If you have a small penis the only thing you can do about it is buy a gun.
I can finally say that with the authority of judicial precedent behind me. As the WSJ Law Blog reported yesterday, Steve Warshak, founder of Enzyte, was sentenced to 25 for defrauding sad, pathetic men.
I have often watched the late night replay of the Daily Show and Colbert and wished, nay prayed, that somebody would put an end to this stupid ad-campaign so I could get back to Girls Gone Wild promos. Though U.S. District Judge S. Arthur Spiegel ruled that the company would be allowed to stay in business, one expects civil litigation to destroy once and forever the concept of “natural male enhancement.”
There are lots of penis products on television, usually in the form of car commercials. But the lack of subtlety from these Enzyte jerks is just totally out of place for the quiet, drunken depression that marks watching late night television. Get out of my head Smilin’ Bob, I do not believe you!
Now if we could only get rid of commercials telling me that I have to keep it up for 36 hours, life would be better.
Fraudulent Male Enhancement Drug Gets Company Founder 25 Yrs. [WSJ Law Blog]
WSJ Law Blog
If you have a small penis the only thing you can do about it is buy a gun.
It looks like we have someone new to compete with the next time a Biglaw associate sues her wedding florist — or someone new to shamelessly lift stories from, when we lose the race to the keyboard.
The Wall Street Journal’s longtime legal blogger, the super-talented Peter Lattman, is abandoning the legal blogosphere, where his presence will be sorely missed. He’s moving over to the print side, to cover the world of private equity for the newspaper (which, it should be noted, he wrote for frequently during his time as a blogger). Lattman’s shoes will be filled by Dan Slater, another lawyer turned journalist, who will introduce himself to the readership tomorrow.
Congratulations to Messrs. Lattman and Slater on their new gigs!
Breaking News: The Law Blog Passes the Torch [WSJ Law Blog]
- Aaron Charney, Barack Obama, Blog Wars, Hillary Clinton, Job Survey, Loyola Law School, Reader Polls, WSJ Law Blog
The time has come, and the crowning of ATL’s Lawyer of the Year and Second Favorite Blog After ATL, both of which are sponsored by ATL and Lateral Link, is at last upon us.
In all, a whopping 4,186 votes were cast, with 2,683 of you voting for Lawyer of the Year and 1,503 weighing in on which blog you like second-most after this one. Find out how it all turned out after the jump.
Last week, the ABA Journal named former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales its 2007
Lawyer Legal Newsmaker of the Year. Now we bring you news of two more Lawyers of the Year.
The National Law Journal went highbrow and international. The NLJ selected Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry, the former Chief Justice of Pakistan, as its Lawyer of the Year:
Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry is not exactly a household name to the legal profession in the United States. We think he should be.
Chaudhry, the chief justice of Pakistan who was dismissed from office by President Pervez Musharraf after the imposition of emergency rule, has been a strong voice for the preservation of the rule of law in Pakistan — one of the United States’ key allies in the war on terror.
Meanwhile, the WSJ Law Blog stayed domestic. Their honoree may be, for better or worse, more well-known that former Chief Justice Chaudhry (at least to readers of ATL). Their pick: celebrity commenter Loyola 2L!
[W]hen the nominees were put to an unscientific vote, Loyola 2L won in a landslide…. And before you start whining, “But he’s not even a lawyer!,” we never said we were strict constructionists!
So who — or what — is Loyola 2L? For the non-cognoscenti, he, or she, is purportedly a second-year student, or “2L,” at Loyola Law School in Los Angeles. And his claim to fame? For over a year, Loyola 2L has beaten a loud and consistent drum of discontent around the Web by posting in online forums about the job prospects for graduates of nonelite law schools.
If you’re hoping that this honor will bring Loyola 2L to unmask himself (or herself), don’t hold your breath:
[W]hile he’s presumably a “3L” by now, he still clings to the moniker. And anonymity. In responding to a call to identify himself he said, “Outing myself . . . would only add to the current difficulties in my life.”
For today, L2L, put the complaining on hold, and bask in the limelight. You’ve earned it!
P.S. Thanks for all of your nominations for ATL’s own Lawyer of the Year contest. We’ll put up the poll shortly.
The Lawyer of the Year: Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry [National Law Journal]
The Law Blog Lawyer Of the Year: Loyola 2L [WSJ Law Blog]
Earlier: ATL Lawyer of the Year: Nominations, Please
- Alberto Gonzales, American Bar Association / ABA, Contests, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, Media and Journalism, Monica Goodling, Patrick Fitzgerald, Reader Polls, WSJ Law Blog
Part of a blogger’s job description is to shamelessly rip off stuff from the mainstream media. So we’re going to follow in the footsteps of the ABA Journal and the WSJ Law Blog, and name ATL’s first annual Lawyer of the Year. (Of course, it’s not that original an idea to begin with, insofar as it’s inspired by Time magazine’s Person of the Year.)
