Non-Sequiturs

* Did you want a Saul Goodman cake for your next party? Because it’s a thing. Do they make Bunsen burner candles? [Legal Cheek]

* I’m not shy about my love-hate relationship with college athletics. It’s time for more of the hate side: the NCAA cracked down on Baylor walk-on Silas Nacita for accepting benefits deemed improper… WHILE HE WAS HOMELESS! So obviously Baylor kicked him off the team. In case you don’t perceive an SEC bias, this Big XII kid lost his scholarship, while the last time a school gave a homeless kid improper benefits, we gave Sandra Bullock an Oscar. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* A first-year Washington University of St. Louis law student is taking a leave of absence to join the Illinois legislature. Rep. Avery Bourne (R-Pawnee). Of course an ambitious female public servant is from “Pawnee.” [CBS St. Louis]

* Florida deputy shackles a mentally ill woman and then drags her by the leg shackles through the courthouse. Which, when you think about it, is probably pretty humane by Florida standards. [Raw Story]

* An interesting profile of CrowdDefend, a new player in the legal-crowdfunding space that’s aimed more towards public interest cases. [LFC 360]

* The phenomenon of “professional brownouts” hits lawyers hard. [Law and More]

* Reflections from Professor Laura Appleman on a law clerk’s duty of confidentiality, triggered by Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link). [The Faculty Lounge]

* An Idaho legislator asked if we could replace gynecological exams with women swallowing a tiny camera. In his defense, how else can you tell girls they can get pregnant from a blowjob? Audio of the hearing below the jump. [Lowering the Bar]

* “Man tells cops he was drunk when he stole horse for ride to Mardi Gras parade.” I don’t think that’s a defense. In fact, being drunk may be an element for that one. [Times-Picayune]

* Update on the dean searches at Wyoming Law, DePaul Law, and West Virginia Law. [all courtesy of The Faculty Lounge]

* Legally related Instagram accounts worth following (in addition to @ATLblog). At least if you’re in the UK. [Legal Cheek]

* Did you know the former General Counsel of Starbucks has a fusion folk/blues/jazz/rock band? Apparently everyone who works at Starbucks has a band on the side. [Hsu Untied]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXxPfNHp37g

* Two jurors excused in the Jodi Arias sentencing retrial. Those were the lucky ones who were able to never have to hear about this case again. [KFYI]

* After handing down their latest law school rankings, NLJ also talked with hiring partners about getting hired. [National Law Journal]

* Louisiana. Never stop being you. Longest sitting judge in the state temporarily removed from post pending investigation. [Times-Picayune]

* Alas, even Paul Clement couldn’t help poor Bobby Chen resuscitate his once abandoned Supreme Court case. And Bobby Chen’s argument wasn’t even as much as a lost cause as pretending the Affordable Care Act was unconstitutional. [Wall Street Journal]

* Hm. A lot of law blog content ends up suspiciously under someone else’s banner. [Associate’s Mind]

* Justice Don Willett is a Twitter superstar. Or should I say, @JusticeWillett. [KXAN]

* Hey guys, the New York Fed thinks this “student debt” thing is kind of a big deal. [TaxProf Blog]

* If you can make it to New Haven on Thursday, you can see David Lat and other panelists speak on “The Perils of Vine, Instagram, Snapchat & Twitter: Legal Considerations of Social Media.” [CT Bar]

* A special committee of the Board of Governors at UNC Law is trying to shut down its Center on Poverty, Work and Opportunity because its butthurt that the center spends it time talking about “poverty.” UNC Dean Boger thinks this is some bulls**t and says so. [UNC School of Law]

* Becoming a patent lawyer has been one of the safest bets in an otherwise atrocious market. That may change. Study predicts a huge drop off in job openings. [The Faculty Lounge]

* If you’re a radical law student, you’ll want to read this. [National Lawyers Guild]

* So many social media contests are illegal. So be careful. [Grow]

* Good to see scandals about fudging employment data aren’t confined to the U.S. [Legal Cheek]

* Utah court rules woman can sue herself. Technically there are three separate parties to the case, and she’s all three of them. Leave it to the Mormons to have the best practical description of the Catholic Trinity since St. Patrick and the clover. [Lowering the Bar]

