But...HOW Do You Actually Leave?
There is a power in positive thinking, and choosing to take a positive outlook on life, no matter what.
My story–that of a lawyer-turned-yoga teacher–isn’t all that special. Radical? Perhaps. Special? No. There are plenty of yoga teachers/wellness professionals that once had a life that was very stressful and quite unhealthy, and then-poof!- they made some sort of change. Lately, a lot of people keep asking me, though: how? How did you make such a drastic change?
Years later, with the benefit of hindsight, here are some lessons that I learned that helped me to take the leap of faith and leave a “successful” career as a lawyer for a wildly different life:
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- Recognize and acknowledge how unhappy you are. There is a power in positive thinking, and choosing to take a positive outlook on life, no matter what. But note that there is trap here, too: sometimes, you can enter a state of false positivity, where you deny the reality of your emotions and live in an unconnected state. Or, alternatively, you could simply numb yourself (with food, drugs, alcohol, or just-plain denial) so you don’t have to connect to the unpleasant emotions. Instead of false positivity or self-medicating, try feeling your emotions–anger, sadness, despair, fear, longing, etc.– as they arise. And then, when the clouds of emotion pass (or stay), recognize that they’re there for a reason, and use them as fuel for change. For me, the culmination of years of unhappiness in my profession showed up while I was at NYU, taking an evening class for my LLM. One night, bored to tears and frustrated, I realized: I didn’t like practicing law enough during the day to want to spend my rare free nights studying it, too. And as I looked at the lives of all of the partners that I worked with over the years, I could see very clearly: I don’t want this life for myself.
At this point, I fell into a depression. I had gone to law school for this; I had prepared my “whole life” to have business cards that said “Megan J. Grandinetti, Esq.,” and the salary that went with the title. How, on earth, could I leave it all behind? (The nasty word “FAILURE” showed up in my subconscious over and over and over again.) But I needed to feel that low, that depression, that sadness, that dialogue of failure, so that I could rise above it. Option A was to continue doing the same thing, numbing my sadness with alcohol, putting more money in the bank, and praying that I would get fired so I could have a nice severance package. But once I acknowledged, recognized, and truly felt how severely unhappy I was, Option A was no longer available. Option B–leaving and starting a new life for myself–wasn’t even a choice: it was an inevitability.
- Run toward something, not away from something. Sometimes, we need to get out, and quickly, to save ourselves. Like when you’re getting chased by a lion. Or, in the workplace, maybe you’ve got a #metoo incident that is not being adequately addressed by your company/firm’s HR department. In those extreme situations (g., lions, sexual harassment, and the like), you may need to flee, without regard for where you’re headed next. But if you’re just mildly unhappy in a situation, or thinking about leaving, it might be better to stick it out until you have some idea of where you want to go next.
For years, I had fantasized about running away to Italy to go to culinary school, but I knew deep down that this wasn’t what I really wanted to do–it was merely a fanciful escape. I also thought that maybe I wanted to teach yoga, but the idea of leaving my law practice to “just” teach yoga seemed preposterous, since I knew that I couldn’t make much money doing it. So the universe gave me a little nudge by sending the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to be my legal client–and soon I enrolled in their health coach training program. My plan to escape and run away instead evolved into a plan to start my own wellness business. I was running toward a goal that made me feel alive, rather than away from my law career.
- Make a plan, and be fully ready to ditch it along the way. There’s a saying that goes, “man plans, and God laughs.” It’s important to have practical plans that keep you moving forward. If you’re going to travel, for example, you have to buy a ticket, book a hotel, make sure your passport is up-to-date, get any vaccinations you might need, etc. The same rules usually apply if you’re going to leave your career–you’ve got to plan for it financially, make sure your (and your family’s) needs will be taken care of until you start a new job or venture, arrange for health insurance, figure out a new commute, transfer over your 401(k), and whatever else is involved in all of that practical stuff.
Plan away, and plan as much as you need to in order to feel “secure” as you switch gears, but you also have to be fully willing to ditch your plans along the way . When I first left my law career to start my wellness business, my plan was to coach full-time and to teach yoga on the side, mostly because I knew I could make more money as a coach than I could as a yoga teacher. Years later, this plan has flipped itself: I now teach yoga full-time and coach on the side because I feel called (and excited) to teach my students yoga every single day. Do I make as much money as I planned and projected all those years ago? Nah. But I’m fully self-employed, I live a comfortable, healthy, stress-free lifestyle, and I take a couple of months off each year to travel, explore, and enjoy life. I honestly couldn’t be happier.
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- Find support. And disregard those that try to keep you in a box. When you make a big change in your life, it’s extremely helpful to have people in your life who will support you along the way. You’ll be surprised, however, at who ends up being on “your side” when you pull the trigger. Sometimes, when you make a big change, the people who have historically been the best listeners and cheerleaders in your life drop away because they just can’t cope with the decisions you’re making. They hide behind a veil of “I want what’s best for you” or “you’re making a big mistake, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.” But really, they’re just uncomfortable with the changes you’re undergoing–they’re used to the person they’ve known, and you’re throwing them a curveball.
It’s tempting to be discouraged or angry when this happens, but just know that there are plenty of other people in your life who will step up and fill that role of support. My teacher, Sri. Mooji, says, “if you do what is right inside your heart, it cannot turn out to be wrong for others.” If you are following your path, and you’re listening to your intuition , trust that above all else. People will come and go, and they will take on different roles in your life, but you are the only person in your life who knows what is right for you.
I’ll repeat that last statement again: you are the only person in your life who knows what is right for you. So as you look for guidance on where to go in your career, or how to get there, my advice is to look inward and stay present. Breathe, take a step forward. Breathe, take another step forward. Stay right here, breathing, and stepping forward, one foot at a time. And then you’ll wake up one day, many years later, and someone will ask you: but…how? How did you make that change?
Megan Grandinetti is a wellness & life coach, yoga teacher, and recovering attorney. Learn more about Megan, and receive a free 10-minute guided meditation, by visiting www.megangrandinettiyoga.com and signing up for her email list.