Morning Docket

* Professor believes that the lawyers in danger of being replaced by ChatGPT and similar tech are the partners. In fairness, they’re saying, “I know there’s a case that says…” and what’s more hallucinatory than that? [Bloomberg Law News]

* Sentencing Commission finally takes steps against judges using acquitted conduct in sentencing. [Law360]

* Columbia student who was suspended for attacking Gaza war protesters with a chemical spray has sued the school arguing that the chemical was non-toxic so… it’s OK to shoot at people who’s speech he doesn’t like? [Columbia Daily Spectator]

* Former state and federal prosecutor with long history of benchslaps and wrongful convictions to be disbarred for her actions… now that she’s retired. For more on her history, check out this wild thread from Michael Harriot [Kansas Public Radio]

* Colorado moves to make brain waves protected “sensitive information.” [Legaltech News]

* “A waste of taxpayer resources and time,” says the office of Gov. Sarah Sanders. Curiously, she’s not describing the $19,000 lectern she bought, but the investigation into it. [ABC News]

* SpaceX effort to keep NLRB fight in Texas for forum shopping reasons fails on launchpad. [Reuters]

* Profiles of the first seven jurors in the Trump case. Y’all sure you want that many lawyers on the jury? [CNN]

* Bob Menendez appears to be planning to throw his wife under the bus. “Alexa, play ‘Getaway Car’ by Taylor Swift.”[Law360]

* Winston & Strawn settles claim that it violated copyright by filing brief copying text from a co-defendant’s brief. At least we know the settlement agreement isn’t copied since literally no one has ever brought such a stupid claim before. [Reuters]

* NY Court of Appeals questions whether it’s unconstitutional to require religious entities to actually be religious to get exemptions to health insurance regulations requiring abortion care coverage. Yes, can’t “collecting tax free money” be religious enough? [Bloomberg Law News]

* Law schools considering changes ahead of NextGen bar exam. [ABA Journal]

* Eric Adams looking to bring back Giuliani administration alums for his administration, starting in the legal department. The man definitely has his finger on the pulse of what New Yorkers want in 2024! [NY Times]

* Supreme Court authorizes Idaho’s anti-trans care law with Justice Gorsuch writing that the decision might abuse the standard notion of the Court’s shadow docket power, but all the justices who created those precedents are dead now and we have a supermajority so YOLO (you’d be shocked at how lightly paraphrased that is too). [Law360]

* Rudy tried to get his defamation verdict reversed. It went as well as the rest of his election legal work. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Armorer in the Alec Baldwin case sentenced to 18 months. [Reuters]

* Over in the UK, Kaplan apologizes after incorrectly informed a bunch of grads that they’d failed the Solicitor’s Qualification Exam, leading at least some to lose their job offers. [LegalCheek]

* Biglaw partner alleges that another lawyer filed an inflammatory affidavit for the purpose of serving as the basis of a negative NY Post article. [ABA Journal]

* A&O makes a withdrawal from the (Mil)bank. [Law.com International]

* Eriq Gardner chats with David Boies about a wide range of topics, but especially the firm’s contingency work and the billions in value it generates. [Puck]

* OJ Simpson’s lawyer proclaims that he’ll see to it that the Goldman family gets “zero” of the estate despite them holding a $33.5 million judgment that’s ballooned to over $100 million with interest. And people wonder why the judicial system doesn’t get the respect it used to. [People]

* First Trump criminal trial kicks off, so let’s talk about jury nullification. [Just Security]

* Federal Circuit battle against Judge Newman is “focused less on the merits of disabilities and procedures over aging judges, and more on personal animosity.” Totally professional way to let an appellate court operate! [Law360]

* The new white collar defense strategy of leveling misconduct allegations against the prosecution. [BIG]

* ABA membership dues set to increase. [ABA Journal]

* Hunter Biden loses bid to dismiss gun charges, setting up the inevitable Supreme Court case where Sam Alito gleefully rules in favor of the younger Biden to invalidate every gun regulation pursued by the elder Biden. [Reuters]

