Wal-Mart

* Wal-Mart may recall loads of donkey meat from their stores. Not because they sold donkey meat — they intended to do that — but because there was fox meat mixed in. What does the Fox Say? Nothing, because it was ground into donkey meat. The end. [MSN Money]

* Of course Colorado got rid of mile marker 420. But it’s not because they don’t like weed — it’s legal there, after all — check out the real reason. [Lowering the Bar]

* Judges are reading briefs on iPads now? Here’s how you write a brief for a judge who has an app for “law.” [Columbia Business Law Review]

* A listing of this lawyer’s previous representations. In the words of our tipster: “Don’t know what’s worse: Courtney Love or the Gambino crime family.” [Andrew Mancilla, Esq.]

* The Ninth Circuit gave the go-ahead for about 60,000 tech workers to sue Google, Apple, and other companies for artificially driving down wages by agreeing not to poach each others’ employees. Hey, give these folks some love, not every one of them is going to go start a new video game company. [Reuters]

* A lot of Cuban-American families in Miami blow a lot of money on quinceañeras. Here’s a way to recoup some funds: throw a completely innocent party and wait for the cops to come by and commit police brutality. This guy netted $90,000 that way. [Miami New Times]

Leave those porn stars ALONE!

* Wal-Mart allegedly ripped up a woman’s hundos because a cashier thought they were fake. The bills were, in fact, real, and now the woman, who just wanted to do some Christmas shopping, is suing. Beat that, Ebenezer Scrooge! [Daily Mail]

* A few weeks back, we challenged law professors to come up with 50 Shades of Grey-based hypos. This fellow took us up on it. So here you go: 50 Shades of Admin Law. [Lawprawfblog]

* Hey Romney, you can take our lives health care, but you’ll never take our pornography! [Forbes]

* “Now enterng the Klu Klux Klan Memorial Highway.” Yeah, I agree, that really doesn’t have such a great ring to it. [Thomson Reuters News and Insight]

* If you just started your 1L year and are already thinking, “I’ve made a huge mistake,” you may still have time to escape with your bank account intact. [Texas Lawyer]

* Speaking of, a recent Delaware Supreme Court opinion worked out to $35,000 per hour for winning attorneys in the case. Now the losers, Grupo Mexico, have appealed by arguing, “You guys made a huge mistake!” [WSJ Deal Journal]

* Remember that HLS grad and former prosecutor who went a little bonkers in an airport Peet’s Coffee? Yeah, well, this time the bar threw her out. [State Bar of California via Daily Journal (subs. req.)]

All rise for the Honorable Judge Fiddy.

* For everyone who’s ever wondered, “I’m an attorney, but I also love playing lacrosse. Where can I enjoy my dual passions?” Well, here’s your answer. [Wall Street Journal]

* More analysis of today’s DOMA smack down. [Leonard Link]

* Still speaking about DOMA, check out these interesting similarities between Judge Michael Boudin, who wrote the court’s DOMA opinion, and 50 Cent. (Spoiler: they’ve both been shot a gazillion times, duuuh.) [Think Progress]

* How do you turn your summer associateship into a full-time offer? I might suggest presents, nepotism, or, ahem, “favors.” Or for more traditional folks, I suppose you could take this “practical” advice. [The Careerist]

* What can business executives learn from Wal-Mart? That having holiday sales so huge people are willing to die to be there might not be such a terrible idea? [Harvard Business Review]

* What happens when the pool of college graduates dries up in a metropolitan area? Kitten starvation, ice storms, and zombies. [New York Times]

* On a policy level, this maybe isn’t a great idea. And I realize I might sound like a hypocrite. But, honestly, if sodas were banned, I would be really upset for like 20 minutes, and then I would just go on a crazy 20-year coconut water binge. [New York Times]

After the jump, check out Bloomberg Law’s interview with the judge from Raj Rajaratnam’s insider trading case…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Non-Sequiturs: 05.31.2012″


2 Girls 1 Sandwich

* Dewey need to take a look at the Biglaw industry in general before more firms implode? Hell yes, says an author who’s written on the economics and management of law firms. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Wal-Mart was served with its first shareholder suit over its alleged bribery scandal, because the only thing on rollback this week is the price of the company’s stock shares. [Reuters]

* Does diplomatic immunity give you a free pass for getting handsy with the maid? Guess we’ll see next week, when a judge rules on DSK’s motion to dismiss his civil suit. [New York Daily News]

* As long as you’ve got money, the TSA will totally look the other way if you’ve got suitcases filled with drugs. Vibrators, on the other hand, are simply out of the question. [Bloomberg]

* As of yesterday, Connecticut became the seventeenth state to kill the death penalty. But not so fast, death row inmates. You still get to die. Isn’t that nice? [CNN]

* Franchise agreements be damned, because even judges can understand that sometimes, you just need to eat a delicious sandwich while you’re getting a lap dance. [KTVN]