* An entertaining look at 50 ridiculous anomalies that arise in the ACA if the King v. Burwell plaintiffs succeed. Noscitur a sociis, people! [Miami Business Law Review]

* The geniuses at Clickhole have a quiz: How many John Grisham novels have you read? [Clickhole]

* The Obama administration has gotten some high-profile scrutiny for its zealous campaign to stamp out government leaks. Here’s the story of one of the lower-profile government workers under the thumb of the Espionage Act. [The Intercept]

* A follow-up on his earlier piece on whether or not New York should adopt the Uniform Bar Exam focuses on what the UBE might mean for finding a job. [Bar Exam Stats]

* Seven months after the fact, Professor Dan Markel’s death is still a mystery. [Tallahassee Democrat]

* The National Association of Women Lawyers Mid-Year meeting will commence in Chicago on March 5. Check out details here. [NAWL]

* Bill Clinton’s professor thought Bubba should have taught tax law. Then maybe something could have trumped this tale. [TaxProf Blog]

* If you’re looking for a hell of a procedural fact pattern, try to unravel the gay marriage situation in Alabama. [PrawfsBlawg]

* Do law professors get lazier over time? [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* Our own Tamara Tabo joined the folks at The Docket to discuss 50 Shades of Grey. [MSNBC]

* The USPTO is dumb enough to think people might confuse the Angry Asian Man blog and a children’s comic book called Angry Little Asian Girl, and now a trademark fight is brewing because the author of the latter has… become the latter. [Angry Asian Man]

* Lawyer and bike enthusiast tells bikers they’re part of the problem. Did this need to be said? [Outside Online]

* For those looking for updates, here’s the latest information on the David Messerschmitt killing. [Law and More]

* A short guide to cross-examining psychologists and psychiatrists. I always start by asking them how many psychiatrists it takes to change a lightbulb?^[1] [WCI]

* A comprehensive look at Texas Department of Housing and Community Affairs v. The Inclusive Communities Project and how it could easily throw open the doors on racial discrimination. Texas? Racism? Nah. [Huffington Post]

* Getting nailed with 170K counts of accessory to murder. [Gawker]

* The big question on a lot of minds: should New York adopt the UBE? [Bar Exam Stats]

* FAA unleashes drones upon the public. [LXBN]

* In honor of an interview with Justice Ginsburg, MSNBC created a quiz to tell you just how RBG you are. I scored pretty well because I want sleep through the State of the Union too. [MSNBC]

* And while we’re at it, here’s video of their interview. [YouTube]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jTUoC84oC4

---

[1] One, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

* The mystery of Kevin Durant’s “law degree” is solved. It’s some kind of Sprint promotion. Ho hum. [You Tube]

* Not to be one-upped by the shenanigans that go on in New Orleans, a Baton Rouge attorney was arrested for allegedly stealing “‘several items’ — including a four-wheeler and a tractor” from an elderly client. [The Advocate]

* Religious conversion efforts are getting a little out of hand in Idaho. [Legal Juice]

* The Rutgers “merger” is old news, but one professor explains how the whole proposition is just a case of the central university “pulling a fast one.” [TaxProf Blog]

* Miami attorney Irwin Block, whose pro bono death row advocacy efforts inspired a Pulitzer Prize-winning report, has died at age 87. [Miami Herald]

* DraftKings targeted in false advertising suit. You mean they don't build a marble statue of you if you win your league? [Broward Palm Beach New Times] * It's law journal submission season -- please publish something more practical than, "the influence of Immanuel Kant on evidentiary approaches in 18th Century Bulgaria." [The Legal Watchdog]

* Meet Hewie, a cuddly puppy adopted by a law firm to act as its social media avatar. Wachtell was considering the same thing, but Ragnok, Destroyer of Souls, wasn’t up for adoption. [Legal Cheek] * After throwing a hissy-fit over nuts, Korean Air Lines’ Heather Cho is sentenced to one year. Luckily for her […]

* Katy Perry’s lawyers from Greenberg Traurig lob another volley at the sculptor of Left Shark. Amazingly, they’re trying to use his sculpture in their trademark application. Can’t make this up. [Political Sculptor] * Former ATL Lawyer of the Year, Paul Weiss’s Roberta Kaplan, has an interesting new project. She’s asking Americans to co-sign an […]