* Clare Locke enters strategic cross-border alliance with fellow defamation and reputation management shops Schillings and Giles George. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Is Biglaw partnership incompatible with being a diligent parent? [Law.com International]

* O.J. Simpson is dead. The term “trial of the century” gets trotted out a lot, but there’s a decent argument that between his murder acquittal and being found liable in the wrongful death suit that was the first time average Americans understood there was a difference between the criminal and civil systems. We should probably have a better system of civic education than “letting a famous guy get away with killing people every few decades.” [Hollywood Reporter]

* Evan Corcoran departs Trump legal team. [CNN]

* O’Melveny mocks failed merger partner behind closed doors. [Roll on Friday]

* SBF appeals conviction. [Reuters]

* H-1B worker facing visa revocation challenges policy of “fraud by association.” [Bloomberg Law News]

* Orrick offers up $8 million to settle data breach. [Law360]

* It’s just that Dr. Manhattan meme, except “it’s April 2024, and we’re arguing over the term ‘non-lawyer.'” [American Lawyer]

* Federal government will close “gun show loophole” and require background checks on those gun sales… until the inevitable Fifth Circuit challenge. [Reuters]

* Man who earned college degree from prison headed to T14 law school. [The Guardian]

* There’s a lot to say about the Arizona abortion law, but the history of the guy behind it is… illuminating. [Washington Post]

* Lawyer accused of stealing $3.8M from clients. [NY Daily News]

* Data storage patent case will cost Amazon $525 million. [Law360]

* CFPB slowing down as it awaits yet another stupid relitigation of its existence. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Experts to 70-year-old lawyers, “please develop a firm leadership succession plan.” 70-year-old lawyers, “if we create a non-equity tier we don’t have to share money with real partners ever again!” [American Lawyer]

* Judicial Conference proposes rules to govern federal mass torts… as if we still listen to the Judicial Conference! [Reuters]

* Fifth Circuit tries to bring back case already transferred to D.C. Not… entirely sure that’s how this works, gang. [ABA Journal]

* Truth Social lawsuit assigned to judge who handled the AMC meme stock fallout. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Woman who stole Ashley Biden’s diary gets prison time. [Law360]

* Judging law students as Stanley Cups. [LegalCheek]

* Attorney and wife killed by opposing counsel in deposition murder-suicide. [Law360]

* Elite NYC firms did better than the rest of the market for roughly the 8 millionth year in a row. [American Lawyer]

* Western District of Texas drama as chief judge allegedly tried to move newly appointed judge out of the courthouse. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Jack Smith asks Supreme Court to ditch Trump’s “presidents are immune from all laws” argument because it’s… dumb. [Reuters]

* Prison time in cash-for-clients scheme. [NY Times]

* Cows can’t be basis of noise complaint in France. [The Guardian]

* Hearing scheduled to figure out if Trump’s bond is… actually backed by anything. [Reuters]

* General counsel accused of creating fake law firm invoices. I’m sure the fraud unraveled because the bills were too low. [Corporate Counsel]

* Supreme Court becomes slightly more popular. Amazing what a couple weeks of sounding vaguely reasonable during oral argument can do. [Politico]

* Rudy doesn’t have to sell his Florida condo to cover his debts… yet. [Law360]

* Calls intensify for Justice Sotomayor to step down before the election but given the backbone of Democratic senators have shown of late, that might not be a great plan. [ABA Journal]

* John Eastman asks to be able to practice law again so he can pay for all the lawyers he needs to litigate all the reasons why he can’t practice law in the first place. [CNN]

* Lawyer admits that wideout was driving car that caused major crash. [NBC News]

* M&A is up in Q1, fueling Biglaw profits. So somehow the rest of the media will spin this as bad economic news. [Reuters]

* Kirkland continues to outgrow its rivals. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Trump’s immunity bid in hush money trial crashes and burns again, but this time for being late. [Law360]