* Arizona’s immigration law is heading to the Supreme Court today. Meanwhile, former Senator Dennis DeConcini lobbed the worst insult ever against his state. How embarrassing for you, Arizona. [New York Times]

* Will Wal-Mart regret not disclosing its bribery investigation sooner? Not when the delay saved millions in criminal fines. What Wal-Mart will regret is being forced into disclosure by the NYT narcs. [Corporate Counsel]

* Delete all the oil from ocean, and then maybe we’ll care about this. A former BP employee was charged with obstruction of justice for deleting texts having to do with the Deepwater Horizon disaster. [Bloomberg]

* The Tennessee Board of Law Examiners has granted Duncan Law an extension on its bid for ABA accreditation. Woohoo, five more years of allowing students to “negligently enroll.” [Knoxville News Sentinel]

* “Once you cross the six-figure mark, you think, what’s a few thousand dollars more?” You’re doing it wrong: you’re supposed to be bragging about a six-figure salary, not a six-figure debt obligation. [Baltimore Sun]

* New Jersey residents don’t always have the great pleasure of nearly being killed by two high-speed Lamborghinis, but when they do, they prefer that police officers be suspended and sue over it. [ABC News]

I was looking for a picture of a hooker, but hopefully this ass will do.

* A tipster says: “The worst thing about the Blackberry outage was having to admit to your clients that you still use a Blackberry.” [Venture Beat]

* Two words: donkey hooker. [The Legal Satyricon]

* Glenn Reynolds has, like, the answer to how we should handle student debts in bankruptcy. [Instapundit via The Volokh Conspiracy]

* Coming after Walmart, round 2. [ABC News]

* The rule of twos for legal staffing. [What About Clients?]

* Is criminal justice equal justice? [Underdog]

* Look, which foreign official do we have to bribe to get our jobs back? [This Week in FCPA]

Burt Reynolds

* I know we’re a little tight for money, but we should find some money in the budget to make sure faded American stars are bailed out of the housing crisis, just like the banks were. [Monsters & Critics]

* Illinois’s redrawn legislative districts draw legal fire. I have an idea: let’s use Illinois as a laboratory for direct sponsorship of Congressional seats. I recognize the distinguished gentleman from Pizza Hut. [WSJ Law Blog]

* If anybody at Citi would like to sue for stress due to the fire drill there today, there are a bunch of out-of-work lawyers who would love to help you. [Dealbreaker]

* Prosecuting your own stalker: it’s a good story. This being the most I’ve read in a Marie Claire, however, I need to go hunt something and eat its liver to rebalance my hormones. [Marie Claire]

Stephen Mark McDaniel

* Here’s a chatwrap with Amy Leigh Womack and Joe Kovac, two reporters who have been covering the Stephen McDaniel / Lauren Giddings case down in Macon. The last time I remember Macon being this relevant to my day-to-day life, John Rocker was involved. [Macon Telegraph]

* Having to purchase legal services from a Wal-Mart that looks like a Neiman Marcus is probably something that happens in Hell. But it can’t be much worse that having to buy your clothes in a place where you buy your food. [An Associate's Mind]

* Lady lawyers: looking for a way to spend that spring bonus or partnership draw? Here are ten handbags that cost five figures. [Fashionista]

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, writing for the four moderates on the court, dissented from Justice Scalia’s broader analysis and sought a much narrower holding.

– the New York Times editorial board, in an editorial about Wal-Mart v. Dukes entitled Wal-Mart Wins, Workers Lose.

We just learned, via the SCOTUSblog liveblog of today’s proceedings at the Supreme Court, that Wal-Mart v. Dukes has been decided. Here is some background about the case, one of the most closely watched of this Term, and here is the opinion of the Court.

Justice Scalia wrote the opinion of the Court, which was joined in its entirety by Chief Justice Roberts and Justices Kennedy, Thomas, and Alito. SCOTUS reversed the Ninth Circuit and held that class action certification should not have been granted in this case, brought on behalf of hundreds of thousands of female Wal-Mart employees who alleged a pattern and practice of pay and promotion discrimination by the giant retailer.

Justice Ginsburg filed an opinion concurring in part and dissenting in part, which was joined by Justices Breyer, Sotomayor, and Kagan. What did RBG have to say?

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Ted Frank

Friday was not a pretty day for the stock market. The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed below 12,000, for the first time since March of this year — a 1.4 percent decline. The S&P 500 also fell by 1.4 percent, and the Nasdaq composite index fell by 1.5 percent.

Everyone is looking for an edge in this market (especially given the low returns you get by keeping your money on the sidelines, in cash, or by investing in real estate). This raises a question for legal eagles: Can knowledge of the law help you invest profitably?

One of our favorite folks here at Above the Law — Ted Frank, head of the Center for Class Action Fairness, whom we’ve dubbed the Class Action Avenger — believes the answer is yes. Earlier this month, he invested 10 percent of his net worth in a bet that one company’s stock is on the way up, based on a forthcoming Supreme Court decision.

Let’s find out which stock Frank is betting on, and why….

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