IN THE CURRENT EDITION OF 'ABOVE THE JONES DAY': We explain how the firm somehow managed to screw up raises.

FOR THOSE KEEPING SCORE: Here's where we stand with firms that have matched the Milbank scale.

THE EVILEST WHITE WOMAN ON EARTH: Is a prosecutor in Kansas City, apparently.

SPEAKING OF WHITE WOMEN: Legally Blonde 3 is going to be a thing.

SENATOR BOB CASEY HAS A NUTTY: He really doesn't want David Porter to be a federal judge. He really, really does not like.

* Trump wanted to put Jeanine Pirro on the Supreme Court, which sounds stupid but then you read Neil Gorsuch's writing and wonder, "could it be any worse?" [NY Mag]

* Casey Anthony's old lawyer heading to jail for 15 years. Apparently trying to smuggle $13 million in cocaine is frowned upon. [US News]

* Stores putting up "No Gays Allowed" signs as Anthony Kennedy's legacy withers. [The Hill]

* Since the GOP legislature couldn't muster the votes to kill the Affordable Care Act, the Trump administration is just not going to defend it against frivolous lawsuits. That sounds about right. [CNN]

* Speaking of "things the Trump administration isn't going to do anymore," the EPA isn't going to deal with asbestos anymore because Trump thinks it's a mob-led conspiracy. [Newsweek]

* Here comes the bipartisan legal weed law. Let's see what Fox & Friends tells Trump to do about it. [Forbes]

* Ogletree opens up in Portland, Maine... and brings an Above the Law columnist with them. [American Lawyer]

* France is trying to ban fake news. [Time]

The Hypocrisy Is Strong In This One: The Rudy Giuliani story.

Jones Day's Compensation Black Box Is Frustrating: Especially if you make a below-market salary.

Law Students Will Be Disappointed About This: Nope, your starting salary will NOT be $190K.

Sesame Street Loses Its Legal Battle: It'd have been so much better if they'd just left it alone.

If You Can Clerk, You Really Should Clerk: The truth behind these prestigious opportunities. 

The Money Train Might Not Last Forever: So make smart choices now.