* Even what’s left of the NCAA’s NIL rules violate antitrust per new filing. [USA Today]

* NY inmates suing to be able to see the solar eclipse next week. [ABA Journal]

* Do your part to help out the profession by participating in the annual mental health survey. [American Lawyer]

* Complaint claims George W. Bush appointed Judge Reggie Walton tainted jury pools when he participated in a televised interview saying Donald Trump’s false claims attacking judges and their families have led to death threats. You’d think the attacks from the guy who used to be president would be doing more to taint jury pools… [Reuters]

* After a series of rail accidents, the government unveils a new rule for the “minimum freight train crew size” that rail companies — the industry with the highest profit margin in the country — decry as unnecessary and costly. It’s 2. The proposed minimum is 2 people to stop a train from crashing. [Law360]

* Major, Lindsey & Africa sued for internally blackballing the attorney who sued Troutman for racial discrimination. [American Lawyer]

* Trump sues Truth Social co-founders hoping to zero out their stock allocation. Though at the rate that stock is going it might be worth zero before they get to discovery anyway. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Hostile work environment lawsuit continues against law firm where partner’s Civil War fixation allegedly crossed into the disturbing. [ABA Journal]

* Have law schools enabled FedSoc by dropping the ball on basic student services? [Balls and Strikes]

* Support fizzling for fully online law schools while fully in person law schools continue to underwhelm. [Law.com]

* Trump posts bond. So the fun job of seizing his assets will have to wait a little while longer. [Law360]

* Shearman managed to keep its core together before merger finish line. Sterling job! [Bloomberg Law News]

* So it turns out that if the Supreme Court makes diversity illegal, law school diversity goes down. [Reuters]

* Florida Supreme Court functionally bans abortion but allows the matter to go on the ballot in November setting up a wild turnout scenario. [NBC News]

* Attorney blames Microsoft Word for exceeding word limit. Judge skeptical. [ABA Journal]

* Alex Murdaugh sentenced to 40 years for the less serious stuff. [BBC]

* Legal department is one of the few things related to Boeing not suffering from a sudden drop in pressure. [Law.com]

* Texas district court goes full Bartleby and tells federal judiciary it would prefer not to follow the rules. [Reuters]

* Trump could fire his legal team in a bid to further delay cases. Maybe having disposable lawyers can have its advantages. [Newsweek]

* FSU and Clemson take on ACC. But in court this time. [Bloomberg Law News]

* The Supreme Court isn’t buying this abortion pill case, but they seem to be laying bread crumbs for one they would. [Balls and Strikes]

* Republican AGs file suit to stop Joe Biden from forgiving federal student loans. There’s no standing, but why should that stop them? [ABA Journal]

* The children yearn for the mines. [Washington Post]

* Rudy fights to keep his condo from creditors. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Simpson Thacher tells lawyers to relax more. Also bill more. [Roll on Friday]

* Kim Kardashian sued for attributing knockoff furniture to famed furniture designer. [ABA Journal]

* South Carolina maps deemed too racist reauthorized for one more election. Because YOLO. [Reuters]

* Black woman sentenced to 5 years for voting once illegally in 2016 because she didn’t realize her supervised release rendered her ineligible finally acquitted. [The Guardian]

* Meanwhile, white Republican who believes 2020 election was stolen voted repeatedly over the years despite multiple felony sentences. Somehow there will be an effort to make this a “both sides do it” story. [Washington Post]

* Diddy’s lawyers think those DHS raids were excessive. I mean… who doesn’t bring a tank to raid a house that you’re pretty sure the target isn’t in at the moment? [NPR]

* Unnamed judge agrees to seek counseling for running “overly harsh” chambers. [Reuters]

* SBF sentencing day. What do people want to bet on his sentence? Fake currency only. [The Guardian]

* Lewis Brisbois attempts complete overhaul after disastrous 2023. [American Lawyer]

* Judge recommends disbarment for John Eastman. But he could keep his law license if Mike Pence has the courage to… wait, no, that isn’t how it works. [NPR]