* 12 Things Every Lawyer Should Learn From Saul Goodman. [LinkedIn]

* The 10th Circuit had so much trouble wading through a federal statute they had to diagram the sentence. As the opinion notes, “[t]hat bramble of prepositional phrases may excite the grammar teacher but it’s certainly kept the federal courts busy.” If you want to see the whole opinion, it’s here. [Lowering the Bar]

* Meet your King v. Burwell plaintiffs! It’s actually kind of sad. Like the guy paying $655/month on health insurance who could be paying $62.49/month but won’t because Obama is a secret Muslim or something. [Jezebel]

* A guide to cybersecurity for lawyers. If this interests you, come to our conference March 18, to see the author, Leeza Garber, participate in a panel on privacy. [Capsicum Group]

* Speaking of cybersecurity, hackers hit Anthem Insurance pretty bad. At least the company is handling the data breach well. [LXBN]

* New evidence reveals that the victims of lynchings in the South were much higher than previously assumed. Thankfully, racism is over according to the Supreme Court. [Gawker Justice]

* After introducing you to J.Ko, the Harvard Law rapper, it seems his website is now password protected. Aw. Come back, J.Ko! This is what free publicity looks like. [Harvard Rapper]

* Maybe there is a role for Millennials to play in ending unpaid internships. They won’t take it of course, but there’s a role out there to be played. [Law and More]

* Geopolitics explained simply. Shearman’s Richard Hsu talks to Dr. Pippa Malmgren, author of Signals (affiliate link). [Hsu Untied]

Meanwhile, that sentence diagramming opinion discussed earlier is available on the next page….

https://www.scribd.com/doc/255322959/United-States-v-Rentz

* The Supreme Court is going to strike down bans on marriage equality folks. And the tea leaves aren’t that hard to read. [Slate]

* Even if the Court proclaims marriage equality the law of the land, discrimination will march on. On that note, can American law schools like Liberty continue to follow Canada’s controversial Trinity Western in functionally barring homosexuality? [Tax Prof Blog]

* Law students f**king love Atticus Finch. Um, you know he lost right? Start looking up to winners, like Dan Fielding or something. [Slate]

* Who else is jumping from the hulk that was once Patton Boggs? [Legal Times (sub. req.)]

* Our old friend George Mason Assistant Dean Richard Kelsey, who we last saw Tweeting about black people and the lack of reason, is back explaining that abortion is genocide… because it leads to immigrants coming to America. Or something. [CNS News]

* Meanwhile, there’s a new casebook out covering reproductive rights law that challenges the conventional classification of the subject as a subset of women’s issues. [RH Reality Check]

* Harvard Law 3L, soon-to-be Clifford Chance associate, rapper. [J.KO]

* Records show that Case Western Law bought former dean Lawrence Mitchell’s house for $575,000. Was it still furnished with the Chinese silk sheets? [The Observer]

* Judge Posner explains that ALJs are basically working a conveyor belt. To wit, here’s a visual representation of Social Security ALJs at work. [Valpo Law Blog]

* Um, what’s the charge for “acting like you’re in Fast and Furious”? [Legal Juice]

* Republicans making moves to stop net neutrality. Netflix needs to start showing more Bible documentaries to sap this movement’s political will. [Bloomberg Politics]

* Professor Campos reviews a new paper on the future of higher education funding. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* The law dean at the University of New Brunswick is accused of “sexism, harassment, and, in one case, threats of violence by two of his former law school colleagues.” That’s some very un-Canadian behavior. But Levitt used to be the dean at Florida A&M, and that does sound like some very Floridian behavior. [CBC] UPDATE (2/23/16 12:57 p.m.): Checking back in on this story we have a LOT to add. Since we first linked to this, the CBC has had to retract its stories about Professor Levitt. It turns out he was not a party, witness or even deposed in the law suits even though CBC was giving off the impression that he was the central figure in criminal cases. It seems he wasn’t even a party to the civil cases when they were reporting that! CBC has had to report that Levitt was absolved or ‘cleared’ of any wrongdoing not once, but twice. The whole saga seems, from what we know today, to have been pretty egregious and raises troubling questions about race and media bias in Canada, as discussed in this piece about the matter.

