Why I’m Glad I Powered Through After Having Kids

Each of us must choose what is right for us from the options we have available -- and it won’t be easy.

Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Claire E. Parsons to our pages.

Let’s face it: the first year after having a kid is just tough. There’s sleep deprivation. There’s a new tiny human who depends on you for everything. Literally everything. All the while, you are still recovering, mentally, physically, and emotionally, from bringing this tiny human into the world. And, if it’s your first, you may have no idea what you are doing. About any of it. When you put it this way, it sounds crazy that any person would say it’s a good idea to add law practice into the mix after a few too short months.

But, like lots of other moms, I did it. Many days were horrible. I considered giving up all the time. I wish it had been different. It should have been different. Now, with the benefit of perspective since my kids are nearly 3 and 7, I’m glad I just powered through it.

Why? I could say it in a number of ways, but it comes down to one word: control. Two years ago, I made equity partner at my firm. This means that I have the power to make decisions about my own schedule. I can work remotely from home when I feel like it or if there’s a snow day or one of the kids is sick. I can cut out early to get to a school function or handle a doctor’s appointment or do something to take care of myself. And I don’t have to ask anyone for permission. I don’t need anyone’s permission. I’m the boss. In other words, because I’m now a decisionmaker at the firm I also get to make decisions for myself. When you have kids and your spouse works too, that control really makes a difference.

Don’t for a minute think that I am saying this is easy. It’s not easy. Not for a single one of us. After my first child was born, I found myself at a crossroads when after months and months I still had not figured out the magic trick to get her to sleep through the night. My litigation practice was incredibly busy, I had just moved, and I was not getting any sleep. It showed in my demeanor and I considered almost every day going part-time or taking a break from law for a while. As tired as I was, one thing ultimately helped me make the decision: I didn’t want to stop my practice, or slow down, or take a break. I wanted to keep practicing full-time, so I made it work. I powered through.

In retrospect, I see how brief that year was and how quickly things changed. In the span of a few days, my life changed for the better when my husband and I finally tried sleep training and, miraculously, it worked. Though it is annoying to admit it now, those strangers who like to offer you the unsolicited advice that “it all goes by in the blink of an eye” may have a point. For many new parents, the early times with a new baby are rough but they may improve quicker than you’d think.

This isn’t to say that I think all women lawyers should just suck it up. To the contrary, each of us must choose what is right for us from the options we have available. The reason that powering through worked for me was because I stopped listening to the noise in my head about what I should do and instead tried to focus on what I wanted for me and my family. The truth is that, while it was hard to do as a new mom, I loved my practice and didn’t want to pause it or slow it down. In addition, I’m not saying that new parents (but especially mothers) should be put in this position. The legal profession is starting to understand how parenthood puts an unfair burden on women attorneys in particular, but we still have a long way to go.

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If you are wondering whether you can hang in there, consider the long-term results that staying home or reducing your schedule can have on your career and your life. I hope one day that this choice won’t be so hard but I’m glad I stuck with it because I was able to continue developing my practice, building my reputation, and climbing the ladder within my firm. It gave me a position, a practice, a reputation, and a level of control that I really enjoy now. In other words, if you find yourself at the same crossroads where I found myself years ago, consider not only how your family’s life is right now, but what you want that life to be in the future. Sometimes the hard choices we face right now can make life easier down the road.


Claire E. Parsons is a Member at Adams, Stepner, Woltermann & Dusing, PLLC in Covington, Kentucky where she focuses her practice in local government practice, civil litigation, and school law. She is the mother of 2 girls and an active member of Mothers Esquire. You can email her at claire@claireeparsons.com, follow her on Twitter @ClaireEParsons, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

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