What was the last question you asked yourself?

Was it what to have for lunch?

Was it why the partner on your case is such an asshole?

Was it how your career compares to your friends from law school, or the associate down the hall?

Most of us are unconsciously asking ourselves terrible, dead-end questions all the time.

Questions like:

• Why do things have to be this way?
  • Why aren’t I good enough?
  • Why is my job so terrible?
  • Why is my boss so critical?
  • What would my life be like if I had made different decisions?

These questions do nothing for you and are essentially unanswerable. The problem is that they accept your negative premises and thoughts as true. Because these kinds of questions assume the negative premise is true, they never lead you to a solution. They keep you ruminating forever, but you never ever get resolution. You just keep swimming around in the negative thoughts and feelings caused by those questions.

Once you’ve asked your brain a question like that, you can’t stop thinking about it, because the human brain does not like unanswered questions. To your brain, unanswered questions are dangerous. Any unknown could be a lion that is going to eat you. So your brain will give you answers – but because you asked a terrible question, you’re going to get terrible answers.

The opposite of a dead-end question is a powerful question—one that has a positive or neutral assumption baked in. It gives rise to productive action, more positive or neutral emotion, or both.

Examples of powerful questions are:

• What are the next 3 steps I can take to move me towards my goal?
• How much evidence can I find that I am good enough?
• How do I want to think and feel about this situation?
• How can I make this more fun?
• What is perfect about this?
• If I knew I could succeed, what would I do next?

These questions all contain a positive or neutral premise and prompt your brain to come up with positive outcomes or thoughts.

When should you do this? Any time you’re feeling anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, or self-pity is a good time to check in with yourself and see what questions are rattling around in your brain.

You can also use this tool when you’re thinking dead-end thoughts even if they aren’t questions. Any thought about not knowing how to do something can be changed into a powerful question instead.

Your brain wants to answer questions, so rather than feed it unconscious, negative questions, choose to feed it conscious, powerful questions instead.

Kara Loewentheil, J.D., C.M.C., is a former litigator and academic who now runs a boutique confidence coaching practice, with a focus on high-achieving feminist women who struggle with anxiety and self-doubt. As a former lawyer and Certified Master Coach, Kara is intimately acquainted with the unique challenges women lawyers face in their professional careers and personal lives. Kara teaches her clients cognitive-based techniques for dealing with stress, anxiety, and lawyer brain so that they can create confidence to build the lives and careers they want. She is also the host of the only podcast that teaches lawyers and other high-achieving women how to actually rewire their brains so that they can feel confident and get what they want in life. The UnF*ck Your Brain Podcast is available on iTunes or wherever else you get your podcasts. To download a free guide to creating more confidence and believing in your own abilities, go to www.unfckyourbrain.com/guide.