* How to make your shoes last longer. [Corporette]

* Michael Cannon and Professor Jonathan Adler use some pretty compelling evidence in their amicus brief decrying King v. Burwell. Unfortunately, they kind of made up a quote. When the woman they quoted tries to clear the record, Cannon tells her he understands what she clearly said better than she did. In a sense this is a microcosm for the whole case. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Student suspended for “terroristic threat” because he brought Sauron’s ring to school. If we outlaw magic rings, only outlaws will have magic rings. [Lowering the Bar]

* Jami Tillotson, the public defender arrested for defending the public, will not be charged with anything, which is for the best since she didn’t do anything wrong. [SF Weekly]

* Elizabeth Wurtzel is getting a boob job. Oh, and she has cancer. But her essay makes it clear that she’s way more focused about moving to a D cup. [Vice]

* Remember when Eric Holder ended the scheme that let federal and local law enforcement divvy up forfeiture proceeds? Well, not so fast my friend. [LFC360]

* Federal judges investigating an extramarital affair between a prosecutor and an ATF agent. Because the only one who’s supposed to get rogered in the criminal justice system is the defendant. [The Florida Times-Union]

* A freelance lawyer focusing on legal ethics raises ethical concerns. How meta. [Legal Research and Writing Pro]

* Guess who didn’t file an amicus brief in King v. Burwell? Does the Chamber of Commerce think this argument is just too dumb to stake their reputation? [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Watch out for some light spoilers in this review of Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link). [Legal Underground]

* Law school grad wants to pay someone to actually teach him or her how to practice law. Because obviously the last $150K+ didn’t do it. Since this may get taken down, we’ve got a screenshot of the post on the next page. [Craigslist]

* Silk Road’s Ross Ulbricht found guilty. [Law360

* Valentine’s Day gifts for lawyers. [Law and More]

* “7 Things You Only Find Out as a Lawyer to the Poor.” [Cracked]

* On the day high school athletes sign away their futures, this article explains that law school is almost as bad when it comes to transfers. [Inside Higher Ed]

* The lawyer who won Survivor: Racism Survivor: Cook Islands is now in charge of keeping Facebook users from throwing privacy hissy-fits. [Fusion]

* Win your case… still lose your license. [Associated Press via Philly.com]

* On the subject of law-related scents, does you law school have a custom fragrance yet? [TaxProf Blog]

* Should law professors serve as both parties and counsel on amicus briefs? An interesting question of ivory towerness. [Josh Blackman’s Blog]

* The duty to vaccinate: or not all libertarians are as crazy as Rand Paul. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* Who’s the meanest Supreme Court justice of all time? Science has the answer and it’s not Justice Scalia… [Eric Posner]

* Harper Lee is publishing a sequel to To Kill a Mockingbird (affiliate link). We hope for the best, but the circumstances of this announcement should make everyone a little worried. [Jezebel]

* Following the ridiculous arrest of a public defender for the egregious act of defending her client, some California lawyers are raising money to send copies of the Constitution to the SFPD. Silly lawyers, the cops understand the Constitution, they just don’t care. But still a commendable protest set piece that could keep the local media on the case. [Indiegogo]

* An interview with Steven Browne of Morgan Lewis on how the merger/non-merger with Bingham McCutchen is working out. The answer is pretty well except for some associates expecting a decent bonus. [Forbes]

* Uh oh. Emails suggest that Silk Road boss Ross Ulbricht hired a Hell’s Angels hitman. The takeaway here is that there are Hell’s Angels running on Bitcoin now. [Gawker Internet]

* Are you learning how to speak Arabic? Then you’re probably a terrorist. [Lowering the Bar]

* In a mind-blowingly stupid move, Florida’s legislature legalized teen sexting while trying to ban it. It’s almost as dumb as that time they legalized just shooting people on the street if you get scared. [Slate]

* Mary Holland, a “Graduate Legal Skills Program Research Scholar” at NYU Law, goes on CNN as their representative anti-vaxxer. As an NYU Law alum, this worried me until I noticed she got her law degree from Columbia. Now it all makes sense. [YouTube]

* A bitter rejection of corporate-speak. Ha. Good luck. I’m at LegalTech and expect to hear the word “synergy” about 20,000 times over the next 48 hours. [What About Clients?]

