Ample Supplies Of Stupidity Still Available

Don't bother rushing on down to the stupid store. They never run out of stock, and they're open 24/7. Take your time.

We all know that there are lawyers and judges who engage in stupid behavior. Why they risk their licenses, their judicial offices, their professional dreams, mystifies me and always will.

So, here’s a little roundup of some of more recent situations of lawyers acting stupid and paying the price. I’ll get to the bench in a little while.

In Vermont, an attorney was arrested for brandishing a gun in a retail store. She (yes, a she) apparently didn’t like the store’s sign that called for social distancing. I don’t know about you, but I’d comply with the social distancing rather than risk a criminal charge and possible disciplinary action. What’s the big deal about six feet?

This one is a variation on the “use a gun, go to prison” slogan so popular for many years. Two attorneys in Texas are accused of a murder for hire. They were willing to pay the huge sum (cue the sarcasm) of $300 for an undercover agent (whoops) to buy a gun to kill the former husband, also a lawyer, of one of the attorneys. Any relation to the gang that couldn’t shoot straight?  Murder for hire is apparently cheap in Texas, at least in this case.

Of course, lawyers are disputatious, that’s how we make our living. A disbarred Florida lawyer has filed a pro se lawsuit, claiming that the Florida governor lacked the authority to order the state’s lockdown. The former attorney filed a quo warranto lawsuit, so it goes directly to Florida’s Supreme Court. Of course, no one knows how many more Floridians would have died without the lockdown. At last count, the death toll there was more than 2,250, but who is counting, beside me?

Then there’s the disbarred Rhode Island lawyer, guilty of theft and two counts of mail fraud, sentenced to the clink for a year and a day for stealing his dead client’s pension. The theft totaled almost $250,000. The sentence is less than the two years the government sought, but the attorney’s age and susceptibility to COVID-19 cut him some sentencing slack from the court. So, can you now use COVID-19 for a reduced sentence or to even get out of prison early? (See Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen.)

Two New York City attorneys, including one former Biglaw associate, have been charged with throwing a Molotov cocktail into an empty NYPD police cruiser. The Biglaw attorney was furloughed from his job in April. More collateral damage from COVID-19? Will the fallout from the virus ever end? And what purpose does it serve if they lose their licenses to practice? What’s the point? Surely, there are other ways that lawyers can work for social and racial justice.

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Of course, this roundup would not be complete without at least one story about inappropriate touching. The Indiana attorney general has had his license lifted for 30 days. Indiana’s Supreme Court determined that he had groped several women at a party celebrating the end of the legislative session. I think it was way back in kindergarten that we were taught to keep our hands to ourselves. Remember? Some elementary lessons are better learned than others.

A Biglaw partner represented Chevron in an employment mediation. Opposing counsel claimed that the Biglaw partner had shaken his butt at counsel at mediation. The court denied plaintiff’s counsel’s motion for sanctions, ruling that the $10,000 request for attorney’s fees was excessive. The court said that the hit to the partner’s reputation and his lost ability to generate business (the incident went viral) were sanctions enough. True. The partner is no longer at the Biglaw firm.  Just as you should keep your hands to yourself, don’t shake your butt at opposing counsel. No ifs, ands, or buts about that. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

Hooray for the New Jersey Supreme Court that removed a judge who had asked a sexual assault victim if she had tried to close her legs to prevent the assault. I know. You can read that sentence several times if you like. What term would you use to describe this judge? I can think of several unprintables that don’t belong even on this legal website, but do you think “moron” might work? Apparently, this was not the judge’s first misconduct rodeo.

I wonder if the judge has ever had any women working with him or for him, whether he’s married to a woman, and whether he has any daughters. Unless he was hatched, he surely has or had a mother. This case is a primer of what not to ask, and how not to act, for those interested in ever being appointed to the bench. How hard is it to stifle yourself, even if you are a judge?

And then here in California, vastly different facts but the same result. The Commission on Judicial Performance has issued an order removing appellate justice Jeffrey Johnson for 18 acts of prejudicial misconduct comprising more than 40 proven allegations. The Commission found that the justice’s lack of candor aggravated the misconduct. Here’s the Commission’s opinion.

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After all that has happened in the past eight days, starting with the murder of George Floyd, read the words of the poet Langston Hughes. His poem “Harlem” starts with a simple question: “What happens to a dream deferred?” The poem is very brief. My answer? Deferred dreams cannot be deferred forever.


Jill Switzer has been an active member of the State Bar of California for over 40 years. She remembers practicing law in a kinder, gentler time. She’s had a diverse legal career, including stints as a deputy district attorney, a solo practice, and several senior in-house gigs. She now mediates full-time, which gives her the opportunity to see dinosaurs, millennials, and those in-between interact — it’s not always civil. You can reach her by email at oldladylawyer@gmail.com.