* Alito and Thomas suggest that they’re on board with a future Trump administration enacting abortion bans over the objection of Congress. [Forbes]

* We’ve had our criticisms of the non-equity partnership model, but it’s more relaxed than the consulting world’s vicious up-or-out model. [Intuitive Career Coaching]

* More Democrats in the Senate pledge to not support Muslim judicial nominee. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Judging by the human trafficking investigation, Sean Combs may actually be a Bad Boy. [Fox News]

* Trump gets biblical on his legal fees by selling overpriced Bibles. [AP News]

* UChicago clinic helps migrants fighting for asylum. Now that’s how you use a T14 degree. [Chicago Maroon]

* RFK Jr. sets up potential for America’s second female vice-president with a JD. [CNN]

*Mercedes could be in for a bumpy ride over its labor practice. [Bloomberg Law]

* Yale Law School has decided to build the best robot lawyers too. [Yale News]

* Visa Mastercard need to up their limit. [Bloomberg Law News]

* It’s all happening. [NY Times]

* There’s something especially sad about Ron DeSantis enacting wildly unconstitutional laws when it stands no chance of helping him run for president. [Reuters]

* Fully online law schools get mass approval. [Law.com]

* Apparently realization rates are falling across Biglaw. Must be nice to have money to burn. [American Lawyer]

* Can we take a second to revel in the utter cowardice of the Democratic Party? [Balls & Strikes]

* “Boeing Files Trade Secrets Suit Against Virgin Galactic.” I didn’t know “door falling off in flight” was a trade secret. [Law.com]

* Illinois judges dump diversity policies for advocates because conservative white dudes have hurt feelings. [Reuters]

* Orrick closes Taipei and Shanghai offices. [Law.com International]

* Justice Stephen Breyer discusses his new book titled “if you didn’t think I needed to retire before, check out how out of touch I am now.” [ABA Journal]

* Law student decides she can’t date anymore. Everyone else came to the same conclusion in school but didn’t get a glossy write-up. [People]

* Tennessee passes first law protecting musicians from AI. Now Nashville doesn’t have to compete with some robot going “I love trucks and drink beer and hate migrants” all played over the same stupid chord progression. [Reuters]

* Remember: it’s NOT improper forum shopping to file cases in one-judge districts so you can 100% choose a judge with zero contacts to the underlying dispute but it IS sanctionable to embrace random assignment but modify your claims. [NBC]

* Lewis Brisbois sued for bias. How could something like that have happened at… oh wait. [ABA Journal]

* Look who finally turned themselves in. [Detroit News]

* Republican donors might be the top litigation financiers in the country. [Yahoo]

* Joe Manchin announces that he’s a feckless bigot and somehow this is treated as “news.” I know he fancies himself a high priced lobbyist but… why? One side doesn’t trust him and the other side played him as a rube. A lobbying firm that hands him a penny after he retires is just wildly mismanaged. [Bloomberg Law News]

* How is Biglaw laying people off when these MoFos are making money?!?! [American Lawyer]

* After all the cynical gamesplaying over the precise limits of when a stay becomes a stay, the Fifth Circuit dissolved the phony stay and decided to hear argument on a real stay. Got all that? [Reuters]

* Law.com names the dealmakers of the year. Which one negotiated the idea of opening Barbie and Oppenheimer on the same day? [Law.com]

* Law360 editorial staff walks off job amid ongoing labor issues. [LinkedIn]

* Chasing the White House, Republicans call for raising the Social Security retirement age. Way to put your finger on the pulse of America. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Why are public lawyers defending a private civil suit against Eric Adams? It’s like the Trump administration yet somehow more bumbling. [The City]

* Firms with expiring leases more likely to relocate. Which makes sense in a hyrbid world. What made less sense is how many expanded their footprint (read: “overhead”) anyway. [American Lawyer]

* Julian Assange negotiating guilty plea with DOJ. I wonder who leaked this one? [WSJ]