to give him a half and half with his coffee.

While the case is not over, Rogers has scored a critical victory…

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A disturbing video is making its way around social media today. It’s a six-minute family court video from August 2011 of a woman who complains that a marshal sexually assaulted her in a back room. The woman becomes increasingly agitated as the marshal, who is in the courtroom, then arrests her for “making false allegations about a police officer,” all while the magistrate plays with the woman’s child, at least until the child begs the arresting officer to not take her momma away.

It’s really tough to watch. Even I became emotional while watching the clip. And the marshal has since been dismissed. Most of the internet outrage is focused on the cop. Me, I can honestly say that after watching this I wish nothing but the absolute worst for Clark County Hearings Master Patricia Doninger. I think I’d rather see Edith Jones on the Supreme freaking Court than have this person “preside” over a game of Family Feud, much less be within shouting distance of a family court…

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Many moons ago, around this time of year, I worked as a summer associate at Wachtell Lipton. I enjoyed many a fine meal that summer (although Wachtell’s program is more work-focused and less lunch-focused than many others). One of my favorite occasions was a dinner at Jean-Georges with partner Karen Krueger, her husband, myself, and a girlfriend of mine.

Oh how times have changed. It’s rare to see partners leave the gilded cage of Wachtell Lipton, where annual profits per partner regularly exceed $4 million. But Krueger had the guts to make the jump. She left the practice of law and now works as a nationally certified teacher of the Alexander Technique.

What is the Alexander Technique? If you suffer from pain, perhaps as a result of your stressful law firm job, it could be your salvation. And it might help you with your poker game, too….

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