* Yes, Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link) is fun, but it tackles important issues too, as noted by Howard G. Franklin in this review. [Howard G. Franklin]

* D.C. Circuit upholds FTC decision that Pom Wonderful deceived consumers with disease-fighting claims. Next thing you know they’re going to say Red Bull doesn’t really give you wings. [Chronicle of Higher Education]

* Macklemore is looking for an intern. Probably going to find a lawsuit instead. [LXBN]

* Now that the Super Bowl is over, Glendale can get back to focusing on how they’re going broke because of that stadium. Once again, publicly funded stadiums are a terrible idea on par with running a quick slant instead of running the best back in football up the gut for one yard. [Americans For Tax Reform]

* In case you were interested, Sheldon Silver’s former employer makes serious bank. [Page Six / New York Post]

* A quick and easy summary of amici briefs filed in King v. Burwell. [Balkinization]

* Dean Chemerinsky in a wide-ranging interview about the Supreme Court and its failings. As you’d expect from the author of The Case Against the Supreme Court (affiliate link). [Concurring Opinions]

* Richard Hsu talks to Kelly Perdew, who won the Apprentice back when the show was about finding competent businesspeople instead of helping Jose Canseco squeeze out 15 more minutes of fame. [Hsu Untied]

* Did two little kids get slapped with a lifetime gag order barring them from talking about fracking. But how will they explain their third eye? [The Guardian]

* Private equity firm TPG is suing its former PR man — former Bush spokesperson Adam Levine — for allegedly stealing confidential documents and threatening to leak them to the press. They probably showed where the Iraq WMDs were. [O’Dwyer’s]

* So maybe the blizzard of 2015 fizzled for New Yorkers. But winter’s not over yet — how do you interview in a snowstorm? [Corporette]

* Simpson Thacher could have some malpractice issues with that $1.5 billion SNAFU. [Law360]

* “The Supreme Court’s Billion-Dollar Mistake”? Well, they’re still half a billion ahead of Simpson Thacher. [New York Review of Books]

* Suge Knight accused of murder. Not an archival story. [Los Angeles Times]

* As Juggalo Law likes to say, “‘Sup With Aaron?” A recap of day 2 of the Aaron Hernandez murder trial, the Patriots scandal that isn’t about deflated balls. [ESPN]

* Lagarrette Blount marijuana charges dropped like a Boise State linebacker. Huh. I guess this was yet another Patriots scandal. [ESPN]

* 30 bats flew into an Arkansas courtroom disrupting a trial. That’ll teach them to let Joe Chill go free. [MyFoxNY]

* An online CLE on the ethical issues of laterals and collapsing firms. Dewey know any firms who could have used this information? [Bloomberg BNA]

* An interview with Judge Paul Cassell, the former jurist representing the woman accusing Professor Alan Dershowitz. Will this be the face of Dershowitz's reversal of fortune? (See what I did there?) [The Careerist] * Indiana is making moves to end litigation financing. If you want to see a naked attempt by deep pockets to influence the law, read this story. Or, you know, any story about lobbying ever. [LFC 360] * For people who kvetched that their precious feelings get hurt when Staci writes about sexism in the legal industry, it may warm your hearts to learn that, according to a UC Hastings Law study, STEM careers are just as bad. Yay? [Mashable] * Oh and finance is the same way. [Law and More] * Elementary school conducting poop inspections. Holy s**t. [Huffington Post] * Anti-vaccination parents have brought measles roaring back to ruin Disneyland vacations. Is it time to start suing them for turning their kids into plague vectors? [Forbes] * SpaceX drops its lawsuit against the Air Force. [Slate] * If you're interested in Sports Law, Penn Law is hosting a symposium on February 13. Get your tickets at this link. [Penn Law Sports Law Symposium] * Practice alert: The International Institute for Conflict Prevention & Resolution has issued a new set of rules. For any general counsel out there plagued with cross-border business-to-business disputes, check them out. [What About Clients?] * Our friend Sidney Powell's book, Licensed to Lie (affiliate link), earned a starring role at the Loretta Lynch confirmation hearings. Check out the questioning below. [YouTube] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54uoOH_qh7U&feature=youtu.be