Suge Knight

* Shall be infringed: The DOJ is suing Missouri over passing a law that just straight up ignores federal gun laws. [NPR]

* I never forget a face: Clearview thinks it will be able to recognize everyone once it hits 100 billion photos. It is gonna be hard to explain the 4th Amendment to children in the future. [WaPo]

* De-ttorney’d: Suge Knight’s former attorney loses law license for life as part of a plea deal on a conspiracy and perjury charges. Guess that’s the tradeoff for fewer CEOs dancing in your videos. [Yahoo!]

* If you build it, they will come back: Biglaw firms are announcing their comeback expectations for their employees. [Reuters]

* Now that it’s cool for soccer moms to get baked, Virginia is figuring out the equitable way to deal with prior weed-related criminal charges. [VPM]

* Did Don McGahn save Robert Mueller’s job? The New York Times is reporting President Trump tried to fire the special counsel in June, but the White House Counsel threatened to quit if he did. [New York Times]

* You may love that Rosemarie Aquilina, the judge that sentenced sexual predator Larry Nassar to 175 years in prison, was vocal in her support of the the women and girls that chose to make victim impact statements, but not everyone is a fan. [Washington Post]

* Two of Suge Knight’s former attorneys have been arrested on charges they acted as accessories after the fact, in connection with the murder case against the rap mogul. [Los Angeles Times]

* From Biglaw to Major League Soccer. Ena Patel, formerly of Baker McKenzie, moved from the to become the highest-ranking female executive in a technical role in Major League Soccer. [Law.com]

* Does Donald Trump lack the legal authority to pull out of NAFTA? Maybe, but will that really stop him? [Huffington Post]

* Administration ordered to release the names of all those detained under its ill-considered executive order. This of course rests on the questionable premise that the administration kept any paperwork at all while it ran around nabbing people. [National Law Journal]

* ATTACK ROOSTER!!! [Law.com]

* Hank Greenberg calls the Martin Act a “very dangerous weapon,” which it probably is if you’re an unrepentant fraudster. [Law360]

* Tips for writing non-compete agreements when you absolutely, positively want to screw your employees. [Corporate Counsel]

* Trump nixes transgender protections in schools, opting to leave the issue for the states — a mantra we should probably get used to hearing about all civil rights protections. [Washington Post]

* Suge Knight thinks he needs greater access to his attorneys. Attorneys too scared of Suge Knight to disagree. [Courthouse News Service]

* Sidley had a good year — no matter how they got their money. [Am Law Daily]

* IMDb can officially tell you how old stars are again. Our long national nightmare is over. [Fox News]

* Floyd Mayweather’s lawyer says that his client will post Suge Knight’s insanely high $10 million bail if he wins his fight against Manny Pacquiao. Suge says he was “really going to pull for him to win, but now [he’s] going to have to pray for him to win.” [Los Angeles Times]

* Northwestern University School of Law is launching a first-of-its-kind loan repayment assistance program to help grads in “modestly salaried private sector jobs” — that is, if you make less than $85,000, the school will pay your loan interest for up to a year. [National Law Journal via CBS]

* If you haven’t heard, the class of 2014 was much more employed than the class of 2013 by a factor of a few percentage points. Apply to law school right now! (No, don’t do that. The class of 2014 was smaller, so it looks like the job stats were better.) [ABA Journal]

* “[T]he jury is out and the only sane thing you can say about Dentons is check back in three years.” Hot on the heels of the announced merger between Dentons and McKenna Long, many lawyers are running for the exits. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* If you’re interested in going to law school on the east coast, then you may want to take a look at this list of schools, ranked by total employment of the class of 2014. We’d shudder to see what this list would look like if only long-term, full-time jobs were used. [BostInno]

* A lawyer who’s suing former U.S. Representative Aaron Schock on behalf of a campaign donor says he’s been unable to locate the disgraced politician to serve him. What will happen now? We bet you can find out on the next episode of Downton Abbey. [ABC News]

* Texas wants to strip lawyers of their license if they don’t pay their student loans. Yeah, if they’re getting behind, taking away their ability to earn money seems like a good strategy. [Texas Lawyer]

* Lawyer gives waiter a $25K tip to get dental surgery. Based on the picture, I’d have given him that tip for free. [ABC 11]

* Let’s all hope John Oliver never goes back to The Daily Show, because his HBO show is making a real-life impact. The Tennessee Supreme Court cited Oliver on civil forfeiture in an opinion handed down yesterday. [Tennessee Courts]

* From the strip club to the mental hospital. Pretty standard murder scenario actually. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

* Suge Knight’s defense to murder and attempted murder charges? He’s legally blind in one eye so didn’t see the people he killed. [NY Daily News]

* Reality star testifies under oath that reality shows aren’t real. Try and pick up the pieces from your shattered world. [Morning After / Gawker]

* Document review is such a terrible job, you should probably just go into PR. That assumes you’ve not done enough document review that you can never smile again. [Law and More]

* The final segment of an interview with Seth Zachary, Chairman of Paul Hastings. In this part of the interview, Zachary discusses weathering and overcoming the collapse of his previous firm Finley Kumble, the former Biglaw giant that went under in the 80s. This is where we make the obligatory, “Dewey know anyone who might appreciate this tale?” [Bloomberg BNA / Big Law Business]

* Did two little kids get slapped with a lifetime gag order barring them from talking about fracking. But how will they explain their third eye? [The Guardian]

* Private equity firm TPG is suing its former PR man — former Bush spokesperson Adam Levine — for allegedly stealing confidential documents and threatening to leak them to the press. They probably showed where the Iraq WMDs were. [O’Dwyer’s]

* So maybe the blizzard of 2015 fizzled for New Yorkers. But winter’s not over yet — how do you interview in a snowstorm? [Corporette]

* Simpson Thacher could have some malpractice issues with that $1.5 billion SNAFU. [Law360]

* “The Supreme Court’s Billion-Dollar Mistake”? Well, they’re still half a billion ahead of Simpson Thacher. [New York Review of Books]

* Suge Knight accused of murder. Not an archival story. [Los Angeles Times]

* As Juggalo Law likes to say, “‘Sup With Aaron?” A recap of day 2 of the Aaron Hernandez murder trial, the Patriots scandal that isn’t about deflated balls. [ESPN]

* Lagarrette Blount marijuana charges dropped like a Boise State linebacker. Huh. I guess this was yet another Patriots scandal. [ESPN]

* 30 bats flew into an Arkansas courtroom disrupting a trial. That’ll teach them to let Joe Chill go free. [MyFoxNY]

* An online CLE on the ethical issues of laterals and collapsing firms. Dewey know any firms who could have used this information? [Bloomberg BNA]