In-House Counsel

I’m An In-House Hustler, Baby (And So Are You)

Hustling works, and you can learn this skill from your business partners.

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In the not too distant past, I received a “stand” email. As in an “I took the time to write you a multi-paragraph email to tell you everything I can’t stand about you, and P.S. I also kick around orphan puppies in my spare time” kind of email. Cool, cool, cool. I never expected to be everybody’s cup of tea. I’m pretty sure at any given moment at least half a dozen of my business people are plotting my bloody demise.

In addition to casting general aspersions on my writing ability (ouchie) and calling me out for always retreating to a movie quote of some sort in my column (picked up on that, huh), this individual took me to task for being the worst sort of hustler attorney who compromised my integrity at the expense of my business people.

Buddy, I’m here to tell you, you got it all wrong on that last point. Here’s the thing. Practicing law as an in-house counsel is a beautiful mess at best and a dumpster fire behind a fish fry on a hot July day at its worst. Why? Because we chose to practice at the intersection of the law and business, and that bustling four-way has no lights, no stop signs, and no speed limit.  Its unspoken motto is “yielding is for quitters.” And if you’re from where I’m from, it’s actually “yielding and blinkers are for quitters.”

You see, your business partners are just as harried, taxed, and overworked as you are. They’re pulled in a million directions, just like you. They’re subject to the same shake-ups in leadership, ever-shifting mandates, and policies upon policies. They don’t care about the law unless you give them a reason to care about it. I, for one, am not picky about the reason. Reasons to care about the law may include: because we don’t want to be sued, because we can’t get approval on this deal until Legal signs off, or because it’s kind of cool and makes me sound smart when I repeat it.

I’d like to imagine the reason I don’t care about why a business partner walks into my office is similar to that of the mindset of the IRS employee looking at my tax return. I’m pretty sure that individual does not care if I pay my taxes out of some burning civic duty or crippling fear of being audited. The point is, I paid my taxes.

Frankly, I do love to impart a little legal learning to my business partners when it makes sense to do so. Sometimes, it even sticks. But I don’t expect that, any more than poor Saoirse in our engineering department does every time she has to draw me a chart with stick figures and arrows when I ask about the stage-gate approval process for products (to be fair, the freaking gates keep changing — but still, that poor woman). The nice (and equally demoralizing) part of the company ecosystem is being self-aware enough to understand your role in it, without having to know how each organism functions at any given time. And sometimes, I’m the mighty osprey in that system. And other times, I’m the unnamed microorganism that feeds the minnow.

And what can I say? I’m also a huge proponent of hustling. Why? Because it works. And I learned it from my business partners. Sure, hustle can mean to defraud or swindle someone, I don’t disagree with that (or condone screwing around with your business partners for shits and giggles; that’s ultimately counterproductive). But hustle can also mean to move quickly in a specific direction. I’d like to think I’m more the latter rather than the former.

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If you’ve survived any length of time in the in-house jungle, it’s likely not because you hid behind legal doctrine or rigid rules, spouting Posner and the business judgment rule at every opportunity. It’s not because you drafted gorgeous, impenetrable contracts you refused to negotiate. I bet it’s because you learned to galvanize your business partners and move them in the direction they want to go (or if in that way lies madness, then their best alternative route). I bet sometimes your best efforts looked inelegant on paper, but still got the job done. Let’s face it, I’m a hustler, baby. And so are you.

Kay Thrace (not her real name) is a harried in-house counsel at a well-known company that everyone loves to hate. When not scuffing dirt on the sacrosanct line between business and the law, Kay enjoys pub trivia domination and eradicating incorrect usage of the Oxford comma. You can contact her by email at KayThraceATL@gmail.com or follow her on Twitter @KayThrace.

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