Law Schools

How To Find And Keep The Perfect Mentor

Five steps to forming a valuable mentor relationship.

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There are many important things that happen in law school. You learn how to think and write like a lawyer, forge lifelong friendships with the other people crazy enough to go to law school, and do a lot of growing (both personally and professionally). Another important thing that happens for many law students is that they meet and form relationships with valuable mentors.

I honestly can’t say enough about having excellent mentors. Personally, my mentors have impacted my life in so many ways. From academic and professional advice about whether to go to law school or where to apply for a job to help with more personal matters, they’ve been there through it all.

Sometimes, mentorships just happen and sometimes you have to intentionally seek them out. Here are a few ideas on how to actively find mentors and make the most of the relationships once you have them.

1. Determine what you value

If you don’t know what you are looking for, you will have a difficult time finding it. This is true when it comes to mentors as well. Not every person who graduated law school and passed the bar exam will be a good match to mentor you.

As an initial matter, think about the type of career that interests you. Is it big law? Small firm? Non-profit? Academic? Something else entirely? The big mistake most students make is to stop the inquiry here. It isn’t enough to merely find someone who is doing what you want to do, but they should be doing it the way you want to do it, too.

2. Put yourself out there

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Some may call this networking. I prefer to think of it as professional socializing. Either way, if you stay home all the time and never meet people, it will be harder to find a great mentor! As a law student, some of the best opportunities to do this are hosted by your school. Every week, there are probably valuable panels, workshops, and speaking events that you can attend to meet practicing attorneys (many of whom are invested alumni).

I know that time is in high demand and short supply for law students, and I am not suggesting that you have to go to every single event. Instead, raise your awareness about the things that are going on at your school. It can be easy to get overwhelmed with the volume of emails you receive and get delete button happy. Resist that urge, and pick a few quality events to attend that align with your interests and goals.

Now, when you go to these events, don’t forget to dress and act professionally. But remember, this doesn’t necessarily mean “stuffy.” Instead, be the best, most polished version of yourself. Be polite and respectful to every single person you meet, and don’t forget to ask thoughtful questions!

3. Ask

The first ask you need to make is, “Will you be my mentor?” Obvious, I know, but if you don’t ask for something, you aren’t going to get it. You don’t have to ask such a formal question, but make it clear that you wish to establish an ongoing relationship where you can ask for their advice and professional counsel.

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After you’ve established your relationship, make sure you that you keep asking questions. The best piece of advice I have received about utilizing mentors is to ask “how” questions. Our instinct, or at least my instinct, can be to ask mentors “what” we should do. And sometimes those are adequate questions. But once I started asking my mentors more about how they do things, I really felt our relationships strengthen. I even witnessed a significant, positive impact on my career. For example, instead of asking, “What law firms should I apply to?” ask, “How did you decide where to apply?” This allows you to learn more about their thought process, so you can develop these same decision making skills yourself (so that you can become a great mentor to someone else in the future!)

4. Follow through and impress them

Once you’ve formed a relationship with your mentor, the first step in keeping them is to impress the absolute heck out of them. And I don’t mean by being the smartest person, but rather by being the hardest working person. Show up 10 minutes early for any meetings, proofread your emails to them, and meet any and all deadlines you set.

One way that mentors can help their mentees is to recommend them for job opportunities or introduce them to influential people in their field. However, you have to prove to your mentor that you can handle those things before they will feel comfortable putting their reputation on the line for you. View every interaction you have with your mentor as an opportunity to show them what you are capable of doing.

5. Respect boundaries

While you want to make sure that you keep in touch and stay on top of your mentor’s mind, you definitely don’t want to come off as aggressive or annoying.

There are no rules on how and when mentors and mentees communicate, and you don’t have to set up a formal schedule. Just make sure that you are always being respectful of your mentor’s time. One way to do this is to gather a bunch of questions and send one or two emails a month, rather than shooting off a message whenever something pops into your head. This gives you time to research the questions yourself, and decide what you really need help with without overwhelming your mentor.

Remember, if you have to force a relationship, then it is probably not the right one. Use these tips to figure out what kind of mentor you are looking for and to implement best communication practices. Most importantly, try to let things happen naturally.

Kerriann Stout is a millennial law school professor and founder of Vinco (a bar exam coaching company) who is generationally trapped between her students and colleagues. Kerriann has helped hundreds of students survive law school and the bar exam with less stress and more confidence. She lives, works, and writes in the northeast. You can reach her by email at info@vincoprep.com.

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