The WSJ crew is still accepting nominations, so we don’t know the identity of their pick. But the ABA Journal’s honoree for 2007, Alberto Gonzales, has generated some controversy. The Journal’s editor and publisher, Edward A. Adams, explained the pick to the Washington Post: “It’s about who has had the most effect in the world of lawyers this year. We’re not saying Gonzales is good or bad. We’re just saying this is the leading newsmaker in our part of the world.”
Additional discussion, plus how to submit your nomination for ATL’s Lawyer of the Year, after the jump.
- 11th Circuit, ACLU, Harvard, New York Times, Peter Lattman, Racism, Reader Polls, Weddings, WSJ Law Blog
– This bride is foxy and forty-eight; this bride is twenty-six and hyper-annoying.
– Some MoFo lesbians have made a match of it.
– Graduating cum laude from Harvard wins you admission to a tier-4 law school.
But on to our five featured couples:
More about the nominees, after the jump.
The celebrated case of Charney v. Sullivan & Cromwell was fun while it lasted. As we mentioned last night, the fun is over: the parties have reached a settlement.
But the case was good to us — and we intend to give it a proper sendoff, with several post-mortem posts. If you have any info or gossip about the case that you’d be willing to share, please email us.
This post is the obligatory linkwrap. We’ve collected and read various reactions to the settlement news, so you don’t have to.
Links and excerpts, after the jump.
On the front page of today’s Wall Street Journal, there’s an excellent article, by Amir Efrati, about the not-so-hot job prospects for non-top-tier law school graduates. Here’s the lede, which nicely summarizes the situation:
A law degree isn’t necessarily a license to print money these days.
For graduates of elite law schools, prospects have never been better. Big law firms this year boosted their starting salaries to as high as $160,000. But the majority of law-school graduates are suffering from a supply-and-demand imbalance that’s suppressing pay and job growth. The result: Graduates who don’t score at the top of their class are struggling to find well-paying jobs to make payments on law-school debts that can exceed $100,000. Some are taking temporary contract work, reviewing documents for as little as $20 an hour, without benefits. And many are blaming their law schools for failing to warn them about the dark side of the job market.
It’s a most worthwhile piece (although somewhat reminiscent of this article, by Leigh Jones for the National Law Journal). Here’s our favorite part:
Some un- or underemployed grads are seeking consolation online, where blogs and discussion boards have created venues for shared commiseration that didn’t exist before. An anonymous writer called Loyola 2L, purportedly a student at Loyola Law School, who claims the school wasn’t straight about employment prospects, has been beating a drum of discontent around the Web in the past year that’s sparked thousands of responses, and a fan base. (“2L” stands for second-year law student.) Some thank “L2L” for articulating their plight; others claim L2L should complain less and work more.
Loyola’s Dean Burcham says he wishes he knew who the student was so he could help the person. “It’s expensive to go to law school, and there are times when you second-guess yourself as a student,” he says.
One tipster quips: “Loyola Dean David Burcham wants to find and help Loyola 2L. How? By refunding his tuition?”
So, will the real Loyola 2L please stand up — and email us? We’d love to discuss potential opportunities with you. Thanks.
Hard Case: Job Market Wanes for U.S. Lawyers [Wall Street Journal]
The Dark Side of the Legal Job Market [WSJ Law Blog]
Earlier: It’s Hard Out Here for Non-Top-Tier Law School Graduates
Right now some of you are probably thinking: “Enough already about Alberto Gonzales and Michael Vick! Isn’t there anything else you can write about?”
(In preemptive response to those of you who are sick and tired of this story: relax. It’s on its last legs. But if the New York Times writes about us, of course we’re going to acknowledge it. Capice?)
For those of you were on vacation last week — and we know many of you were, based on all the “Out of Office AutoReply” messages we received — you missed a fun story here at ATL.
But don’t worry. If you don’t have time to read our voluminous coverage of the Nixon Peabody
theme song, here are some cheat sheets.
Best of all, for those of you who can watch videos — some of you can’t, ’cause you don’t have a private office — check out this awesome video. It appeared over the weekend, but we’re reposting it, because many of you don’t visit ATL on the weekend (and it would be a shame for you to miss it).
Last week we told you about a fellow at Katten Muchin Rosenman in Chicago, who managed to achieve the impossible feat: he got fired from a summer associate gig. This is even more impressive than merely getting “no-offered” at the end of the summer. We wrote:
1. A summer associate in the Chicago office of Katten was fired earlier this month (believed to be the week of July 9, 2007).
2. His employment was terminated because (a) he allegedly engaged in inappropriate sexual conduct with female summer associates, variously described as “repeatedly smack[ing] the asses of female summers” or “playing grab ass with female summers,” and (b) he allegedly made racially insensitive jokes, in front of multiple attorneys.
In the wake of this story, a reader sent us this message:
Apparently, the WSJ Law Blog “Rules of Etiquette” for summer associates need minor revision. Here are my suggested changes.
You can check out the new and improved etiquette handbook, after the jump.