Non-Sequiturs: 12.30.16

Ed. Note: Happy New Year everybody! As you can see, we're closing up shop early today and we'll be off on Monday. * Football player career ends before the Belk Bowl after he's caught shoplifting... from Belk. Hey, that sensible Southern-inspired activewear wasn't going to buy itself! [ESPN] * Some "assorted stupidity" to get you into the new year. [Lowering the Bar] * Motorized wheelchairs are not motor vehicles for the purposes of a DUI prosecution. So go ahead and get grandma loaded tomorrow night. [How Appealing] * Speaking of Oregon, the "free speech" uproar over the sanction of Professor Blackface may make some valid points, but they also wildly overstate the case. [Lawyers, Guns & Money] * The Supreme Court may be picking up some steam in the new year. [Empirical SCOTUS] * Local lawyer competes on Wheel of Fortune. "Inconsistency is my very essence" -- says the wheel -- "Raise yourself up on my spokes if you wish, but don't complain when you plunge back down." To quote Boethius. [Rochester Democrat & Chronicle]